Fox enjoyed the rest of his day off by reading. He lounged on the living room couch, tucked into a corner with his legs stretched out, and his toes tucked underneath Ahren's thigh to keep them warm while the Alpha watched a show on his tv.
The day passed by pleasantly. Fox's tired body relished the chance to lie down for hours on end, cocooned in the house's warmth and desires satiated. His stomach was full from the delicious belated lunch Ahren had made for them. Whatever concerns he had stayed in the back of his mind, quieted for now.
Nothing truly eventful happened for a majority of the day. That was, until later that evening when Ahren's phone rang.
He read the caller ID and answered the phone right away. He paused his show so he could listen better.
"Hey, what's up?" Ahren greeted.
Fox couldn't pick up exact words, the voice on the other end too quiet and hoarse, but he could make out a stressed tone.
Ahren listened for a few moments, brows furrowed. "You need to get out of that house. Come spend the night here, bring your game console. It's not good for you to be alone right now."
The man on the other end responded with more quiet words, followed by an anxious sound.
"You know he won't bother you. Just come over, please," Ahren replied. The man on the other end paused for a long moment, then gave a resigned response.
The call ended and Ahren got up to head over to the front room. He stood by the front windows, peering out of the gaps in the curtains to make sure whoever had been on the phone with him was actually coming over.
A few minutes later, Ahren opened the front door and Fox saw Evander waiting on the other side. Even from his spot in the living room, he could see that Evander's visage was one of distress and strife.
He carried a gaming console with a couple controllers and a few different games. It seemed so out of place with his current demeanor that it made him look strangely younger, like he was a child again, miserable and clinging to the only escape he could find.
"Hey," Ahren greeted, stepping aside to let Evander in. Evander trudged his way through the front room, but just as he made it by the stairs, he slowed to a stop. His eyes gradually widened, and Fox could hear him inhaling.
Fox's lungs seized as he realized that neither he nor Ahren had showered after their sex, and surely Ahren's room still housed their mixed scents. He darted a panicked look towards Ahren and could see a similar realization in his eyes. Oh, shit.
Fox waited for the inevitable, for Evander to either direct his anger at him or at his friend, to start yelling about how bad it was for an Alpha to bed with a loner, to demand that Fox no longer be treated with such privilege.
But Evander didn't do any of those things. He just took a deep breath, steeled his expression, and continued on into the living room.
Ahren cautiously followed him. He shared a look with Fox, uncertain but seemingly hopeful. Evander trudged over to the tv and set his gaming stuff down on the floor. Fox grew uncomfortable staying where he was, like continuing to sit on the couch somehow meant that he belonged here more than Evander did. Fox quietly got up from the couch and took his book with him as he made his way to the stairs. Ahren watched him do so, eyebrows drawn together in apology, but Ahren had nothing to be sorry for. Fox lightly waved him off with a shake of his head as a way to reassure him.
He made his way upstairs. He paused as he reached the landing, curiosity getting the better of him. He listened as Ahren spoke to Evander in the living room.
"What made you upset this time?" he asked.
"I don't know. I was working out in the basement and I didn't have any music playing. I think that might've started it. Once I started feeling wrong I tried to put on some music, but it didn't do anything to help. I could feel it getting worse, so I stopped and went upstairs. I tried to distract myself by making dinner but I couldn't figure out what I wanted to eat. I knew it was only going to get worse from there, so I called you," Evander said.
"Are you hungry? I can make us something to eat if you're unable to cook," Ahren replied. Fox frowned a little. What would cause Evander to be unable to cook? He found it peculiar. He wondered if it was less of a physical ailment and something more emotional. Fox had spent more than his fair share of nights being too depressed to take care of himself.
"I don't know what I want to eat," Evander answered with an air of distress.
"Are you hungry?" Ahren asked again. A few moments of silence passed and Fox assumed Evander had responded nonverbally. "You know you don't have to eat just because it's the typical time to eat a meal."
"I know..." Evander mumbled.
"Do you want to sit and talk, or just play some games and forget about everything?" Ahren asked. Fox could hear Evander heave a long sigh.
