It's been a few hours since the incident in the bathroom of Teams room. With care I stroked his cheek, I could see his eyes being red and puffy from his crying. He was so beautiful, but the sadness is something I don't want to see on him. We were laying in his bed, his head on my arm. Slow and silent breaths could be heard from Team, he finally fell asleep after a long crying session, he really needed this sleep now.
I closed my eyes thinking back on what happened earlier.
"Would you try to talk to a therapist please?"I asked, hoping he would give me the answer I wanted to hear. His big eyes were on me. "I don't need a therapist, everything is fine." My hope crushed. "Team! You need someone, something. This can't go on any longer, do you really want to end up dead?" before I could think I yelled at him. I slowly fell back, while he looked at me not saying a word. This is something he didnt need now..or is it exactly what he needed. Someone who throws the harsh reality in his face? Would I be the one to do it? Is there anyone else who could do it?
I stopped my thoughts, taking his hand again. "Team, I'm sorry. You're important to all of us and you must know that this," I was showing him his bandage on his damaged arm. "This can't go on longer. You're hurting yourself in so many ways and I'm not sure if you even look for something to help you out of it. I want to be there for you, but I can only to this if you let me. And if you don't want me to be this person to help-" I stopped, taking a big breath and letting go of his hand again. "Then maybe Pharm or Manow...or anyone else. Just someone will hopefully be the person for you." I didn't really care who would be the one beside Team, as long as there is someone who can help him get out of this spirale, to help him understand himself.
"Pharm is seeing a therapist?" he asked after a short time. I gave him nod. "About his fear of loud noises?" I didn't really knew, I just knew there was something. "I don't know, maybe there is more about it, but that is the job of a therapist to find out. To uncover the reasoning behind the fear, the pain and then give you ways to deal with it, to heal it." Team looked at his arm, at the bloodstained towel and then he looked at me. "Hia, I'm... I don't know. Everything is just swirling in my head and I-" "It's okay, don't apologize. I just want you to understand that you don't have to do it alone."
He slowly stood up from the floor, still unstable on his feet and then looking down on me. "Hia." He said, I stood up trying to show my strengh, but before I stood straight he swung his arms around me, burrying his face in my chest. "I'll try to talk to Pharm, I promise. Please, give me time." My arms went around his back, pressing hit tighter into the hug. "You can do it Team. Pharm will listen and understand too. I'm sure he will. Pharm loves you, you're his best friend." I tried my best to give him the courage he needed. He loosened the hug and looked into my eyes. "Thank you Hia, for everything. You're annoying me so often, but no matter what you're always there for me. I'm sorry for everything you had to go through because of me." He tried to give me a soft smile, but I could see how his mouth was trembling, so I gave him a warm smile. "Obviously I would be there for you, I mean I lo-" no, I can't burden him with this too now. It would be too much. "You're special to me."
He nod and looked shyly around himself, he took my hand. "Hia, can we...clean up later and just go to bed. I'm tired now." His voice was still so small and not what I was used to. "Sure, it won't run away, come." I gently walked him to his bed, made him lay down and turned around, but he "Hia. Stay here. I don't want to be alone now, not for the next times. I'm tired of not being around you." Wow,what does that mean?, I thought but never asked out loud. I just laughed a little. "I wasn't about to leave, I will stay."
And now we are here, him on my arm, sleeping soundly and me worrying about everything. I'm happy he choosed to tell Pharm about it and ask for his help, but I still feel jeleaous that it couldn't be me. To hell with this stupid feeling, I shouldn't care who he goes to for help, as long he will get help. I don't want to lose him, never. During this few months he grew so dear to me, I couldn't imaging another day without him. I want him to talk, walk and be beside me everyday.
Once again I stroked his cheek, it was so soft, he lost a lot of weight while he was in a coma, but his cheeks were still chubby, that's just how his body is. I loved it so much. I wish I could kiss his soft cheeks everyday. He was still sleeping, no wonder, who knows how long he didn't really sleep. Maybe he never really took his meds? Maybe he only slept like 2 hours every night. He was fragile and alone. I should have just force myself into his room again and stay by his side 24/7.
I sighed. My mouth formed a smile looking at him.
"I love you, Team."
