~*~
A WEEK LATER
"Rest easy, big brother........"
Seen I've missed my brother's funeral a while ago, I made my time to visit the very grave his name was written upon. Though his body was cremated like every other gravestone amongst the cemetery, it was hard to accept that he was no longer with me. Now I'm left with only myself, and the nightmares that have come with from that night. Sleep was barely an option, finding it difficult sleep a wink.
Though Lady Amane was kind as to rest beneath her roof, it wouldn't take away those flashbacks.
Placing the white iris' down upon his grave, before sending a small little prayer to him. The urge to cry was painful, but my exhaustion wouldn't let me shed a single tear. The numbness in my throat and tongue felt heavier, wanting to say something to him. Yet something held me back in saying much, feeling this overwhelmed anger wash over me towards him. I've never felt so angry in my life, then towards him.
"Y-You're such.......an idiot," my teeth clench tightly.
Standing back up I felt the spring breeze brush against my warm cheeks, gliding through my hair allowing myself to sink in the solitude of the scenery. Glancing over the many countless gravestones that lay wake in my view, shows how many loyal slayers have in turn given their life to serve the corps. It brought me peace at least to know, that I'm not the only one suffering with a lost loved one or a significant other.
Why did this land have to be infested by demons, that are unnatural of this world?
Now my father has become something far dangerous........
Making my way down the stone path, I walk down the steps carefully as I soon reach the exit that was surrounded by the warm violet hue of wisteria. Finally reaching the end of the growth of flowers, there Sanemi stood waiting for me patiently. Seems he didn't feel like visiting the cemetery toward, seen Masachika was there also. I couldn't blame him, once you go in and out of that sacred place........
.......you just find it too heavy to visit them again......
"You ready?" he rests his hand upon his hilt of his blade, with his larger frame towering my smaller one.
With a simple nod, "Yeah,"
~*~
Sitting on a small hill beneath a cherry blossom tree perched on top, we both sat together with a tranquil view of the village not far from the Corps. Sipping my green tea, I found myself comfortable in the fresh air of Spring. It felt too surreal that time went by so fast, even though I slept through the changes of the seasons.
"You're rather quiet......" he breaks the silence, biting into some ohagi. He chews for a moment, before swallowing. ".......mind sharing what's going on, in that small head of yours...?"
There is so many questions, and so many thoughts flooding my head that I compressed it all inside for so long.
Sanemi knew very little of my background, and I'm wanting to tell him now that I'm more comfortable to speak of it. Especially seen that mission revolved around where my family's shrine and ruins of my home were. He deserved to know, even if he won't share his for the most part. I couldn't complain, when that's his business until he's ready.......
Parting my lips a few times; I couldn't figure out how to start.
"That mission.........." letting that sink in, before I place my tea down on the tray beside me. ".....has more significance to me, than you realise."
His usual scowl slowly softens, turning to me with his full attention; his elbow propped up on his knee and legs folded.
Telling him about my past was more difficult, as I started from the beginning. Explaining how my family is a line of slayers from the Sengoku period, and how we've kept our traditions and customs since. Then fast forwarding time to my family's generation, I've explained about what had happened to them. Even admitting I had more than one sibling, Sanemi was becoming a little taken back by it all. Even when I explained about my father's abusive nature, and the sexism within the clan's customs and policy's.
".........then, my family was annihilated all at once, by demons," I continue, feeling tears stinging the corners of my eyes. "Mother didn't get to give birth to my new sibling, as she was also turned into them demons........killing the baby in her womb.....and watched my siblings drop dead one after the other.........it was all a blur, it was so fast. Only Ryuji and Natsu, one of my older twin brothers survived......"
"Hayami......"
My hand tightens more, feeling a huge weight lift from my shoulders as if talking it out relieved me from bottling it up. It alleviated all that baggage, that I've been wanting to tell him.
Right now that's all I can admit to him, as it felt good to let that out. Though there was more to explain to him, and about my father being alive....I couldn't. It wasn't the right time, because thinking about it only made my fear worse. Sanemi doesn't deserve all my bullshit on him anyway, it didn't matter anyway.
