𝗞ai wondered how many hits to the head it'd take to be put out of his misery.
Fingers aimlessly drumming the circular cafeteria table, the other permanently smooshed to his cheek with the viscosity of his palm, he stared at the irritating faces of his parents, wishing he were five tables down with Blake and Emiko. Even if they had taken a step away so Blake could breastfeed, he knew the energy with them wouldn't be as properly dreadful.
"Kai, are you even listening to me?" Valeria snapped her fingers in his face.
He lethargically pulled his eyes away from the three girls and boringly glanced at his mother. He watched her eyebrow tick in suppressed frustration as he signed that he was, in fact, not deaf nor blind and that this lack of intrigue in the conversation had nothing to do with his temporary disability.
"Can you attempt to be civil with your mother?" Samuel sighed.
His father ran a hand through his thinning brown hair and looked around the room, avoiding the carefully placed eye contact of his wife and son.
"I'm sitting here, isn't that enough?" Kai emphasized his exasperation with a few gestures.
"You haven't paid attention to anything she's said."
"And you two haven't listened to me my entire life," he scoffed, "Entertaining this little pity party of yours is all the empathy for your emotions I can scrounge up and offer. If that's not enough for you, then I'll gladly head back to my room—head back to my husband—who, thanks to you, ran off after you put your manly mitts all over him."
Valeria hit the table hard enough for him to hear it but not to disrupt the room. He wanted to curl his lip and show her how disgusted he was by her obvious insensitivity toward his injuries and their discussion, but when his eyes found her face, he couldn't help but feel small.
Instead of standing his ground like he'd planned when he accepted their apologies on Mason's suggestion, he slouched in his chair and shut his mouth.
He knew what his mother was indirectly saying with her actions.
As far as he knew, neither of them had an understanding of Mason's past, leading to their ignorance in regard to how wounded Mason would be after being touched by a trusted friend. Even if it was done endearingly, his trauma refused the presence of a male. It wasn't like they had a right to know of his past, but Kai knew he'd be a hypocrite if he didn't recognize them.
The entire reason he had a cut across his face was because he'd done the same thing.
"I never would have touched Mason if I knew better," his father pleaded.
"I know," Kai looked at the girls again, noting Emiko's disappearance, "I'm sorry."
"Son, I don't want your apologies," Samuel shook his head, "Especially not when you have every right to be upset with me. You were protecting your husband, and that's nothing less than admirable."
"Then what do you want?"
"I would like nothing more than to get to know you—the real you. Not the boy we raised wrongly in an underground training facility with little love, but the man sitting in front of me right now. The man that gave away his hand to be with another person—which takes bravery and honor."
Kai contemplated his words, drawing aimless circles with the pad of his fingers. His father had always hidden in the corner of the room, never stepping in when his mother put his hands on him or belittled him to the point that Kaedyn had to take his knives away for nights on end.
He knew it would be easier to reach a tolerance with him, but it wouldn't happen overnight.
"I need time."
"Take it," he nodded, "Take all of the time you need."
"We'll be here when you're ready," Valeria interjected.
Kai blinked, bringing his gaze back to his parents.
His father, ever the bruised warrior, stared at him with an intensity so strong, it all about melted the chocolate brownness of his irises that he couldn't help the swell of paternal love that infiltrated his heart. Pieces of him began to click in his chest, healing what he'd been missing his whole life.
It felt nice, even if he refused to admit that out loud.
But when he looked at his mother, the feelings recoiled.
For the duration of his twenty-three years, all he'd ever wanted was to be seen by his mother with the same eyes they shared. He had wanted so desperately to be acknowledged for his intelligence and skill—for his passions, his love, his voice—his heart—instead of his failures. He had been a homeless man begging at the heels of his creator, only to be kicked and betrayed over and over.
Kai could try to be amicable with his father.
He could try because throughout all of the abuse, he had never hurt him like his mother did.
Throughout the abuse, while he was a silent advocate for his mother's hands, he never made him feel like he was a useless, unworthy heir to their throne. Kai remembered when Samuel acted like a father—remembered that he would hug Kai when he cried—that he would kiss his forehead when he thought he'd long been asleep—that he'd hold his hand when he'd been in the infirmary.