"I just... just games," he said, and Fox was momentarily stunned by the level of defeat and exhaustion in Evander's voice. He didn't expect to hear such a stoic and tough Alpha sound so downtrodden from life. He suspected the only reason Evander spoke like this now was because Fox wasn't in the same room as him.
"Okay. I'll pick," Ahren replied gently. Fox listened to them set up a video game to play, and he figured he wouldn't hear any other conversation. Ahren had a smaller loft living room upstairs that served as an extra seating area for parties, and Fox settled in among the small couch there and resumed reading his book. The loft area only opened up to the staircase, so there was some relative quiet with minimal sounds of the video game rising up from the main floor.
Some hours passed and nothing of note caught Fox's attention. Eventually his stomach let him know it was time to eat, but Fox was uncertain about going back downstairs and making something. He didn't want to disturb the Alphas, or more specifically, Evander.
Fox could only manage to stew in discomfort for half an hour before he decided that social discomfort could be more easily managed than physical discomfort, and regardless, he had developed a sour hatred towards hunger pains. He set his book down and rose to return downstairs.
He crept silently down the stairs, avoiding creaks in the wood, and peeked around the corner. He could see Ahren sitting closest to him, a gaming controller in his hands, and Evander sat on the other end of the couch. He was partially slumped back into the cushions, and although he was also playing the game with Ahren, his visage portrayed an intense lack of enjoyment.
They both seemed distracted by the game, however, so Fox thought it safe to emerge from around the corner. He stepped quietly towards the kitchen, but he was still noticed by both Alphas. They glanced his way, Evander's expression unchanging while Ahren gave him a warm smile.
Fox said nothing and entered the kitchen. He didn't want to make anything that would cause too much noise or take too much time, so he decided on simple sandwiches. He set to work pulling out ingredients and layering them on his chosen bread. He glanced at the time and realized it was past normal dinner time, and the Alphas hadn't eaten. Fox knew they needed to eat more to maintain their muscle mass and strength, so he decided to make them some sandwiches, too.
He had made his sandwiches for himself and for Ahren with mayonnaise and pickles, but he knew Evander hated both, so he made sure to leave them out of his. He placed each one on plates and brought two of them out to the Alphas.
He gave Ahren's to him first. A smile graced Ahren's face when he saw Fox present the sandwich to him, and he paused the game to take the plate. Evander watched the interaction, and eyed Fox as he approached him and held the sandwich out.
Evander didn't take it right away. He raised a brow at the sandwich and glanced over his shoulder at the ingredients Fox had left out on the counter.
"No pickles and no mayonnaise," Fox assured him. Evander's brows furrowed, possibly confused. He probably hadn't expected Fox to remember his preferences. He took the plate and set it in his lap, one hand still holding his controller. He looked at both, assessing which one he preferred in the moment.
Fox left him to decide on his own and made his way back to the kitchen to clean up. Ahren grasped his hand on his way by, stealing his attention.
"Thank you, Fox," he whispered warmly. He gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
"You're welcome," Fox replied. Their fingers slid against each other as Fox moved away and Ahren let go of his hand. Fox could feel an unwavering gaze on his back as he walked away, and he knew Evander was watching him again.
Fox quietly cleaned up and took his sandwich upstairs. He ate alone in the loft area and spent the next hour finishing his book.
By this time, he was tired and ready to go to bed. He suspected the Alphas would continue gaming or talking for a while, considering Ahren's concern for Evander's mental well-being, and got ready for bed without expecting Ahren to join him.
After he finished showering and brushing his teeth in the guest bathroom, he emerged out into the hall and was about to enter Ahren's room, when he heard conversation float up the stairs from the living room.
The voices were quiet and calm. Subdued, perhaps. "You like him, don't you?"
"I do." A silent moment passed after that, and Fox remained still. Listening.
"Why? What are you thinking?" Evander asked.
"I'm thinking Fox deserves something good in his life. He doesn't demand anything more than he thinks he needs, and even then he doesn't demand that. He's left grasping for whatever he can find that's stable enough. I can't even imagine everything he's gone through in his life, if he ever feels safe enough to tell me. And despite being a lone wolf, he's honest and he helps those who need it. And he's so, so kind. I know you see that in him, too," Ahren answered. "When you take the time to see past his label."