"You know.......it's the first time you've been honest," He spoke up, making me lift my gaze to meet his eyes in surprise. He nudges my shoulder, his arm wrapping around my waist tugging me closer to him until my body was comfortably leaning against him. "I know it must've took every bit of courage to admit that, and I actually........honoured.......to know that.....I'm genuinely surprise you come from a long line of slayers...."
My head was resting against his broad shoulder, feeling his warmth against me.
"Huh? Really?" Blinking in surprise, as I watch his finger trace over my knee in a pattern. His eyes focused in deep thought, feeling like something was bothering him. His silence made me feel a little concern for a moment, when he parts his lips.
A few times he does so, but backs away from the topic with a heavy sigh.
"I.......had six siblings, they meant everything to me," he spoke up, but the way his voice felt slightly strained left my heart weighing heavily. "Even my own mother........my father however, was just a violent and contentious man........always has to find an excuse to abuse his superiority with strength in harming my family.....and even my mother."
He takes a moment for me to register the kind of situation, his family was once in. I believed this was a past issue that resolved somehow, but I knew deep down this wasn't him trying to seek attention but for him to relate. For him to communicate these feelings, that he's bottling up for years. I'm even appalled by his father, already understanding that never-ending suffering of a parental figure.
It hurts deep than you realise, only from the aftermath of it all......
"However one day.......my damn father got what he deserved," He spoke up, venom dripping from his voice. "Due to the people's resentment towards him in our village, he was stabbed to death multiple times........meeting a bloody end. This brought freedom to our family, but it left us financially struggling so.....my brother Genya and I stepped up........and helped mother in any other way with our family...."
The dread I felt with him suffering under the torment of his father, made me realise how common we were in that territory.
".......but not long after, one night our mother never came home," he continues, while sat listening to him. He was so open, yet so reserved knowing this must be so hard to even explain his childhood. "Seen I'm the oldest, I've made sure all my siblings were asleep.......made sure dinner was made......but mother never came home all night. So I left the home for Genya to watch over, whilst I went to search for mother......"
He continues to explain how he searched for her, only to come home quickly to find something had broken into his home. It was mistaken as a wolf at the time, killing all his siblings at once except for one. Genya. Sanemi came in as quickly as he could, and drove the wolf out of the house as he explain it was all a blur and everything was adrenaline rush of survival. Everything was left in a bloody trail, as his voice slightly dries up.
"........but it wasn't a wolf, but my mother........a demon," He finally clarifies, with his voice almost breaking. "I stood there trying to register what I've done, as I saw her dead body in front of me......her body disintegrating into nothingness. However Genya only saw me when i slaughtered her, not believing she was a demon.....and blamed me. Blamed me for everything, and that......was the last I saw him."
I knew for a while his past wasn't able to surface, until now......it took a lot of trust for him to finally admit this and my heart is heavy for him.
"I'm sorry, your mother must've been very precious to you," I say softly; voice filled with empathy towards him. His finger continues to trace gentle patterns on my knee, as his other arm wraps around me tightly with his eyes hardening.
"Tch......it's not yer damn fault," He replies, as his hand gently squeezes my knee for a moment before resting his hand over mine in my lap. "I just know........I have nothing to hide from you, which makes it easier for us to be honest. It's unlike me......I know.....but hearing about what your father has done.......reminded me of my own."
The resentment was bubbling from the way he speaks of his father, I couldn't blame him after the terrible torment he placed upon his family.
Leaning my head more into his shoulder I found myself comfortable and at ease, "All I've known, was that a woman was never supposed to wield a blade in my clan," I spoke up, my thumb tracing over his scars delicately. "It was never an obligation, but I felt the need to prove him.....to prove I can be of use and gain his love and support. However his abuse merely from words, slowly........came to physical abuse...."
