Noelle.
I embraced Logan in a hug after he put Leilani in the car, we were finally home after such a roller coaster of emotions that only lasted for a weekend, though it felt like so much longer than that. Jeremiah now knew about Leilani, I finally got to meet Ayva's now husband, and he's now Leilani's uncle on both sides of her family, one through blood, one through marriage, what are the odds of that?
Aria always said that my life could be a book or a lifetime movie, I always laughed, but now this shit is becoming too serious and I just might get my life published somehow, though I'm no good at writing, it was never my strong suit, so I just stuck to photography. I sighed after I slid into Logan's car as he closed the door after me, lugged our bags to the trunk, and got in the drivers seat.
I leaned my head back on the seat and he locked eyes with me, a small smile on his pink lips, "Was this one a long trip?" He asked, eyebrows raised. I sighed, then chuckled, amused by his downplay, if only he knew, "That's a huge an understatement" I whispered. He smiled at me weakly then placed his right hand on my thigh, squeezing gently for comfort, before putting the car in drive and pulling off.
"Are you guys hungry?" He asked, changing the subject, assumably to lighten my mood as he looked at me then at Leilani through the rear view mirror. I was tired, mentally and physically, to the point where I didn't even realize I was hungry. I turned my head to look at him then turned around to look at Leilani, "Are you hungry, baby?" I asked. She looked from the window then to me, "No" she shook her head. "Do you want anything to drink?" I asked, eyebrows raised.
She stared at me, her eyes looking a little puffy, "I'm okay" she spoke softly. Since boarding the plane and right before take off, even hours before that when we were at Jeremiah's house, Lani was asleep. I don't know if she was on a sugar high from the skittles and Lemonade she had when she was at her dads and then she crashed, or if she was potentially getting sick. She rarely ever gets sick, her immune system is fairly strong, she takes vitamins daily and is always caught up on her vaccines, but we have been traveling recently which she's never done before, but I guess we'll see by later on tonight if she's okay.
I decided on not eating cause I was ready to just go home and lay in my own bed in what felt like a week. Logan understood and continued driving, "How was your weekend?" I asked him. He grinned at me, turning his head slightly to look at me every chance he got, making me smile, "It was good, did some shopping for more healthy food recipes that I found. Did some organizing and some cleaning, I worked every day since you've been gone, just little shit really" he replied happily, making me smile at his white man-ness.
"Are you getting settled into your apartment nicely?" I asked. "Yeah, for sure. The walls are still a little bare but I found some good furniture over the past few days, little shit besides my couch, but it's a work in progress. How was your weekend?" He asked, still glancing at me. I shrugged, playing it off, my head turning to stare out the windshield window, "It was okay, just long. The wedding went well, everything was so beautiful, I'll have to show you all the pictures later. Lani also got to spend some alone time with my grandparents overnight which was also fun for her, it was a good little family visit, just felt dragged out" I replied, a smile on my face, making sure to tell him only what I wanted him to know. No use in babbling all my business out when I don't know if Logan's gonna be a for sure in my life as of right now.
He glanced at me, nodding his head slowly, probably sensing that I wasn't telling him the full truth, as his lips formed into a smirk, causing me to accidentally giggle. He looked at me with wide eyes then laughed, making me laugh, "Did you just... giggle?" He asked. I scrunched up my face, gently pushing his right arm that he was steering with, "No? I'm a grown ass woman, I don't giggle, I chuckled" I denied him, knowing damn well I giggled, but it was uncontrollable.
Y'all remember how I told y'all everything embarrass me? Yeah, this one of them moments. At this point, I might as well had have farted in front of the nigga, that would be less embarrassing than giggling like a literal child. The fact that he pointed it out made it worse. If I was his color, I know for sure I'd be bright red right now, imagine that shit. He laughed at my denial, "Shut up, Logan, I didn't" I tried to seem upset, but I couldn't even be mad at the sight of his goofy, wide ass grin.
The fact that he didn't care that I was 'upset' made me laugh, cause why you not upset at the fact that you made me upset? You should be on your knees kissing my ass telling me you sorry. "Logan, apologize for accusing me of giggling" I spoke, feigning sorrow, that made him laugh harder, "Noelle, don't act like my white ass don't be having you kicking your feet and giggling when we texting" he grinned, still driving, making me let out a full belly laugh at his words. He was so sure of himself, and it pissed me off cause he was partially right.
I don't necessarily kick my feet, per se, but I most definitely be grinning from ear to ear when I see his name pop up on my phone. But is that his business? Ion know if it's cause I ain't talked to a man since I was in college, or if it was because I genuinely liked him, but I tend to always fall for guys with a good sense of humor who give me attention, at least the younger me did, apparently that's something that I might still need to work on, especially with getting back into the dating scene with a child.
