(April/10/2024) [Wednesday, 6:50 pm]
Hello everyone.. so um a bit of an update on what's going on.
So um.. first thing that happened is that, on.. April 6? (If I remember correctly.) I drew the operator symbol on my wrist and I started shaking out of nowhere. It could be my anxiety but, I'm not going to question it. Then after 2 minutes, my wrist started to hurt in the same exact spot where I drew the operator symbol and I got a headache, twice. I decided to wear a gray hoodie so my "Dad" wouldn't see it.
Now another thing that happened, is that when I was on the bus on my way to school, I don't know if i was hallucinating or what, but, i could have sworn that i saw a floating eyeball inside of a building. The next day (yesterday) i looked closely and I saw a blue door, so I think that I was just paranoid and I got a hallucination.
Now for the symptoms. So lately I have been getting these symptoms, that I'll be listing.
- Craving blood or wanting to see blood.
- Wanting to cry and feeling suicidal.
- Wanting to be left alone or to isolate myself.
- Homicidal thoughts.
- Randomly laughing or smiling for no reason.
- Feeling sick/Wanting to vomit after eating food.
- Waking up randomly in the middle of the night.
- Feeling a connection to the forest.
- Obsession with HABIT.
- Mood swings.
- Waking up randomly in the middle of the night.
Well that's about all of the symptoms.
I don't know why, but lately I have been telling.. Rosa (Ri) since i have been craving blood. I have the urge to catch a lizard and.. cut it in half. And since I couldn't catch any lizards, then.. i had to do something else.
So, today at around 9 am, i went to the bathroom and I started to.. rip and bite my lower lip to draw blood. It drew a lot of blood, and I kind of felt happy when I saw blood.
I don't know why, but I was thinking on.. self harming but, i decided against it. I really like the taste of blood, it tastes good for some reason...
I almost forgot to tell you that, I also found a weird scratch on my hand (by now it has healed) but, it kind of looked like a cat scratch.
It could have been my dog (Rose) because when she scratches me, her cuts look similar but.. it does look pretty much like a cat scratch.. I'm not going to assume it's a cat scratch since, it could have been my dog rose but. . . I don't know or remember how I got that scratch or where it came from.
Another thing is that, I have woken up randomly in the middle of the night. Yesterday I woke up, twice for no reason. The first time was at 3 am and then the second time was at 4:50 am. And today I woke up once at 4:50 am again.. Rosa (Ri) says that maybe it's because I sensed that something was watching me. But, again I'm not going to assume that something was watching me.
Well that's about it. . .
Bye . . .