summary - maybe they were a bit too hard on you, or maybe these cold new york city streets shaped the three of you into shadows afraid of the dark
word count - 3.5k
There were very few similarities with the streets of New York City and the Avengers tower. Though, that was probably the point when Tony Stark and Pepper Potts were designing such a high-end building. The streets were always cold somehow, even in the dead of summer when just walking down a few blocks to the best pizza parlor in Queens provoked pools of sweat to cling to soft skin despite how little or how many clothes you wore. The streets were always loud, even at three in the morning on a Wednesday or at one in the afternoon on the Sunday after a holiday. The streets were always busy. New York City was the city that never slept for a reason, but Avengers tower couldn't meet the bustling atmosphere with any amount of help or social gathering Tony Stark hosted.
You were given the hundredth floor when Tony Stark had personally recruited you after clashing on the battlefield dressed in a sheer ski mask and fraying black zip-up hoodie. Your personal disguise hadn't been much of a disguise with its many holes and thin fabric, but nobody really paid enough attention to your vigilante persona to figure you out. That was before you'd met Natasha Romanoff and her shadow of a girlfriend, Wanda Maximoff. The pair was as equally enthralled with you as they were unamused, and it seemed at every corner one or both of them was working out a way to deconstruct everything you built.
Avengers tower was always warm, even with the windows open welcoming the breeze of winter and the air conditioner dialed down to sixty-five on the second setting from highest. You supposed it was your subconscious way of making luxury feel cheap, connecting you to the streets that you'd grown up on. If nobody had walked in your shoes, they wouldn't be able to comprehend how you ached for the uncomfortable sidewalks beneath your head at night or the scent of trash lingering around you, particularly pungent toward the end of the week before trash collection when discarded ingredients had marinated in themselves for days. You'd traded homelessness for lavish living in minutes, but still you felt empty, like you didn't belong here nor there. Wanda and Natasha saw your feelings for what they weren't. They noticed your every weakness and somehow decided that instead of being homesick to a place that wasn't really your own anyway, you were working them. That you were the enemy. Not a teenage girl who'd crossed paths with the wrong people at the wrong time and it had left you a mutant with healing powers and the ability to absorb the strength from people around you rather than an orphan with pale skin and no family. You could be both of those things at the same time, and for three years you had been, but to them, in their eyes, you had to pick a path. Your identity couldn't be one or the other.
Pepper had pulled you away from the solidarity of your floor for a team meeting. It had been weeks since Tony had recruited you, and for the most part, you stuck to yourself. The team had seen you on various occasions, but for nothing longer than a few minutes before the judgemental stares became too invalidating and you surrendered to your quarters for quiet. Quiet that you despised. Quiet that let you sit in all of the wrongdoings that had been imparted on you without your consent. You supposed, that in a way, Avengers tower was just like the streets of New York City. You were judged and outcast all the same, with high-quality satin sheets and water pressure that could melt your skin off with enough time beneath the shower head, or with just the night sky above your head as a ceiling. The people weren't different, the places were.
"It's mandatory." Pepper had told you when you'd first declined her offer at joining the team in the common area for a relaxed evening. You'd heard through the grapevine that every so often the Avengers gathered together for dinner and conversation, admittedly a way to reground them. Remind them that although they're earth's mightiest heroes, they're still human.
"I'm not a part of the team." You'd responded, not meeting Pepper's eye. You couldn't handle the way she looked at you. Not when her eyes were full of so much empathy and pity that it made you feel like glass. She could look right through everything you built and find a scared teenage girl at your center without knowing you at all. That scared you. She scared you more than Natasha and Wanda ever could, because while she saw a real person, they saw a treat. An enemy. And you would rather be taken for the worst then seen for what you always tried not to be. Real. If you were real it meant that your parents really did choose to abandon you. If you were real it meant that everything that had happened to you in seventeen years was unfortunate and equally undeserved. It was better to just exist as a vigilante in the night then as Y/N.
"You've been a part of this team since you stopped a bomb before it could detonate at Tony's feet. Don't let Natasha and Wanda rattle you, they were in your shoes not that long ago."
