☆Arhaan's pov ☆
Getting out of the car, I had only thought in my mind.
How fucked up can this day get?
After the very informative talk I had with my father, all I could think about was 'Do I really fuck everything up?'
I know that he's words doesn't mean shit but there is still this one hidden part inside of me that wants validation. That one part who wants the approval that all the effort I'm doing is not going to wane.
And sometimes it's really tiring.
Tilting my head up, I look at the darkened sky. Raindrops soaking through my clothes, Each drop felt like a heavy blow against my body.
"Arhaan? Are you even listening?" Even though the sound of the rain hitting the pavement was loud, constant drumming in my ears, her voice managed to not drown out among other noises.
There she is, my soft solitude in shades of grey.
I know she isn't happy about this whole rushed up leaving idea, but I did it for her safety. Who knows what my father would do after all he said about trésor on the phone.
I know I am the worst person for her right now, but I know she'll understand it. After all in past few days our 'relationship' is much more stronger than before.
Her hair drenched and matted against her face, she looked....angry.
Like really angry.
"Oh so you really are ignoring me? First you randomly dictate that we are going back home, taking decisions that should've been mutual. Arhaan you didn't even asked about my opinion, you know maybe I wanted to stay. But I guess It really doesn't matter. My decisions, my opinions doesn't matter right?" She rants out, hands balled into tight fists, jaw clenched in frustration as she looked at me. My hope dying with each word uttered out of her mouth.
Maybe I can explain her the situation, I mean she'll understand it.
Right?
"I-inayah I just-
"No you will not talk right now, maybe sometimes you should leave the sour attitude of yours behind and listen to someone else for once. "
"I just can't take it anymore!" She exclaimed, her voice rising with each word. "It's like no matter what I do, someone else is always there to make decisions for me. It's suffocating, it's infuriating, it's just...just not fair!"
"I'm tired of being pushed aside, of being told what to do and how to do it. I have a voice, I have opinions, and dammit, I have a right to make my own choices! I'm not a child anymore, I'm not some puppet to be controlled by someone else's strings! I really thought that you are different Arhaan, but I guess I was wrong. I really never mattered to you, it was all fake. Just one of your another facades."
Guess I was wrong. I scoff.
As the rain poured down around us, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had done everything I could to show her how much I cared, how much I was, still am willing to sacrifice for her happiness. But despite all these efforts, she have misunderstood me, misinterpreted my actions, my thoughts, my feeling. Again.
It seemed as if no matter how hard I tried, I am always doomed to be misunderstood.
It was selfish of me to think that she, of all people, would understand me, would see things from my perspective. Out of all people, I thought that she's that one person I can truly be myself.
Be the best version I can for her, but I guess It's just another one of my façade.
It's always my fault, isn't it?
"You really don't see it, do you?" My voice cracks up as I finally speaks up, a bitter taste in my mouth as I struggle to comprehend how things could have gone so wrong. " No matter how hard I'll try, I will never be perfect for you."
In this exact moment I feel lost, bottled up emotions bubbling inside of me waiting for the perfect moment to pop. Anger, sadness, frustration.....hurt. A sense of helplessness that threatens to consume me.
"I do everything in my power to make you happy, to show you how much you mean to me. But it's never enough. It's never enough for you to see that I would move mountains for you. You'll always see the fucked up parts. "
"I-i really am trying to be the best version I can for you, I promise I really am. But- but sometimes it's just too hard. Too hard to just keep trying knowing that maybe you'll never going to feel the half of what I feel for you." I cried out, water droplets dripped from my hair and ran down my face, mixing with the tears that were already streaming down.
And looking at her knowing that she'll never love me, it hurts. There is this simmering anger lurking inside my veins, frustrated at the thought about always giving and still being misunderstood for it.
But soon this simmering anger dies down, it's direction redirecting itself from Inayah to myself. Because how can I ever be angry with her. She's perfect....and deep down I know that I'll never deserve even half of her affection.
"And i hate it because you dont see it , I- I-i love you Inayah. I love you even if you were pain , even if you were death, I love you."
"Even- even if you are full of cloudy subtleties I am willing to spend a lifetime figuring out. I love you with a love that is mine alone to hold in my silence and between the glimpses of our eyes like the rose that bears the gift of its scent asking for nothing in return , like the drop of water that quenches the thirst of the traveller asking not to be restored."
" I loved you from the mo- from the moment you walked in through that library, from the moment we collapsed."
" And I know I'll love you until my heart beats for the last time , till I breathe in my last breath. Only then perhaps I would stop loving you..... Perhaps." I say it outloud, all at once without even thinking as words tumbled out in a jumble, a desperate rush to convey the depth of what I truly feel.
And the most pathetic thing my mind could've done right now was to imagine that she pulled me in for a kiss.
