Just a heads up that things are gonna be taking a slightly dark turn for the next few chapters, in terms of Alexa's mental state.
~~
She had felt a pair of arms wrap around her, pulling her into a forced hug from behind. Alexa tried banging her head against the wall again, but the arms wrapped tighter, keeping her from breaking from their grip. "Let me go!" She shrieked, however the grip didn't loosen. She gave up trying to break herself free, she simply let her body go lax in the hold.
The girl sobbed, covering her face with her hands to attempt to give herself some form of dignity, she didn't know how to stop the thoughts racing through her mind. Her knees were beginning to shake, and she was feeling dizzy.
The hold shifted, the girl was turned around firmly, leaving no room for her to move out from the arms. She was picked up, Alexa clung on like a koala, pressing her face into the person's shoulder, her hands no longer needing to cover her shame. It was wrong, to allow them to comfort her, when they had sent her into this state. It was wrong, and that only made her cry worse, as she made no attempt to stop it.
"It's okay, you're okay, get it all out." She realised she was in Daisy's arms, the brunette used her free hand to pat the girls back. Making shushing sounds to the girl, who began to sob harder.
In her moment of emotion, she could hardly feel Daisy moving. Vaguely, she could feel that they were going upstairs, but she really couldn't muster up enough energy to care. She cried into Daisy's hair, shuddery gasps every few moments, her body seemingly forgetting it needed to breathe.
Her eyes burned, and she lifted her head, begin to harshly rub them, hoping for the uncomfortable itching to stop. She was stopped abruptly, Lottie placing the girls wrists in her hold, from her place beside Daisy. Alexa buried her face back into Daisy's shoulder, her arms began to ache from being held out.
Being pulled from the safety haven of the woman's shoulder, her throat made a mewing sound, resembling a weak kitten. She struggled against Daisy, being readjusted on her lap. She felt like a rag doll, her back being positioned against the woman, Daisy's hands around the girls waist. Alexa could only stare at Lottie who had since let go of her wrists, not that they were going to much use however, Lottie was quick to grab a pair of mittens.
Alexa lost her fight, merely holding her wrists out, a prisoner accepting her sentence. Her hands were concealed, and they fell weakly by either of her side. "I'll just be..uhm a minute." Lottie told Daisy, Alexa didn't bother to see what Lottie was doing, she hung her head low.
Now that her body was still, she was able to feel her aching knees again, having only fallen not long ago. Her entire body felt exhausted, and slumping against Daisy felt inevitable, regardless of how sick it made her feel.
The thought of sick made the girls nose scrunch, remembering her vomiting spell from an hour ago, and how she could still vaguely taste the bile on her tongue. She wanted water- badly, yet the thought of asking exhausted her, let alone asking in itself. Her eyes stared blankly ahead of her, it felt as if her mind had been scraped by a butter knife, a small dull pain.
She only snapped back to reality when she was being moved again, she allowed herself to be readjusted and positioned. She was laid in the crib, she noted the new additions to it. There was pillows all around: one at either side of the bars near her head, one under her head, and one behind her head. It quite literally resembled a padded prison, all she could see was white wherever she looked.
Her hand was tied to a restraint, which was followed by the same happening with the other hand, once the bars had been lifted. Both her wrists were bound to her sides, only a small bit of wriggle room.
It dawned on her, this wasn't because they were worried she was going to escape, this was because they were worried that she was going to hurt herself. Somehow that felt worse than the former option, they thought that the girls biggest danger was herself.
Daisy closed the curtains to the room, which proved effectively in getting the light out of the room. "Let your body rest love, you'll feel much better." Daisy gently spoke, "me and mommy can stay here with you if you want." Lottie offered. Alexa rolled her eyes, turning her head away.
"Okay we'll give you some time, but mommy was right Lex, you really should rest." Lottie sounded tired herself, "if you need anything, you know we're here for you sweetie." Daisy whispered, she reached a hand through the bar to stroke the girls knee. Alexa's knee jerked at this, Daisy removed her hand.
"We love you so much sweetie, just remember that." She added, Alexa merely glared at the pillow that was a few metres from her face.
~~
She couldn't sleep, how could she?
The automated message replayed in her ears, over and over again, every time she tried to close her eyes. She wanted to be mad at Allison, yet she couldn't help but feel pity for the girl. It had been Allison's father who had chosen Alexa's family- not Allison. Her sister had no claim to the family herself.