Stunned, you hadn't been able to find the words to respond. How had she known? And if she was aware that Natasha and Wanda were bothering you, did they know too? Were they annoyed? Would they hurt you for stirring chaos and problems where it didn't need to be. This was their home. They'd been through hell enough times over to make your pathetic life look like a dream.
"Why did he pick me." You choked out, before Pepper could leave your doorway and enter the elevator to leave you alone.
Pepper smiled a smile that was so maternal it made your insides feel queasy. You didn't deserve this. You'd just been in the wrong place at the right time. "You jumped into an active warzone without a weapon. You are the only reason that Clint's not seriously injured. You're reckless, Y/N. But you're reckless because you have a good heart. That's the only thing that makes any of them an Avenger, with or without powers and serums." Y/N. Pepper was the only one who called you that. Kid seemed to float around your head for anyone to grab at. You weren't sure if hearing your name was grounding or a new reason for you to spiral with a deep-seeded feeling of weightlessness.
Pepper and Tony were the only ones you'd really had a conversation with since the latter had offered you residence and training at the Tower. Steve had tried a handful of times, but you were elusive out of habit to let him in, and settling into this life wasn't easy despite that it should have been. You should be jumping for joy to have a roof over your head, and a shower to bathe in, and food to eat that's not spoiled or out of a garbage bag. There are a lot of things that you should be feeling, but all you can place in the pit of your stomach is a sense of displacement and a very sickening amount of nerves.
"I'll be up in ten." You promised, shutting your eyes tightly. You could do this. You patrolled the streets of New York city in leggings and a hoodie for gods sake (it crossed your mind to start saying thors sake, for obvious mildly funny reasons, but you squandered that joke the second it crossed your mind), you could survive a few hours with the Avengers. Besides, it was the least you could do to show Tony that although feeling misplaced and unwelcome, you did appreciate his faith in you, even if you didn't understand it. He'd been the only one in your life to ever have any positive feelings about you. Losing it now would feel worse than this.
Pepper snickered, eyes light with an emotion she saved for Tony. "You'll be up in five. I wouldn't keep Nat waiting any longer if I were you."
With wide eyes you nodded. This could only go a handful of ways and every outcome you could imagine ended with you feeling worse inside, but you wouldn't let her and Tony down.
-
There was a buzz in the air that felt familiar to the streets of New York City. It wasn't as loud, wasn't as energetic, wasn't rooted in happiness that same way it would've been if you'd been on the streets watching tourists and college students turn the night young like them, but it felt similar enough to put you at the slightest bit of ease. Maybe tonight wouldn't go as horribly as you anticipated. Maybe you'd come to an understanding with your new mentors.
Dread still filled your belly, but you pushed it down as best as you could manage. Coming tonight wasn't an option, Pepper had made that clear without saying as much, so with or without your negative feelings you'd have to show your face instead of hiding around a corner.
"We can see your feet, kid." A new voice called, and although it was light and filled entirely with amusement and not anger, it made you tense. Three deep breaths in were all you had time for before Tony was coming to pull you away from your hiding spot and dragging you over toward the multiple couches and setting arrangements that were almost entirely full with heroes dressed in casual wear. This image of them was so vulnerable. They weren't assassins and spies here, they were just people, human just like you.
"Kid, you've met Wigglywoo, Capsicle, and Bl- uh, Natasha," Tony had all intentions of calling Natasha some fabricated nickname he'd thought up after too many hours in the lab, but had thought twice about it upon seeing her unamused glare that dripped venom. Under different circumstances, you would've let a smile pull at your lips, but instead it just amplified the nerves you were barely handling. "This is Bucky, Legolas, Hawkeye Jr, Underoos, and Maria, she's not as scary as she tries to be." Tony's words had an easy way about them, but it didn't make you feel any better. Especially not with how closely Maria was sitting to Natasha, and how both of them seemed to be pulling you apart with their eyes. Wanda was no better, but Hawkeye Jr and Underoos (who you knew were really just Kate and Peter) seemed welcoming, bright smiles on their lips telling you as much. "Everyone, this is the kid."
Pepper rolled her eyes, "Her names Y/N."
