WEST'S POV*
"Hoy! Birthday na birthday nung isa nag mumukmok ka diyan na parang bata," inis na tugon ni Kaede habang hinahaltak paa ko para bumangon ako sa kama.
I suddenly lost all the energy I had when the day started.
"West Sullivan!"
"Ano na?"
Pangungulit ni Kaede na di ko naman sinagot.
I kept my face buried on my pillow and remained motionless, and stayed quiet.
"Masama pakiramdam ko."
"Ang random mo naman, naka apak ka ba ng nuno sa punso sa labas?"
"Siguro."
Even wala naman ako naapakan, it's the same thing. Minalas ako.
After a while, she just heaved a sigh.
Ilang saglit pa narinig ko bumukas at sara pinto ko, indicating Kaede already had left.
Umayos naman ako ng higa and stared at my ceiling out of the blue.
Halo halo kasi nararamdaman ko, I don't know alin uunahin ko.
I was busy overthinking life nang mag ring naman cellphone ko. Naiinis pa ako kaya di ko pinansin, but it kept on ringing kaya sinagot ko na.
Lalo lang ako nabwisit nang makita ko caller id.
It was Art.
"The fuck you need?"
"Ang aga ang sungit mo."
"Kung wala kang sasabihin, ibaba ko na-"
"About sa deal"
Agad naman sumeryoso mukha ko.
"What."
"I need you tonight to show up sa bahay, my parents are expecting you there." Art
Napahilamos naman ako sa mukha at bahagyang napasabunot sa buhok.
"I already gave you a headsup na di ako available specifically sa araw na ito, Art"
"Love, please?"
"Cut the bullshit, alam nating dalawa na ayaw kong tinatawag mo ako niyan"
"Hahahaha, kalma, biro lang. Just show up, please"
I remained quiet, ayaw ko magsalita, plus, wala ako maisip.
I'm still numb from earlier.
Pero wala naman ako masisi kasi kasalanan ko naman talaga.
Even gustuhin ko man gawin, mas pinili kong huwag magsalita.
Mahabang katahimikan ang namayani saming dalawa.
Sinusulyap sulyapan ko pa screen ng cellphone ko to make sure na hindi nag drop yung tawag.
After a while, I could hear him laughing then let out a sigh.
"West, kahit ako ayaw ko rin. My own relationship, my happiness is at the stake here too. Wala tayo magagawa kasi eto kagustuhan ng pamilya natin." he explained.
He's got a point. And it irritates me kasi tama naman sya.
Kung tutuusin, wala sa plano namin ang lahat ng ito.
As a matter of fact, hindi ko kilala si Art until the day maging kami.
Sounds complicated cause it is.
"I can't come. Birthday ni Cyrie."
"Are you really going to turn down my parents?"
"So what? Hindi naman talaga tayo, why do I have to impress them, hindi ka ba napapagod mag sinungaling sakanila?"
"West, hear me out. Kahit ako hindi gusto na inaagaw ka sa oras niyo ni Cyrie-"
"That's the fucking point, Art! Masyado na naubos oras ko sayo at sa letcheng kasunduan na iyan, ni hindi ko namalayan nawawalan na ako ng oras kay Cyrie!" bulyaw ko naman sa phone.
"I didn't even notice she was falling for someone else...."
"I know you love her... too much to the point you even agreed to do this. Wala rin ako magawa, West."
Natahimik nalang ako, reflecting on everything.
Nakakainis, lagi nalang syang tama.
Diba dapat ako yun?
Babae ako eh.
I took a couple of deep breathes to finally calm myself down. Habang nakahawak sa sintido ko, I calmly asked him.
"I can't come. Give me this one time, Art."
"But-"
"Let me at least celebrate the birthday of the girl I love."
Di ko alam kung dati bang baliw lalaki na 'to, he just kept on laughing. But aside from that, he finally gave up convincing me and hung up.
Napatingin naman ako sa pinto at akmang babangon na nang bigla pumasok si Reiven.
She's wearing a big smile.
I smiled back.
But God knows how bitter I am inside.
"Good mood?"
"I have a chika," she started, then shut the door behind her bago umupo sa tabi ko.
Di muna ako umimik and let her start.
"So.... you know that girl na kasama ko last time sa SM?"
"Yeah, what about her?" I asked as if I don't know anything.
Basing on how she speaks and how her eyes shines, she looks really happy.
And somewhat, knowing na ibang tao rason ng mga ngiti nya ngayon, feels like a car crashed full speed onto my chest.
Pero of course, I have no rights to complain.
Ako naman itong di umamin nang maaga while I had the chance.
Natatakot lang din siguro ako na Reiven doesn't see me the way I do.
Okay, we all know here na may mga nangyayari samin ni Reiven. And we've done it a couple of times already, yet, we never really put any meaning into it.
"Huy!" Reiven called me making me snap back into reality.
I just frowned at her.
"I said. Kanina she dropped by, she gave me her gift and.."
"And?"
"She asked me to be her girlfriend." she said smiling.
Napahawak naman ako sa ilong ko when I felt something drop on my hand.
Akala ko pawis, laway pala shit.
"What did you say?" I asked unbothered bago ako tumayo para dumampot ng tissue.
I have my pokerface on. She can't know im affected.
That would be weird.
Kadiri naman itong bunganga ko, akala mo naman may butas. Bigla tumutulo laway eh.
She sighed heavily bago pabagsak na humiga sa kama ko and casually grabbed one of my pillows before burying her face on it.
"You told me, never commit in a relationship lalo't di ka pa handa." she muttered under the pillow.
"Continue?"
"I have something I never told you," Reiven started making me slightly stop sa ginagawa ko.
I cleared my throat and asked her to continue what she was saying.