But he couldn't forgive his mother.
Not now. Maybe not ever.
Kai stretched a hand across the table and gestured for his father's. Instantly, he took it, pooling a warmth he'd only felt a handful of times before into his cold bones. His father was plagued by despondency as he closed Kai's palm in both of his, a tear escaping, falling until it melted into the lips of an upside-down smile.
"Dad," the word felt foreign on his tongue, "—will you give me a moment with Mum?"
"Of course," he squeezed his hand, "Can I get you anything?"
Other than Mason?
Nope.
"I'm okay."
"Val?" he asked his wife.
But his wife was not looking at him, or hearing him for that matter.
Samuel waited for another silent beat before getting the hint and pushing out of his chair. He gently ruffled Kai's hair as he passed, heading to the other side of the cafeteria, probably to the coffee machines he'd already visited twice. Kai gave himself five departed steps to soak up the love his father had shown him before he dropped his expression and faced the person who'd ruined him.
"Do you love me, Valeria?" he questioned, sitting back.
"How could you ask me that?" she retorted, "Of course, I do."
"A month ago, you looked me straight in the face and told me that if I had been in the bed Kaedyn laid in, you would be happy. In fewer words, you admitted to me that if I had died, your life would be better—easier—because your biggest mistake would be gone. I'm not real to you."
"Malakhi, I thought we put this behind us—"
"And that!" he hit the table this time, unable to yell, "You refuse to call me by the name I prefer because giving that up means you have to give up some semblance of control—the only remaining control you think you have over me. And you hate it. You hate that you've never been able to control me, not really. Kaedyn, you could—because he let you, but not me. I was the twin who refused to have a specialty until I knew I was ready. I was the twin who excelled at everything without your backup, help, or guidance. I was the son who came out as gay—the one who married a chav, as you fucking called him—"
"You know, I did mean that—"
"You've resented me my entire life, Mother," Kai was so angry, he was mouthing the words as he signed them, "I've always been the one Kaedyn loved more—the one Dad loved more, and you've fucking despised me for it. You hated that you were losing the both of them the more I grew up. Dad was always in our room behind your back; Kaedyn left you at seventeen because of Riley—and you used that as fuel for your hatred because you thought I could've stopped it. You thought I was at the center of it all, the reason why they pulled from you, without realizing that it had nothing to do with you—and if it did, it was your actions that were to be blamed."
"Stop it! None of that matters anymore!"
"You kick, and push, and scream, and then you sit here and glare at me and Dad because I am starting to forgive him, knowing that you'll never receive the same sentiment. And then you have the fucking gall to be offended that I asked if you even fucking love me!"
Valeria stood up fast enough that the chair she was sitting in shot out from under her, clattering loudly to the floor. The sound of the cafeteria chatter dulled upon her interruption, but her eyes never left his face, and she didn't start speaking her maternal gospel bullshit—whatever she thought might show him the love he'd never seen from her—until the surrounding conversations resumed.
His mum rounded the table and exhaled, sitting beside him.
Kai tried his best to train his vision anywhere but her stupid face, but that task was near to impossible when her hand touched his chin and turned his attention to her. Kai schooled his emotions, trying his best to ignore how elusive she was, refusing to allow the tremble in his lips to show—refusing to let the opaque clearness lining his lids spill.
"I don't have any excuses for you," she sighed, running her thumb over his jawline, "Everything you've said is true. I pushed you away because I couldn't handle your rebelliousness because you did what you wanted to instead of what was expected of you."
"How noble of you to admit that after so many years."
"I never hated you, my son. I couldn't."
"Then how do you explain your behavior?—how you've made me feel?"
"I was jealous of you, Kai," she whispered, so quietly, "As a mother, I am ashamed to admit it—that I let my emotions get the better of me—that I let them destroy the foundation of a relationship we could have had. I can't anymore express my sorrow for the last two decades, but I want you to know that I have every intention of fixing this. Even if it takes me the rest of my life, even if it never happens, I will never stop fighting to get to know you, just like your father said. I want to be commendable of being your mother, in more than just title."
