𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐱
⁂
"𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲, 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰
𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲"
Lola still didn't feel like herself. It was a weird feeling for her, it was like she was there physically but her mind was always somewhere else.
She was always thinking about something. It wasn't even always about what happened in the alleyway that day, she was just always caught up in her own thoughts.
It was clear to Lola that her family had noticed the drastic shift in the girl's behaviour as every time she was around them, they acted like she was made out of glass, as she'd break at any point from the smallest of wrong movements.
If Lola was being honest with herself, they were probably right. Lola was fragile as of recently. The smallest things that went wrong sent her over the edge.
A few days earlier, Lola had been sitting in the kitchen with John and Esme, drinking tea in silence as the couple engaged in idle chatter and Lola accidentally dropped the cup when she was bringing it over to the sink, which ended in her hysterically crying for nearly half an hour.
Her aunt Polly had told her that she was just in shock from all of the things that had happened in the last month but Lola knew it was more.
She couldn't see herself coming back from this, the hate in her heart for everything was becoming permanent and Lola could only accept this.
⁂
Lola was sat at the table in the betting den, picking at the skin around her fingers, feeling incredibly uncomfortable being around so many people.
"Right, I've brought you all here today because this is the day that we replace Billy Kimber," Tommy told them.
"This is the day we become respectable. The day we join the official National Association of race course bookmakers." he continued, smirking slightly.
Lola turned to look at Tommy, mostly uninterested in whatever he was saying but decided to at least look like she was listening.
"But first, we need to do the dirty work" Tommy pointed, earning a small sigh from Lola.
"We've all known this day has been coming, I just haven't told anyone the date." he carried on, Lola frowning deeply as she, in fact, didn't know this day was coming.
"We're going to the Worcester races. The track opens at one. We'll get there at two. Now, Kimber thinks we're going there to help him fight the Lee brothers" Tommy rambled on, Lola rapidly losing interest, knowing this didn't even involve her, and so not seeing the point in her being there.
"But thanks to the efforts of our John, and his lovely new wife Esme, the Lees are now our kin. I interrupted those efforts this morning and I can assure you all, John is making great sacrifices for the cause of peace." Tommy laughed.
Lola turned to Finn and gagged dramatically as the room filled with laughter.
"Yeah, all right" John grumbled, trying to shut everyone up.
"It'll be us and the Lees against Kimbers boys. We take them out but leave the bookies and I expect a swift victory which will send a signal all the way to London that we believe in letting legitimate businesses run peacefully." Tommy kept talking and Lola began making stupid faces to Finn out of boredom, to which he tried to signal her to stop as Tommy had already noticed, earning a pointed glare as the room filled with laughter once again, which made Lola uncomfortable.
"And what about Kimber himself?" John asked, a light smile still on his face.
"I'll deal with Kimber. Any other questions?" Tommy asked, looking around the room.
"Yes" her aunt said, walking over to the door, making Lola confused.
"Does anyone object if I bring a newcomer to this meeting?" her aunt Pol asked, turning back to Tommy's direction.
After a few seconds, Lola gasped and a bright smile found its way onto her face at the sight of Ada with a baby in her arms.
"I'd like to introduce the newest member of the Shelby clan," Polly said as Ada walked into the room.
The room filled with applause and Lola stood up and went over to her sister.
"It's nice to see you again" Lola said, quietly smiling at her sister.
"I've missed you lo," Ada said, before walking past her and going to Tommy while her aunt Pol grabbed Lola's shoulders, pulling her into a hug.
"It's nice to see that smile again." her aunt whispered to the girl.
Lola hummed in response, sitting down at the table again, slowly drifting back into her thoughts.
⁂
Lola, now sat next to a fast asleep Ada, along with a fast asleep Karl, was desperately trying to tell herself how she acrepeciated the company of others, specifically her sisters in that time, given how long it had been since the pair were together in happy circumstances.
Lola just couldn't help but want to be alone. She didn't want Jack, she didn't want her family, she didn't want any new friends.
The only thing she wanted, was to be alone.
