I disposed my bloody jackets and gloves. The mission is finished and I have to go home next.
Tumingin ako sa orasan at nakitang maaga pa. My team would be held responsible for the disposing and cleaning of the scene, and that would be my last mission here.
Minaubra ko ang kotse ko at siya namang pagtawag ni Sir Rudolfo. I answered his call and started manoeuvring my car out of the place.
"Congrats, Liberty! Anong oras ang flight mo?"
He is like a father to me now, and I am glad that I am under his care for the past years. Malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa kanya.
"It would be early morning, six am. Sasabay na rin si Ejay sa amin, Sir." I looked at the stoplight and when it turned red, I pressed the brake.
Rinig ko ang pagbuga niya ng malalim na hininga at ang saglit niyang pagkatahimik. He then cleared his throat.
"I'll see you at the airport, Liberty and tell Luca that I'll see him."
Napangiti ako. "Salamat Sir, see you at the airport."
Our call ended and I can't help but heave a heavy sigh. Nandito pa lang ako pero namimiss ko na ang mga taong hindi ko pa naman iiwan. Pero tapos na ang kontrata at oras na para bumalik kami ni Ejay sa bansa.
I parked my car properly and looked at myself in the mirror again before getting out. Sinigurado ko na wala akong bahid nang kahit anong dugo sa katawan ko o kakaibang amoy bago ako magpakita kay Luca.
He knew the work that I am but no this extreme, sapat na hanggang doon lang ang alam niya. Afterall, he is just a child that needed protection.
Nang masigurado kong maayos na ako ay saka ako lumabas ng tuluyan. Sumakay ako ng elevator at hindi ko ulit mapigilan na pagmasdan ang sarili ko sa repleksyon ko.
I tidied my long hair and my clothes again until the elevator opened. Ejay and I upgraded our room and we opted to a more secure building, para sa proteksyon namin iyon at para na rin kay Luca.
With the type of field we are both in, we need to secure ourselves because basically anything might happen to both of us anytime, and of course, Luca needs this too more than us.
I stopped in front of our door and opened it with my keys, kailangan din ng fingerprint kaya iyon ang sinunod hanggang sa tuluyan itong bumukas.
Pagbukas na pagkabukas palang ng unit namin ay rinig ko na ang malulutong na mura ni Ejay. I closed my eyes in irritation because how many times do I have to say to him that he can't curse like that in front of Luca.
I closed our door and Luca's door swung open. Napahinto ako at napatitig sa itsura niyang balot ng tissue ang katawan habang may hawak na laruang espada.
"Mama!" He shouted when he saw me and quickly hugged my legs.
"You dipshit!" Ejay exited Luca's room next but when he saw me standing in the sala, he stopped running.
Katulad ni Luca ay balot rin siya ng tissue sa katawan at may hawak rin na mas malaking laruang espada. But his looks are much worse because I could see different colors on his face.
"L-liberty! Andyan ka na pala!" He hurriedly fixed himself while I heard Luca giggle while still hugging my leg.
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at binaling naman ang mata ko kay Luca.
He looked up to me happily and raised both of his hands, kaya naman wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang kargahin siya.
"How was your work, Mama? I am a good boy all throughout the day." Pagmamalaki nito pero hindi ako naniniwala.
"You freak! You aren't!" Ejay bursted out while holding his phone right through his face and touching the marks on his face.
Napabuga ako ng malalim na hininga. I have witnessed this scene repeatedly and it just keeps on repeating, hindi na sila nagbagong dalawa.
Ejay walked towards our direction and stopped in front of me. Matalim ang tingin niya kay Luca na karga ko pero nang lumipat ito sa akin ay nagmamakaawa na ito.
"I have seen death before my eyes numerous times, Liberty. Pero dito ko lang pala makikita ang demonyo." Tumalim ang boses niya sa huli sabay tingin kay Luca na wala man lang karea-reaksiyon.
I licked my lips and tapped his shoulder. "Salamat sa pag aalaga."
"He never took care of me, Mama. He forced me to eat broccoli and take a bath. And with sleeping too! Kahit hindi ako inaantok."