Kai attempted to wet his throat but ended up swallowing a dry lump.
Her words were words he'd been wanting to hear for as long as he could recall—words that somehow healed the cracks in his fragmented heart, even if he hadn't forgiven her. This conversation, her earnesty, did more for him than he thought possible, and at the forefront of his mind, there was the person who'd urged him to give this a shot in the first place.
Mason.
Mason.
Mason.
"Can we put a pin in it?" Kai moved her hand off, "I'm really tired."
"Of course," she smiled, "Let me help you to your room."
"Actually," Kai glanced across the room, "Before that, I'd like to see my daughter."
Valeria all about fell out of her seat.
Kai bit back a laugh, watching her try to settle herself, and essentially released it when his father made his rounds to their table. He narrowly missed spilling his freshly brewed coffee all over her back as he attempted to put her back in her seat.
But his humor only lasted as long as her surprise.
"You don't have a daughter," Valeria said slowly, "You're gay. It's impossible."
"Sweetheart, gay people can still have children," Samuel scolded.
"They're not truly their children—they're not related biologically!"
"Biology has nothing to do with being a parent," Kai sneered.
"I would love to meet your child," Samuel interrupted, "Where is she?"
Kai pointed across the way to where Blake sat with Andi, finishing up with her feeding. He calmly smiled to himself as he observed the way she used the blanket to wipe their daughter's mouth and felt stars in his eyes when she bopped her nose. His teeth peaked out with quiet admiration as he strained to hear the newborn giggling from this side of the café.
"Unbelievable."
He turned back to his mother, noticing the scowl on her lips.
"What was that?" he demanded.
"Your husband's ex-girlfriend's child is not yours," she spewed.
"My husband's ex-girlfriend's child is also my husband's biological child," he spit, "Therefore, that baby girl is my baby girl, too, and I will murder you if you keep suggesting otherwise."
"Be it my child that marries someone with a fucking kid," she laughed.
"You know what?—I'm not doing this."
Kai, not bothering with her manipulative words, knowing his gut was right about her all along, pushed out of his seat and grabbed his crutches, moving away. He winced at the weight he had to put on his bad leg before shifting to his good.
He could hear the beginnings of his mother's demands, but before they could finish, the voice of the woman who'd disappeared twenty minutes ago sounded between them. Kai glanced over his shoulder, catching the ending waves of blonde hair and tightly crossed arms as Emiko glared down at his mother.
She stood a foot from him, back to him, defending him.
"I spent the last five minutes overhearing your conversation regarding my daughter and her fathers, and I am thoroughly disgusted with you. How can a woman who abandoned her biological son be ashamed of him when he steps up?"
Emiko inched closer, disregarding the fact that the woman she was disrespecting could gut her in fifty different ways and be out of the room before her body would even be discovered.
"—Mason and Blake are no longer together, but that doesn't make them any less family, nor does that make me or Kai any less the step-parents to that beautiful little girl. You better hope that your groveling is enough to please my wife should you ever want to get your head out of your ass and meet your son's daughter because, I promise you, you're not getting within a hundred yards of her with your current, sickening attitude. And for someone who defended her for this long," she glowered at his father, "—that goes for you, too."
"You little bi—"
"Don't you fucking dare!" Kai slapped his hands.
"Valeria, enough!" Samuel yelled at the same time.
Emiko spun on her heel and placed a hand on Kai's upper arm, shooing him toward Blake and the baby—away from the messy dialogue she'd started with his shitty parents. Something inside of him told him that she didn't need the backup, so he dimly wandered over to Blake.
"Interesting discussion you've been having," she mused as he got close.
He rolled his eyes, speaking, "Your wife is a hell of a badass."
"Isn't she?"
"Didn't know you two got married."
"We didn't, not officially," Blake smiled, "But we don't need the ceremony to use the titles."
She gestured with the tilt of her chin for him to join her on the couch, which he took easily, already feeling exhausted on his crutches. The run after the boy this morning left him depleted early on.