~*~
~THIRTEEN YEARS AGO ~ AT THE MIZUTSUKI ESTATE~ (3RD POV:)
Hiroshi stood outside training his three sons, Ryuji, Katsu and Natsu, standing proud of them as he takes them all in duels one by one. He taught them for a few hours, while little Hayami sat at the edge of the verandah with eyes glowing with fascination. Her tiny little feet kick, as she grips the edge of the wood plank.
"My big brothers are amazing!" Her eyes glowed brightly.
Her mother was sat with a calm expression, while nursing her one year old daughter Yui against her breast.
"Well of course they're amazing, they train very hard," Ai spoke up, with a warm chuckle. "But you know baby, father won't train you.......no matter how hard you ask and question him....."
With disappointment settling in, Hayami nods, "I know mama, but.......why?"
The question was so simple, yet so complicated as even Ai herself was even confused for her husband's reasoning.
"I don't know........" Ai replied honestly, her eyes resting upon her one year old daughter in her arms. The troubling expression was all she felt, ever since she married into the family; she's always felt neglected herself as if women were parasites to this clan. That they didn't matter, and now its even being taught in her children's generation.
~*~
The piercing sound following with a thud, filled the room.
The young child hits the floor with a wide and fearful expression, as tears welled in her silver eyes. Her head lifted up quickly seeing those eyes, filled with resentment and anger. Pain throbs across her face, blood slowly dripping down from how her father never held back. Small droplets of red quietly drip onto the floor; however Hayami was too in shock to let a sound out from his constant beatings.
"You think you want to wield a blade?" He scoffed; while he closed the fusuma doors behind him. "You think you can even become a slayer? You think a little girl would even risk her own life, to save others?!!!"
She flinched from his harsh tone, the fearful flowing through her. She was scared, and beyond helpless behind those doors that closed her off from everyone else.
"Only a man from the Mizutsuki can only wield a blade! Only your brothers can make that happen!!!!!" He shouts angrily, his voice rumbling with bitterness. "You're only merely just to extend our families financial probabilities, to bear children to connect ties. To do everything a woman should do, but you........? You're too naive to understand!"
Without warning he slaps her again, more forceful leaving her to collide into the floor. She take a moment as she registers his assault, but the four year old remains quiet while biting back her whimpers.
"I......I just want to be useful," She whimpered out, her lips quivering. Her eyes swimming in silent tears, "All my big brothers are so amazing, and I thought--"
"YOU THOUGHT NOTHING!!!!!!" He roared angrily; kicking the tea table across the room. "Why can't you understand.........you're a mistake! A failure!!!" before turning sharply on his heel storming towards the doors.
"Wait, f-father!"
He halted in his steps at the door, "You'll never become strong like your brother, you'll never amount anything," He lowered his tone, the venom dripping from his mouth. He clenched his jaw as his knuckles turned white,"I don't wish to call you my daughter.......it wasn't supposed to happen.......even your sister,"
With that he slammed the doors as he left Hayami on the floor; her eyes widen and nose bleeding with a few bruises blemishing her skin. She felt confused, but she understood every word that clung to the tension in the room. She felt suffocated that she struggled even breath, forgetting how hard it is to face the reality. The very wall, that stopped her from doing anything that she wanted to become.
How could she even prove herself.......when he couldn't let her give her a chance?
~*~
PRESENT - (Hayami's Pov)
".............and the way he spoke about my sister, made my anger grow," I finish, while trying to hold my emotions in. For some reason I couldn't cry, or feel any ounce of strength to bawl myself to sleep.
However his grip around me tightens as if his body shielded me, and the way his hand nestled around my chubby waist made me feel so secure. "Tch, how dare he........." he growls lowly, feeling myself radiating the same emotions. Anger, Grief, frustration. It's all the same in the end, because all you could wish if what you could've done to prevent it all.
However in order for us to prevent it all, was to give up your own life from being born by the same parents. The ones who brought you here, without even being asked. The ones who place such heavy responsibility of being born; only for them to retaliate......
I never asked him to be born, but he insisted having as many to have boys......
