Agastya's POV
*The actual worth of someone or something is being realised only when they're not with us*
These may work just as words or quotes for anyone else but for the second time, my life made me experience it....
My whole world stopped the moment Varnika's car got hung on the cliff, I experienced the same thing. The pain, the grief, the wrath, the useless feeling and I don't know how it connects but my heart got broken into billions of fragments.
She's gone...
Varnika is gone...
My volley is gone...
And all because of me, I chased her, I hit her car so many times, I twisted our cars, I was the fucking reason behind this accident.
All the compelled thoughts, the rage of being fucking useless and just seeing loosing the one who lives on your mind all the fucking time.
Every thing, every fucking thing I felt.
It's my fault, I'm the reason behind this, I won't forgive myself ever.
First Parth bhaiya, now Varnika...
I always thought about why I feel different from Varnika?
Why do I let my heart dominate over my brain when I'm with her?
Why I let all my intuition win when I'm a fucking practical person?
Why do I feel vulnerable when we're together?
I got the answer to each and every question just when her car flipped.
And the answer is nothing else, I don't give a fuck how much I deny but the truth is....
I was falling for her.
Agastya Singh Rathore was falling for Varnika Deewan..
But for once again my fate showed me my worth and renewed the fact that whoever will come close to my heart will never be able to stay close to me.
Now what's the point of living in the world where you're the reason behind the loss of your loved ones....
I was on purpose to find my brother's murderer but fate showed me that it's none other than myself.
And now I'll do what I could have done a long time ago, to shoot myself.
With the anxiety, wrath, trepidation on my mind and the pain in my heart, I took out my gun which I kept behind and pointed myself.
Agastya Singh Rathore, you could have done that before because now-
"Agastyaaaa"
Agastya, the name echoed in my ear as the memory of Varnika.
The voice that I know from now onwards will be echoing in my ears forever.
Her melodious voice, Varnika... I'm sorry, saying this to myself I pulled the trigger, and kept the metal edge on my heart.
"What the fuck you're doing?".
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Her voice, it's not just echoing or its not only my guts, but she's here.
Varnika isn't gone anywhere.
She's here.
you know that feeling when you waste one chance but your fate gives you another and you achieve your goal.
That relief, that happiness, that gratitude... Every single thing I felt, the moment I turned back and saw Varnika standing in front of me.
Within a faster and bigger step she was coming towards me while Me...
I was just thanking God in every possible language.
She's here.
The peace for my eyes is here.
My breath is here.
She came and without any conversation she just grabbed the rifle from my hand and threw it out the cliff.
"What the fuck you were supposed to do?"
"Do you have any idea?"
"You're a psycho-"
I was just lost in her ocean eyes but that doesn't stop me from showing my gratitude to god. She was just blabbering but I found those shouting phrases, the best music to my ears.
I didn't let her say more but wrapped her into my arms.
Her face was resting on my chest while my arms as well as my heart was not at all ready to leave her.
I would never ever let anything happen to her...
Her breaths were directly colliding with my chest and after that to my heart, where all her control is.
She's the first person who peeked into me and letting anything happen to her is not even the last thing I would do.
I bent my head down to gaze at her but she didn't face me instead she rested her hand on exactly my heart, with another hand wrapped around my torso. There was something so warm, something that felt right, smelt right. She let her body sag, her muscles become loose. The cold light in the mountain passed, black branches that traced the blue-black heavens overhead, the stars were lustre like the god themselves came and saved Varnika as well me, the deserted road.....her in my arms, alone...!
But what was even more peaceful was that, the moon was there to witness the undreamed collation of fire and ice.
She removed her head and broke the hug, after taking two steps back she finally glanced at me making me feel like the hell itself found his heaven.
She tucked her hair back behind ears and with a hesitation She was about to say,"Kindly give me your car k-".
"Now will you shut up or you want me to make you?", but I lost my temper and cut her off.
She really thinks that I'll let her go when she just came from the mouth of death.
"Excu-", she was about to excuse me but I held her wrist and made our way towards my car.
"I'm not going back", she resisted.
My god this woman.