But Kai was not given a chance to relax because the moment his ass connected with the plastic chair, Blake was leaning into him and placing the baby in his arms. His eyebrows soared high enough to vanish under his hairline as he violently shook his head in a way that said: no, I'm not ready.
"You are ready," Blake urged, "Now hold her and stop using your voice."
Kai agreed, too scared to speak even if he wanted to, and focused on controlling his breathing. Blake hummed as she showed him how to hold their daughter and how to keep her head supported at all times. It wasn't until Blake withdrew her hands and Andi Beth began to peel open her fragile eyes that his breathing and the world came to a complete stop.
Long, black curls tickled his bare arm as Andi Beth began to coo and grab onto the finger Kai had accidentally left close to her hand when learning how to hold her. It wasn't until she gazed up at him with brilliant, baby blue eyes, soaked in innocence and trust so pure, that his entire world fell right off its fucking axis.
It was easy to tell his parents that Andi was his daughter in theory because she was, but now that he was holding her close for the first time, now that he was the object of her vision, now that she blinked at him with eyes he'd already had a lifetime to fall in love with—
Andrei Beth was his daughter.
He'd kill anyone who tried to hurt her.
He'd protect her even if killed him.
"She's my daughter," he rasped, not heeding her caution, "I don't care if that's overstepping."
"From the way you're looking at her right now, the last thing I would consider you is overstepping," Blake leaned into him, stroking their daughter's hair, "I've considered you her father from the moment you stayed with Mason despite knowing of her existence. You've always been willing to be a parent, even if you couldn't admit it until she was in your arms."
"How does she have so much power over me? She can't even talk?"
"That's parenthood," she shrugged.
Kai tore his eyes from the baby and gazed into the eyes of the picturesque woman at his side. She smiled deeply at him, her fingers gently hugging his arm at the same time she caressed the child within them. Eight months ago, she was a barrier to cross between him and Mason.
Now, she was the mother of their child, confident, someone he couldn't imagine not existing to him, a lover, a creator, a selfless, gorgeous person who fulfilled every expectation he could have in her—and she was willing to share her one shot at life with him—with the arrogant, blue-haired assassin who'd rocked the ship of her world for the better.
"What if I hurt her?" Kai breathed, "What if I'm not good at this?"
"You think you're the only parent to think like that?" she snorted, "You'll do fine."
"I don't want to do fine—I want to be perfect."
Blake sighed, not heavily, but contently, "You know, I pictured my life as some biblical version of what my parents wanted from me, with a husband on my arm and children I would probably resent. In that world, I had parents that were proud of me, parents that loved me. I wanted it for so long without realizing that a love like that isn't unconditional but conditional. I spent so long drowning in my fiction for them, that I wasted years with Emiko, with Mason, allowing us both to stay closeted because we were too scared to love who we love. Having our daughter was the last push I needed to know that I don't need to be a perfect parent; I just have to be better than mine."
Kai broke eye contact with Blake as Emiko triumphantly returned from her fight with his parents and joined their small circle. Her hands instantly rubbed up Blake's shoulder blades, resting on top of them as she began to gently massage them. When Blake reached up and held a hand to Emiko's, the only thing running through Kai's head was the thought of one man who'd made him feel as if he was significant—even if it was a penny's worth.
"All of us, including Mason, have only ever wanted two parents to show us the love we had for them. We have all ruined ourselves to please them, and that type of love taught us and groomed us to be the versions of them they were too cowardly to become. I have no qualms about you calling yourself Andi's father, and I have no negations believing that you won't be a good one. All I care about is making sure our daughter knows she's loved, and I know she will be with her four parents."
Kai didn't know when it started, but when he noticed the tears, he didn't shy from them.
If this was what fatherhood felt like, then he was ready to embrace it.
"Besides," Blake nudged him, "She already has your last name."
Kai side-eyed her.
She gave him a goofy look.
The both of them laughed out loud—genuinely—like he only ever did with one other.
