"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle."
- Napoleon Hill
"Dumbass." I murmur, brushing away some of her hair and checking her forehead using my palm.
I shake my head when my eyes start to shut close. I can't sleep when she needs me. I sleepily take a look at the clock, sighing at the time. Four in the morning. Damn.
She's been coughing the entire fucking night. She turned pale for an hour and it scared the absolute fuck out of me. I had to watch first aid videos on damn YouTube to make sure I knew what I was doing in case anything happened. The doctor said that wasn't necessary but who the fuck is he.
He also said it's just a cold and that it'd be gone in about three days. Still, dumbass.
Let's not act like this isn't your fault, Ricky. She did all this just to talk to my mom. I love her so fucking much. Seeing her drenched and talking animatedly to the one person I've always wanted her to meet was like a dream.
I was mad, yes, at the fact that she put herself in a vulnerable position like that. She went through all this trouble just for me. Mayella hates being alone in any place that might be riddled with ghosts, she cried when Raf put on a 'scream' costume. But she went there, for me. I love her.
I love this dumbass who's drooling on my chest. Even if this is the first time I've had to take care of someone like this, I want to do it over and over again. I feel an incessant need to take care of her, protect her and just hold her whenever I fucking can.
I would call it a man's instinct but it's just natural when you're whipped to this extent. You don't want shit to happen to your person. Which is why she's wrapped up in my shirt, hoodie and sweats.
So soft.
I want five kids with her.
My hands subconsciously inch towards her face that's resting on my body as very quiet snores erupt from her slightly open mouth. She speaks in her sleep too.
I pull one of her cheeks. Hm, I never knew they were this stretchy. So soft. She's like a little ermine, her latest animal obsession. So damn soft. Maybe the lack of sleeps getting to me.
Mayella murmurs, scrunching up her nose when I pull her face again. So stretchy. Weird.
"Mhm.." She mumbles incoherently, my thumb lifts to wipe away some drool.
"Waddle...waddle..penguie..." She mushes her face further into my chest, repeating the words so fucking adorably. She's so fucking mine.
My eyes close on their own account after I set an alarm for six, the time when Dan will arrive. I check her temperature three more times and sigh in relief when I see it lower than before.
Mayella almost subconsciously kisses my cheek when I stuff her face in the crook of my neck. Wrapping a blanket around the both of us, I sigh in exhaustion. I really want five damn kids with this person.
Five kids.
. . .
"A-a-achoo!"
"Oh no, I got some of it on Mr. Jones. Sorry."
"My cheeks also hurt. Ow."
"Would he feel it if I bite..."
Continuous mumbling sounds out from around me, my body feeling warm and my back comfortable. Shit, this feels so good. I realize that I'm laying on my stomach and lazily lift my head, or try to, before noticing that a certain someone is lying on my back while going on her damn phone.
Mayella uses my neck as a pillow and continues scrolling through gifs to send to her friends. I lift my body up using my hands, which results in a high-strength push up. She's finally gaining some weight. A yelp sounds out when she's flipped over, an 'owie' coming out of her pretty mouth.
"You're supposed to be asleep."
"Good morning babycakes, I love you more too. Which one's cuter?" She shows me two gifs, one of a man with rainbows over his head and one of a dancing banana, both displaying a good morning message. I choose the banana because she shouldn't be cooing other men.
Mayella giggles when I lift our hoodie to rest my head on her stomach, bringing it back down so the sun stays out of my eyes. She's so damn warm. Oh fuck, I almost forgot.
"You feeling fine?" I murmur, getting up to grab the thermometer because she gets all flustered when I use my mouth. My eyes catch a clean shirt and I put it on, Mayella's scent very apparent on the fabric. She says it's part of her weekly 'Maya-marking'.
Mayella hums and sets her phone down, getting on the bathroom counter so I can check her temperature. She tries to kiss me but I shake my head, knowing she'll cry and blame herself if I get sick. She would also get really fucking protective. Hm, tough decision.
"I'm still sleepy though," She mutters, lifting the hoodie up to show me her stomach and points to it.
"The tummy is also a bit empty so I'm hungry too. I could sleep while I eat.." Mayella tiredly falls against me, sneezing again.
"You need to get some rest. I'll get you breakfast." I kiss her slightly cooler forehead thrice, and then once more because I miss the feel of her skin. She yawns when I lift her into my arms after tying her hair in a loose bun so it doesn't hurt her head.
Placing her on the bed, I send Dan a text, asking if he's close yet. Dan has severe OCD and I know how difficult it gets when he travels. He's only ever comfortable in his own house- or trailer.
It's the only reason why I go to Canada whenever I want to meet him. Even if it means leaving Mayella for a few days. Dan's like an uncle to me and I respect him, no matter how many cheeseburgers he likes to eat in an hour.
