Tegan didn't see Ness again until half past two. He was just standing there, looking confused and uncertain. She wondered what was wrong; but reminded herself that his problems were none of her business. If his mental health issues were coming to the fore, her only concern was making sure that he wasn't the target. She absolutely shouldn't think of helping him; that would just be showing him that he could count on her whenever he wanted something in the future. She didn't want to end up as her brother's dogsbody here. But he seemed so helpless... it was hard to believe that this guy was a bully.
She turned around quickly, and walked back towards her previous class. She could get back to the station with a slight detour, and that would avoid any awkward moments. She kept on telling herself that she wasn't responsible for making sure Ness did well in college; that he wasn't her responsibility. But she still couldn't make herself believe it, really. So the only option was to pretend she hadn't seen him.
"Jealous ex?" Declan's voice jolted her out of her thoughts, but she couldn't put two and two together for a moment.
"Huh?"
"Or awkward?" he continued, apparently oblivious to Tegan's confusion. "You just stopped walking, stood there for a second, and did a quick one-eighty. Kinda makes it seem like there's someone you're avoiding. I mean, tell me it's none of my business, I just wondered what kind of girl it takes to make you feel like that. Sorry."
"No, it's fine. It's just... Well, my brother. Stepbrother. I don't want to get mixed up in any more of his nonsense. We've only been living together a few weeks, and he's already..." Tegan hesitated then. While she'd been walking slowly, they were still moving, and there was no chance that Ness could see them now. And maybe a little white lie would be just what she needed to inoculate her friend group against Ness getting involved. Her biggest fear now was that he might try to wedge himself in whatever social circles she could build, and she knew that could only lead to future embarrassment. She needed the people around her to never learn about the pranks she'd been the victim of, and she thought that flipping the story was one clear way of making sure that the two worlds never collided. And the best part of it was that most of the things she needed to say would almost be true. "He's like a baby sometimes. He says he's got mental health problems, but never goes into any details. But like... just last week, I woke up to our dads running around cleaning up because... because... I'll be right back."
She wished she could have finished giving her stepbrother a little embarrassing reputation, but she still wasn't quite sure how much she should say, and how much embellishment the tale could take. And when she was thinking about the things she'd already suffered, she realised that she needed to run to the bathroom pretty urgently. She darted into the nearest building, the Maverick Centre, and looked for a sign with a couple of stick figures on. She was quick walking as she entered the building, but broke into a run when she actually saw the sign. She ran ran into the toilet cubicle, slammed the door behind her, and then immediately lost control. Pee streamed down her legs as she tried desperately to stem the flow, and seconds later all she could do was try not to cry.
She took a deep breath and counted her blessings. She had reached somewhere private before disaster struck; and she was sure that the adjacent stall was empty. There was a puddle around her feet, but it wasn't too big; and once she left the building, she was sure that nobody would notice it before some cleaning staff came in. Nobody was close enough to connect her to this incident. And she was wearing a skirt today, which by some miracle seemed to be unsplashed. Her underpants were soaked, but nobody would see them anyway. Out of all the ways she could have wet herself on her first day at university, this was probably the one that gave her the lowest chance of being discovered.
A part of her wondered if that was deliberate. There was no way she could believe that she'd coincidentally started to lose control immediately after pulling a prank to make everybody think Ness had wet himself. He was doing this to her somehow, whether it was drugs or some method she couldn't even envision, like a bladder-filling raygun or something. And if he was in control, there were so many reasons he could have wanted it to remain secret. Maybe this was just supposed to be a threat; a proof of what he could do so that she would have to obey his demands, and so he didn't want to actually humiliate her. Maybe he was trying to stop his dad from finding out what was going on, so that he wouldn't get in any trouble. Or perhaps he just liked watching her squirm, and didn't care for sharing that thrill with the rest of the world. There was no way she could guess. But one thing was certain: she wasn't just going to take this lying down. She would get him back, and destroy his reputation until there was no chance anyone would talk to him again. This wasn't about some hypothetical bullying now, this was about a very real attempt to humiliate her, and what she could do to shoot him down.
She would have to go for the nuclear option now; of that she was certain. But first, she needed to clean herself up, and to get out of here before Declan started to worry about her. She lifted her skirt up, and checked it for drips. Then she sat down on the toilet, and pulled off her sodden underpants. She hated not having any underwear, but it was better than the fabric clinging to her skin like that. She squeezed the liquid out as much as she could, dabbed them dry with toilet paper from the dispenser, and then wrapped them in another layer of paper before putting them in one of her book bag's side pockets. Her tights were similarly wrapped up, to be washed when she got home. And then she set about cleaning herself up as best she could with just paper. She still felt pretty gross, but she had to hope that nobody else would notice.