It took this moment of pure mundaneness to know that his life was falling into place in every corner. Gazing at the two women by his side and the one asleep in his arms, he grasped that his people were not the two geezers who'd flown from the United Kingdom because Kaedyn told them to but were the people who'd dropped everything to make sure he and his husband were okay. It was them, his twin, and the sister he'd found in Caycee, that were his home—his family.
He'd never felt this whole before.
"Mason should be here," Kai stated, handing Andi back to Blake, "I'm gonna go get him."
"Wait, Kai—" Blake started.
"—you can't go to him," Emiko finished.
He frowned, "He's my husband—of course, I can."
Andi Beth began to fuss, awakened by the transportation of parental arms. Blake seemed flustered, stuck between wanting to explain herself and wanting to put her child first. Kai rose to his feet as Emiko leaned in and whispered something to her, kissing just above her ear. Blake gave her a flimsy smile as Emiko palmed his bicep and turned him away, urging him to the elevator.
She did not explain anything until they were on his floor.
"What's going on?" he signed, having fatigued his voice.
"I think you'll understand better if you see it for yourself."
Emiko remained noiseless, mobile next to him as a guide while the anxiety he'd felt since Mason left the beach house with that thing—since he found him half dead and violated on the pavement—began to crawl up his throat and make a home there.
He thought he might puke.
He almost did when he read the sign on Mason's door.
AUTHORIZED FEMALE PERSONNEL ONLY
GUESTS: EMIKO LI, BLAKE RUÍZ
NO EXCEPTIONS.
"Mason doesn't?—" Kai felt his heart break, "I'm not allowed to see him?"
"It's not you, Kai, you know that," Emiko tried to soften the blow.
"Right, it's him, not me?" he signed aggressively, "Bull."
What began as a day to reminisce was now dwindling into its usual depression.
Kai didn't say another word in sign language or other before spinning on his crutches and heading toward his own hospital room. He slammed the door, negating Emiko's presence, feeling his emotions prick his bottom eyelids as he ambled to the bed, dropped his crutches haphazardly, and climbed in. He lay on his side, feeling his pain soak his pillow.
****
Kai didn't remember when or how he'd fallen asleep.
All he knew was that when he peeled his eyes open, the light behind his plastic curtains was a deep blue, and he could see the beginnings of the moon taking the sun's place in the sky. That, and the slight sound of scratching—as if someone was dragging something through his room.
Kai flung up in bed, reaching for the knife he'd tucked under his pillow, and turned, only to be left breathless in an entirely different way. Rolling in his chair, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights, was Mason.
The air electrified as Kai's eyes connected with the love of his life, and even before he touched him, or said a word, or did anything more than breathe the same air as him, Kai knew he was secure—knew he was complete.
Fixed.
Okay.
Better.
"Mase—"
His enigmatic and suspicious entrance was interrupted by the front wheel of Mason's wheelchair hitting the crutches he'd dropped foolishly earlier, causing him to lose his balance and fall out of his seat. Kai was on his feet, hobbling over to him faster than he could ask him if he was alright.
"Mason!—" he moved to help him up.
"Don't," he said almost inaudibly, stopping him with a raised hand.
Kai halted in his tracks, obeying him without a second thought. While it hurt him that he was still a burden to his husband simply because of his gender, he also understood the depth behind his lack of consent and found himself sick of the idea of ever holding that against him.
Kai sank to a sitting position on the ground near him at the same time Mason lowered his hand, supporting his cast properly, knowing that if he broke it again, he would not be able to spend another second in the presence of this man.
He knew that Mason was breaking many rules by being here.
Kai had seen him earlier in the hall—but to be this close—was a dream because, despite the fact that he now had a buzzcut, and half of his head was wrapped in bandages—despite the fact that he was littered with bruises, and twenty percent of his body was in a cast—he was still the man he'd fallen for.
And when Mason lifted his eyes, Kai was that brace-face teenager again.
"Stop trying to save me," Mason said lightly, "You can't always save me."
"Don't ask the impossible of me," he argued without a beat, "I will always save you, or I will die fucking trying because to live without you is to live without the most important part of me."
Mason's gaze magnified, "You shouldn't be talking—"
"The doctor cleared me. As long as I whisper, I'll be fine."