"Dan's coming over now, right babycakes?" Mayella drawls out lazily, poking my cheek to get my attention away from the phone. I hum and sit on the edge of the bed, ensuring that she's covered and warm. So damn soft.
"Make sure you're not making a mess, okay? He won't like that. A website said that you shouldn't bring it up or make any remarks. Not like you would anyways." She kisses my hand, her eyes wandering around the room as she tries to remember more things.
"Oh, also tell him that he's free to rearrange anything he wants and do anything that can help calm him. I'm not sure which type he has, but whatever it is, make him feel safe. I don't think they like clumsy sick people very much so just send me a text if you need help. Oh and I made some cookies, they're on the kitchen counter- in the blue box. Don't let the crumbs fall everywhere like you always do. Let him know that I think what he's done for the community is amazing too! He can take any cookies home if he wants to. If you're using the meeting room, use the penguin glasses we got. That makes everyone feel more comfortable..." Her head leans further on the pillow, honey eyes drifting shut.
My baby's so fucking considerate.
Six kids. Six. I want six.
"Will do, boss. Now rest. I love you." I kiss her on her cheek and set Mr. Jones on top of her just in case she needs something to cuddle. That stupid penguin's always stealing her in the middle of the night anyways. Fatass.
The doorbell rings right when Mayella's soft snores echo in the room. I make sure she's actually sleeping and not faking it like she always does, just to scroll through images of baby animals with Clancy and Fatima on facetime.
After stealing a few kisses, I make my way to the front door and am greeted with a fidgeting Dan who's bald head is as shiny as ever.
"Ugh, finally. You millionaires can't even afford a robot that opens doors for you? Shame." Dan, who's dressed in a professional suit, scoffs before leaning in to shake my hand. He rolls his eyes when I question the fast food bag in his hands.
"Where's the missus?" He asks, setting down the food on the meeting table after neatly arranging the napkins.
Mayella said not to stare when he does things like that.
I clear my throat and grab the plate of cookies, setting it on the table too.
"She's resting. Caught a cold." I make a mental note to figure out how to punish her for being so clumsy.
I was going to yesterday night, but she ended up coughing non-stop. She looked too fucking adorable to carry out my plans. Maybe tonight then.
"Well, hope she gets well soon." I nod thankfully, seating myself on the opposite side of the table and sliding over the letter Mayella made.
"You didn't have to come all the way here, Dan. You know I wouldn't mind taking a flight. Either way, you're welcome anytime." I scratch the back of my head, feeling somewhat awkward since we never talk about his condition.
And we're never this nice to each other.
Dan's always had it rough so seeing Mayella care too, even though she barely knows him, is nice. She's always so fucking considerate of everyone.
"She's got a pure heart, it shows." He gazes at the card which includes most of the things Mayella told me but colorful and with little animations of fat animals.
"It's been getting better...but this..." Dan wipes a hand down his balding head and his face, that is now reddening.
"You good?"
"No one ever thinks about these things. It means a lot, Ricky. Just, it makes me miss my daughter...she did this too sometimes. I'd like to thank her myself, but maybe another time." He quietly lets out a laugh at the memory of his child, who also works with the FBI.
"Boy am I glad the missus sorted you out." He shakes his head with a small smirk, dipping a fry into some ranch.
Apparently not all people with OCD feel the urge to obsessively clean, as stated by Mayella and her google searches. It's something I never knew and it makes sense considering the condition of his trailer.
Once he's done eating his fries, he sets the penguin shaped glass down. Dan takes out heaps of folders and slides them over to me with a pen. My brows furrow as I open one of the files to see that it's all legal documents. His eyes turn serious, the Dan I've seen on most occasions reappearing.
"Now that I've had my fries, let's put that fucker in jail, shall we?"
. . .
"You're telling me I have to fucking wait until the trial?"
"Ricky, it's our only option. Besides, its only in a few days and your contract clearly states that any charges you face as an assassin will lengthen the period of the contract. It's what the law says, I'm sorry." Dan sighs, arranging the papers into a pile.
"If he wins the case...then that's it Ricky."
"I'll wait then. We'll wait."
"Alright, that's settled. I'll see you then, make sure you let her know of what she needs to say."
"I will. Thank you." Dan nods with a smile, walking towards his car.
I sigh and shut the door, my head hurting more than usual.
Would Mayella even be ready to give her statement?
There's no way I want to put that much stress on her, and possibly force her to relive all that damn trauma. No fucking way. But we need it. I need it. It's still her choice. My head turns to the corridor when I hear a door open.
"Hey Ricky, I gave her the soup. She's much better now but she's tryna act up. Says she wants a hug or whatever. Dunno, go poke her nose or something." Fatima shrugs as she exits the bedroom.