Why wasn't he satisfied with four sons....? Was it because I was the first daughter to be conceived, to take the full brunt of my own birth.....?
"I wanted to tell you, but I wasn't ready to reveal my past....." I spoke up, my thumb subconsciously tracing his scars. My hair soon covers my eyes, not wanting to show more weakness than I already felt in that moment. My throat strains in response, finding it difficult to more than I already have. ".....I......just.....you make me feel more important, and you never once considered me weak. The first to see me as a person, a woman wanting to save lives.......that's why........."
I couldn't say it.......dammit, why? Just say it........
He clears his throat before feeling his hand I've tracing move, and take my own and pulls me closer onto his lap. His large hands snake around my waist and middle of my back, feeling one hand settle behind my head, as I rest my face into the crook of his neck. "It's fine......I'm just glad you told me..........it makes a lot of sense now," He spoke quietly; understanding everything as if he knew but needed confirmation. "You're free now, he won't hurt you anymore......"
He doesn't know it, but he's alive........I just couldn't bring it up right now......
Speaking of him brings the memories to resurface, when I've wanted them erased...
"It's disappointing how father's just fuck up," He bitterly spoke, his arms pulling me closer tightly. "You didn't deserve what he did to you, that's not.....how women are supposed to be treated. They should have a fucking choice, and you damn well deserve praise in how much you've powered through.........I'm proud of you, Hayami,"
My breath hitches in response, wanting cry in that very moment. I couldn't.
"Sanemi......." I utter out, but no more words could leave me. I wanted to let his words sink in, so I could relish in his encouragement and support that i've needed for so damn long. Where was he when I needed him from the beginning?
Slowly relaxing in his arms I found myself surrounding by his arms, and his warmth as if I've discovering for the first time this new feeling. It wasn't exactly what friends would do, but then I couldn't ruin what we have now. He made it easier for me more than he knows, especially when now I've lost everything except him.
I should be grateful.........
The wind blew gently as cherry blossom flowers dancing in the air, as they fall surrounding us both. Sanemi picks the small petals from my hair, with a slightly smirk on his face. "Seems we had sacrificing mothers," He brought up, trying to lighten the mood. "They like similar in ways, we might not know.........but they did do everything to shelter us..."
A warm smile cracks from my sombre expression, "Yeah, I would say the same......." with a soft chuckle, while recalling mother's last moments. Her last moments was not how I imagined she would go, especially how young she was despite her illness. "What were your siblings names.......I'm curious.......if that's alright?"
He was hesitant for a moment, and sighs deeply.
"Well first theres me, then Genya, Sumi, Teiko, Hiroshi, Shuya......and Koto...." he gazes up, in deep thought while trying to remember their names. "So two sisters and four brothers, and they meant a lot to me........."
"So, you said before.......that your younger brother Genya, is it?" I ask him, earning a grunt as a 'yes' in response. "He's alive and well, right?"
The muscles beneath me in his arms and lap tense up suddenly, as his breath grows heavy and more hesitant to reply back. His grip tightens around me, as he pulls me closer burying my face into his neck; like he wanted me to forget that question. I couldn't understand what was going on, but something didn't settle right as I questioned him.
I must've struck a nerve, unintentionally.......
His mouth rests against my temple as he sighs heavily, "I don't know.......hopefully away from all this....." his voice was more lower, and filled with concern that was surprisingly rare from him. It even made me feel worried, but again I knew he was strong to hold on his own.
That was his answer, and it was enough for me to know that he only wishes the best for his only brother.
"I won't pry further........" I press a soft kiss to his neck, as I held him close to me; hearing his breath hitch in his throat. It was unlike me to do so, but it felt right for some reason. ".......go at your pace......don't force yourself, if you're not ready....but when you are, I'll be here."
Soon a chuckle follows him feeling his fingers comb through my disheveled hair, "....same goes for you too, dumbass," he mutters softly, before feeling warm lips press against my temple.
This feeling........these emotions.....
........Was this the beginning of something new.......?
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