Lola sighed and brought her knees up to her chin before taking a sip of her boiling hot tea, letting the warmth that she so desperately needed, fill her mouth, then her throat, then her stomach, feeling a sense of comfort she hadn't felt in a while, a small smile of contentment finding it's way into the girl face as she shut her eyes, ready to fall asleep.
The comfort of the moment was ruined when the door burst open, causing Lola to shoot up and look at Tommy, who had just burst into the room, with a scowl.
"Ada, wake up. You, the baby, and Lola get into the Bull Ring, where there are lots of people" Tommy ordered, frantically.
"Why? What's happening?" Ada asked, Standing up, and picking Karl up gently.
"We've been fucking betrayed," Tommy said, clearly overcome by anger.
Lola frowned deeply, wondering when any plan would go smoothly for her family.
"Somebody let slip, Kimber's men are on the way here." Tommy yelled, pacing around the room.
Polly walked into the room looking full of anxiety. "But you can handle them Tommy?" Polly questioned.
"It's just us. All the Lees are on their way to Worcester. We're outnumbered" Tommy sighed.
"Fuck!" he cursed, banging his hands on the mantle, causing Lola to flinch slightly.
"Who else knew that today was the day you were moving on Kimber?" her aunt asked, trying to calm the man down.
Tommy didn't say anything just paced around the room with his hand on his head.
"You said you kept it secret. Who else did you tell?" Polly asked while Lola pulled faces at Karl, trying to keep him entertained.
Lola moved her head up to see Polly with a knowing look on her face.
"There's only one thing that can blind a man as smart as you Tommy. Love." Polly said, looking as angry as ever.
Lola quickly came to the realisation of what her aunt was saying, feeling a sudden anger towards the blonde barmaid that Lola was convinced was just an innocent girl.
"It was that barmaid" was all her aunt said as Tommy just stood in a state of shock.
"I will deal with Grace. If you set eyes on her again you might kill her." her aunt told him, looking just as stressed as he was despite her reassuring words.
⁂
Lola watched, anxiously as her sister came out in a black dress.
"Ada we haven't got time for this. Tommy said that we were to go straight to the Bull Ring. What are you doing?" Lola asked, looking around the room, worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong.
"Don't be so uptight all the time lo, I know what I'm doing." her sister told her, a look on her face that told Lola whatever her plan was, it wasn't going to go down well.
"Do you?" Lola muttered under her breath and was unsure as to whether her sister purposefully ignored her or if she didn't hear her.
⁂
"Ada please, think about Karl" Lola pleaded as her sister strutted down the streets of small heath.
"Lola it's fine" Ada sighed, getting tired of her sister's incessant moaning.
Lola could see her brothers and the rest of the blinders stood opposite to the other group of men that Lola could only assume was Kimber and his boys.
Lola came to a realisation of what her sister was trying to do, her heart sinking at the realisation, as she continued begging her sister to just go to the Bull Ring as Tommy ordered.
Lola watched as her brothers all had a look of horror on their faces, along with Freddie Thorne, Lola hadn't a clue about how or when he got out but didn't have the time to ponder the possibilities as her top priority was trying to get Ada away from the situation she was creating.
"Ada please, let's go" she pleaded, the three were already in the middle of the battlefield now.
"I believe you boys call this no man's land." Ada began, as Lola hung her head in embarrassment, aware of the attention that was on not only her sister but her as well.
"Ada!" Freddie yelled, shocked at the sight of his wife and baby in such a dangerous place.
"Shut up and listen!" Ada ordered, shutting all the muttering of shocked men up.
"Ada please, let's go" Lola begged, earning a warning glare from her sister, causing her to sigh in anger but refusing to cause a scene in front of all the people.
"Have you lost your mind?" Freddie continued.
"I said shut it!" Ada yelled once again.
"Now, most of you were in France. So you all know what happens next. I've got brothers and a husband here but you've all got somebody waiting for you." Ada dragged on as Lola longed for it all to be over, slowly becoming more and more uncomfortable and wanting the ground to swallow her whole.
Now, I'm wearing black in preparation. I want you to look at me. I want you to look at me! Who will be wearing black for you? Think about them. Think about them right now. Fight if you want to but that baby isn't moving. And neither are we" Ada shouted at the men.
