I blinked a few times, letting my eyes adjust to the things around me. I rubbed my eyes while stretching in the process. When I looked around the room I realized I wasn't in my room but the living room.
I felt a blanket lay over me. When I moved to turn over I noticed two things.
I had no pants on and Seth was laying on the couch as well.
I slipped off the couch and picked up my jeans. I ran to my room as quietly as I could. I locked the door and ran to the bathroom locking that door.
What had I done? What was I thinking!? Why did I do that!?
I jumped into the shower feeling dirty. Ashamed. Not because of Seth but because I felt like I broke a promise with myself... After continuing to wash my self I decided to take a bath to try and relax.
The bath only caused me to think about earlier more. Which was bad, very bad. My thoughts keep lingering to the feeling of his touch.
I got out and wrapped the towel around me. I unlocked the door and went into the bedroom to put clothes on. Good thing the door is locked this time.
I put on shorts and an oversized T-shirt. I throw the towel into the dirty laundry. I flicked on the TV and climbed onto the top bunk.
I wish I could lock him out just so I wouldn't have to face him again. I let myself do those things and that's not okay. I am not going to be some kind of sex slave to him.
I flipped through the channels and left it on supernatural. I tried everything to focus and once I finally did someone knocked on the door.
"Who is it!?" I asked.
"Angel, open up the door!" My dad said through the door.
I jumped down and ran over to the door. My dad stood there looking a bit upset.
"Wha-whats wrong?" I asked stuttering hoping it had nothing to do with what happened between Seth and I.. Could he know some how?
"Oh we just didn't get done what I wanted to get done today and I have to go into work tomorrow first thing. It's nothing really." He said.
"Oh" I sighed of relief.
"I seen you made desert but where's the dinner?" He asked.
"I fell asleep and I just got out the shower about-" I looked over at the clock.
"-Never mind, I guess i zoned out at the tv for a while" I realized I have been trying to watch TV for 2 hours now.
"Do you mind making some dinner so late?" He asked.
"No" I replied. I followed him down the stairs.
When I seen Seth sit up talking to his dad with sleepy eyes I hesitated to continue down the stairs.
"She said yes!" My dad told Kelly.
"Yesss" Kelly cheered.
I quickly speed walked to the kitchen avoiding eye contact with Seth. I took out the hamburger patties in the fridge. I got the pan ready and put the patties on it. I seasoned them before giving them their first flip.
I grabbed everything out for them and flipped them once more. I chopped up lettuce, tomato and onions. Don't worry I made fries in the oven to go with. I flipped the patties again and put sliced cheese on each patty. I got plates out for everyone.
I turned off the burner and set the fries to cool. I quickly cleaned whatever mess I made while cooking and placed things out so they were easy to grab while they made their plates. "ITS DONE!" I yelled.
"Finally!" My dad and Kelly said as they walked into the kitchen.
"Yeah you only get burgers because its late" I told them and sat down on a stool to get mine ready.
"That's fine Jade, we are just happy you can cook for us" My dad kiss the top of my head and went on making his burger.
"And thankful" Kelly added.
"Yes! And thankful." My dad agreed.
"You're very welcome."
I went back to making my burger. I reached for the mayo and my hand collided with another. I went for the mayo again but it collided again. I looked up only to see Seth looking back at me. Of course it's him, who else would it have been.
I turned and went for the ketchup instead. "So what did you guys do all day?" Kelly asked while still making his burger.
I looked up at Seth then quickly looked away when I seen him looking at me.
"Nothing, just watched TV" I said, not bothering to look up from my plate.
"And slept" Seth added. I retrained myself from trying to throw a piece of lettuce at his face.
I looked at him for 2 seconds then looked over to My dad and Kelly. Kelly was nodding his head and my dad was dancing... We could have honestly told them what else happened and they wouldn't have even noticed.
"Fun. You're just lucky you didn't have to work" My dad said.
"Yeah" I replied. Am I?
Once we all got our plates made and I put some stuff away. Once I was done I grabbed my plate and took it to my bedroom. I sped walked through the living room trying not to distract them from the tv, but I had caught one pair of eyes. A pair of eyes I wish I could hide from or make them never look at me the way they have been sense the small couch action.