I can't have just anybody around Leilani. While I do have the gift of discerning of spirits from the Holy Spirit, it helps for me to just avoid people in general at all costs cause people be having some crazy ass spirits on them now a days. Logan's spirit was pure from the moment I met him, he just a white man who be white manning, and I fuck with it, no blaccent, he doesn't use AAVE, he doesn't give me a sketchy vibe or anything like that, and since he met me while I was out with my child, I allow him to be around her.
She'd never said anything about not liking Logan, the few times that she's been around him she's been kind and actually holds a conversation with him, and if Leilani doesn't like someone, I'd be able to see it all over her face and body language. She once came to work with me and the woman that I was photographing was a new client, she definitely had some type of spirit on her that didn't agree with my spirit nor Leilani's spirit and Lani kept asking me when my shoot with her would be over.
She stayed by my side during the whole shoot, never out of my line of sight, when normally she likes being under my assistant, Erica, when she's at my shoots with me. I asked her why she didn't go with Erica during the shoot and she said it was cause she wanted to make sure I was okay cause that lady was being rude. It was at that moment that I knew that children know more than we know, they are very observant and pick up on everything. My child is a heavily protected individual, I pray over her day in and day out, every couple of hours every day. I pray without ceasing on her behalf any chance I get, especially when she isn't in my presence.
"Did you miss me while I was gone? How did you cope being away from your only friend for four wholeee days?" I asked, dragging out my words dramatically, making him crack a smile and chuckle, "I actually did miss you. I tried not to text you so you could enjoy your time with your family" he confessed, making me crack a smile at his words. I reached for his hands, being dramatic, "Awwwww, really?" I cooed, making him let out a full belly laugh, "Yeah yeah, don't make it into a thing. Silly ass" he laughed back, letting me take his arm and drop it repeatedly into my own hand as he steered with the left one.
Any time that I spend with Logan makes me forget about everything else that's going on in my life. I forgot how it felt to have a guy friend to laugh and joke around with. We're not exactly the best of friends but not exactly dating, a perfect medium was what our relationship was, and it was extremely refreshing to have. To have somebody to call just to come over and decompress with.
————————
I carried my sleeping Nani into the house, Logan following behind me with our bags, as I laid my child in her bed then covered her, pressing my palm to her forehead that was a little warm, but not warm enough for me to check her temperature just yet. I made my way back down the few sets of stairs, making sure to leave Lani's door open, and saw Logan standing near the front door, dropping one of our duffle bags to the floor.
I watched him, hands on my hips as I leaned against the counter of the kitchen island. His eyes locked with mine and he broke out into a smile as I tapped the bar stool at the island closest to me and with no hesitation, he made his way over, sitting down at the tall stool. "Do you have any plans?" I asked, leaning across from him over the island counter, his hand finding mine. We both watched our hands as he interlocked our fingers gently, "Nope" he spoke simply, making my eyes move back up to his. He was already looking at me, which made me smile, "You wanna stay a little longer?" I beamed, hoping he'd say yes.
He looked at me thoughtfully before standing up, his hand still locked with mine as he came closer to me. He looked like he was thinking of his answer, "Sure, but only if you admit that I be having you kicking your feet and giggling" he smiled down at me, standing almost chest to chest with me as I looked up at him, my smile dropped instantly, "Get out" I spoke sternly causing him to let out a full belly laugh before wrapping his arms around me in a hug.
"Hug me back" he mumbled, arms wrapped around my waist, his head buried in the crook of my neck as I laughed at the sensation of his head hairs tickling my jawline and neck. My arms wrapped around his neck in a hug as my body melted into his. He lifted one of my thighs as I jumped into his arms, one of his arms holding me up by my waist and the other by my thigh, "To the couch" I demanded, pointing my finger to it as he chuckled at my words. He walked over to the couch and sat me down before sitting next to me as I grabbed the remote and clicked the tv on.
As I controlled the tv, I could feel him looking at me, making me smile. From the corner of my eye I could see his smile that matched mine, "I know you white but I'm sure your mama taught you that it's rude to stare, Logan" I joked, turning my head to look at him, the remote still in my hand. He let out a full belly laugh, "How you know I'm only white, Noelle?" He asked, leaning his head back on the couch but still staring at the side of my face, manspread, a hand in his hoodie pocket.
I sat back on the couch and turned my body to face his, "If you open your mouth and say you 3% black, ima have to hit you in the head" I joked, making him shake his head and laugh, "I'm actually Guyanese and Chinese, and my mom is English" He informed me. My mouth parted a little, "English? As in, London? UK?" He questioned.