Lola turned and looked at Ada in shock, knowing that Ada may have just signed the three of them up for their deaths.
"Ada!" Lola yelled, wide-eyed, before turning to look at John, silently begging for him to help.
"She's right you know." the man that Lola thought that made a striking resemblance to a rat, spoke loudly, turning to the man beside him.
"Why should all you men die? It should just be them who caused it." He said, throwing his arms up.
Before Lola could realise what was going to happen, shots were fired and the yells of men filled her ears as Lola instinctively pulled Ada and the pram towards her, covering them with her body, whispering prayers of protection over her family, and those of her family's side.
There was a silence for a few seconds and Lola lifted her head slightly before she heard Arthur tell her to stay down before a shot was fired and a deafening silence was heard.
Lola brought her head up after a few seconds and Freddie rushed over, giving Lola a quick look over, making sure she wasn't hurt, before muttering a thank you to her, one she knew he meant, before turning to his wife, and Lola quickly left in order to give the lovers their moment alone they so desperately needed with their baby.
John had made sure Tommy, who had been shot in the shoulder, had gone into the garrison, Jeremiah, Arthur, and the rest of the blinders following after him, before going over to his youngest sister, grabbing her by the shoulders.
"Are you okay?" he asked, frantically looking for any sign of damage on her.
This was a heartwarming act for Lola, seeing her brother so openly show his affection and care for the girl, knowing that John was one of the softest people she had ever met deep down when he wasn't putting an act on in front of Tommy.
"John, I'm fine" she whispered, before hugging him tightly, something she had needed for weeks but didn't have the courage to do before.
Lola pulled away from the hug and turned to see Danny, dead on the floor, John also following her gaze.
"He was a good man," John confirmed, putting his arm over the girl's shoulder.
"I know" Lola muttered, slightly angry about the man's death.
"He'll rest well now, Lola. Away from the thoughts of war." John tried to reassure the girl, knowing she knew how the war plagued his thoughts on a daily basis.
"But what about his family? His wife? What about his children?" Lola had meant for this to sound frustrated, and strong however it came out wobbly and almost as a whisper.
"Lola, we will take care of them, give them all the money they need" John tried to calm the girl down, not fully understanding why she was so upset over a man, whom she barely knew, dying.
"Money can't bring their father back." Lola said, smiling sadly at John before making her way into the garrison, hoping to find her aunt whose simple presence comforted the girl.
⁂
Lola didn't go into the snug where Danny's body lay.
She didn't mean it in a disrespectful way, quite the opposite really.
If she'd died, Lola knew for a fact she wouldn't want strangers looking at her body, acting as if they knew her, so Lola decided to stick with saying a prayer for him, while sitting at the bar, waiting for a familiar face to cling to the entire night, more than likely Polly or Finn.
⁂
The night dragged on and the celebrations of winning against Kimber made the men cheery, almost too cheery for Lola.
The men stumbled everywhere, yelling in her ear, shoving her accidentally, spilling their drinks on her, it made her angry and overwhelmed so she took herself to the corner and sat down, spectating everyone, watching the way people acted and spoke.
Lola sat observing random people all night, not one bit of her wanting to get up and join in on the celebrations.
Lola felt alone. This didn't mean she wanted to be around people, she sure as hell didn't want that.
But she noticed that in recent weeks, she had episodes that lasted a day of two where she felt a weird sort of empty feeling inside of her like she was missing something.
She hadn't a clue whether this thing was a person or a feeling, but it scared her and she didn't like feeling it. She'd also begun contemplating going to see Jack again.
She had tried, really tried over the last week, to get out of her house and give Jack some explanation of her absence and how she felt but it felt impossible.
She didn't know why it was so hard. But it was.
Lola so desperately wished for things to go back to how they were.
But they never would, and that was something she'd have to learn to deal with.
This chapter is quite short but act one is done! I act two I want to do more chapters as I'm expanding more on Lola and focusing more on her so there will be like two or three chapters for each episode if that makes sense!
Thank you always for reading love you lots