"Maana dil dara-dara hai, tuta yeh zara-zara hai"
ADVAIT'S POV
I was setting my hair for one last time and someone knocked the door. I went to see who it was. I opened the door to find Inayat standing right there. She wore a beautiful chiffon saree with a dark pink blouse. It was of beautiful a pastel blue color with golden borders on its curvy-shaped ends, of which one was pinned to her blouse. There were flowers embroidered at many places on the whole saree, giving her the most regal look. What are you thinking about, Adi!?
She wore beautiful earrings and a choker with that. She looked perfect in those colors and that jewelry. Only thing that was missing was a smile, which I hadn't seen in a long time. Don't get me wrong, she smiled after we met again, but none of those smiles were even close to her true smile. Because, when she truly smiled, her face would glow with the most beautiful shades of pink on her cheeks. I don't know where that is lost now. You're supposed to hate her Advait, not think about her like this. Stop thinking.
"What are you doing here?" I asked and leaned onto the door. I tried to get my mind off of her but this wasn't helping even one bit.
"What do you mean? You were the one that sent me the invite, weren't you?" She scoffed and rolled her eyes. Well, this is helping. Annoy me more.
"Yeah, no but I was asking about why you're here, like right now in my room?" I asked.
"Firstly, I am not in your room and secondly, your dear mother sent me here. I didn't even know that she sent me to your room. Believe me, if I knew I wouldn't have come." She declared and started walking away. She couldn't possibly be that clueless.
I didn't know what to do so I just grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to me. What am I even doing? It's official, I have gone crazy.
"What are you doing?" She removed her wrist from my grab immediately. She cleaned her wrist with her other hand's palm looking right at me.
"Well, you see, Maa Sa sent you here, she must have reasons for it. Besides, now I think we should go downstairs together to maintain the act, you know." I explained and she nodded.
"I guess we could do that," She said and tucked her hair behind her ears. "But, if you do something this absurd to me next time, you'll be dead. And, this doesn't mean you're right, mister." She warned me. As if I was going to be scared by that.
She stared right at me with daggers shooting right out of her eyes but that didn't affect me. I laughed at it. But then, she looked at me with those disappointed eyes. The ones she made when we last actually talked. That really hurt.
When I looked away, she grabbed me by my biceps and pulled me closer to her. But then she almost hugged me in order to reach my ears. This shocked me to say the least. She was so close that I could feel her breathing.
"You better not forget that this so-called lovey-dovey act is just in front of other people's eyes. You try anything, you best believe you'll face consequences for it." She whispered into my ears.
"If these are your so-called consequences, then, bring it on." I whispered back into her ears sarcastically.
"We'll see about that," She whispered into my ears again and started walking away just before turning back and rolling her eyes at me.
"Weren't we supposed to go wherever Maa Sa is together?" I said and looked at her as she stopped walking and just stood there. She was probably cursing me.
But me? I took my pleasant time to get out of the room. I made her stand there for five minutes. When I finally went back to her I controlled myself and tried my best to not say anything because otherwise she might have thrown me off the stairs. It feels so good seeing her annoyed like that, but this still doesn't feel enough.
"Ah, there you both are!" Bhabhi Sa exclaimed as we walked closer to her. She walked up to Inayat and hugged her.
"Where were you guys?" Bhai Sa raised his eyebrows and questioned me. I didn't know what to say to him.
"Jiju, I actually went upstairs to his room but he needed more time to make himself look more handsome, I guess." Inayat explained and went to Bhai Sa to take Meera from him for sometime.
"And you still failed at it?" Kabir added and everyone around him chuckled while him and Inayat kept laughing uncontrollably. I spared Kabir a glance which was enough to shush him but the same didn't work for her. She smirked at me as a reply and then started adoring my niece.
"Yeh sab baatein toh Pooja ke baad bhi ho sakti hai. Abhi sab Havan ke liye mandap ke paas chal lo, das hi minute baaki hai." Bhabhi Sa instructed all of us standing there.
(All these talks could happen after the pooja too. Right now, all of you go near the Mandap for the Havan, only ten minutes are remaining.)
"And the two of you," She pointed at me and Inayat. "You'll be sitting behind me and Nakul the whole time as we perform all the rituals and make sure Meera stays with you too." She declared and started walking towards the Mandap. All of us standing there, Kabir, Vaidehi, Bhai Sa, Priyanka, Lakshay, Inayat, and I— we followed her.
The Pooja started and we were all sincerely listening to what the priest was saying. Even Meera was listening to it with all her attention. When she didn't understand something that was being said, she'd whisper something into Inayat's ear and she would explain it to her. Once in a while, Meera would look at me and give a smile or flying kiss which was like the cherry on top.
Finally it was time for the Aarti, everyone started clapping while keeping up with rhythm and singing along. Bhai Sa, Bhabhi Sa and Meera did the Aarti. Then slowly, Aarti was handed to Inayat and I. We started rotating the plate properly and looked at each other for some reason.
