I listen as everyone's voices fill the air around me. I stared down at the coffee that was in my coffee cup.
He just left. I feel like a fool.
I could understand if we were just studying, but that's not what happened. River only used me. He used me as his own fucked-up pleaser.
I am angry, and I'm hurt. I'm angry that I let him get close yet again, and I'm hurt that he left.
I clench the coffee cup in my hands, hoping that it will relieve some of my anger. Maybe I should just go back to sleep.
It an early Saturday morning. Well, if I'm going to be honest, it's late morning.
"So we have to make sure the house is spotless before mom and dad get home tomorrow." I hear Noah say: Mom and Dad had to fly out to New York for one of Dad's business trips.
After they moved us out of the city and here, they made more trips due to dad's business. Mom only goes now because we are older and because it helps dad with his anxiety.
"You have to make sure the house is spotless, not me." I snapped at him.
I didn't mean for it to come out like that, but it did. Noah glares over at me. "You need to drop the attitude." He warned. I roll my eyes at him.
"You're the one wanting to throw a party, so you will have to deal with the aftermath." It's true. Why do I have to help clean after a party that I didn't even throw?
Noah's brows furrowed. "What's your problem, El? You've been being a bitch." I scoffed and shook my head.
If he knew the reason why, he would string his best friend's neck and then mine. When I heard the front door open, I already knew who it was.
I quickly finished the rest of my coffee and put it in the dishwasher. I don't look at River when he walks into the kitchen.
Finally, luck was on my side for once because he didn't even try to say anything, but I could feel his intense stare as I walked up the stairs and into my room.
I could hear Noah's loud BMW pull out of the driveway. He either left to get fresh air or stuff for his party. God, I wish Amira was here, but she is out for the weekend, and of course Matty is somewhere with Autumn.
I glance at my bedroom door when I hear the knob turn. River stood in the doorway of my room. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept.
My face forms into a scowl. "Ella–" I cut him off as I snatched his headphone off my nightstand and strutted over to him. I push the headphones into his chest.
"Get out." I snapped, and anger filled my veins quickly. But I also wanted to cry at the sight of him.
"Ella–" I shook my head, not wanting to hear his excuse. "You did it again." I pointed.
He shook his head. "No, you did. You left me and didn't even bother texting or telling me why." My voice cracked, and I was glad that no one was home because of how loud I was.
"No, Ella, it wasn't like that." He argued. "Yes, it is!" My hand shook with anger. Rivers' jaw clenched at my tone.
I could see it in his eyes that he was angry, but if I'm being honest, I really don't care.
He hurt me again, and I had the right to be upset. River, on the other hand, didn't.
"You fucking use me!" I shouted, tears falling onto my cheeks. I didn't miss that when I yelled, he flinched. I don't know why, but he did.
I hated that I was crying in front of him. I hated that he was even here.
He just shook his head at me, his dark hair falling just a bit under his brows.
River lifted his hand to wipe the tears from my face, but I stepped back, doing it myself. "Then what? Why'd you leave?" River looked at the floor.
I waited for him to say something, but he didn't. I nodded to myself as I got my answer.
"Please go, River." I whispered. He shook his head and stepped forward, cupping my face in his large hands.
"Ella, I didn't use you, please just..." I pushed him away softly and walked over to the door, holding it open. "You need to get your shit together, River. I'm not going to be someone you come to when you're bored. When you can tell me why you left, we can try to talk, but other than that, you're just a guy I'm tutoring." River looked between me and the door.
I watch as he opens his mouth as if he were about to speak but clomps it shut. He didn't spare me a glance as he walked out, leaving me without a word.
Quietly, I shut my door. Tears fill my eyes. Why won't he tell me? It's not that hard to just tell me why he just went up and left. I sit on the small lounge bench next to my window.
Sometimes I wonder how such a beautiful day could bring such pain. I wonder about a lot of things most of the time.
I watch the leaves blow gently. I could hear the front door slam shut, and soon after I watched as River stormed to his truck. He didn't start it immediately. He just sat there.
I turn away and grab a book from my desk in hopes I can distract myself from how I am feeling.
I hear the sound of his truck pulling out of the driveway and then speeding down the street.
I should have never let him in again. I should have kept up the walls that I built. He is my brother's best friend. I shouldn't have let him get closer.
I am a fool for letting him get close.
My head snaps up when I hear my door open again.
My heart stopped for about two seconds until Matthias walked him. I stared at him, shocked, because I didn't hear him come home.
"I heard everything."
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I closed the book that was in my hand, placing it next to me. "What do you mean?" I asked worriedly.
Matty gave me a look. "Don't tell Noah." I pleaded. Matty nodded, a sad smile forming on his face.
My eyes follow Matthias as he sits next to me. He makes sure to move the book onto my desk before getting comfortable.
"Not like it really matters. Nothing will ever happen again." I whispered.
If I were being completely honest, my own words would hurt. It hurt to hear it come out of my own mouth.
Matty shakes his head. "It's never over between you two." I wondered what he meant by that. Before I could ask what he meant, Noah walked in.
"Wheres River?"
I shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?" Noah just rolled his eyes before shutting my door.
Matty turns to me. "I'm going to go to Autumns, K?" It sounded more like a question. So I just nodded. Matthias leaves quickly, not saying another word.
And now I'm left here alone. My brain is running wild with thoughts. My room was so silent, but my thoughts weren't.
They were so loud, it was like they were screaming at me. They kept getting louder and louder.
You're a fool.
Stupid.
Worthless.
Annoying.
You deserve to be hurt.
Deserve to be in pain.
I jerk when my phone begins to ring. My heart is pounding and my tears are welling up. I try to calm myself before I answer the phone. "You were right." Is all I hear.
Sorry for the wait and the rushed editing!