Stubborn she is...
But that's where I fell.
She just took her hand back with a jerk and stood straight.
"Are you sure you'll not come?", I reassured.
"No", the stubborn queen said.
"Sure?", I confirmed for one last time.
"Yes, damn sure".
Fine, if she's stubborn then I'm here to compete with her.
I did what I was supposed to do a long time ago, picking her up on my shoulder.
Her eyes were widened as if her world shifted.
If she's the flame then I'm the hell...
As I said, our tuning would be great.
She resisted more and more, kicked in the air, hit my back....but nothing worked.
"Put me down".
"Put me down Agastya".
"Sweetheart, You really think, I picked you up so that I can put you down", my words echoed among the whole valley. The mountains made the voice even more deep than usual.
"You'll have to pay for this", her pitch was way too high than usual but she maintained it well with a sarcastic blend.
"Tell me when and where, I'm ready", I mocked her and she remained silent after that.
The environment of the car created tension with chaos but for me it was peace because she's back.
I drove carefully this time not making things difficult and risky.
The scene was still flashing in front of my eyes,
The drifts, the cliff, the hits, the sudden jerks, the heated glare, the cliff-hanging.
Remembering everything, wrath travelled to every iota of my body, my plan gripped around the steering more tightly.
"What the fuck you were doing with that rifle?", she crossed her arms around chest.
"Same thing as you were doing when your car hung off' the cliff", I replied.
"Agastya can we talk normally at least for once, because it's not funny", she said and I couldn't help it but twisted the steering and applied the break.
"That's the fucking point", rage was dripping all over my body as well as my voice, "When I told you to stay at the hotel, why didn't you listened?".
"It's irreleva-"
"Answer me", my voice reached the peak, it was so fucking loud that even my body felt the change.
"What do you think I could do when there's a blast near my home and because of your fucking jammer I couldn't even talk to my family", she broke.
Her eyes were watery, Varnika Deewan the fire herself was carrying tears in the form of a fireball.
"The very first thing I confirmed from my team was the security check at your and my house, do you think I don't care?", I said.
"But-"
"What but Varnika? So you have any idea what just happened to me the way your car flipped? What if something happened?", I punched the steering with my full power and the thin plate of LOGO flattened.
"Enough now, you tell me what I asked First . What the fuck you were doing with that rifle", she again questioned and I lost my bar.
"Shooting myself", I confessed and preferred to stay quiet. I started the car again and drove back to the hotel.
She didn't push the conversation but I could feel her eyes stuck on me.
Soon we reached the hotel and I stepped out of the car.
I opened the door for her but she was sitting with stubbornness on my hand and rage on another, both the arms folded around the chest.
I didn't bother to ask or say anything but again picked her up on my shoulder and after closing the door, I made my way to her room.
She was busy kicking and hitting my back but that doesn't bother me, what bothered me was, her safety.
We reached her room and I made her lay on the bed.
"Tomorrow we'll head to Delhi, sleep now", I turned off the light after opening the blanket for her.
"Agastya", she held my hand and her touch felt all over my body.
Her touch has another level of addictiveness, the warmness, the softness, every thing for which I deep down craved for.
My name from her mouth feels like the most beautiful poem of my heart and the most melodious song to my ear.
"Hmm", I hummed.
"Sit here", she requested but even her request was sounding like a threat.
I sat and she too.
She held both of my hands while my heart was pumping a billion times faster.
Varnika, darling don't do this to me.
"I should have listened to you", her voice was low.
Who will say she's the same Varnika Deewan whom even the atmosphere is afraid of.
I again hummed.
"Don't think about all that, now you're fine that's what matters. Just sleep and tomorrow you'll meet your family, I guarantee", I assured her.
"Thank you", she said.
Oh my poor heart.
"Please don't do something like that from the next time", I said while she nodded and held my hand tighter.
Unwillingly I took my hand though if were on my hand, I would have never do that.
This woman doesn't have any idea what she's doing to me. My heart never felt so vulnerable in my whole life but like every other case, Varnika is the only and only exception.
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Agastya finally realised his feelings.
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