You waved shyly, cheeks a brilliant shade of red. You could feel your heartbeat in your palms, but you pulled the slightest bit of strength from Tony and hoped it would be enough to get you through the night. Wanda seemed to be able to sense your use of powers, and her eyes flashed a threatening hue of scarlet that only you noticed. Pulling your arms tightly around your midsection, you shrunk into yourself and let Tony lead you farther into the room, where you found a space to sit on the far end of a white leather couch, as far away from Natasha and her girlfriend that you'd be able to get, and running distance from an emergency exit to your left. So far, things were not off to a great start.
"So kid," You assumed it was Clint who spoke, dismantling the static that was filling your head, but your eyes were so unfocused and your belly was so tight, you could only pay so much attention to what was happening around you, and as a result, you weren't really sure who was talking to you. "Why don't you tell us about yourself? Ya know, something other than the fact that you wandered onto a battlefield and healed my ass."
"Oh, um, there isn't really much." You said nervously, biting at the skin around your nails that was already raw and thin from how badly you'd been picking at it since moving in. Earth's mightiest heroes weren't exactly inviting, no matter what most kids your age believed. These people were heroes, inspirations for a wide variation of generations, but they were proving to be your undoing, even if Kate and Peter were trying to make you feel welcome with their open posture and warm smiles.
"There's got to be something." Kate prodded, leaning back on the couch with amusement dancing in her blue eyes. You could feel the heavy emotions around you, no thanks to your enhanced abilities, and the thick aroma of judgment was making you queasy. "Peter thinks you stole a cop scanner and that's how you found it." She threw her friend under the bus, earning a few chuckles and a deep groan from the spider.
"Um, I was already patrolling the area." You meekly announced, lowering your hand from your mouth when the taste of blood became too much. Heightened senses sucked sometimes. If you were being honest, they sucked most times.
"I thought you were from Queens. What were you doing in Manhattan?" Natasha quizzed. Even if you hadn't seen her lips move, too distracted by how Wanda's fingers were wiggling and the softest hue of scarlet was tangling between her extremities, you knew it was the assassin who had spoken. She was the only one who seemed interested in dismantling your every word. Her tone was biting, as cold as the streets of New York City in winter and you were without thermals or a coat. Another similarity, you'd note.
"I move around alot." You offered simply, looking at her nervously, afraid that not making eye contact at all would convince her you'd been lying. She would think that either way.
"Aren't you seventeen?" Steve questioned, though his tone was less inquisitive, more genuine. It didn't help you to feel anymore at ease though, already anticipating how Wanda and Natasha could spin your response to fit the narrative they already had of you. "Aren't you in school?" He followed up when you nodded, anxiety curdling in the back of your throat like sour milk. You felt like you were going to puke.
"Um, no?" The squeak in your voice only aided in your downfall, and you could see the gears turning in everyone's head as you announced that you weren't enrolled in school. Even Kate and Peter attended school still, NYU and Midtown High were the best of the best, and even with Avenging they could fit it into their schedules.
"Why not?"
You were going to puke. You knew that as easily as you knew that Natasha was constructing a narrative of you that was entirely wrong. Sputtering for words, you stood from the couch abruptly, and as you did so, the assassin stood as well, challenging you to take a step forward. You were trapped. You were helpless. The buzz that had been filling the atmosphere evaporated as easily as it was formed, and it wasn't hard to identify the edge in all of their postures, awaiting the next move and wondering who would strike first. It wouldn't be you.
Bile was rising in your throat steadily, and the clench in your stomach was becoming worse, but you couldn't move. Not with Natasha ready to pounce, not with Maria's glare, not with scarlet filling Wanda's eyes for everyone to notice. This was bad. This was so so bad and all you wanted was to undo ever stepping foot on that battlefield and helping them, helping Tony and Clint, helping anymore. Anytime you tried to help something worse happened. You were in over your head here. You weren't a hero, you were just a homeless screw up with powers that even biological parents couldn't love.
"Who do you work for." Natasha demanded, and if the atmosphere was tense before, it was armed now. Even without weapons, you felt like with one wrong move you'd be shot dead.
"W-What." You stuttered, your already pale complexion becoming green as sickness was getting closer and closer. You scrambled to find an exit, knowing the one to your left would be a horrible play as Clint inched closer to the end of his seat ready to stop you from fleeing if it came to it. In three minutes, a civil team meeting had turned into an interrogation that could end your life. You were stupid to accept Tony's offer. You were stupid to leave your room. You were stupid to think that having powers and an advantage against ordinary criminals in New York City meant that you weren't still worthless. You should've never helped that first night. You should've never continued to help after that. You were in over your head. You were just a kid. A kid that nobody wanted. A kid that nobody trusted.