A stretch of silence passed, pensive and waiting.
"Don't tell me your conversation with him on your roof did nothing?" Ahren inquired.
"I'm not saying it didn't. I know every loner has their sob story, but with him it seemed so... he just seemed so accepting of it. I think I know what you mean when you say he doesn't demand anything he needs. And... and he is kind. I keep thinking it's just a method of fooling everyone, but..."
"You can tell that it's genuine," Ahren finished for him.
"Yeah," Evander confirmed softly. Another few seconds of quiet passed.
"He doesn't make any sense to me. I don't understand how he can be like that, when all the rest of them aren't," Evander said.
"I think something happened in his life that he's not ready to tell us yet," Ahren wondered. "But I'm not going to pry into his past, and you shouldn't either. And you don't have to understand him to let him exist as he is."
Fox's chest filled with a pressure he couldn't quite name. It was similar to grief, similar to gratitude, similar to happiness.
Some more pensive silence filled the space in the house. Eventually, Evander asked a question. He did so in the same soft and slightly defeated manner as he'd spoken with before, earlier in the evening. "Do you want him to be your mate?"
"I think it's much too early to make that decision yet. And you know as well as I do how complicated this kind of pairing can become," Ahren replied.
"Do you think the pack will ever see him the way you do?" Evander asked next.
"Eventually. Yes. I know there's some who will be bigots to the bitter end, but I think there's potential for them to accept Recovering Loners," Ahren said. "I think Fox being the first will pave the way for a smooth transition."
Fox's eyebrows rose. He hadn't been sure if he was truly going to become this new role Ahren wanted to integrate. And thinking about it now, he wondered if it would have good results. For himself, for other loners, and for the pack.
What would a Fox as a pack wolf be like?
Fox couldn't imagine it.
"Optimistic as ever," Evander observed. Ahren chuckled at that.
"This isn't going to form a rift between us, is it?" Ahren asked.
"Why would it? We're still best friends. I just... I just want you to be smart about it," Evander said.
"I am. Trust me," Ahren assured him. Fox could hear a heavy sigh.
"I do," Evander said.
~~~
When there finally seemed to be a break in all the snowing, Fox was tasked to help set up winter decorations around the common areas in the pack territory. Over the course of a couple days, string lights in white, green, blue, and red were strung up along storefronts and houses. Hollies, pine garlands, and gold bells adorned doors, windows, archways, and lampposts. What once was a bleak white landscape was now brought to life with colors of evergreen, gold, and fireplace red. It definitely helped to put some warmth in Fox's bones, and he gazed at the finished product with a smile on his face.
In the same way Fox had celebrated Halloween on his own with his mother, he celebrated Midwinter. Fox let himself remember all the winters he'd spent decorating, baking cookies, watching cozy feel-good movies, exchanging gifts with his mother, and enjoying a hearty feast on the night of winter solstice. As with Halloween, he'd never celebrated Midwinter within a pack before, and he was curious to see if there would be any differences.
Fox wished Star could celebrate with him. She had made Halloween so fun for him, his first holiday within a pack, and he found himself yearning for her company on this one. With Rishima's permission, he took a spare bit of pine garland and took it to her grave, where he tucked the garland around her tombstone.
"I wish you were still here," he whispered to her. He meant it for both his mother and for Star. He took a few minutes to sit with his grief, before he stood and returned to his duties.
With winter thoroughly in season, pack bonding parties focused frequently on ice skating, sledding, and snow sculpture competitions. Fox couldn't find it in him to participate, even when Ahren encouraged him to. Fox was content with simply watching everyone else have fun and providing hot apple cider to those who requested it.
Fox couldn't stay out of parties for long, though. "I'm going to host a party here this weekend, if you're alright with that," Ahren said one evening as they settled into bed.
Fox, who laid on his side facing Ahren, frowned at him. "Why are you asking my permission?"