I feel like my senses are slowly drifting away from me. Gusto ko ng magpahinga at maaga pa kami aalis bukas.
"Right. Hindi ka pa naliligo kaya halika na. Sabay tayo." Ejay grabbed Luca away from me but Luca started wiggling.
"Ayoko sayo. I can bathe on my own and Mama could do it too!" Pagpupumiglas nito.
"But your Mama is tired from work. Gusto mo bang mas mapagod pa siya?" Ejay bargained in an irritated tone with piercing eyes of course.
Luca then looked at me carefully. Ang inis sa mata niya ay biglang nawala at napalitan ng pag aalala, kaya sa huli ay hindi ko mapigilan na mapangiti.
"O-okay...fine." At ngayon naman ay malambot na ang boses nito. He then reached his arms to Ejay which he quickly carried him to his arms.
Mas lalong lumawak ang pagkakangiti ko. They might be enemies most of the time but they are still each other's best friend.
Kaya naman si Ejay na ang nagpaligo sa kanya habang naligo na rin ako sa sarili kong kwarto. Binilisan ko ng dahil gusto ko ng matulog at magpahinga.
Natapos ako sa pagpapalit at sinunod kong icheck ang mga maleta namin. We've been packing for a week dahil may trabaho naman ako at para hindi na rin ako mataranta ngayong huling araw namin.
I was satisfied with it at saktong natapos ako ay pumasok si Luca sa kwarto ko. He already has his own room but whenever I am away the whole day, gusto niya ay magkatabi kaming matulog. He said that it is his version of spending time with me.
Umupo ako sa kama at kaagad siyang kumandong sa akin. I kissed his cheeks repeatedly and hugged him tightly right after.
"Tito Ejay said that riding a plane is scary...itatapon niya daw po ako kung makulit ako bukas."
I chuckled at his remarks and touched both of his cheeks while he looked up to me. It would be his first time and Ejay took that advantage to scare him.
"No. He can't do that. Pero dapat behave ka bukas okay? We should not disturbed other passengers."
Tumango siya sa akin at maya-maya pa ay humikab na siya.
"Let's sleep now, okay? Para may energy bukas si Mama." I said lovingly.
"Okay, Mama. Good night. I love you." Hindi na niya nabuo ang salita dahil humikab na naman siya ulit.
I kissed his cheek one more time and settled him down in my bed.
Pinatay ko na ang ilaw at dinaluhan siya sa higaan. I hugged him from the back, his tiny hands touching my hand hugging him.
"Tito Ejay said that I might meet my father in the Philippines. Totoo po ba iyon?"
Ang antok ko ay biglang nawala sa klase ng tanong niya. Umikot siya at humarap sa akin ng tuluyan, at dahil hindi naman gananong madilim dahil sa lampshade ay kita ko ang lambot sa kanyang mga mata na nakatitig sa akin.
I swallowed hard. Palagi akong kinakabahan kapag may misyon ako pero iba pa rin talaga ang kaba ko kapag nagtatanong na si Luca sa mga ganitong bagay.
"Mama?"
Napakurap-kurap ako at napatikhim ng wala sa oras.
"We-were not sure, Luca." Hindi ko mahanap ang tamang sagot sa tanong niya kahit na ilang beses na niya itong tinanong.
"Why, Mama?" Agaran nitong sunod na tanong.
I am struggling to find the right words for his questions or maybe I just don't want to answer him. Talking about his father wasn't taboo but I always avoided his questions. He doesn't know anything about him except that he knows that he is in the Philippines.
Hinaplos ko ang malambot niyang pisngi habang ang kanyang mga mata ay nakatutok sa akin ng mariin, naghihintay sa posibleng sagot ko.
"Hmmm...we'll see if nakarating na tayo roon, okay?" Palusot ko.
Sumilay ang ngiti sa labi niya. "Okay, Mama."
He closed his eyes while I took a deep breath.
The truth is, I don't have any intention of meeting him and introducing Luca to him. Our situation is very complicated and Mom doesn't even know that Luca is Pierce's son. Akala niya lang ay nabuntis ako rito. Ejay is the only one who knows the truth, even Brianna doesn't know my situation.
