'What is our true purpose in living at this cruel time on this strange, unexplained planet? Living by your own instinct or doing well for humanity? Because I personally discovered that even a gentle act of kindness or happiness can make a person fall in an instant mood – swing. It can make people feel... some will say that my statement is far from the truth, that emotions and feelings aren't real. That love is a chemical reaction. But if it would really be a single connection in our mind that makes our expressions as the side effects of a simple reaction, than why does it affect not only us, but everyone who is there with us. If you don't feel a thing directly or see it, it doesn't mean that it isn't there. Either you say that it doesn't exist, but you let it in, let it hurt you, effect on you more than it should have...' Mr. Zacharius talked with his deep voice, trying to keep everyone's attention.
Our literature teacher definitely knew how to make the last period before Christmas breaks interesting. It occur not even a single person typed into their phone or looked through the window. We've all listened to the one chapter in some random book the teacher brought today as his favourite novel with clearly a lot of 'mind blows'. I myself leaned onto the table, resting my elbows and soaking in the soft thoughts of a writer. I loved books – reading or listening to someone reading. But we could say I was rather picky with searching for right stories. Eren called me the 'book freak' but I just laughed, knowing his statement was not far from the truth.
Books with deep meanings are especially my kind of taste. That's why this chapter caught my intention: what is the meaning of life? Everyone wonders how to change their fantasies into reality; others have no guts for it. Besides, my mind needed a little break, since I constantly thought about Levi. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. The way he reacted on my question in the gym by yanking me over into a passionate kiss only we could exchange. I could still taste the black tea on my lips though. But what filled me with anxiety was what came afterwards.
As he surprised me in the changing room the same day, we confessed our affections for each other, well... mostly me, but that's not the point. The fact his eyes sparkled ocean blue after I invited him to the party Eren and I prepare on New Year's made me super excited. Even if he said he'll think about it and we broke off by exchanging a light kiss for goodbye, a part of me deep down there knew, this year is going to end rather interesting, if and only if Levi comes.
'' So,'' the teacher closed his book and leaned onto his table, eyeing the classroom,'' does anyone have any questions?''
I sighed, looking at my classmates, which were on the edge of their seats, counting the minutes till the end. Yet we enjoyed this kind of lessons, but again we were who we were. Hopeless little kids, waiting for Christmas spirit to fill our bodies with that special winter joy.
I saw Eren's foot nervously twitching under the table. His face was lightened up as he bit his lower lip, eyes focused on the clock. My brother sure loved Christmas and New Year's. Unfortunately, I completely forgot about him.
How the hell will I tell him Levi is coming to our party?
My face frowned at that, knowing Eren won't accept Levi so easily. So I intend to wait a little longer to tell him about my affections for Levi. Because let's make something clear – no matter how strong Levi is, if Eren goes on rampage, he'll not stop till Levi lies on the ground, half broken. But still, seeing my two favourite people in the world fighting would break my heart. So I'll wait for sure.
''No questions?'' asked Mr. Zacharius for the last time. Judging by his big smirk on his face, he was used to seeing the students hooked up to the last seconds, so he slowly said: ''have a great Christ-''
He didn't finish. The students already jumped from their seats and ran through the door before anyone could stop them, as the teacher just shook his head, smiling. I rather took my time, lifting my backpack up to my shoulders very slowly, as Eren already waited for me by the door.
''Come on Mikasa!'' he anxiously yelled and put his black leather jacket on. Today had to be the most freezing day, since everyone wore caps and scarfs, except Eren – he rather prefer feeling the cold air messing his brown hair, while his ears would practically fall of if I wouldn't force him to at least put my red scarf around his neck.
But noisy as he gets, after a few minutes of complaining he actually obeyed me. ''Now you're going to be the one freezing,'' he mocked me, pointing at my bare neck. We slowly walked to the entrance, where the whole group was gathered.
''I'll be just fine,'' I mumbled, zipping my black furry coat all the way, so it protected my fragile skin. Love winter or not, I was still a freezable type.
His presence would definitely keep me worm, my mind played tricks with me. Thinking about Levi at the time like this was lovely yet distracting, as it made me shiver all over again. Thinking about his colourful eyes and delicate worm hands made me completely lose focus on the reality around me. As a result of my Levi-dreaming, I completely overheard Eren mumble something in reply, but I couldn't ask him again, since we were quickly jumped over by Sasha, who's a complete Christmas addict.