"I know you're not one to socialize. I want you to be comfortable," Ahren answered. "It won't be a big party, just the other Alphas and some of our friends. Like Sunshine's birthday."
Fox shrugged a shoulder. "It's your house. You shouldn't worry about how I feel. If you want to host a party, you can. Don't let me get in the way."
Ahren brushed his hand through Fox's hair, slow and coaxing. It had gotten a little longer now, the ends becoming more prominently wavy and close to getting in his eyes. "I wouldn't have a good time if I knew you weren't having a good time."
Fox frowned again. He pushed himself up onto his elbow so he could properly look at the Alpha. Ahren gazed up at him, unconcerned. "What?"
Fox shook his head a little. "Why would my mood have any impact on yours?" he asked.
"Because I care for you. You deserve to have someone give a damn about your feelings," Ahren told him.
Fox stared at the bedsheets for a few long moments. Emotions and uncertainty warred within him, like crashing waves in the middle of an ocean, roaring and frothing from tempestuous winds or disturbed from colossal creatures of the deep. He waited for the waters to calm.
"No one has cared for a long time," Fox whispered. "I don't know if I can believe anyone cares."
Ahren brushed the back of his index finger over the ridge of Fox's cheekbone. The gesture was just featherlight enough to make goosebumps rise along the back of his neck. "Even if you don't believe it, I still care for you," Ahren said.
Fox met Ahren's gaze and held it, steady, watchful. "You hardly know anything about me."
"I know enough," Ahren replied softly.
Fox swallowed. "I've killed before."
"I'm sure you have," Ahren responded. He still spoke softly. Fox's brows furrowed.
"I've watched people die. I've witnessed horrors, and... and horrible things have been done to me," Fox continued. His throat began to grow tight. Ahren's hand slid down to his chest, where he slipped his thumb beneath Fox's shirt and brushed it over the surgical scar running down his sternum.
A bolt of discomfort spiked through his spine and Fox grasped Ahren's hand, pulling it away from his scar. He held it tightly. A tremor in his wrist betrayed his fear. Fox swallowed. "I don't-" he swallowed again as his voice grew taut and raspy. "I don't think I'm ready to tell anyone what happened to me."
"That's fine," Ahren reassured him. He leaned up and pressed his forehead to Fox's, just as tears brimmed Fox's eyes. "I don't want you to tell me out of fear. I want you to tell me out of confidence; from a place of safety. You don't need to force yourself into admitting everything just because you're afraid I won't trust you anymore. Tell me when you're ready, and only when you're ready."
Fox exhaled shakily and closed his eyes. The action caused a few tears to drop down onto his cheeks and the sheets below. Fox still could not understand how Ahren was so comfortable with him in this way. How patient he was, how differently he treated him compared to every other Alpha Fox had ever met. He understood the immensity of this privilege but failed to comprehend the depth behind it. Never had any Alpha behaved this way with a lone wolf before, and it continued to baffle him.
"Thank you," Fox breathed, because he wanted Ahren to hear that he was grateful. He may not understand Ahren's treatment, but he was grateful for it all the same.
Ahren kissed Fox's forehead and gently coaxed him back down amidst the blankets and pillows.
~~~
The following weekend, the house was prepped for an inner circle party. Fox helped Ahren decorate the house for Midwinter, hanging up more garlands, bells, red ribbons, and string lights. The house soon gave off a warm and cozy vibe that helped calm whatever nerves Fox harbored towards the party.
It would technically be the first one he was allowed to attend with no expectations of helping or being shooed away when his company was no longer wanted. Fox wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it, but he knew Sunshine and Rishima would be there, and since they were more positively tolerable toward him, he hoped he wouldn't feel too ostracized.
The living room couches were rearranged to allow people to move around better, and Fox helped Ahren cook a few large dishes of ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, and dinner rolls. Once the main dishes were prepared, Ahren stored them in the same stay-hot party trays he'd used for Sunshine's birthday party. Then he and Fox baked a few different pies; one pumpkin, one pecan, and one berry.