Kai knew that Mason didn't believe him, but he must have wanted a conversation badly enough to decide that the sacrifice was necessary. Mason negated his gaze and focused on playing with the frayed ends of his hospital gown.
So he took it upon himself to continue it.
"What are you doing here?"
"Do you want me to leave?" Mason's voice betrayed his collected face, hinting sadness.
Kai clenched his hands together—open and closed—wanting so frantically to touch him, to erase this dumb notion that he didn't want him around or that he blamed him, or anything that was the opposite of the fucking truth. But he respected his husband more than he did himself, and he kept his hands to himself, palming the cold tiles.
"I never want you to leave again," he huffed, "But that doesn't change the fact that you don't have me on your guest list. It doesn't change the fact that I've wanted to see you for days and you just keep shutting me out, hiding behind closed doors like we didn't go through this together. In sickness and in health, Mason, or have you already forgotten your vows?"
The room was soundless.
Kai stared at his hands, at the blood that still stained them from the night of the accident—when he'd wrapped his husband up, reciprocating his fatal injuries, prepared to die as long as it meant that he would die with and in the arms of the person who wore a matching wedding ring.
He didn't look up until he heard the shaky breaths emit from Mason's throat.
Pain engulfed him in a way so urgently hungry when he saw the tears dripping from his chin that he couldn't help but start to reach over and rid them from his skin. He only stopped a centimeter away, realizing that he was about to breach his boundary.
He began to move away, but that was when Mason took his hand and pushed his splayed fingers into the heart of his cheek. Mason leaned into him, into his touch, eyes shut in anguish, until Kai was able to flatten his palm to the warmth of his skin—until he was able to wipe away every droplet of agony, every wet path of hurt—until he filled him with an ease prescribed by his touch.
Kai choked on a smile, on tears of joy, as he continued to touch him.
If this were the last thing he'd ever do, then he'd die the luckiest man.
"I'm so sorry," Mason admitted, "Everything is my fault. This is all my fault."
"What are you talking about, baby?" Kai frowned.
"We're here because of me."
"No, we're not—"
"That day on the beach," Mason shuddered, interfering, "You told me that I would regret forgiving Ma-Mav—Maverick," he tripped over his name, "because the second he would get me alone, he would take advantage of me and you were right," he cried harder, "We're here because I believed him over you because I let another man into our marriage. We're here because I ignored our vows and trusted someone who just wanted to hurt me. And now I'm ruined. I'm not p-p-perfect anymore!"
"Mason, stop it right now," Kai begged, cupping his jaw.
"He raped me and ruined me," he sobbed, falling into his chest, "I can barely stand to be around other men, never mind around my own husband. This is not what you signed up for when you chose to marry me. You married someone unabridged and complete—someone that would never hurt you in the ways I have—someone who could love you properly—make love to you—"
"Mason," Kai scolded.
But he wasn't heeding to reason.
"You tried to protect me, and you ended up here. I meant what I said: you can't always save me because one of these times, my naivety and your bravery are going to kill us, or worse—you. This time alone, you were shot three times, took an explosion in the face, and shattered your leg. And to top it all off, I woke up delirious, and when you tried to help, I let my fear control me. I cut you across the face and hurt you and ruined you too, and now I'm not perfect, and you won't love me anymore because I'm not that man you married, and I can't even be upset with you because I know I'm damaged goods, and I wouldn't want me either—"
Kai grabbed him by both of his cheeks—hard—and pulled him out of his chest.
Mason's face was wrought with ache and distress, drenched in tears, but revealed a clue of surprise, which almost crushed Kai's resolve. The last thing he wanted was for Mason to react like this in the face of his love and protection—never did he want this to be where his thoughts rested.
Without speaking, Kai clutched the bottom of his gown and lifted it to Mason's face, not caring that he was only wearing a pair of boxers. He then began to remove his pain all over again—something he would be honored to do for the rest of their lives together. By the time he finished—by the time he re-secured Mason's head bandages with congenial strokes—he found his voice.