I ran up the stairs but my name was called before I could get to my room.
"What?" I asked turning around slowly on my heals.
"Where are you going? You aren't gonna hang out with us? You're probably barely gonna see us in the next week." My dad said.
"Uhh... I'm kinda in the middle of a show I need to catch up on. Maybe tomorrow?" I lied
"Can't you watch it another time?" He asked.
They were all looking at me. Staring me down. I could feel myself slowly give in. I didn't want to sit down here with my dad that could easily talk me into anything, Kelly who just enjoys everything for the experience, and the boy who drives me crazy.
"Fine... It can wait I guess." I went back down the stairs and sat in the chair folding my legs in front of me and putting my plate in my lap.
"Was everything okay today? You making more deserts today wasn't for fun, I already know that factor" My dad said.
I was mad at Seth this morning and I baked a pineapple upside down cake. I am always mad at him but right now I'm not sure what I'm feeling. This is a whole new territory for me.
"Yeah today was.. Okay" I took a bite of my burger to stuff my mouth full.
"So nothing upset you?" He asked.
I hesitated but shook my head no. "Okayy, I'm just checking... You're sure everything is okay?" He asked
"Yes dad, I'm fine, thank you. " I said.
I finished my food quick trying to focus on family guy that was playing on the TV. When I finished I picked up My dad's and Kelly's plates from the table.
"Thank you Angel." My Dad said.
"Thank you Jade" Kelly said
I rinsed the plates in the sink and went back to the living room. I went over to my Dad and gave him a hug
"Goodnight. Don't stay up to late remember you have lots to do tomorrow, you need your rest" I told him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"This episode is almost over and I'll be going to bed. Goodnight sweet dreams" He said and gave me a small kiss on the cheek.
I ran over to the steps and to my room. I closed the door behind me and I finally felt like I was free, I couldn't feel those pare of eyes watching me anymore. I turned off my light and climbed my bed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll call the guys and they can get my mind off things. Hopefully.
I suddenly had the urge to pee. I got up and went to the bathroom. While in there I brushed my teeth and fixed my hair. The more I thought about earlier the more I felt naked and exposed.
I opened the bathroom door the bedroom light was back on and Seth was in the room. The tension in the room was strong.
I went over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of pajama pants I pulled them on over my shorts.
I started climbing the later but a hand went around one of my wrist. I stopped staring at the hand that was burning my skin and I turned to looked at him. "You're not gonna avoid this the whole time are you?" He asked.
I didn't say anything. Not because I was trying to be stubborn but because I didn't know what to say. I had no idea how to treat this situation.
He gently pulled me from the latter and now I was standing on the floor in front of him.
"Did you like it? Did you enjoy it?" He asked.
I stayed silent. I wasn't going to answer that. Of course I had my answer but I wasn't going to tell him.
"Stop looking so worried. We aren't going to jail for it" He said. He took a step closer and raised his hand to my cheek.
I lost balance and took a step back. "Why won't you talk to me?" He asked, his eyes pleading.
My eyes flickered to the wall and back to him. "Please tell me why?" He asked.
"I'm not sure, I'm so confused. You keep stressing me out. Every step you take closer to me is another step of me falling into some type of weird rabbit hole. This isn't suppose to happen Seth, none of this. You're taking it all away from me. And I barely know you.. I'm honestly fighting with myself." I said.
He sighed and ran the hand that was touching my face through his hair, he took a step back.
"I-" He sighed "I'm trying my best to follow your wishes. And do you honestly think this isn't supposed to happen?" He said.
Before I could speak he spoke again.
"Jade- I'm not trying to ruin your life. I want to make it better. I wanna fix whatever I have done that caused you to hate me." He said.
Jade? He called me Jade...
"I'm sorry.." My voice came out in a whisper.
"No no no no no, Don't you dare apologize. This is all me. I'm the one moving too fast for you. I'm sorry." He took my hands into his.
"What do I have to do to get you to like me?" He asked. His face was blank, I could tell he was trying to hide whatever emotion he was feeling.
"You don't" I replied and pulled my hands out of his and ran up the latter. My cheeks were hot with blood. Why do I feel embarrassed?
I climbed under my blankets and faced the wall. "Goodnight" He said and the light went out.