Not long after placing the pies in the oven, someone knocked on the front door. Ahren went to answer it, and came back into the kitchen with Evander in tow. Like the last party, Evander carried bottles of wine with him and set them down on an available counter space. There was no beer this time, however. And unlike last time, Evander glanced at Fox and didn't shift his expression into one of distaste. He remained neutral, and Fox took that as a sign of improvement.
Evander inhaled deeply in the direction of the oven and hummed in delight. "I can't wait for some of that," he said.
"Leave some for the rest of us," Ahren teased. "Have some dinner, first, too."
"Okay, Mom," Evander rolled his eyes. He went over to the platter and lifted the lids to inspect the food within. Ahren picked up the tv remote and found a video to play of a crackling fireplace, further adding to the cozy atmosphere. Fox settled down into the far corner of the farthest couch, so he could have a good view of everything.
"You okay?" Ahren asked him.
"Mh hm," Fox hummed an affirmative. Ahren ruffled his hair as he passed by and headed back into the kitchen. Fox grabbed a blanket and tucked it over himself.
Not long later, the other guests arrived. First came Sunshine and Leyra. The Alpha spared Fox a disinterested glance, but Sunshine beamed at him and waved. Fox smiled back and watched as Sunshine came over and sat down next to him.
"Hey you. I feel like I haven't gotten to talk to you in forever," she greeted. Fox lifted a shoulder in an ashamed gesture and grimaced.
"Sorry," he said.
"Don't be. You're allowed to have a life," she reassured him. "How've you been?"
Fox made an unsure sound. "I've been good, I think. Some days are harder than others, but... some are really nice, too. I'm glad I don't have to worry about freezing to death."
Sunshine drew her eyebrows up in an expression of sympathy. "I'm glad for that, too." She rubbed the part of the blanket that covered his shin. "How do you like living with Ahren?"
"It's nice," Fox answered. He looked over at said Alpha and watched him converse with Leyra and Evander in the kitchen. He admired the way the cozy warm lighting left a pleasant glow on his skin and hair. He noted his relaxed shoulders and easy smile, and the arms crossed over his chest that Fox had come to find were very comfortable to snuggle up in.
He glanced at Sunshine and found her smiling at him in a very particular way. Fox's cheeks flushed. "What?" he asked, feeling sheepish, although he didn't understand why.
"Ahren is nice, isn't he?" Sunshine asked. Fox nodded and looked down at his lap.
"He's been incredibly kind to me. It's something I am grateful for every day," he said. Sunshine's smile grew more warm and genuine.
"He's a very good judge of character. I'm glad he didn't let Evander bully him into not helping you," she replied.
"I don't think Evander can bully him into anything," Fox mused. Sunshine laughed a little.
"I think you're right, actually. Those two are an interesting pair," she agreed.
Just then, a few more guests arrived. Among them were a couple people Fox vaguely recognized as some of the Betas, as well as Rishima and her mate. Sunshine and Rishima waved to each other as everyone greeted each other in the kitchen. Fox studied Rishima's mate, who he hadn't gotten a look at before. He sported black hair and pale skin, thin dark eyes, strong facial bone structure and a sturdy stature. He stood shorter than Rishima by about half a foot. He wasn't super remarkable, but Fox could understand his appeal.
Over the course of the next half hour, about ten people arrived for the party. Fox began to feel overwhelmed as strangers mingled and spread out into the living room. More than a few of them glanced at him with furrowed brows as if confused about his presence. As soon as someone he didn't know very well got too close to him, he slinked out of his spot on the couch and found an unoccupied corner in the kitchen to hide in.
Fox didn't understand why he was here. Parties weren't his thing. Not many people here liked him all that much. It would probably be better for him to escape to Ahren's room and find a new book to read.
Fox took a small stressed breath and eyed the food, considering it. As he assessed what was available, Ahren approached his side and leaned against the counter.
"Hey. Are you still doing okay?" Ahren checked.
"I'm fine. You don't have to babysit me," Fox answered politely.
"I know," Ahren replied. "Help yourself to some food."
Fox needed no further persuasion. He took a plate and loaded up a little bit of everything onto it, except for dessert. He could feel some of the party members frowning at him, but with Ahren so close by, Fox didn't feel super anxious about eating their food.
