I keep having bad dreams. Bad dreams about something bad happening. It's always in one particular spot. Me crouched down, holding something in my arms as it digs into my skin, but why won't i let go? It's almost as if the thing that's causing me harm... I can't let it go. I can't lose it. Why would i feel sorry for something that wants to harm me? It doesn't matter anyway.
It's just a dream.
Everyone calls me nightcat. It's a cool name and all but maggie always tells me that i remind her of the night sky, and my eyes are like the moon. That makes me feel confident. It makes me feel proud of myself- proud as if i could do anything. I may be physically weak and slow, but i guess my brains aren't too shabby.
When I'd hold Maggie's hand when i got scared, sometimes I'd feel her tremble and shake. I always thought it was because maybe she was scared too or even worried. Maybe she was cold or just got one of those shivers down her spine... But she does it all the time. All the time where i start to worry.
But yet i remind myself that it's just how she is and nothing is wrong.. i never really understood why maggie had so many scars and missing limbs until survivor sat me down in private and told me everything in a lighthearted way- but I don't need it lighthearted! I hate it when people talk to me like I'm a stupid kid! Which I'm not. I'm not small anymore and I'm not stupid either. I'm happy with who i am, but..
I wonder if those around me ever feel the same. Do they ever realise it? That they're loved and wanted? What's tugging at their heart that's making them sad? I guess i could never really know... I just feel this urge to help the ones i love and my heart aches when i can't. I feel useless.
I look down at my arm and narrow my eyes. What am i kidding? Having just one arm is awesome. It makes me the odd one out, and i don't wanna be a normie.
But before survivor, hunter and maggie left, i noticed her beginning to cough... It started when we first got back to the tree.. i hope she's okay...
Maybe soon she'll find peace. No more coughing or pain. No more heavy weight from the past.