Finally Tegan stepped out of the stall, and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked a little dazed, like she couldn't believe what had just happened to her, and in a big way that was true. She was clearly stressed, nervous energy building up to the point that her hands were darting around all over the place, and she realised she was biting her fingernails in her distraction. She didn't want that; but it at least sounded better than admitting that she'd been unthinkingly sucking her thumb. That would just have been weird. It was just displacement activity, some part of her brain short-circuiting in response to a greater than usual sense of pressure. And so long as she stayed focused on what her hands were doing, she would be able to appear completely normal until she got home. That was the only important thing now.
She strode out of the building, ready to head back to the station and go home. But of course, she would need to give Declan some kind of excuse as well. He was still standing out there, and this time he wasn't alone.
"Hi Tegan," Theo waved. "I keep running into you, huh?"
"Hey," Declan said. "I wasn't sure if I should wait for you, and then Theo saw me standing here. Maybe there's only like a dozen real people in the college, and we're going to keep on running into each other for three years."
"Yeah, I think I... I ate something that disagreed with me, perhaps," Tegan said, hoping that would explain the sudden bathroom visit. It was embarrassing, but at least better than the truth. "Think it's all better now, so nothing more to worry about."
"Oh, that sounds bad," Theo said, and her face showed nothing but genuine concern. "Maybe you should see a doctor or something. Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine," Tegan answered. "I should head home, anyway. What are you guys up to? Any more classes today?"
"No, I'm just killing time I think," Declan gave a shrug. "One of the guys on my course was talking about meeting up later, but that's not for hours."
"You could come with me if you've not got any better plans," Theo offered. "I'm off to the Mercer Centre to shop birthday presents for my nephew. You got any idea what kind of things to get a four-year-old who wants to be a mad scientist? I thought about getting him a chemistry set or something, but that's sure to drive my sister nuts."
"Sounds like a win-win," Declan laughed. "I don't know much about kids, but I know a bit about science, and I'm sure I could help you pick something that might inspire him. The Mercer Centre's the big mall outside Konigsville, right? Is there time to get there and back before seven?"
"It's like twenty minutes on the train," Tegan answered without thinking. "It's on my way home. Well, Mercer Interchange, they say. But there's signs all over the platform that say which way to go for the shops, so I guess that's the same place."
"We'll give it a try then," Theo said, and smiled. "You want to sit together? I mean... if you're going home now, it's convenient, right?"
So ten minutes later they were back on the train, chatting in the same chaotic fashion as at the coffee shop. Tegan would almost have been tempted to go with them on their little expedition and to keep chatting, but she was acutely aware that she was in need of a shower, even if nobody else could tell, and also that there was no underwear under her skirt. She needed to get home as soon as possible, and that little detail kept on demanding her attention, never quite letting her immerse herself in the chatter. But there was one topic of conversation that managed to cut through the fugue state, and which she would be thinking about for quite some time.
"So what's your band called?" Declan asked. The comment was inspired by something Theo had just said, but it was enough of a tangent that it may as well have come out of the blue. And it was clear that he was talking to Tegan now, maybe trying to draw her back into the situation when she'd started spacing out.
"Band?"
"You're a musician," he said with a shrug. "The music students I knew in high school all had bands. I mean, if you really want to play, it's one career that you can just start doing. No need for graduation or qualifications."
"That's true," Theo said. "I know a few music guys, and they all want to perform. For most of them, wanting to be in a band comes before choosing to study it properly. I mean, one of Britney's friends came round to fix our lights over summer, the landlord would have taken weeks. And this Dean guy says he's desperate to get out because his neighbour practises at all hours. Won't stop asking anyone and everyone if they know a band that needs a piper."
"Piper?" Declan answered, seeming a little confused. "Like, pan pipes kind of thing? Or is that a general name for someone who plays wind instruments?"
"Bagpipes," Theo filled in with a laugh. "I doubt anybody's looking for one, especially not as the guy's a metalhead. But the three of us had a big laugh about it. It's like a common experience that everybody into music either is trying to start a band, or is trying to join one. You're not?"
"I never really..." Tegan started to answer, and then a little something clicked at the back of her mind. "I guess I didn't think about it. I love music, it's fascinating to study. For me it was never about the life of a musician, the roar of the crowd, or the opportunity for fame. It was always about those notes on the page, and wanting to understand them better."
"Real artist," Declan said. "Ever thought about joining a band, though? Would you, if someone asked?"
"Never crossed my mind," Tegan answered. And she knew she was being honest, but there was another truth that she felt she needed to share. "But you know what? Now you put the idea in my head, I know I'm not going to be able to shake it off. So, yeah. Maybe I'll try to put a band together, ask some guys on my course. It sounds crazy, but once you ask it just seemed like an obvious thing to do. Is that weird?"
"Not at all. You gotta do what you gotta do. If it inspires you, then go for it!"
They didn't say much more about the thought, and a couple of minutes later the other two were disembarking at Mercer Interchange. But Tegan already knew that this conversation was going to change the shape of her life going forward.
Just as soon as she had her revenge on the monster who had become her stepbrother.