I called her over after Dan came, figuring that Mayella would feel lonely when she wakes up. Fatima got some soup too, something I forgot to make.
I nod, narrowing my eyes when she smirks knowingly and points to the messy sofas and pillows. I dismiss her with a wave after thanking her.
The house is quiet as I tidy up the kitchen and sort out some of the court files. I hear a rustling in the living room and look closer to find Mayella munching on the remaining cookies like a damn squirrel. She's holding one cookie in both of her hands and looks so fucking adorable. But she's not eating the soup.
I glare at her.
"Did you finish the soup?" Mayella gulps at my question, continuing to chew on the cookie but this time much quicker. She wants to finish it before I take it away.
"Mo." She shakes her pretty head. I quirk a brow and inch closer to the couch, waiting for her to stop fucking eating.
"No." She repeats much more clearly. "It was nice though! These cookies are just nicer." She gives me a thumbs up which I grab before taking the cookie and eating it instead. Her glittering eyes frown and a gasp escapes her.
"Pants. Now." It's like she doesn't care about her own damn health. Stupid, soft idiot.
Mayella nods and almost waddles to the bedroom, coming out a few seconds later with a pair of black sweats. She twirls around to show her outfit to me, as she always does, even when it's my own clothes. I grab her hand and lead her out, purposely ignoring her.
"It was so much soup. It's not my fault I couldn't finish it. I promise I'm all better-Achoo!" I glare at her again, letting her hold my hand in her lap. Can't take that away. After buckling up, we drive to the closest pharmacy to get some cough syrup because someone won't listen.
"Oo, this one's strawberry flavored." I ignore her remark and hand her a napkin when her nose reddens. She should've had the damn soup.
"Are you actually ignoring me? You can't ignore me, babycakes. It's not in you. Oh my, they have skincare!" I grab some of the things she needs and place it on the counter, quirking my brow at the twenty something cashier who can't take her eyes off of my girl.
When the staring girl trails her eyes down Mayella's body, my jaw clenches. I give my girl a subtle push so that she goes to check out the skincare aisle, which obviously works.
"Look at her like that one more time and it'll be the last thing you do." The girl nods, her eyes glancing at the gun in my waistband. She continues scanning the items quickly.
I know Mayella's cute but she's mine, that's the fucking deal. Maybe I need to see Dr. Klause again.
"I got lip balm." Mayella jumps excitedly in her place, showing me the packet. I stare blankly at the energetic squirrel. She already has three of these.
Once we checkout, lip balm included, Mayella starts getting really clingy as expected.
"C'mon, give me attention. Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please? I'll drink the soup and give you seven hugs." Make that seven kids. What the fuck, Ricky?
"No."
"I'll keep Mr. Jones Senior in the guest room for two nights." Ah damn, that's tempting.
"No."
"I love you."
"I love you too- fuck ."
"Yay! Got you. Now gimme a forehead kissie." I scoff.
She's spoilt as hell and it's all my fault. I give her what she wants and drive us back home, letting her rest her head on my shoulder as I carry her to the door.
"I have to give my statement, right?" Mayella whispers with a hint of fear, running her fingers through my hair once we enter.
"It's your choice." I place us both on the couch, loving the feel of her hands through my hair. Today was really fucking stressful.
"I'll do it." She nods determinedly, giving my cheek a kiss.
"You sure? You don't have to. If it's too much-"
"I need it, Dalaric. I need the closure. And he needs to go. I also know that you need it, so don't try to hide that. Y'know you matter more than a lil' bit of my fear, right?" I sigh, knowing she won't give up anytime soon.
"You can opt out at anytime."
"Not going to, but thanks." Stubborn ass.
But you love it, don't you? Damn right.
Mayella kisses my cheek again, continuing to do so until she stops, just to move onto my neck. It's not even eight yet and she's horny already? I pull her on my body, letting her continue her attack. Fuck that feels good.
I inch my hands under her shirt, smirking when she lets out a gasp. My fingers trail across her waist, stomach and then towards her chest.
My touch is gentle for the first few seconds as her breaths get heavier and her body uses mine for support. My fingers inch even further. God, they're even softer than I expected. I kiss her throat, trailing downwards while lifting her shirt to get access. Mayella lets out a fucking moan and I groan. Fucking hell, that's the best thing I'll ever hear.
Unexpectedly, she moves back to the edge of the couch with a shocked expression. She pulls her legs closer, covering her face with both her hands.
"I'm sorry." She murmurs, shaking her head with her hands still covering her face. I glare at her, irritated at the fact that she feels the need to apologize. She won't again.
"Come here." She shakes her head.
"I'm not saying it twice, Mayella." She crawls across the couch, placing herself on my lap and hiding her face in the crook of my neck this time.