''What's with the frowned faces, you guys!'' she exclaimed after letting go of the hug and smiling wildly. Others approached us slower, as I just tapped Sasha's back and giggled:'' It's nothing. Just a little bit chilly, that's all.''
Sasha glanced at me with her wild frowned expression, as we walked out of the yellow building and onto the streets. The scenery was spectacular; a new lair of snow has just formed in a couple of hours, cold wind forcing us to zip our coats even tighter. The sky was a light shade of grey, sun hiding beyond puffy clouds. People ran past us, probably in a hurry of buying the last-minutes Christmas gifts, as we made our way to the favourite coffee, chatting about the party we'll be preparing and sharing our plans for the rest of the winter days.
''So are you sure that your parents will agree on leaving you the basement?'' asked Connie Eren for the third time while we were walking, as the other male just groaned, really annoyed.
Stacy's little café was our favourite place to hide in the snowy days. We could easily scoop in to a corner, order a drink and talked about stuff for ages. Plus, not many people knew the place, so it wasn't always loaded. Most of the time, only students appeared for a quick morning coffee, since the place was only a few minutes away from school, plus it wasn't hard to miss, as it had big vintage windows and stood out with its green façade.
But today was different – it was crowded with students and teachers, chatting and drinking in every corner. The place was worm and waitresses moved around wildly, serving coffee, tea or hot chocolate. We were a large group, but that wasn't a problem – we knew a place only a few could find and that was upstairs. Most of the people disliked the thought of going up because the space was even smaller and hotter, but many didn't even know it existed. But luckily, Connie and Sasha discovered it last summer, and we had the whole first floor often to ourselves. So we quickly got through the crowd and up, finally sitting down to the table by the large window, which had a perfect view to the winter street and we could watch people run around, paranoid or hear children playfully screaming and jumping around. Taking the coats of, Eren, Jean and I ordered different types of coffee, as Marco and Armin enjoyed a cup of tea and Ymir and Christa shared hot chocolate. Only Sasha and Connie were hungry, so both ordered creamy hot soups, but ate them quicker than we could even drink.
''My parents are going to celebrate New Year's somewhere else, probably with their friends, so getting the place won't be an obstacle,'' repeated Eren while drinking his hot cappuccino. ''I just need to know how many are coming and what will any of you bring along.''
I swallowed salvia down my throat. Now is a chance to tell him about Levi.
''Just count all of us in plus some classmates and friends,'' said Jean with his annoying voice while scooping closer to Marco. The guy just nodded, but seeing how I raised my eyebrow he flushed immediately. Now that was unusual.
''Plus, if the seniors find out we're having a party, there be no time to tell, when they'll decide to join,'' added Armin, which was also very true. So there was no point at getting angry if that will happen. Besides, that would be even a better reason if Levi were to show up. I clenched my fists at the thought, almost drowning away with it.
How I wish to see him there...
We talked for quite some time, laughing and drinking our hot liquids. Even if some stuff were important to remember, the biggest obstacle was my own imagination – overthinking through those precious moments Levi and I shared these last weekends and trying to figure out my next move. But beyond that the group agreed on a few things by the end of our meeting.
Eren, Armin and I will take care of the decorations and music.
Marco and Jean will get the drinks while Connie and Sasha get the snacks. And Ymir and Christa will handle the invitations.
''I just have the last proposal,'' said Eren as we wanted to start another topic. But judging how he curved his lips into an evil smile, I knew he'll toss out something rather stupid. He took a long sip of his coffee, coughed till everyone paid him the attention he wanted. He glanced at every one of us, making anxiety flew in the air. His eyes finally stopped on Jean as he said with a broken voice, clearly hiding the laughter:'' You'll have to wear a mask.''
''Wha-'' Jean had no idea what Eren meant by that, but he already knew he was about to be provoked.
''Seeing your horse face in the dark will just make everyone scared.''
The group immediately busted into laughter, costing Sasha to almost spit her soup directly into Connie's face. We all laughed wildly, accept Jean who was red as tomato and would strangle Eren if there would not be a table in the way.
''Yeah Jean, we'll definitely need to work on that,'' said Marco, which made Jean even more red from how astonished he was.