I felt the bed move and it finally rested. I turned and looked at the ceiling. Had my mom seen what happened? Dear god I hope not.. What am I supposed to do now? I had done something with a boy I barely like. I mean it wasn't sex but I still consider this something that shouldn't be done by anybody I'm not dating.
What if he tells all his friends back in his home town? That he gave some girl he was staying with head or that he ate me out, or worse that he already fucked me and moved to the next girl. Or that he managed to sleep with the virgin he's staying with.
I couldn't let him do that. I can't let him just touch me and push him to the next chick. It just helps his sexual ego and I don't wanna be apart of it.
I don't want to reach any further sexual activities with him. I don't want to befriend him, definitely because it would be awkward the whole time.
Why is it I can't allow myself to think positive about him?
Maybe the conclusion is I need to be friends with him? So he can learn that I can't be anything but a buddy..
But that doesn't change my mixed feelings. I still gave in. I let him touch me. Some part of me had to want it right? I should stay away from him. Far away...
You wanted it. If you didn't you would've stopped him, but you didn't. You've dreamt of him twice and slept with him by your side. You want this stop denying it.
No! I began to argue with myself in my head.
Yes! He's done nothing to hurt you! What's wrong with a boy wanting you more than any other girl?
He doesn't.
He likes you and you like hi-
"Shut up!" I tried to silence my thoughts. This has gone way further than it should have.
"What?" Seth spoke. My eyes widened.
"Nothing." I replied.
"Did you just say shut up?" He asked.
"Yes sorry, I didn't mean to say it out loud." I said.
I could feel his eyes burning through the bunk and staring at my back.
"Stop it" I said.
"Stop what?" He asked.
"Thinking about me. I can feel you staring at the bed and that means you're thinking of me so stop" I said.
"I can't you're just so per-"
"Shush" I cut him off.
"But-"
"Shhh"
"But i-"
"Shhhh"
"Ugh"
"Shh" I let out a small giggled after that one.
I heard him chuckle. I could see his smirking face already.
"Who were you telling to shut up?" He asked.
"No body it doesn't matter" I said shaking my head even though he couldn't see me.
"It's does if they are bothering you" He said.
See! He cares!
"Why me?" I asked.
"Excuse me?" His voice sounded lost.
"Why do you do all this to me? Why not another girl?" I asked.
He didn't say anything so I spoke again " I don't understand why you chose me to pick at and to try to make me like you. To be honest if you would have stuck to the way you were the first time I met you we wouldn't have had any problems"
He finally spoke "Because... You're beautiful, You're smart, You're outgoing just enough, You're a total tomboy which is attractive in my eyes. You don't take anyone's shit, You stick up for yourself. You're confident, You know what you want. You live by day and love having fun. You can chill and be lazy but at the same time go out and have an adventure. You always look beautiful no matter what. You Don't chase after boys. You Don't seek attention. You speak my name in your sleep. You have a mystery to you. You always have a smile on but even when your mad you look sexy as hell. You're the perfect girl. Now that I think about it you're too good for me. I don't deserve someone as bright as you." He said.
I remained speechless. He picked that all up in almost 3 weeks. I was taken back.
"Hello?" He said.
"Yeah." I replied letting him know I was still awake or alive.
"You really think those things about me?" I asked.
"I know those things about you" He replied.
"I'm no better than any other girl that skates or rolls in mud" I said.
"But to me you are" He said. I felt the bed move and then his head popped up over the railing.
"You have this mystery to you that you don't see in other girls. You're always ready for a fight and you don't let yourself fall. You're so strong and brave." He said.
I couldn't get myself to speak. Brave? Me? How could I be strong when I gave in? I don't understand myself how could someone else?
He climbed up and sat next to me. I sat up and leaned against the wall. I don't know what he was doing but I didn't mind. It's was kinda comforting to know that he understood.
"That's not good enough.. I'm not strong..." I said.
"Yes you are... you're so strong that you don't let others see you down. You much rather bake a cake and pretend like it was for a good cause, because at least you are giving people treats and making them happy right?" He said.
"I like you as you, can't that just be enough?" He asked.
I told you!