I said while giving him a soft kiss on his forehead, leaning down on my pillow I closed my eyes and tried to get just a little sleep before we go to school again.
The next morning came and Team gently brushed his fingers through my hair. "Hia, wake up." He softly mumbled. As I was opening my eyes I could see him leaning close to my face, feeling his breath against my lips. Not sure how to react, I gave him a soft smile. "Want to give me a morning kiss? How do I deserve this?" I jokingly said, but was suprised when he actually put his lips on mine. It was no deep nor long kiss, but it was something I never thought would happen, my heart was racing. He pulled back and gave me a cheeky smile "Just for today." He was nothing like yesterday in the bathroom, his whole mood changed, I'm no expert, but maybe that is normal to have extreme mood swings in an episode? We will know more about his whole state if he gets the help he needs and deserves.
He got up and left me perplexed back. I let out a snicker. "Damn, you brat." I said while getting up. "Want to eat breakfast here or at school?" he was taking out clothes and then turned around to me. "Pharm told me he would bring us something. We gonna meet at school." He walked close to me, his mimic changed to something like worry. "Hia...can I take a shower with, with this?" He held out his arm. Oh. "You can, but for now try not to wet the bandages. Here let me wrap it in something for now. You need to take care of the wounds, so that they can heal probably." I only know about it so much, because I always had to treat my younger brothers wounds whenever he played football or fell from his bike. He nodded and waited for me to wrap his arm, his new clothes in his other arm.
I went upstairs to take a shower and change clothes too, we said to meet up downstairs again to drive to school together. As I was getting down he was already waiting for me, his soft smile giving my heart a few more beatings. I truly love him, I thought while waving at him. "As fast as ever." I joked and he hit my arm."You're just too slow, Hia." We were getting in Teams car and made our way to school. Per arrival we ran into Dean and Pharm who also just arrived, together.
"Team, P'Win!" Pharm ran up to us, hugging his friend and waing to me. "Good morning, nong, Dean." I said, Dean just gave me a nod. It was like every morning. We walked to our usual table and there was already Manow waiting for us, as she saw us she waved almost with her whole body. She had such a sunshine energy and for that she was loved. We all sat down, talking about typical stuff, eating our breakfast provided by our dear Nong Pharm.
It was a good morning, everyone together and happy, but I couldn't stop seeing how Team slightly shivered from time to time. His whole body vibrated, his face sometimes lost his smile. He held his wounded arm strong, trying not to held it up too much, too afraid they could notice. I put my hand on his tight, making sure that it's going to be okay, he was not alone. I nudged his side with my elbow and looked at Pharm. He gave me a nod understanding what I wanted him to do.
Everyone was ready to leave for their thing. "Oh Team, you're allowed to practise again today, right?" Manow asked. Both Team and I stood still. Swimming, with the wounded arm it was impossible for now. He coudl do it, but it would be too early. Team looked heplessly to me, not sure what to say. "He can't. I mean...we talked to his doctor yesterday and due to some medication he still has to take it will take a little longer before he can actually work out and swim." "That's so sad, you were looking forward to it for so long." Manow was sad on Teams behalf but he was just nodding and giving a soft smile.
"So, will you go to club now evne thought you can't participate or what do you want to do, Team?" Manow asked again. He shook his head. "I'll still go. I want to watch and maybe help taking the time or something, just being part of the team is enough for now." His words were right. He was part of the team and no matter what we would want him there. Manow smiled. "That's what I wanted to hear, good job Team. I'll go to my club now thought." She patted his back and then said bye to everyone making her way to theater club. Pharm wanted to go to, but Team stopped him. "Pharm...could I talk to you before you go." Pharm obviously nod. "Sure, always, what's wrong?", Pharm couldn't figure out what Team was about to talk about, so he looked at him and then to me. I just smiled. "I guess Dean and I-" but before I could finish my sentence Team intefred. "Please stay. I can't do it alone, Hia. P'Dean... I want you to stay to, in behalf of Pharm". Now those two wanted to know what was wrong that we all had to stay.
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I am back! I hope you liked this chapter. :)
Win and Team are going through so much, I just want them to be happy, but it will take some more time until it finally comes to the happy ending. Stay tuned~