''Yeah and,'' Connie wanted to add something but was cut by loud footsteps and chatter, coming up the stairs. We were still giggling though, but my mouth shut in a flash, as I saw a pair of blue eyes only one guy had. My heart immediately skipped a beat.
''Oh shut it Furlan, like you know better!'' said a sharp voice only Isabel was capable of.
''As a matter of fact, I actually do,'' said the tall blond guy, as him, Isabel and Levi finally stood on the last step, revealing their snow covered clothing. Their hair was soaking wet, both Isabel and Furlan laughed as Levi had a comfortably calm expression planted on his face, but didn't say anything.
And even if the whole group went quiet, hoping there will be no conflict between Eren and Levi again, he looked at our direction. And saw me.
I gasped quietly, taking a sip of my cappuccino to hide my face, but it was too late. Even Levi didn't expect me up here; he pinned his eyes on me and stopped where he stood, while his friends were still messing around. I felt the air getting hotter, as his eyes sparkled ocean blue with a little shade of red- even he was barley holding on, but seeing how everyone looked at him, especially Eren with his death glare, he smirked and poked the tall blondie, saying: '' Shut it you two. There are people up here.'' With that, silence appeared in a second, only hearing their footsteps getting closer to a table across the room and squeaking chairs as they sat down, whispering. I heard Eren mumble something, probably let's go, but I couldn't pay any attention. Our stares were caught together, both wanting to reach for one another. Even if Levi's face looked emotionless from this distance, I saw his muscles tense, as he pushed his hand through the messy raven hair. I opened my mouth, but only a little sigh came out. I felt my body shivering from how greedy I was for his fingers to intertwine with mine, just to touch him before we walk of and don't see each other for a few days.
''Mikasa, are you okay? You seem freezing,'' suddenly said Jean, forcing me to break eye contact with Levi. I glanced at the boy, which had a concerned expression drawn across his face as much as the rest of the group. Now that I paid attention to them, I finally realized they've been staring for a long time.
I had to improvise – so I shook my head and said with my voice cracking in the middle of a sentence: ''Nah, it's just chilly.'' But that was the biggest lie ever. My body was in fact trembling as a consequence of anxiety.
''Well here you go then,'' Jean acted kind and handed me his furry coat. Of course everyone else started teasing him for it, but I accepted it, only to not be bothered any further. But looking back at Levi, I saw his eyes darken, as his veins stood out. He looked infuriating with those red shades in his beautiful eyes only standing out.
Is he jealous? He looked like it. I have to make a move or something.
But, at the end, I didn't have to. He suddenly stood up and started walking towards our table. All of my friends' eyes were pinned on him, as he only looked at me. I so wanted to melt into the ground, because with every step closer he was to us, my heart went crazy. In the corner of my eye, I saw Eren tense even more, so I stretched my hand and grabbed his kindly. The last thing I wanted was to something go wrong, but as Levi made his move, everything seemed like an unstoppable collision.
But as he was now standing in front of us, looking emotionless as ever, he at first looked at Eren and smirked, then examined Jean, but he eventually pinned his eyes on me. I was sitting by the window, so there was no way I could scoop out and escape. But my body was trembling and my veins were boiling. I got that sinking feeling in my chest, like my heart was just replaced with a heavy rock or a black hole, eating me up from inside. In that second, he leaned closer, stretching his hand in my direction was timeless. Like all of my friends disappeared and there was only Levi and I, his glorious look deeply melting on me.
''Annie wanted me to give this to you – it's wrestling stuff,'' his voice coughed me of gourd, as I reached for a little paper he had stuck in his hand. ''It's confidential,'' he quietly added, seeing how the rest of the group wanted to know what just happened. But with no further explanation what so ever, he walked away and joined the conversation Isabel and Furlan had going, keeping his eyes off me. I looked after him, wanting much more than a shitty piece of paper, but something in his eyes told me, what he just said was not it. So, without hesitation, and even if the whole group started to ask me questions, I blocked them away just to read the little note he has left for me.
Reading the contents, I again felt butterflies in my stomach bursting out, while my lips accidentally curved in happiness.
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-heya! I know, I'm a cliff-hanger heheh....Sorry if this chapter sucked for ya, since it was a little boring... but the next one will be probably more interesting! :)
Before I go; thank you for all the support I've been getting so far – the positive comments literally brighten up my whole day :)
-bye!