How-
"I have never been so attracted to any other girl before. You're just so damn amazing." He said.
I didn't even have a positive thought about him besides his toned body... And his big brown eyes that always shine a chocolate brown in the right lighting... His caramel like skin is really attractive too... He has this cool smile that could make any girl want to fall for... He kinda has this way of taking over my body that I some what like but hate. His hair oh god don't get me started on that. Its so fucking perfect I just want to run my hands through it and pull on it and... I should stop now. But I just feel like I know nothing about him.. he had picked up a lot... but all I know is that his mom is a touchy subject.
"We don't know each other enough" I said.
"Then let's get to know each other!" He said.
"How. I'm not a girl that can just open up to any one. I don't roll like that, its not that simple" I said.
"I know. I agree, I'm the same way. Its hard to trust someone with all your emotions when you don't know what they will do with them" He said.
I looked up to the ceiling. Some how I wish I could ask my mom what I should do. If I have been making the right choices or not.
But also I feel like she would have said "There is no right or wrong answer, there's one path and then there's another." I was told my mother was good at giving advice. A lot of people looked up to her in this town. Her diner was very popular.
I sighed. "What are you looking at?" He asked looking at the ceiling for an answer.
I laughed lightly. "Nothing, just thinking." I said. I looked at him and I noticed the moonlight from my window was shining on his face.
His brown eyes looked dark but the moon made them shine. His eyes looked back at me with pupils just a bit bigger than what their usual size is. Some how I felt like I could see his heart through those things.
"Your eyes are nice did you know that?" I said before I could stop myself.
"No I didn't, thank you." A cheesy grin spread across his face.
I rolled my eyes. I noticed he started rubbing his hands on his legs. Why is he-? Oh.. yeah.. oops.. no rolling my eyes.
"Your eyes are nice too" He said.
"Th-thanks" I stuttered.
"Why won't you let me in?" He asked.
"I don't trust you" I said.
"You won't give me a chance" He replied.
"Because all you have done was harass me or make some dumb remarks" I said.
"I'll stop I promise" He said.
"You said that last time and look what that lead to!" I said. I pulled my knees to my chest.
"I'm so sorry, i couldn't really control myself. You make me wanna do things." He said.
"Its my fault too, I let it happen" I said. I dropped my legs and let them crisscross.
"No its my fault I should have listened to you. I promised not to touch you and I did" He said.
I sighed. "You're making yourself look bad, There's no right side to this. We both knew better." I said.
"My mom always said "There's a reason for everything, but you gotta make it to the end to find out"." He said.
Yeah but I wanna know now. I'm not the type to wait, I don't have patience. You know his mom seems wise.. but aren't all mothers?
"Do you miss your friends?" I asked him.
"Well, To be honest with you I only have one friend and yes I do miss him" He said.
"Does he know?" I asked.
"About you? Definitely." He replied.
"What about me does he know?" I asked.
"Everything" He responded.
"Really? so you already told him about tod-" he cut me off by putting a hand over my mouth.
"Stop. Bradley don't care for all that stuff. He just wants to make sure you're treating me right." He said
I pushed his hand off my mouth. "Why would he want to make sure I'M treating YOU right!? Unless you didn't tell him about the part where you bothered me every second." I asked.
"Look my past isn't the best. And he knows about all the times I fucked up. He said I fucked up from the start." Seth sighed.
I laughed lightly. "He's right, I agree." I said nodding.
"Yeah I know, I do too." He said.
I thought back for a moment. "What happened when you were back home?" I asked.
He didn't say anything. He was staring out the window, thinking. I suddenly had the urge to hug him but I sat still resisting it.
I watched his eyes as they blinked and began to water. I reached a hand out and his eyes snapped over to me.
"Seth I'm so-"
"This was a bad idea" He cut me off.
"Please if you ju-"
"No!... Goodnight Jade." He climbed over the railing and jumped down.
Once again I felt sorry after our midnight talk. I let myself fall into my pillow face first. Why does this keep happening!?
Maybe his trust issues were worse than mine, The part to open up and except it.
I wanna know what was wrong. What had him so mixed up. So broken.
I wasn't going to let him run off this time. No. I threw my blanket off and a climbed down my bed.