An amused smile played on his lips, making me not believe him, as he shook his head, "Shut up, I don't believe you" I turned my head back to look at the tv. "I'm serious" he chuckled. I turned my head back to him, "So you were born in the Uk?" I interrogated, an unconvinced eyebrow raised. He let out a chuckle, "Yeah" he replied.
I threw up a dismissive hand at him with a laugh, going back to the tv as he grabbed it gently, making me look back at him as he leaned on the couch over to me, his phone in his other hand, his free one still holding mine as he put the phone on speaker and the voice on the other line cut through, "Yes, Logan?" The voice said, a UK accent as he looked up at me with a smirk and I read his phone. The name read "Mum" with a queen emoji and a heart emoji. "Yeah, I just wanted to check on you and see how you're doing, you good?" He asked, but this time not in the voice that I know of Logan's, but with an accent.
My hand flew to my mouth, making him chuckle, his mom laughed softly, "You already checked on me today, I'm no different than I was 4 hours ago, hun" his mom spoke. His eyes never left mine as he spoke to his mom, an amused smile on his face, showing his pearly whites, "Okay, just wanted to be sure, love you" he replied, waiting for a reply from his mom, and when getting one, he hung up before letting out a full belly laugh at my reaction.
I slapped his arm, "Why did you bother your poor mama just to prove a point" I laughed. "Cause you wasn't believing me, I had to clear my name" he responded, blocking himself from my gentle slap. "So how do you have such a good American-" I was cut off by the sound of my phone ringing.
I looked around for it before finding it stuffed in the cushions of the couch. Looking down, I saw my brothers name flash across my screen before I pressed the lock button, silencing the call. Logan's eyes met w mine again before he smiled softly, "You gonna get that?" He asked. "Don't start the jealously bit, it's my brother" I nudged him as he lifted in his shoulders about to protest when another call came through, Jeremiah.
I stared down at my phone before Logan spoke, "Is that your brother too?" He asked, letting out a chuckle. "No, actually. That's my baby daddy" I replied. He could sense the seriousness in my voice and on my face, "You should answer" he spoke. I looked back down before sliding the button and answering, putting the phone on speaker, "Hello?" I spoke, cutting my eyes to Logan as he stayed in his position then pulled out his phone.
"Hey, Keith called you, I wanted your permission to get Lani's ICloud to her IPad so I can have direct contact to her but you ain't answer." He replied. "She's your child too, you don't need permission, Jeremiah, of course you can have it. She's asleep now though, the best times to call would be before she goes to school at 9:00 or when she gets out at around 2:45. She normally had her iPad in the car when I go to pick her up" I replied. Logan shuffled a little, not seeming exactly uncomfortable, but not exactly comfortable but his eyes never left his phone.
"Aight, bet. I also wanted to talk more about her birthday party. I ain't gon lie, I'm excited. How much you want me to send for the venue and everything?" He asked, beaming through the phone, shuffling but sitting at one of the bar stools at his island and setting his phone up, I could see his living room behind him through the camera. Logan cleared his throat softly, making me turn my head to look at him, "I'm gonna go, we can meet up another day this week, I gotta get home" he spoke.
I looked from Jeremiah through the camera, his eyebrows knit for a second but his face retuned to normal. If Logan really had to go, I wasn't gonna try and convince him to stay, I'm sure this wasn't exactly comfortable for him. "One second, Jeremiah" I replied to him as he nodded his head, as I put the phone on mute, "Okay, let me know, I'm free any time before 2:00 all this week" I replied. Logan gave a little smile, "Okay, I'll let you know" he mumbled, wrapping me in a hug, kissing my cheek gently, my arms wrapping around him before I walked him to the door.
I unmuted the phone and locked eyes with Jeremiah through the camera before he bursted out into a full belly laugh, I watched him amused, "That's funny?" I asked, trying not to smile but failing. He slapped the island repeatedly, just like a hood nigga. He ain't been a baby daddy for a full 3 days and he already acting like one, "Nah, my fault, I ain't know you in the middle of a date, I could have hung up" he replied, stifling a chuckle.
"It wasn't a date, it was two likeminded adults hanging out together" I rolled my eyes, feigning irritation. "Mhmm, 'like minded adults' who find each other attractive by chance?" He snickered. "Jeremiah, shut up" I groaned rolling my eyes at him. "Aight, aight, for real though. I'm glad y'all made it back safely. How was the flight with Leilani? I can't believe I got a kid, Noelle. A literal child" he beamed excitedly, pouring a hand full of skittles in his mouth and chewing.
I laughed at his joy, but in a supportive way. I'm glad that he's been working through his emotions, I think having her over at his house solidified it all for him and now that he's slowly, emphasis on slowly, getting past the initial shock and hurt of the situation, he can soak it all in. I could sense his genuine joy about having Leilani, which caused a pang of regret, cause imagine how much more excited he would have been if he was there from the beginning?