How could she have been expected to stay with people that her deceased father had chosen, it felt almost masochistic if she had. Allison and Alexa would always be sisters, but there was no blood claim between them. If Allison ever needed a kidney, she couldn't call Alexa for one, and vice versa.
Allison had family though, she had aunts and uncles and more cousins than Alexa could count. Alexa merely had an uncle, one that her mother hadn't spoken to in years.
Maybe Allison had lost her father, but Alexa lost her family. The girl was sure that her sister would've reached out to her at some point, maybe when she had become some lonely housewife, or maybe when she had sold her soul to work a corporate job. They could've bonded over wine, light hearted remarks about their time apart, maybe they would talk about their dad.
Now that wouldn't happen however, Alexa would never get the chance. The girl wanted to bash her head against something, yet the pillow didn't suffice. She stared blankly at the pillow, she closed her eyes, only to open them seconds later. Her neck ached, being twisted to the side, but she didn't care to move it.
She realised that she didn't have Chase next to her, he was at the bottom of the bed. She wanted her stuffed animal, but she refused to ask for him.
It was almost as if she could hear a sizzle coming from inside, the fire finally being put out of it's misery, after it's prolonged fight. She swore she could feel the smoke inside of her, making her lungs hazy, every breath felt painful to take.
The girl sighed, throwing her head back on the pillow. She waited for the tears, she waited for the breakdown her body was brewing. Nothing happened moreover, she simply felt dull. Alexa forced her eyes to stay open, waiting for her eyes to water. Forced tears pricked the girls eyes, she blinked them away.
Something inside of her had shifted.
Alexa closed her eyes, the automated message having since been forgotten, she couldn't muster the energy to care. She was alone, truly.
~~
(A/N just a heads up that this bit of gonna have a different format, cause apparently you can't have two people speaking in the same paragraph, or so my friend says. So I apologise)
"Charlotte, what the hell was that?" Daisy hissed once they were downstairs, looking to the blonde for some sort of answer.
"She was gonna find out some way or another."
The justification served no reassurance to Daisy, "but you don't know that." she argued. The proposition had been just as surprising to Daisy, as it had Alexa, and the woman was beyond angry.
"It's what she needed to hear though Daisy, you saw her, she was going to keep working herself up, she needed something to bring her back to reality."
Daisy spoke, "yes I saw her! I saw her hitting her head against the wall because she didn't know how else to react. You said it yourself that she wasn't going to hurt herself, yet you drove her to hurt herself, Lottie I love you but I don't know how you can't see how bad this was."
The blonde took her bottom lip in between her teeth, the weight of the situation finally falling upon her shoulders. She knew she had acted wrong, but she hoped that it could be justified, the rose tinted glasses didn't quite work so well though. "I'm sorry." Was all she could say, staring down in shame. She was usually so good at holding it together, yet the topic of her dad had sent her spiralling.
"I'd sure hope you are Lottie, it's not me you should be sorry to though, Alexa's the one you hurt, not me. You better hope that she can forgive you." Daisy scolded, she turned away from the woman. Daisy opened a drawer, fishing a baby monitor out from it, the spare that Daisy insisted on having.
She looked at the image, Alexa hadn't moved since they'd left, just laying still. "She's gonna be okay, she's strong, I'll do whatever I have to do to her to prove that I'm sorry." Lottie attempted to comfort. She wasn't sure who she was trying to reassure, herself or Daisy.
"Do you actually think she's gonna be okay?" Daisy questioned.
The woman looked towards Lottie, averting her gaze away from the monitor. "She will be, eventually." Lottie said, peering over at the screen.
Taking the monitor from Daisy's hand, she switched it off. "Worrying isn't going to do anything, we'll be there for her, she just needs some well needed rest." She reminded, putting the monitor back into the drawer. "Let her have some time to process, whether she decides to sleep or not." Lottie told Daisy.
"Shouldn't I be the one reassuring you here? You probably already feel bad enough, without me stressing you out even more." Daisy had attempted to joke, but the words soon turned dry, full of guilt.
"Therapists don't make very good patients." Lottie humoured, the pair struggled to laugh at their pitiful jokes, but Daisy granted a small smile.
She took a deep breath in, "what about if she's not okay?" She dared to question, letting the gnawing feeling in her stomach overpower her optimism.
"Then we'll make sure that she knows we're there for her, even though I'm sure she'll hate it."