She took the pillow off of her face and sat up before looking at me.
Somehow, I saw a hint of sadness in her na nawala rin naman agad.
Nagiging delusional na ba'ko?
"So, I had a feeling for this someone.... for years already," she said.
It caught my attention.
How come I have never heard of it?
She then chuckled, making me raise my brows in confusion.
"Curious?"
"Yeah. How come wala kang sinasabi sakin?"
"Well, for some things, we need to keep secrets from people, even those who are closest to you," she said smiling.
She's been smiling frequently these days, pansin ko lang.
Lalo naman ngayon.
Di ko alam if dahil sa birthday nya ngayon, or dahil dun sa babae.
Anyways, ayaw ko na isipin yan.
I just rolled my eyes at her na tinawanan nya lang.
"You admired someone for years? so ano connect nun sa confession nung babae na sinasabi mo?" I asked nang makaupo na ako sa tabi nya.
She then laughed softly, but bitterly.
Curious na curious na tuloy ako.
Who was that person? what type of person is she or he?
And come to think of it, she emphasized the word 'years'.
It tickles my curiosity kung sino yun for Reiven to admire that person for so long.
Kasi sa pagkakakilala ko sakanya, madali magsawa.
Take the girls na inuuwi nya as an example.
Madalas pa namin pag awayan yun.
Not because I feel weird pag ginagawa nya yun.
Not because tutol din ako or what, she's old enough so bahala sya sa gagawin nya.
Kaya ako nagagalit is, di natin alam if may STD inuuwi nya.
And well, maybe..
I get a little jealous.
Pake alam nyo?
Dinaig pa kasi lalaking manyakis eh. Buti nga nabawasbawasan ngayon eh.
Nung mga nakaraan kasi, siguro nakaka apat na babae yun sa isang linggo.
It suddenly made me think.
Dahil kaya dun sa babae?
Aish.
Ano pa ba di ko alam tungkol sa tao na ito?
Bukod kasi sa mysterious talaga siya inside out, bihira lang siya mag open up sakin. So I actually cherish times like this.
Pag nagkekwento sya, I make sure that I listen kasi once in a blue moon nya lang gawin.
Bukambibig nya kasi na, her problems are much more minimal kesa naman sa mga iniisip ko.
Di nya lang alam isa sya sa problema ko lalo pag di sya nagsasabi sakin.
"At first I thought it was just a simple attachment. Nasanay lang ako na andyan sya." she said.
Is it someone I know maybe? Baka isa sa kaibigan nya?
Dang, di ko expect na possible rin pala sya ma-fall sa kaibigan, akala ko kasi 'friends-to-lovers' troupe hater sya.
"That person made me really happy and all sorts of things. Andyan sya palagi. That person was so amazing." kwento nya while looking outside my room window.
Nakisilip naman ako.
Malay mo may nakikita sya na di ko nakikita.
"Then what I thought was just a simple attachment turned into something deeper. Di ko nalang nga pinansin cause I might be infatuated knowing na for a fact, we're really close."
Okay, confirmed. Kaibigan nya nga.
Isa kaya sa andito?
Or maybe, di ko pa nakikilala.
"So ano ba connect nyan?"
"I realized na.... I already loved her."
Ah, babae pala. Kala ko nagkaroon sya ng straight phase.
Baka lang naman.
Nanatili lang akong tahimik and is waiting for her to finish.
As I looked into her, the sadness really was evident.
"It's funny lang, kasi out of all people, akalain mo yun? sya pa talaga nagustuhan ko." she said laughing.
Nangangati man ako itanong kung sino yun, I was hesitant for some reason din.
"It went on like that, never had the chance to tell her how I feel. Until now, that person is still clueless. I've loved her for years now, but I know na malabo magkaron ng kami, and I realized na at some point, I have to get over her."
I felt like parang may kumurot sa puso ko.
Damn, magkasama kami ni Reiven sa bahay all this time.
But somehow, we're both clueless na same pala kami ng situation.
Ang gulo talaga ng mundo.
I just observed her gently. Her eyes was watering.
It made me panic internally, but somehow may pumipigil talaga sakin na yakapin sya.
I don't know, perhaps, guilt?
Pero saan naman ako magi-guilty, diba?
"I loved her too much that it hurt so bad seeing her taken away." she said.
"Did... she die?.."
"Heck, no! she just got into a relationship. Edi lalo ako nawalan ng pag-asa."
I laughed a little making her look at me confused.
"What are you laughing about?"
"Natatawa lang sa sarili ko."
"Huh?"
"I don't know, natatawa lang ako kasi parang binubulong ng utak ko na ako yang tinutukoy mo, pero syempre malabo naman yun, bestfriends lang naman tayo diba." I said while laughing.
She just nodded and gave me a timid smile.
Eh?
Did I offend her?
"Excuse me, we've got guests sa baba. Sumunod ka na mamaya, we'll be drinking for a while." she said before standing up and walking to the door.
But before she left, she turned to me with a bitter smile.
"Westy, sana tama ginawa kong desisyon. I hope I finally get over that person now that I gave my attention to someone who really likes me and is willing to make way to make us possible." she stated.
Di naman ako nakaimik, cause it felt like directed sakin yun.
Aish! Impossible naman.
"Anyways. I'd want you to meet my girlfriend later." tugon nya bago lumabas.
Ay.
Sila na pala?
Bakit ba ako na shock, di nga pala uso ligawan sa ibang wlw relationships.
I felt my ears and throat burn up.
Ewan ano yung masakit.
The sadness in her eyes as she said na sana tama desisyon nya or when she said 'girlfriend'.
Is this how she felt nung maging taken yung taong gusto nya?
Cause if oo.
Damn, I get why she's so moody.
Masakit eh.