"The only way you can hurt me is by taking my actions and making them something they're not," he declared, "I threw myself between the car and that thing because I wanted to. I took the explosion because it came as a package deal to protect you. I would get shot again and again—I will eat every fucking bullet this world has to offer—if it means protecting you. What I did for you that day was out of my own volition, and I would do it a hundred times over, no matter what you say."
"But, Kai—"
"I never expected you to be a perfect man," it was his turn to cut him off, "I never expected you to be a perfect husband or person or whatever the hell you think is now missing because you were taken advantage of. You are still the boy I met at sixteen. You are still the man who stood between his friends and his lover and constantly chose me—defended me when I didn't deserve it. You're still the man who stole my heart and refused to give it back. When I look at you now, I see the man who stood in front of me on our makeshift altar—the man who told me he loved me just as much as I loved him and promised forever with me."
Kai ran the pad of his thumb over Mason's lips, hushing the tremble.
He rubbed his jaw until it stopped shaking.
"You are Mason Alveréz. You are the love of my life. You are not ruined, and this cut on my face does not make me ruined, either. You are not damaged goods, but the most incredible thing to ever happen to me. You will always be the man I married so long as you promise to continue loving the heart you repaired inside of me. So I'm begging you to stop—stop blaming yourself for the actions of a sick man. I need you to be better than that, okay? Our daughter needs you to be better than that."
Mason nodded almost imperceivably.
Kai knew that his words were not the magic he needed to be the person he used to be. He knew that there were still broken pieces inside of him that needed more time to heal, but he also knew that he wasn't going to do anything more than spend the rest of his life by his side, helping him become the kind of person he could be proud of. Even if it meant never being intimate again, never touching him again—because in that world, he would still have every opportunity and every right to love him the way he wanted to and the way Mason deserved.
"I want to be yours," Kai breathed, "I'll only ever belong to you."
Standing up, he snatched his blanket off the bed and draped it around Mason's front shoulders and his lap. He tugged it tight around, making sure to comfortably wrap him up, before hooking his hands underneath his back and the crook behind his knees and lifting him up.
"—please, don't take that from me," he sat Mason on the bed, "I am not anything without you."
"You said our," Mason looked up at him.
"Huh?"
"You said that our daughter needs me."
A smile touched his lips while a feverishly boyish feeling coated his cheeks. Kai crouched, albeit awkwardly, in front of Mason and took both of his hands in his own, embracing.
"It's like Blake said: she already has our last name, baby."
Mason's mouth shook again, but this time, it morphed into the most striking smile he'd ever seen. White teeth on display, gently tugging at his bottom lip—dimples forming just below the apples of his cheeks. He was the most beautiful man Kai had ever bared witness to, and fuck it if he was going to spend the rest of his life making sure Mason knew it.
He stood up, running a hand over the entirety of Mason's new haircut, loving how soft it felt.
"I could shave my head, too—we could be one of those couples—"
"If you cut your hair, I'll literally divorce you," Mason's smile fell.
"Ouch!" Kai palmed his chest, "You think I'll be that ugly?"
"Have you seen Kaedyn?"
"Mate, I'm the hotter twin."
"Hardly, and what did I tell you about calling me mate," Mason scowled.
"Admit it to me," Kai walked closer, their chests practically touching, "You think I'll be ugly."
"I fell in love with your unruly, undone curls," he smiled, "You'll so be ugly."
"Well, I happen to love you beyond your physical appearance. Are you saying you don't?"
"Probably," Mason nodded, saying the word in an English accent.
"Oh, you think you're soooo funny, huh?"
Mason wasn't given a chance at a comeback. Instead, he found himself squealing as Kai used his good leg to climb onto the bed and knock him to the mattress. Mason's laughter bounced off the four walls of this previously dull room as Kai tickled him aggressively through the cotton, not stopping until he was blue in the face and practically begging at his knees.
"Okay, okay! You're the hotter twin," he giggled, "I give in!"
"Say the word. Sayy it!"
"Mercy!" Mason shrieked, "MERCY, BABY, MERCY!"
Kai relented only because he didn't want this to go far enough that someone would be hurt. He breathed profoundly, trying to catch his breath as he settled above Mason. He only noticed then that his hands were pressed to either ear, and their mouths were centimeters apart.