My original decision was to let them meet. I thought of it when Luca started asking about his father, probably two years ago. Pero nagbago lahat ng iyon ng may makita ko...when Ejay showed me a picture of Andra with him.
Andra got pregnant one year after I gave birth to Luca...and rumours started circulating that Pierce was the father. But Pierce himself debunked it but he is always seen with them, especially with Andra's child. That changed my decision in an instant.
The three of them looked like a family. And when I had the courage to stalk Andra's social media, Pierce was always present in every event of the family.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko noong una, pero isa lang ang tumatak sa akin, ayaw ko ng magkagulo. I do not want to start a ruckus…epically that they are both seem fine now. He and Andra looked closer than before and it showed, kulang na lang ang kompirmasyon na may relasyon silang dalawa.
If I may conclude based on the images and news that I have read, he acts like the real father to her child...and I don't want Luca to witness those moments. Natatakot ako sa totoo lang.
Ayoko siyang masaktan. I am hurting him now because I do not want him to meet his father. I am crushing his hope basically.... but I know that he will feel greater pain if I let them meet. And I'm just saving him from further pain.
It’s not about my feelings anymore, it is about my son. Kaya ayoko ng magpadalus-dalus sa mga desisyon ko.
“Iho!” I stopped checking my bag when I heard a familiar voice.
Napatingin ako sa harapan ko at nakitang palapit na sa amin si Sir Rudolf.
“Lolo!” Luca exclaimed and ran towards him.
Sir Rudolf carried him and kissed him on the cheeks. Hindi ko maiwasan na mapangiti at kuhanan sila ng litrato.
“Wala na kayong nakalimutan?” Sir Rudolf asked and looked at our luggages.
Umiling ako. “Maayos na po ang lahat.”
“Oh! I forgot something! I forgot Luca's sword.” Ejay suddenly exclaimed, which earned a groan from Luca.
Napaliling na lang ako. He is teasing him again.
“You’re a liar Tito! I saw Mama packed it securely.” Luca corrected him.
Sir Rudolf chuckled. “Good, very good Luca.”
“Dipshit goblin.” Ejay's side commented.
Nagpumiglas si Luca at kusa na itong binaba ni Sir Rudolf. He then started chasing Ejay away.
Narinig ko ang paghalakhak muli ni Sir Rudolf habang kapwa namin tinitingnan ng dalawa na ginawa ng playground ang airport.
“Are you sure you’ll be fine, Liberty?”
Napatingin ako sa kanya sa biglaan niyang pagseseryoso.
I gave him a soft smile and nodded my head. “I am more than fine, Sir.”
Nanatili ang seryoso niyang tingin sa akin. “You can come back here anytime, and the agency will always welcome you with open arms, kayong dalawa ni Ejay.”
Ngumiti ako at niyakap siya ng mahigpit. “Maraming salamat po sa lahat.”
Malaki ang utang ko sa kanilang dalawa ni Ejay. Lalo na ng nagbubuntis ako at kapapanganak ko palang. I wasn’t able to return to my regular physical training after I found out that I am pregnant but they still provided me training and a job with monitoring and online security. I was behind the scenes of every mission.
And after I was able to go back to my normal routine, I had another training and after which, I was deployed and handled missions.
“I just wish you the best and nothing else. Sana huwag mong kalimutan na tumawag o kaya naman pag may oras kayo, bumisita. I wanna see Luca too.”
Muli akong tumango. We bid our goodbyes and after a few minutes, our flight was called. Kinuha na ni Ejay ang mga gamit namin habang si Luca naman ay nanatili pa ring nakayakap kay Sir Rudolf.
His eyes were teary as he let go of him but Sir Rudolf was already crying. Muli ko siyang niyakap at tuluyan ng nagpaalam.
“Remember, Liberty. You deserve more than what you have now…don’t lower your standards ‘cause you deserve much better.”
I bit my lip and nodded my head. Ramdam ko ang pamamasa ng mata ko sa sinabi niya. He might not know what actually happened with my life but I am more than grateful for his advice.
And yes, I know that I deserve better.