I'M SO FUCKING PATHETIC.
Like the worst thing I could do now was to imagine that she's kissing me.
I felt a wave of self-loathing wash over me, as I stepped back, walking towards the car.
The weight of my own actions settled heavily on my shoulders as the sense of emptiness consumed me, suffocating my lungs with its grip.
The heaviness in my chest grew as I sank deeper into despair. I wished I could escape the never-ending cycle of self-sabotage, but the darkness seemed to swallow me whole, leaving me behind to wallow in my own self-pity.
So fucking pathetic.
"Arhaan?"
I really can't face her now, not after the whole feelings dumping session.
"Arhaan, just listen to me once. Please." And there we go.
Turning back to look at her, even standing at a distance and the heavy rain I could see that her face was fully flushed out. Hues of pink and red adoring her cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I know I should've asked for your consent before kissing you..... it just happened super fast like really fast and I shouldn't have done that...not that I hated it, like how could I hate it but it just- I'm just sorry ok? Hope you are not mad.....like I really don't want you to be mad."
"What?"
" I'm sorry.... that.. I kissed you."
" You kissed me?" I ask, not being able to process anything.
" Yeah? I did and you moved back." She says awkwardly , probably feeling the tension in the air, the awkwardness of the situation settling in like a heavy cloud over us.
"But I was just imagining it right, I mean like you didn't kissed me."
What the fuck am I speaking?
" You were not imagining it, I did and ....it's very awkward now."
" You kissed me?" I question her again.
" Yes Arhaan, I did. You don't have to ask me this again and again. I said I'm sorry."
" No, Inayah. You are not getting this. YOU KISSED ME. Like you really kissed kissed me and I thought I was imagining it but I guess I wasn't. Like you kissed me."
Holy fuck.
What the fuckk.
My mind raced with a thousand thoughts and emotions, unable to comprehend what was happening. I could feel my hands to start trembling, I-i-
I- I can't breathe.
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♡Inayah's pov♡
" No, Inayah. You are not getting this. YOU KISSED ME. Like you really kissed kissed me and I thought I was imagining it but I guess I wasn't. Like you kissed me." He continued his rambling as the rain soaks our clothes wet.
I knew what's this about, as if after his unexpected confession all my thoughts, my visions have been summoned to become unlatched.
His hands were slightly shaking as he walked a little closer.
" So you really did k-kiss me?" He asks a little extolled, his pupils dilated.
"Mhmm"
" Kiss me again." His blazing with a new found emotion.
" Ask me nicely and I might consider." I smiled mischievously, the corner of my lips turned up.
" Please, love. Let me have the honor to worship your lips." His words were desperate, a prayer he is ready to hopelessly recite.
And that's all it took for me to pull him in for a kiss, again.
The windy air around us crackled with an electric intensity, emotions fueling the fire that engulfed every inch of our beings.
His hands snaked around my waist, as he pulled me closer, our bodies pressed together in a fierce embrace. The touch was not gentle; It was possessive and demanding, fingers digging into flesh, leaving behind marks of this unbridled passion, we both have been craving for a while.
Mouths moved with an unapologetic urgency. Teeth clashed, tongues battled, as if trying conquer one another.
His taste, each touch, only fuelled the fire that threatened to consume me entirely
I grabbed fistfuls of his hair, tugging at the locks, as if the pain of my grip only seemed to fuel his desire, he kissed me more intensity.
His breath was hot against my skin as he fiercely nipped at my lower lip, sucking it into his mouth, alternating between gentle bites and fervent kisses.
This new found sensation of pleasure and pain sent shivers down my spine, as i melted against my resistance.
This was too much.
"Oh fuck," he gasps, almost breathless. He jerks back, breaks away. "I can't do this. I won't survive it."
" I think I'm, going to have a heart attack." He whispers breathing heavily,his words painful.
" oh really?" I ask amused.
"No, I'm serious love, It feels like as if my heart is being ripped apart and then being stitched again." I graze my thumb on his cheek as he leans in the touch.
" What do you want me to do, give you a cpr?" I joked, but he wasn't smiling. His face was scrunched up, eyes shimmering.
What is he really having an heart attack?
" Arhaan, what's wrong, Do you want to stop?"
" No, never. Its just that I'm, uh I'm just so happy. Like really really happy."
"I'm so happy too, can't believe all this is real. I mean we were enemies before we got together few months ago." I say as his eyes visibly lightens up in amusement.
" I can call you mine now but that doesn't mean I haven't always only ever been yours love."
I try to remain perfectly still, trying not to make a single sound. But my mind and heart won't stop raising at his words.
"Did you just say that I'm yours?" I jokingly ask as his eyes stutter, red painting his cheeks.