For a moment there it felt like this was my dream all along and I was the happiest man alive. But soon, my eyes went back to the Idol of the Goddess and she pulled me back to reality. Thanks a lot, Devi Maa!
(Mother Goddess)
After the Pooja was finished, we all went to have dinner in the dining hall. The place felt calm, no unnecessary people, just us and people closest to us. The elders sat down on one side of the table while all of us sat on the other side. The dinner was going good, well pretty much except for the fact that I had to pretend to be the lovely fiancé of Inayat as she sat next to me and ate.
In the beginning, everyone was joking and laughing. But as soon as people started getting more into the dinner, things became more silent. Priyanka and her friends were the only ones talking, that too whispering. The more silent it started getting, the more awkward it became for me.
"Inayat, Laado, aapne shaadi mein kaun se kapde pehen ne hai woh taiy kar liya? Mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, aap Poshakh pehenogi ya phir Lehenga-choli?" My mother asked her to-be daughter-in-law.
(Dear, have you decided what you're going to wear at the wedding? I mean to say, are you wearing a Poshakh or a Lehenga-choli?)
"I, uh," Inayat spoke, trying her best to hide her awkwardness as she looked over at Vaidehi. "Well here's the thing, I actually do have an idea of what I'm going to wear. I was thinking of wearing a Lehenga-choli. You know, that's how I've always imagined a bride." She tried to justify her explanation.
"Dear, wear whatever type of clothes you want!" My father commented. "You're getting married, it's you who gets to decide how you are getting married and what you're wearing the day of, now. Isn't it Manda?" He reassured her and then signed my mother to lead the conversation. I've always wanted a marriage like theirs, too bad I won't have it.
"I'm assuming that you want to get married the Punjabi way too, right?" Maa Sa asked her to clear any remaining confusion. Inayat didn't say anything this time, she just nodded.
"You know you can express your emotions here, right?" Bhai Sa chuckled, referring to her situation. That just made her a little more awkward. Serves her right.
"Well it's decided then, if Inayat wants a Punjabi wedding, a Punjabi wedding it is, then. And you, right there," Baba Sa looked at me. "Don't fulfill my daughter's wishes and you're done. Do you get that?" He warned me as if I were actually a random guy getting married to his daughter. I nodded.
"Daughter, huh? Dekh rahe ho Bhai Sa, Mamo Sa ne toh abhi se Bhabhi Sa ki side lena shuru kar diya, aap toh gaye samjho." Lakshay stated with a wide smirk on his face. I didn't know what to say.
(Are you seeing this brother? Uncle has already started taking sister-in-law's side, you're a goner.)
"Yes, I saw it. But what's my loss? He's taking my side only as I'm always on her side." I said and then looked at Inayat for a moment. The shock on her face was clearly visible. Well not only her actually, everyone in the room was shocked. Even Priyanka and her friends who weren't even a part of this conversation. What did I do!?
"What!?" I exclaimed. "You all act like she's not my fiancé but a random girl I met today." I spoke again. But this time, everyone except her was either laughing, giggling or smirking while she kept her eyes right on the plate. I could the fingers on her left hand forming a fist and her jaw clenching as I said this. This might be embarrassing to me, but it's worth making her feel annoyed.
"Ladesar, jo tharo thari mangetar ne masko lagano khatam rego, kaam ri baat kar lein?" Maa Sa commented and I didn't say anything after that.
(Dear, if your buttering of your fiancé is finished, shall we talk business?)
"Nalini ji, aapke reeti-rivaz se hum zyada parichit nahi hai aur Laado ko waise hi shaadi karni hai. Toh aap hume zaroor bata dijiyega ki hume kya-kya karna padega." Maa Sa said while looking at her mother.
(Nalini ji, we're not much familiar with your rituals, and she wants to get married that way only. So please do tell us what we have to do.)
"Badi Rani Sa—," Inayat tried to say something but my mother interrupted her.
"You call your mother 'Maa' right, dear? I'd love it if you'll call me that too, but that's only if you want to though." Maa Sa gave Inayat a slight smile and nodded at her to go ahead.
"Maa it is, then." Inayat gave a wide smile as Maa Sa's eyes glistened with tiny tears. Why does she matter this much to Maa Sa?
"I actually meant to say that I want the main wedding the Punjabi way, we could still do the other rituals the Rajput way. You know, everything isn't supposed to be about me. It's about him and his culture too." Inayat explained. What great acting she does!
"What good have you done to get me such a great sister-in-law, Bhai Sa?" Lakshay chuckled and took a sip of water from the glass in his hand. Everyone else, especially Inayat started laughing too. What's so funny about that?
"So, Mandakini ji, it's decided then. The pre- and post- wedding rituals will be done in accordance with your culture." Her father declared and her mother nodded along. With this, I could see the clear disappointment in her eyes as the wide smile slowly started going away from her face.