"What the fuck was that apology for?" Mayella sighs, playing with my chain that has her initials.
"I'm such a...prude. I-I just, I don't know. I'm so embarrassed. Every time you do that, I feel weird. I love- I really do - I love it when you touch um, me. But I- It's just so awkward, okay? And I, I feel like I never give you what you want." She hides her face again.
I need to show her how much I hate it when she doesn't let me see her face. I need to, it's the only thing that keeps me calm. I lift her up and flip her onto the couch, positioning myself right above her.
"Aight, listen the fuck up." Her eyes widen at my tone and she nods vigorously.
"I," I hold her face, squeezing her soft cheeks to make sure she doesn't spew bullshit like that again.
", only want you. Your body is yours, and you- at any fucking time - have the right to tell me to stop. Got that? Any fucking time. I do this for you, so if you don't fucking want it then you tell me. You push me away- anything, and I'll still love you. I don't love you for your body, no matter how fucking beautiful it is, fine? When you're ready, I'm going to be right here. Not waiting, because I don't expect you to do shit, Mayella. Only love me the way you already do. Nothing else."
It amazes me that she gives me so much affection, marks me every fucking day just how I like it, but feels ashamed to receive the same.
I love how innocent my girl is. I love how shy she gets even when she touches me. But I'm not an animal. I won't take advantage of the fact that she wasn't taught what real consent is and she was only shown what it wasn't. I knew he must've touched her that way, and if she had told me before, he wouldn't be breathing. But she didn't, most probably because she knew what I would've done. I wish she did.
Either way, if I need to teach her that she has the right to consent, then so be it. Even if it means that I won't get to touch her that way. I'm not a fucking animal who needs to keep my own girl ignorant of her basic rights for her to love me. It makes me so fucking angry to see boys take advantage of girls like my Mayella, keeping them oblivious to the things they were never taught, especially things like intimacy.
"B-but...you're mine and I'm yours. It's fine..." Her expression is filled with pure confusion, her nose scrunching up.
"You're mine when you give me consent, baby. You have that fucking right. Until then, I won't do shit. Your body, your rules, no fucking apologies. Understood?" She nods with a small smile, that falls gradually when her thoughtful eyes drift to somewhere far away.
"Then w-why-" She shuts her eyes close, shaking her head. "-h-he touched," Mayella's voice cracks and my hands tighten around the armrest, the sound of my knuckles cracking alerting her.
"He's not a real man, Mayella. That's why. Not because of you. I'm so fucking sorry and I swear on my life, that he'll be behind those damn bars. I swear."
She smiles, looking so damn empowered just like she deserves. Mayella's the strongest person I know, regardless of how much I love her. So fucking strong.
"I'm so glad that I'm in love with you. I'm so glad that you're mine." She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me down, my body on top of hers. I move us to our sides so I don't suffocate her and she smiles beautifully, an adoring look in her eyes that makes me wish eyes could capture pictures.
Mayella kisses my neck and leans her forehead against mine before mumbling words that make a pink blush appear on her face, a blush that isn't embarrassed. Her hand also grabs my own and places it on her che- fuck. Fuck.
"I would only ever want you to touch me, though, babycakes."
Damn right.
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C U T E N E S S
One word. Ricky.
A U T H O R' S N O T E:
Here are some fast facts about OCD:
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental anxiety disorder which produces repeated thoughts or images about many different things, such as fear of germs, dirt, or intruders; acts of violence; hurting loved ones; sexual acts; or being overly tidy. (Not always neat freaks)
- People with OCD may experience severe anxiety as a result of obsessive thoughts. Oftentimes, rituals or compulsions are used to reduce the anxiety caused by obsessions.
These behaviors include:
• Repeatedly checking to make sure doors are locked.
• Counting objects, letters, or words.
• Rearranging objects to ensure a specific order or symmetry.
• Doing things in multiples, such as turning the lights on and off five times because five is a "good" number.
- You do NOT have OCD just because you like to keep your room really clean, like your notes organized and like to fold your clothes in a certain order. These are very normal things. Avoid saying 'omg, my OCD is acting up hahah' if you aren't diagnosed.
- Although people with OCD may also do these things, signs are usually more severe and interfere with daily routines to a great extent if left untreated. Your ignorance will desensitize people to what real OCD is. It's messy, like all mental illnesses. And the people who go through this have to deal with effects that can be both traumatic and highly stressful.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and medication are two ways of treating OCD. OCD is treatable, and people who suffer from it can live a normal life.
If you've read through it, ily. Just thought this has to be brought more awareness to, in the medical sense. Tired of seeing people use the term so lightly. It's one of the many reasons people don't take mental illness seriously.
You can be that change.