" Uh, it it I just said it out of nowhere. It doesn't mean that I own you or anything like you are mine, even though I'm yours and you can totally own me." His mind starts to drift off as he starts with his rambling. Causing me to laugh at his silly behaviour. Getting on my toes, I stop his rambling session with a peck on his lips.
His eyes flutters shut, brows furrowing together.
" You are definitely planning to give me a heart attack today, aren't you?" He accusingly points out.
"Am I?" I jested, leaning forward to kiss his chest, right on top of his heart. " Look, I fixed it."
"Yeah you’ll definitely be the death of me." He agreed, comforting himself. With a mischievous twinkle in his eye, he sauntered towards me, scooping me up into his arms, as I gasp at the suddenness.
My hair moved around me in a wild, tangled mess, the raindrops adorning each strand like a crown of jewels. As he spins me around, in whirl of joy. My laugh filled the air, the rain melding around us.
" Arhaan, put me down." I chanted loudly, my words breaking off with the sound of his laughs.
As he finally puts me down gently, our faces inches apart, our breath mingling in the cool air. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I still can't believe that this moment is real. I don't deserve you inayah, don't deserve any of this." he whispers, his eyes locked on mine with an intensity that took my breath away. Again!
" Yeah, yeah you're cute. Stop saying this, and stop smiling at me like that."
Our attention soon drifts off from each other as the rain pours down harder, seeing a small Chai stall at a distance, we hastily run towards it. The scent of freshly brewed tea wafts through the air, mixed with the earthy aroma of wet soil and rain-kissed leaves as we finally reach there.
The stall had a single bulb hanging, the old shopkeeper sitting behind the counter brewing fresh tea.
With our clothes drenched, I try to flick my hair shaking my head trying to dry them off sending droplets of water flying in all directions. Glancing towards Arhaan, I see his gaze already fixed on me. Tears slightly glistening his eyes.
" Arhaan are you crying?" I ask.
" umm no." He replies back immediately, diverting his face.
" Are you lying to me?"
" Uh...yes."
•°•☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆•°•
☆Arhaan's pov☆
I hated the rain.
I resented the rain for forcing me to confront all the things I had been trying to ignore.
The missed opportunities, the broken promises, the dreams left unfulfilled. It was like the rain was washing away any semblance of hope or positivity, leaving me exposed and vulnerable.
I absolutely hated it.
But that all changed one fateful day when the girl of my dreams kissed me under it.
I repeat she KISSED ME.
Yeah I will be screaming this sentence for a while.
She tasted like strawberries. So fucking sweet.
Fun fact I Hate strawberries, they are just overrated not going to lie. Another fun fact I love strawberries now, absolutely love every freaking thing about them. I alse love the rain now.
That kiss was everything, nothing I ever imagined. Because my imagination would've never imagined how it would actually feel like to kiss THE INAYAH.
I can still taste her on my lips, a sweet and intoxicating flavor that lingers in my mouth. It's like a drug, addicting and exhilarating. I can't stop thinking about it, replaying the moment over and over in my head.
I wonder if she felt the same way. Did she feel the same spark that I did? Did she get lost in the moment like I did? I wish I could read her mind, know what she's thinking.
But she did smile, looking at me.
Finally.
But now that I'm thinking about it was that Did she really just kiss me?
Was it just a friendly peck on the lips or did she mean something more by it? I can still feel the warmth of her lips on my skin. I think I already said that but never mind.
It felt so...intimate. Does she have feelings for me or was that just a moment of spontaneity? I can't stop replaying the moment over and over in my head, trying to dissect every little detail.
But maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe it was just a friendly gesture and I'm overthinking things. But what if it wasn't? I mean how many times we just causally make out with our partners in a friendly way?
Ugh, why does this have to be so complicated? All I know is that I can't stop thinking about that kiss and what it could mean for us.
I don't know what I'm saying, my brain wires just fluctuated after that kiss and I'm happy to keep them like that for awhile.
All I know is that I like the rain and strawberries.
And I'm furiously trying not to blush after every second.
•°•☆☆☆☆☆☆☆•°•
An: Ahahhhh this was the chapter and after 40 chapters they finally kissed!! ;)
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyDToUZvg1D/?igsh=OTh4NHJ0NmRhOWUy ( I imagined this<3)
I edited some few things in previous chapter( edited the loved part to liked from Inayah's pov cause I felt I don't want her to rush to the love part yet... we need more intensity till she finally confesses.)
But yeah this was the chapter the lover Era is finally starting and I'm super excited for it.
And also the updates will be on weekends from now on<33
I'll see you guys soon <3
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Byeee humans 🪐🌩🌕
Peace ✌️
Treat people with kindness ( even the mean ones) jk kill the mean ones ;)