"You do, you have a kid. She's gonna be so excited for her party, then having my family over if they can get off work on such short notice is gonna be amazing for her also. She's gotten a taste of you guys' world, now it's time for you guys to get a taste of her world. She did good on the flight but I think she's getting sick. Speaking of, I'm gonna go take her temperature to make sure she's okay." I spoke, grabbing my phone and getting up to go get the thermometer from the medicine drawer from the kitchen.
"Sick? She aight?" He asked. I kept my phone at the low angle and made my way towards the stairs, looking down at him through the phone, "Yeah, nothing serious. She's been a little warm and she's been sleeping a lot. I think it's from traveling and the weather changes from San Fran to Seattle. Her body just needs to rest it off" I informed him, going into Lani's room. She was uncovered from her blanket, sprawled out on her bed. When I turned her light on, she didn't budge, and that's not like her at all. I let out a little "hmph." "What?" Jeremiah asked.
"Normally when I turn on her light she wakes up and complains cause she's not ready to get up. She definitely doesn't feel good. As ironic as it sounds, she doesn't put up much of a fight waking up when she's sick, but when she's okay, she throws the biggest fit when it's time to wake up" I replied, setting my phone down on the floor and sitting in front of her bed on the floor.
Jeremiah chuckled, "She definitely get that from my side. My moms use to have the hardest time gettin us all up and ready for school, especially Judah" he replied. I smiled at the mention of his brother's name. I wanted to know more, but I didn't want to pry. I knew that eventually when he was ready, he'd tell me more. The difference in his voice when he talked about his brother was heartwarming, you can tell he really admired him.
"Nani, baby. Sit up so mommy can take your temperature" I spoke, gently rubbing her arm, she was warm to the touch. She stirred and her eyes fluttered open before she sat up and stared at me and stretched her body out. I held my phone up, "Your dad is on the phone" I said, handing her the phone as I rubbed from her cheek, down to her shoulder and down and right arm. She smiled down at the phone at the sight of him and they both broke out into a matching grin, "How you doin girl?" He asked. She stretched again, holding the phone with a smile on her face, "I'm tired" she replied, looking down at him on the phone as I let them have their call.
"Open" I spoke softly. She complied and I put the thermometer in her mouth and waited for the beep. "What is it?" Jeremiah asked, making Nani lean in to look with me. "102.2" I replied. "I'm gonna do it with the other thermometer to get a more accurate read" I spoke to the two. "What does that mean?" She asked. I smiled then looked down to Jeremiah, "You wanna take that one, dad?" I asked, causing him to chuckle.
He's the parent of a curious child, he better get used to the most random questions to everything that he says. "She basically gon see if both thermometers say the same thing" he replied with such patience. She stared down at him then looked at me and nodded her head showing that she understood what he was saying as I put the other one in her mouth and again, waited for the beep. "102" I spoke after taking it out her mouth.
"Come with me and I'm gonna give you medicine and put a cold towel on your head" I spoke, taking both thermometers and standing up heading out her room as she stumbled behind me, following me down the stairs talking to Jeremiah on the phone. I sat her on the counter and prepared the towel and got the medicine as I listened to their conversation, "You think it was the skittles and lemonade?" He asked her, making her giggle, "Candy doesn't make you sick" she replied, making him Chuckle, "It can make your stomach hurt if you have too much and give you a cavity" he replied as I rang out the towel.
"What's a cavity?" She asked him. "It's when candy makes your teeth go bad and you get a hole in your tooth, it hurt" he replied. She scrunched her face and he mocked her, looking like twins now. They both burst into laughter as I made her take a shot of medicine and put the towel on her head and I giggled along with them.
After giving her a few cuddles on the couch, per her request, Jeremiah on the phone the whole time, she watched some of finding dory then I took her to her bedroom. I set her iPad up on her night stand so her and Jeremiah could have a virtual sleepover, her tv playing Lilo and Stitch, she laid comfortably under her blanket, her eyes bouncing back and forth to her tv and her iPad to watch what he was doing, as I exited her room.
Seeing them form a bond right before my eyes and their excitement to get to know each other alleviated some of my guilt, but I know I had more forgiveness to come, in due time, on both ends. It's rare for Leilani to feel an instant connection to anyone, so to see that warmed my heart and healed a big part of my inner child.
—————————
AN: Life been kicking my ass a lil bit, hope my honey bees don't lose interest, I got plans for this book, this just a lil filler chapter to build up into how the dynamic of this lil family gon shift, more to come. I love y'all but Jesus love y'all sm more 💋💞