Although she did say that she wanted my culture to be represented, I felt like she deep-down wanted to have that 'dream wedding' of hers. She had a whole Pinterest board made for it in eleventh grade after she got that new touch-screen phone. Why and how do I still remember that?
Something in me struck and I really wanted Inayat to have her 'dream wedding', it wasn't like I was giving up anything I wanted for that. I never really had imagined how my wedding would be— just who it would be with. That isn't quite happening as I planned, so it doesn't even matter anymore.
"Actually, dad— don't mind me if I call you that," I tried to approach him in the most touching way possible. "Just the post-wedding rituals our way, not the pre-wedding rituals. My family has had its share of Rajput weddings, hasn't it?" I spoke and her head shot towards me. She looked at me with utter shock, like she couldn't believe what I just said and her eyes glistened with joy.
"Papa, ab toh aapko haan kehni padegi, chote damad ne jo keh diya hai." Bhabhi Sa chuckled a little. She then looked at me and slowly blinked showing that she appreciated it. She was about to say something but then Meera grabbed her attention.
(Dad, now you have to say yes as your younger son-in-law has said so.)
"We'll forever be grateful, son. And, please keep calling me that, it sounds good coming from your mouth." Her father gave me a warm smile and then looked at his younger daughter. Once he looked at her like that, a tiny wave of sadness passed through the room not just a moment between a father and daughter— but it seemed like the whole family felt it. That's when my darling niece came to the rescue.
"Meera, bubba," I tried to grab her attention as she was slowly eating the bowl of food her mother had given her obediently. She immediately looked towards me and gave me a huge and beautiful smile. "Are you excited about Kako's wedding?" I asked her to change the topic. She nodded.
"But, Meera baby, are you more excited about Maasi's wedding?" Inayat glared at me and then asked her. Meera nodded again and Inayat smirked.
"It's still the same wedding as mine, though," I leaned a little closer to Inayat and whispered into her ears.
"She's still more excited to be the bride's niece I guess," She whispered back into my ears and then gave me a cheeky smile. Her dimples were highlighted when she smiled like that but this time somehow, it managed to irritate me. It was hard to not reply, but I did it.
I was walking back to my room after the function had ended and almost everyone had left. That's when I heard Lakshay call me. I turned around to find him there standing with one of Priyanka's friends that was here today. Wait, no way.
Lakshay introduced me to Revati as his girlfriend. The girl was acting coy and had a small smile on her face. I got a little awkward but tried to contain it. Priyanka called Revati outside so she excused herself and walked out. Lakshay tried to escape too, but he wasn't getting away without answering my questions after this.
"She seems nice. How long has this been going on, huh?" I asked him and patted once on his shoulders. He looked a little scared of me for a minute. "Eight months, Bhai Sa." He answered and I nodded.
"Good, good. Where'd you guys meet?" I asked again, this time the 'elder brother' tone wasn't there. He looked a little less stressed. "College. But, please don't tell anyone." He requested. I nodded and that seemed to do it. Then, I turned and started walking again.
"Wait," Lakshay called again and I turned again. "Bhai Sa, now that you've asked me so many questions. It's my turn, and since I'm so much younger than you, I'll just ask you one question." He declared. One of my eyebrows shot up as I slowly walked towards Lakshay again.
"But, I think we need to sit down for this one." Lakshay said and walked towards the chairs nearby and sat on one of them. I followed him and sat on one too. What is he going to ask?
"Go ahead, shoot. Don't worry, I won't leave you without an answer." I said as I had finally settled in that chair. There couldn't possibly be anything that is that bad.
"Okay so, when did you actually first fall for Bhabhi Sa? Now, I don't want any of that speech crap. Give me the details." He really did shoot! Right into my heart it seems. I haven't ever really talked about this to anyone. Is it right for Lakshay to be the first one to know? Well, I guess I don't have any options.
"You've really caught me in a situation here, Laksh. But, I have given you my word. Now first of all, you need to understand that you're the first one to know about this so don't you dare tell anyone," I warned him before telling him about it. I couldn't take a chance.
"Okay so, we were in sixth grade. Although back then I didn't fully understand that actual meaning of love, I later realized that that was what it meant. I sat on the bench behind hers and Vaidehi's. She was talking to the people sitting on the bench in front of hers about something and then turned to tell me and Kabir about it. She looked really happy. I don't remember what she said, but it felt like it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was there. That giddy feeling has taken a different route now, it's the same but a little different." I told him as memories flashed in front of my eyes. I lied to him, there wasn't anything that was still the same about this, there could never be.
This memory brought a longer chain of memories, always ending on the same one, the one that hurt. The pain of remembering that wasn't as bad as I imagined. It felt like the wound had finally started healing.
"Dil ke iss bhavandar ko, theher jaane do"