"Who. Do. You. Work. For." Natasha repeated.
You tried to warn them that you were about to be sick. That you couldn't push it off any longer, that you needed a bathroom, or a sink, or even a bowl, but before the warning could pass your lips you were puking all over yourself and the floor, eyes welling with tears of humiliation and pure fear. You were terrified, and it wafted around you in heavy waves. You knew Peter could feel it, his spidey-sense similar to how your own powers worked, but you were too embarrassed to open your eyes and look at any of them. Too frozen to even wipe the vomit from your chin. The sinking feeling of embarrassment didn't last for much longer, and your knees that had been locked for who knows how long gave out, and you were falling over and into a room of black emptiness, not conscious to notice the guilt that seemed to be creeping up Natasha's neck as she really got a look at you. As she realized, maybe she'd let her past cloud her judgment. As for the first time ever, she looked at you and saw a kid who was just trying to help. A kid who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
-
When you came too, it wasn't in the common area, and it wasn't in your room. Panic spread through your body, and you shot upright to identify your surroundings. The bed was uncomfortable, two plastic guardrails on either side the first hint that you were in medical. Your eyes didn't wander much farther then the bed before a voice was breaking apart the static in your head. It was a voice you'd heard before, but in a tone so soft it felt new.
"You're in medical. You fainted." Natasha was sitting off to your right, with Wanda at her side, both wearing expressions of sympathy and embarrassment. The former, had guilt shining in her watercolor eyes, hands clasped together in her lap to voice her resigned position in a way that words couldn't. Leaving her hands together, gave her the lowerhand when it came to defending herself. In her own sick way, she was making you aware of the fact that she'd been wrong.
"I-I, I'm not, I don't, I don't work for a-anyone." You spluttered to make that clear, to feel safe in your own skin again because so easily she'd made you feel like maybe you were the enemy.
"I know." She said softly, "We know, Y/N." The use of your name on her lips felt wrong, but you allowed her to continue. "Wanda and I, are ledgers are dripping with red. Our pasts are haunting, and... and the people we worked for aren't known for just letting things go. We're sorry- I'm sorry for letting that fear cloud my judgment. After you fainted, um, Tony gave me your file to read. He hadn't shared it with us before. Before shield fell, they'd been keeping tabs on you, making a portfolio to see if you were deemed a threat. I'm sorry I didn't let you form that image on your own."
You knew apologies, especially ones as vulnerable and heartfelt as the one Natasha was currently giving you, wasn't easy for her. You knew enough about her past to know that these moments of transparency were very few and far between, and you could recognize, that for this single moment, she was allowing herself to be as see through as glass. With only a few words you could shatter her, but you saw her genuinity. You saw how horribly she felt, even if she was capable of faking every emotion perfectly. For some reason, you trusted that this was real. That you weren't dealing with the Black Widow now, or even Natasha Romanoff, this was real. For this single moment with you, she was letting herself be Natalia. She was showing you how vulnerable and traumatized she'd become after everything that had happened to her. For the first time, you could see yourself in her.
"It's okay."
Wanda shook her head, sokovian accent thicker than the walls you'd built from years on the streets of New York City cold and afraid, "It isn't alright. The way we treated you, Pietro would be appalled." Speaking of her brother wasn't easy, but Wanda was kind enough to give you the same transparency Natasha was giving you. They were sorry, and they meant it with everything in them. "We hope that you can let us grow from this. Um, Nat and I were thinking, maybe you'd like to move onto our floor? After Ultron, being alone felt weird. I had always had Pietro. I had always had noise and cold cement cells and satin sheets and quiet, it made my head spin. Um, if you want, we really want to get to know you. Outside of your vigilante persona, outside of your file. We'd like to start over, if that's okay with you."
A smile, a genuine smile, pulled at your lips at the full transparency and responsibility they were showing you. And, for the first time, their watercolor eyes didn't send a chill of fear down your bones. For the first time, you could see a future for yourself in Avengers tower. And maybe, you'd find friendships and teammates too.