He took a seat at the dining table, which was currently unoccupied and only lightly littered with plates and cups. He kept his head down to avoid making eye contact with any disapproving faces.
Not long into his food, Sunshine sat down across from him. She brushed aside some discarded plate and napkin and began shuffling a deck of cards in the available space between them. "Do you know how to play blackjack?" she asked him.
"It sounds familiar," Fox replied. He'd never been one to gamble, but he had once traveled with a small group that would play cards games with each other sometimes. Fox hadn't retained any of the rules on how to play.
"Super simple. The goal is to reach 21 without going over. Each card is equal to its amount, while jacks, queens, and kings equal 10. I lay down two cards, one you can see and one you can't. Then I give you a card that you can see, and you say 'hit me' to get another card or 'hold' to keep the amount you have. Once you hold, I flip my other card over, and whoever is closer to 21 wins. Make sense?" Sunshine explained.
"I think so," Fox replied. Sunshine grinned and laid out the cards. Hers was an eight of clubs. Fox's was a ten of hearts.
"Hm... hit me?" he said, uncertain. Sunshine gave him another card, a two of spades.
"Hit me," he said again. A seven of diamonds. Fox had nineteen. He pondered for a moment, and decided it would be best not to risk it. "Hold."
Sunshine flipped her other card over, revealing a queen of hearts. Her cards equaled eighteen. "Oh you won! Nice job," Sunshine tapped her fingertips together in a quiet clap. Fox smiled a little.
"Do you want to go again?" she asked.
"Sure," Fox said.
"I'll join," chimed another person. Fox looked over to see Rishima pull out a seat next to Sunshine, a glass of wine in her hands.
Sunshine added her in with ease. They played another round, which Sunshine won. They played another that Fox won again. Soon Ahren sat down next to Fox and joined the game, too. The next one Rishima won.
Eventually Rishima's mate came and sat down next to her, and Evander took the only available seat next to Ahren. "How about we play some Uno?" Rishima's mate, who Fox had overheard was named Minjun, suggested.
Everyone eagerly accepted. Ahren got out the card game from the storage closet by the stairs and returned to the dining table. Fox was asked if he knew how to play, to which he replied he barely remembered. The rules were explained to him, and then a practice round began.
Ahren tucked a hand under Fox's chair and slid it closer to his. Fox blushed as Ahren leaned into his space to see his cards. Rishima set her card down first. Then Minjun. Then it was Fox's turn. Fox thumbed a card with a matching color.
"I would use this one," Ahren said, pointing to a different card of the same color.
"Why?" Fox asked.
"It's a higher number. You want to play the higher number first so you get less points added up at the end of the game. The points are added up by the card numbers," Ahren murmured in explanation. Fox tried not to notice how close Ahren's voice was to his ear and played the card he suggested.
The practice round continued. As Ahren whispered pointers and hints to him, Ahren's arm subtly slid behind Fox's back under the table, and his fingers found their way up under Fox's shirt and to the skin on his hip. Fox forced down a shiver as Ahren traced little lines above the hem of his pants. He glanced at the other members at the table to see if any of them noticed what Ahren was doing, but they all appeared none the wiser.
The game went on, and the practice round finished with Minjun as the winner. Sunshine skillfully shuffled the cards and dealt out a new set for the next round. This time Ahren couldn't help, and since he was also playing now, he had to take his hand away. Fox's hip buzzed with warmth where Ahren's fingers had once been.
The group played through another round and then the next. Fox started to understand the game better and came closer to winning. As time went on, he could feel himself loosening up. He began to smile when someone got upset over being skipped or reversed on, watching their hands remain stagnant with cards while the same few people got rid of theirs. Fox seized an opportunity to deal his own tragic card that ended up giving Minjun four extra cards when he had managed to get down to one. A grin pulled at his lips as Sunshine reached over the table and high-fived him.
Fox watched as the adults around the table began to have more fun. Rishima and Evander battled for Uno for a few turns that left everyone on the edge of their seats. In another round, the entire group had managed to stack +2 cards four times in a row. Fox almost got landed with having to draw eight cards, but then he smiled deviously at Minjun, and the table exclaimed in disbelief as Fox laid down his own +2 card. Minjun's jaw dropped and both Rishima and Sunshine howled with laughter.
