A/N:
So I want to thank you guys for sticking with this story from start to finish and since I've already shared so much of this story with you, I think it's only right that you see how it all actually ends. So, fasten your seat belts my dear readers, because this ride is about to get rough ;)
I'm not sure if there will be any, but to stay true to previous updates: any bold lines will represent Jay writing in his journal, and any italicized will represent a flashback of past events.
..........
I looked out the window at the night sky, not a thought in my mind. Graduation had come and gone and now it was all over. High school had officially ended for me and I'm going to head to college in the Fall. Wow...that sounds weird.
What's even weirder is the fact that I'll have a clean slate. Hardly any of my friends were going to the same college as me, so it would be like starting over...in a way. "Promise me you'll always remember that we're under the same sky." The words flowed through my mind as they always seemed to. What? I can't help that I actually keep my promises.
I glance over at Sunny, her expression blank as she drove to nowhere in particular. It was nights like this, nights where we didn't have anywhere to be or anything to do, that made me happy. Who needs a boyfriend anyways? It's summer, I'm supposed to be having the time of my life, so why can't I just let it all go?
As if to answer my question, my phone buzzed in my lap with a new message. I had to do a triple take when I saw the number on my screen. "Hey man, now that we're both graduated and shit, why don't we hang out and celebrate? I haven't seen you in forever and I wanna give you a grad gift!"
I sighed. I had to go, I needed to go. My heart wouldn't let me ignore anything at this point, throwing itself into any opportunity to remember how I felt...how it felt to be with him.
.................
I hopped out of my car to find a blonde man smiling at me with pearly white teeth. "Dude, I haven't seen your short ass in far too long!" He pulled me into an over-dramatic hug while laughing like an idiot.
"It's nice to see you too, Kyle." I chuckled. How could I not be happy around him? We had always had a good time together, and even if I hadn't seen him in months that didn't really matter I guess. He would always be the same guy that just wanted to party until his pants fell off, literally.
"So, how've you been? How's it feel to be out of high school and on your way to the big leagues?" He wiggled his eyebrows and flashed me another bright smile. I leaned back against my car and shook my head, gazing back up at the night sky.
"It feels good...I feel good, ya know? I'm finally over everything that happened and moving on with my life and all, so...what?" I backtracked when I saw him biting his lip and shooting a nervous glance over his shoulder.
"Oh it's nothing, I just thought I heard a deer or something. Sons of bitches scare me with their hooves and shit-hey! Let me get you your present!" I looked him over carefully, not sure where his sudden mood change had come from, but decided it was worth ignoring. Reading too far into things had already caused me too many problems in the past.
I watched as Kyle pulled a six pack of beer out of his back seat with a smile that could only be described as forced. He was up to something, but he was giving me beer, so did it really matter? I graciously accepted his gift, sliding it into the trunk of my car with a few sarcastic comments about how great of a role model he was being.
Kyle just laughed nervously, glancing around once again before biting his lip and looking back to me. Before I could ask what was going on, though, I heard a car on the road coming towards us. I arched an eyebrow and looked down the road at the approaching car.
"I kinda have one more gift for you," Kyle gave me a guilty smile. My heart started pounding in my chest for some reason, my palms becoming sweaty and clenching into fists at my sides. Two doors opened, but that was the only movement. Everything froze. Derek was practically scowling at me as he got out of the passenger side of the silver corvette. And the other man...he was...it was...
"Ryan." His name fell off my lips as an inaudible whisper, my eyes simply staring, my mind blank.
"Hey." That was all he said from his position in front of his car. When the world came crashing back into me, when everything finally came together and I connected the dots my eyes tore themselves away from the beautiful man before me and to Kyle. He was smiling like an idiot, thinking he had done me a favor. The only problem was...he didn't.
"Are you serious?" The initial stun and awe from seeing Ryan again faded after that sentence. "You-you-" I was furious, angry, enraged, but made the realization that even though Kyle had gotten me here, it wasn't really his fault. "No," my gaze shifted back to Ryan, "you."
His eyes grew wide, his hands raised up in defense, and his mouth opened as if he were about to speak.
"No, you don't get to speak. You aren't even supposed to be here. You aren't supposed to be in this country. You aren't supposed to-" my voice cracked as angry tears began to blur my vision, threatening to spill out. "You have hurt me in EVERY way possible, and you want me to let you back in? You want me to forgive and forget and pretend like nothing has happened? It HAPPENED Ryan. You cheated with me, you cheated on me, you left me without telling me why, YOU left ME. You don't get to come back acting like my knight in shining armor. You don't get to pretend like everything is okay just because you've spent five months having the time of your life without me! You don't get to! You don't-" I shook my head.
"Jay-just-please don't go." He tried to reach out to me. Instinctively, I smacked his hand away. I couldn't let him back in. I've said all of these things to him before, but this time needed to be the last time. I had to save me from myself.