He couldn't help it.
His eyes fell to his lips; his hands shuffled closer to the racing beat of Mason's carotid artery. He watched the glint in his husband's wet mouth underneath the pressing moonlight now leaking into the room, looking away when the heat in his cheeks felt as if he might go up in flames. Yet, when he glanced back into his lover's face, he noticed how soft with desire Mason laid.
Longing, brilliant, dilated eyes bore at him like he was a king.
For so many years, he begged the cosmic fairy to let him bask in their presence, under the heat of their glare, to be drowned within its cerulean river rapids—and now that they belonged to him—now that they were etched into his very soul—he didn't know how he ever survived without them.
Kai leaned in, not breaking eye contact.
"Please," he pleaded, "Please, can I?"
"I thought you'd never ask," Mason whispered.
As if it were an art Kai had spent twenty-three years learning, Kai slowly closed the gap between his mouth and Mason's. He felt his breath stroke him first, hot and needy, and he watched when Mason's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed his anticipation. Kai lifted a hand and put his fingers to his chin, tipping it upward just as he landed.
Kissing Mason was like shooting heroin.
The back of his eyelids filtered with hallucinogenic stars as their mouths began to move as one. Mason whimpered underneath him, dipping his hands into the back of his hair and pulling him closer, absolutely undoing Kai in the process.
"Kocham cię, te amo, je t'aime, Я тебя люблю, wǒ xǐhuan nǐ, I love you," Kai declared, kissing him between each proclaiming of his overwhelming feelings.
"I only speak English and Spanish," Mason tugged his hips closer, "That's not fair."
"I'll spend our eternity teaching you anything you want to know."
"Start with this."
Mason slid his tongue over Kai's closed lips, urging him to open them, which he did in a heartbeat. He leaned back, straddling Mason now as he sat up and pressed their chests together. He battled him with his tongue, trying to achieve dominance, and Kai would've let him win if it weren't for the fact that Mason was smiling against him—if he didn't have more desire to feel that than dominate.
Mason pulled back after another few minutes, lips sore and red.
He looked at him through his lashes, and Kai felt the love in his chest swell so deeply, he might have been okay with exploding right there.
"Take it slow with me?" Mason asked.
Kai grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips, "Is asking you to sleep over slow enough?"
Mason's face reddened as he turned his cheek into his shoulder, shying away with a teasing sentence that reminded him of the very first time Kai had uttered that word—the very first time Kai and Mason both knew they'd build beds in each other and hibernate.
"It's perfect."
Kai moved off Mason and helped him rise to the pillow. He ruffled it up for him and then took the blanket, covering him with it, tucking him in but making sure not to get too close to where he was uncomfortable. Kai hopped over to his side of the bed, feeling the pain in his leg begin to make its appearance as he lay down.
It dulled the moment Mason slid his hand across his chest and snuggled close.
"Take some of the blanket," he demanded, flinging it over him before he could protest, "It's cold."
"Are you sure?" Kai asked, surprised to feel his leg sliding between his two.
"I've never been more sure of something," Mason's eyelashes fluttered against his neck as he kissed it once, gently, and then pressed the ridge of his nose to it, "You've never been the object of my fear and always the object of my affection. You're the prince of my life. I trust you more than I trust myself."
Kai held back his emotions as he turned into Mason, holding him tight.
"Will you soothe me? Like you do after?—"
He knew instantly that he wanted a massage, and while it hurt him that he'd been spending the last week in the hospital with a pain like that on his body from what that thing did to him, it softened his heart to know that Kai was the only person who had the ability to make him feel better.
"You'll tell me if it's too much?"
"Yes," Mason nodded against his chest, "Be gentle with me."
Kai slipped his hand between the blanket and Mason's back, sliding south to below his tailbone. He kissed the top of Mason's forehead as he began, soothing himself along with his husband while he listened to his breathing deepen as he began to fall asleep.
"Always for you, mi angelito," (my little angel).
For the first night since the accident, they both slept through the night.