Fox surprised himself by releasing his own laugh, although much more reserved than the womens'. Both Ahren and Evander looked sharply at him. Ahren's visage, predictably, held warmth and adoration. Evander's, however, portrayed a frown, as if Fox had made a freakish sound. Fox's shoulders drew taut as an embarrassed blush crept over his cheeks. He covered his mouth with his hand as a cold wave washed away some of his joy.
They both noticed. Evander's expression morphed slightly into a puzzled frown, and he looked away. Ahren reached over and brushed his hand through Fox's hair in an attempt to make him feel better.
The game finished with Fox feeling strange, his chest filled with residual joy and simmering embarrassment. He tried to forget about it, and made sure to hide his laughs behind his hand, and keep them as quiet as possible.
Eventually the group dispersed for a break. Fox finished his dinner and went into the kitchen to drink a glass of juice. He leaned against a counter and gradually wound down from the fun of the card games.
He settled into simple people-watching, taking in the state of the party and everyone's level of drunkenness. Small groups formed and then dispersed. Multiple people intermingled with one another while only a few stayed stationary.
At some point during his break, as Fox's gaze continued roaming throughout the room, he discovered that Evander wasn't there anymore. Fox hadn't noticed the Alpha leave, and wondered where he had gone, and why.
Just then, he spotted Ahren flipping on the switch for the backyard porch light. He peered out through the glass door with a frown on his face. Considering the fact that the bunkers were in the same direction as his backyard, Fox grew worried and joined him by the back door to see if anything serious was amiss.
It had nothing to do with the bunkers, however. Fox saw Evander sitting outside on the edge of the porch, huddled underneath an outdoor heating lamp and staring at nothing. Even though he sat under a heat source, it was still cold, and yet Evander only wore his hoodie. Ahren hummed softly, a hint of worry in his voice.
"Is he okay?" Fox asked quietly, not wanting to draw attention.
"I don't know," Ahren replied. "Could you check on him?"
"Me?" Fox responded. "I don't know if he wants my company."
"Maybe if you bring him some pie, he'll be more open to letting you sit with him," Ahren suggested. Fox made a disagreeing face, but he nodded. He wanted a chance to get a genuine breather from the party anyhow.
Fox turned to the pies on the kitchen counter and cut a hefty slice of pumpkin pie. He'd seen Evander inhale a slice earlier, which led Fox to believe that he liked pumpkin pie the best out of the available options. Fox grabbed a spare blanket no one was using and draped it over his shoulders like a shawl, and with pie in hand, he stepped outside.
As soon as he shut the door, the noise of the party deafened, and the relaxed silence of the winter night soothed his senses. Evander didn't move at the sound of the door opening. Fox cautiously sat down beside him, only close enough to feel the heater's warmth and not touch him. He settled the plate in his lap.
Neither of them spoke for a moment. Fox warily glanced at him. Evander continued to look out across the snow with a placid visage. He didn't seem perturbed by Fox's presence.
"This is for you," Fox murmured. He held out the plate toward Evander. The Alpha looked at it, seemingly studying it or deciding if he wanted it. Eventually, to Fox's relief, he took the plate and ate a bite of pie.
They remained in silence for a few moments longer. Evander stopped eating his pie halfway through the slice. "I'm sorry about earlier."
Fox's brows twitched together, confused. "For what?"
"When I looked at you funny after you laughed. I didn't mean to kill your joy like that, the same way my father used to kill mine. It was a shitty thing to do," Evander explained.
"Oh..." Fox croaked. He lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "I was mostly just embarrassed."
"You shouldn't be," Evander said quietly. "It's a nice laugh."
Fox's eyebrows rose and his cheeks grew warm in a blush. Evander sighed heavily, as if exhausted. From the party or from himself, Fox couldn't tell.
"You don't really like parties very much, do you?" Fox asked. He was both curious and wanted to change the subject.