Without another word I got in my car, cranked the engine, and drove away. I didn't look into the rear view mirror to see if he was still standing there or not, I just kept driving.
...............
I spent a few hours like that, driving around town trying to force any and all thoughts out of my head. I ended up at the tennis courts, just sitting there, thinking, when my phone went off again. Ryan was asking me to meet him, just him, so we could talk. It wasn't about "us" though. He knew that we were no longer a possibility, everyone did. So why couldn't he just leave things the way they were?
Because he's Ryan...and Ryan doesn't like to end anything on a bad note. I sighed, giving into the temptation fully aware that I would end up regretting this at some point in my life, but not caring. I'd been hurt enough times already to know how to make a quick recovery...hopefully.
............
Ryan was leaned up against his car, the moonlight reflecting off it like a giant mirror. His eyes were on me, even as I sat in my car mentally preparing myself for this, he was watching. I couldn't tell what it was he was thinking anymore, the Ryan I had known was gone, or at least most of him was.
"It's a beautiful night," I said, leaning against my own car and looking up to the sky.
"It is." His eyes followed mine up to the stars and we stood there in silence for a minute.
"You know I kept my promise," I chuckled and scratched the back of my head. "After everything we've been through, I still keep it." I muttered the last part more to myself than to him, but he heard it all the same.
"I know...you never break promises..." he trailed off, staring at the ground between us.
"I broke one once," I nodded to myself. "And I learned my lesson."
"What lesson?" I looked up at him, a sad smile on my face.
"Trust."
"You don't trust me, do you?" I shook my head slowly and he nodded, staring at the ground again. "I know." Another silence took over the air between us. It was kind of comfortable, like the days back when we-no. Not like those days. "I know you don't want me in your life anymore, Jay." My eyes locked with his, my determination wavering as I saw the pain and brokenness in his eyes. "But I need you."
"Ryan," I sighed and took a few steps towards him, my hands shoved deep in my pockets. "I do want you in my life. I've always wanted you in my life." A small hope began to grow in his eyes. "That's been my problem for almost the past year. Do you understand that?" The hope faded just as quickly as it appeared. "All I've wanted is my happily ever after with you for so long, but that's not part of our story. No matter how I try to rewrite it, there's no way for us to be together anymore. We aren't supposed to ride off into the sunset. We're that sad couple that falls apart at the end of the novel even when everything seems so perfect and like everything will be okay, we will...and I can't take anymore of it."
"I'm sorry." He whispered, eyes down once again. I closed the distance between us, tilting his head up to look me in the eyes.
"It's not your fault," I gave him a soft smile. "We're just not good for each other anymore." He took a deep breath, his brown orbs locked onto my face with no signs of looking away.
"I want you in my life."
"Ryan-"
"Even if that means we're just friends." He was begging me with his eyes, pleading for me to not leave the way he left me. I only knew the look because I saw in my own eyes the night he fled my house without looking back. "Please." His hands were on my arms, holding onto me as if I were the only thing keeping him from drifting away. I bit my lip and sighed.
"Okay." His arms encircled me, pulling me flush against his warm chest. If I just closed my eyes, let my arms wrap around his neck, and breath, I could forget it all. I could let go of all the pain and the hurt. I could find my happily ever after right here in these arms with this man. But I didn't. And I wouldn't.
"I love you Jay." Ryan's whisper was on the verge of tears as it hit my ear. I pat him on the back, trying to think of how to respond when I pulled back to look up at his face. Without another thought in my mind, it just happened.
My lips pressed against his. It was a tender kiss, one without much meaning other than a sense of parting...a goodbye kiss.
"I will always love you Ryan." I pulled away from him though, a sad smile lifting the corners of my mouth.
"Seriously?!" I glanced over to see Derek coming out of practically nowhere. Moment over. "Can you just stop fucking with his feelings already?" It took me a second to understand that he was yelling at me. I just gave him a small laugh and scratched the back of my had.
I wasn't in the mood to fight with Derek today. He was moving away next week, so it didn't really matter what he thought of me I guess. But, just like Ryan wasn't who he used to be, Derek wasn't either. He made his way towards me with anger on his face and insults spewing from his mouth.
"You pathetic little brat, why don't you take your gold digging ass somewhere that someone might actually like you instead of putting up with your shit and pretending to not hate your insecure, immature-" That's as far as he got before he was on the ground. Ryan was glaring down at him, hands in fists, one of which had just hit Derek in the face.
I took a deep breath, turning around and walking to my car as the two of them continued to yell at each other. My eyes wandered up to the sky, wondering whether I would ever forget my promise. Friends...maybe this could work...maybe.
........
A/N:
Hope you enjoyed Part 1, two more coming soon-ish! If you did enjoy it, feel free to leave a comment or a vote or both!! xx
-Tay