When I got to the floor I tried my best to see through the dark. From what I could see his shadow was facing the wall.
I climbed onto the bed and he turned around surprised. "This isn't happening again I don't like feeling lost" I said getting comfortable next to him, covering myself with his blanket. It's colder down here.
"What are you talking about? Why are you in my bed?" He asked.
"For one, its my bed. Two, I thought you have been trying to get me in bed since you seen me at the video store and three, I want to know what the fuck happened. I want to know your story." I said
"What do you care?" He replied, his voice was rough.
It felt like I was stabbed in the chest and fell backwards off the bed and onto the floor, but when I blinked I was still looking at the dark figure in front of me.
"I-I uh -I don't.. know." I had no idea what to say. Never in my life have I cared for someone, well not in the way that he was talking about.
Do i care? I don't think so.. Its his past does it really matter? I mean yes because I wanna know how he handles things. What's his trauma... its hurting him and I feel better when The people around me are happy.
Nooo i shouldn't feel bad. I don't wanna like him! He's a douche bag! He's cornered me multiple times and- stop thinking! Stop!
But I don't like seeing him like this. Can I just please help him.. some how?
I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around him giving him a hug. He was shocked at first but his hands slowly wrapped around me.
This wasn't good enough for me. Someone was hurting inside and I wanted to help. I gave him a small squeeze and brought in the hug a little more.
In return he tightened his hug and Nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. I felt so bad. Whatever it was hurting him, he never had someone there for him, no shoulder to cry on.
"Maybe we should get some sleep" I said, he was still holding tight.
I went to pull back but he held me tighter "Wait" his voice low.
We sat there for about another minute or two. "Back home I never had many friends because most of them was spreading rumors behind my back. Yeah girls aren't the only ones." He let go and began to talk, I didn't want to stop him, he was finally opening up.
"In school and out people would push me physically and mentally. I was always told to kill myself because I wasn't needed here. People only did these things because I wasn't smart enough to even remember my damn locker combination, I barely passed school. I wasn't exactly taught things like I needed to be. They would call me dumb names or pretend I had contagious dumbness. I mean come on I'm not that stupid."
He took a moment to breathe. "My mom died in a brutal car accident by a texting teen. I didn't see my dad a week after the accident. I didn't know what to do, my mom was my biggest inspiration and now that she was gone I was broken inside. The bullying never stopped, people kept saying that I was next to go. One time someone said something about my mom and I hurt them. I hurt them bad. That guy was stupid enough to say something about my dead mother. I beat him senseless, he was put in the hospital for two weeks and the parents were going to sue me but when I told them what their son was doing to me they dropped the charges. The others never stopped, the bullying got worse. So one time.. a while ago, I went to find a place to really put my self to rest, forever. I won't get into the details but someone found me before I died.. that person happened to be Bradley. We became great friends. He took me to the hospital and when I woke up he was there. Sounds girly and cheesy when you say it out loud. But ever since my incident I've been working hard to learn as much as I can. I'm a lot smarter now than I used to be, but it's always a working progress." He took a deep breath.
"And so Anyways after that my dad had decided we both needed a fresh start and we moved here. I haven't got the chance to run from my thoughts but when I'm around you I can't think straight and my focus is on you. I forget about my past, everything I left behind in that old shitty town. You're my fresh start and I screwed up"
"No- No You didn't. You're already fixing your problem without even realizing it. That's a horrific story and no one could say sorry enough times for that. All I can say is that I wish I could have met your mother and all those people are fucking ass faces that can go drown in a hole." I replied.
"What's your story?" He asked.
"Oh um... My mom died giving birth to me, the town blamed me for it. My dad said I saved him so that's why he calls me Angel. The town don't except me because I don't act like a lady. I don't get along with other girls in my school, I honestly think it's cause their parents think I'm the devil reincarnated. Online school was best for me because I got into fights when I was little. Yeah I don't know what kind of story you're looking for But it's no sunshine and rainbows over here either." I said.
"Our stories aren't much different they are just told differently" He said.
I took His hands in mine "Whoever told you that you were dumb is beyond wrong because you're smarter than you think." I said.
"You see the beauty in everything." He kissed the back of my hands.
"But you also see the pain." He added.
Till Next Time! Xx