"Sometimes I do. But sometimes I reach a point where all the fun fades away and I end up just standing there, feeling off, and thinking to myself, 'I don't really want to be here, do I?'" Evander said. "And then I just get drunk to forget about it."
"That's not very healthy," Fox mumbled.
Evander huffed, and Fox glanced at him to catch the edge of his smile. "You sound like Sunshine."
Fox didn't know what to say to that, so he remained mute. Evander looked down at the pie in his hands in a thoughtful manner. After a second, he held it out to Fox. "Have some," he said. "I never see you eat anything sweet."
Fox eyed the pie with a slight grimace. "Sweets are an unsustainable luxury I can't afford to have."
Evander huffed again and rolled his eyes. "Spoken like a true lone wolf. Look where you are right now. Do you think having some sugar will jeopardize anything?"
Fox's chest stung with offense for a brief moment, but he took Evander's words into account, and he thought about it. In a way, Evander had a point. Fox had access to warm shelter, his belly was full with real nutritious food, and he didn't think he'd need to exert a lot of energy anytime soon. By all means, it was safe for him to indulge in a dessert.
"Okay," he relented, and took the plate from Evander. He picked up the fork and tried not to think about how Evander's mouth had recently used it. He cut a small bite and let it hover near his mouth. It's fine, he assured himself. It's safe enough to eat it.
Fox shoved away the doubt in his mind and took a bite. Flavors erupted on his tongue and he took a moment to feel the smooth texture of the pumpkin and the crumbly grit of the crust, and he was briefly transported back in time. Suddenly Fox was twelve years old, savoring the same bite of pie as he sat on the floor of the living room. Cinnamon candles lined the windowsill, filling the room with their scent, and a holiday movie played on the television screen. His mother laughed behind him at something that happened in the movie.
Tears welled in Fox's eyes before he could stop them. He quickly swallowed and gave the plate back to Evander. He swallowed again against the thickness growing in his throat.
"What?" Evander asked, clearly having noticed the shift in Fox's mood. Fox shook his head and took a deep, steadying breath. He didn't want to admit it, because he was always afraid of admitting his feelings about his past, but Evander continued to admit his own past, so Fox thought it only fair to keep giving the same in return.
"I just... miss my home," he whispered tightly.
"I'm sorry," Evander replied. Fox closed his eyes and took another deep breath. He could feel a hesitance come from Evander, a tension as if he wanted to press further and didn't know if he should.
Fox hoped he wouldn't. But unlike Ahren, who knew when to stop asking questions, Evander asked them anyway. "Why did you leave after your mother died? Was your pack that awful? Did they not give you any support after her death?"
Fox focused on calming the disturbed ocean of emotions within him. When the waters stopped threatening to crash against each other, Fox answered. "I have never lived in a pack. It had always been just us two, since the day I was born."
Fox held his gaze at the snow by his feet and absorbed the intense stare Evander was giving him. It seemed to take a moment for the information to fully register in his brain.
"You're..." Evander paused, baffled. "You weren't born in a pack?"
"No," Fox confirmed, quiet but firm. "I have lived every day of my life as a lone wolf. I have only had one home, and I can never have another one ever again."
Evander went mute. His internal processing was almost tangible to Fox. Gears turning in his head and puzzle pieces fitting together. Fox waited as the minutes ticked by, seeing if Evander would say anything more. But after a certain amount of time, Fox realized Evander wasn't going to speak again.
Without a word, Fox set the remaining pie down beside him and rose. He didn't spare Evander a glance as he returned back inside. He didn't want to be forced into talking about anything more.
~
Sorry about the late chapter, I had a few life stuff going on for a little while that took up most of my energy. But luckily things have settled down again so I should be back to writing more frequently again :)
Also, *casually slides this discord invite over to you* https://discord.gg/P9X99cv
I'm fairly active on my Discord server and I usually post updates on my upcoming chapters as well as hold discussions about numerous other things. If you're ever curious about the status of my books or have any questions for me, or just want a cool space to hang out in, feel free to join! The more the merrier. (You must be 18+ tho, I'm sorry I've been traumatized by minors) (link can also be found on my profile if this one doesn't work)