"Just as much as you'll hate cleaning up her vomit." Daisy stated.
Lottie had opened her mouth to argue, but Daisy raised an eyebrow. "I'm not against using guilt points." Daisy said, "plus it's your office."
~~
The girl failed to realise she had fallen asleep, until she was being shaken awake. Her eyes tiredly opened, the dull feeling still pending inside of her. The fire was out, and no matches could be spared to relight it. "There's those pretty eyes." Daisy smiled, as if the previous events hadn't even happened, it all felt so eerie to Alexa.
Her eyes furrowed as she sat up, she realised that the restraints had been taking off her wrists. She brought her hand to her face, staring in confusion.
"You weren't being punished Alexa, you worked yourself up so much, you were bound to need rest." Lottie filled in the blank for the girl, Alexa could feel her heart skip a heart, the blonde had to be the worse out of the two women- for right now.
Alexa turned away from Lottie, she reached her arms up towards Daisy. The brunette picked the girl up, Alexa looked longingly at the bed, how much she wished she could go back to sleep. She wasn't sure what time it was, but she already wanted to sleep again. "Oh I know, you're just so sleepy." Daisy gently teased.
Maybe she would've gotten angry at it before, but she merely nodded, before resting her chin on Daisy's shoulder. "Do you need the bathroom?" Lottie questioned.
The girl merely stared at her, a vacant look in her eyes, she did in fact need the bathroom. She wasn't in the mood to talk however, regardless how a simple 'yes' would suffice. "I'll take her to the bathroom, why don't you go heat up her dinner?" Daisy suggested, the women exchanging a worried glance with eachother.
Lottie smiled, "of course."
She left the pair, going to go her designated task. Daisy took the girl to the bathroom, "everything okay Lex? You're awfully quiet." Daisy asked, already knowing the answer in some way or another, but she hoped that Alexa would grant her an answer.
Shrugging, Alexa looked down. She had only now realised how painful her bladder had become, before it seemed irrelevant, until she was being reminded of her pressing need. She stared down at her socks until she was finished, being guided over to the sink afterwards.
The faucet caught her interest, she fantasised about turning the faucet boiling hot. To watch as the water scalded her skin, she attempted to lean over, her hand gripping the switch. Daisy's hand went over Alexa's hand, "love, you can't mess with things like this, you could seriously hurt yourself." She softly reprimanded.
Alexa swallowed, pulling her hand away, joining her other hand under the lukewarm water. It wasn't long before the girl found herself being picked up again, her head resumed it's place on Daisy's shoulder, which she was finding to be quite comfortable.
Going downstairs made an anxious feeling bubble inside of her, entering the room she had a breakdown in, hours prior. The room felt no different than it had everyday, and it almost made her feel worse about it all. How it was still the same, even after she'd forced herself open inside of it. None of this could be seen on her face however, remaining as solemn as it had before.
Bringing her back to the present was the clicking of the harness, securing her in place. They felt tighter than before to the girl, she brought up her mittened hands, attempting to clumsily unlock the lock. The buckle kept slipping from her hands, but she persisted. "Let's leave that alone angel." Lottie told her, coming into the room with a plate in her hands.
The plate was placed down onto the tray, "besides, it's baby proofed." She whispered to the girl. Alexa gave up, dropping her hands in defeat, looking down to see the food in front of her.
Macaroni and cheese.
So they really did feel bad for her.
Daisy picked up the fork, stabbing a piece of the cheesy pasta before presenting it to the girl. Alexa looked at the macaroni, she could feel her stomach ache, but she couldn't muster up an appetite. She liked mac and cheese, but that didn't seemed to matter to her.
As far as she could, she leaned back, casting a glance off to the side. "Come on Sweetie, the quicker you finish it, the sooner you can go and play." Daisy attempted, coaxing the girl.
The words held little power over the girl, her mouth stayed closed. This hadn't been like all the other times she refused food, she wasn't saying some snarky comment, she wasn't trying to hold her appetite over the women's heads.
She just didn't care for food.
"Lexie, you know how good mommies Mac and cheese is." Lottie reminded her, Alexa offered a non committed glance her way. The girl really wished she could just open her mouth, to have all the encouragement stop, but the thought of eating in itself felt upsetting to her stomach.
Daisy put the fork down, Alexa took the chance to rest her elbows on the table, her chin in her hand.
She longed to sleep again.