TRIGGER WARNING:
panic attack, allusions to self-harming
CHAPTER FOUR: CARL
"you and Indiana aren't going anywhere."
—
INDIANA'S FAVORITE MOVIE AS A KID WAS MONSTER'S INC.
Shane liked action movies, and Indie would watch them with him, but she preferred kids movies.
They were simple and sweet and always ended happily. There wasn't a lot of blood or gore or pain.
Indiana had experienced enough of that as a kid to appreciate a life without it.
Shane indulged her. He bought her stuffed animals and they painted her room pink. She had glow-in-the-dark-stars on her ceiling and every Friday night they'd order pizza and watch a movie.
A movie of her choice.
When Carl was two, he joined them. This allotted date night for Rick and Lori, and brought the two kids closer.
Friday's were Indiana's favorite day of the week because she spent her night with her two favorite people.
But now, in the burning afternoon of what Beth's calendar marked as a Friday, she couldn't stop crying.
Monsters didn't come in fun colors and regret making you scream. They came in the faces of loved ones past and bullets in chests and people Indiana thought she could trust.
"You know his blood type?" Hershel asked Rick.
Rick, Indiana, and Shane hovered in the doorway, Indiana's hand tightly wound in her father's, seeking support from him. Tears stained her cheeks and she was glad she'd sent Sophia to spend time with Beth because the last thing she needed was to comfort that girl, too.
"A-Positive," Rick supplied. "Same as mine."
"Me too," Indiana added. "In case-in case he needs a lot. I read in school once that the-the human body needs to retain above 40 percent of its original supply or else-or else they'll die. They'll die. But, but Carl won't — Carl's fine, right?"
Hershel didn't look at her, pressing on Carl's abdomen, but he nodded. "That's correct, Indie. Now, you and your father don't wander too far, I'm gonna need you both. Trade off."
"Rick's not my dad," Indiana shook her head. "He's Carl's dad. He's like my uncle. Uncle Rick."
"Whatever he is," Hershel looked between the two. "You both stay here. Got it?"
"Yes, sir," Indiana nodded.
Shane moved his hand to her back, pulling her into a hug, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. Hershel looked to Otis.
"What happened?"
"I was tracking a buck," Otis recalled. "Bullet went through it. Went clean through."
"The deer slowed the bullet down," Hershel observed, examining Carl's wound. "Which certainly saved his life. But it did not go through clean. It broke up into pieces. If I can get the bullet fragments out, and I'm counting six..."
Indiana fumbled, glancing to her father and then disengaging from his arms. Struggling to breathe, Indiana pressed her hands into her eyes and collapsed onto a dining room chair, quietly sobbing.
How could this be her life now? Would they ever go back to movies on Friday nights? Or would she trapped in a constant hell where everyone she loves is harmed?
Indiana remembered holding Carl in her arms when he was born. Little tufts of hair, tiny hands the size of Indiana's finger.
Indie let out another quiet sob. She couldn't lose Carl. She didn't want to imagine a life without her little brother. Sweet, gentle, innocent Carl.
Covering her mouth to refrain herself from making too much noise and drawing unwanted attention, she took a shuddering breath into her hand and closed her eyes.
"It's okay," she whispered to herself, rushing off to the bathroom and taking another breath.
Her heartbeat sped up and her limbs grew heavy with each step, throat closing in as she fought back the onslaught of tears.
One...two...three...
She closed the door quietly and quickly, curling her fingers around the counter and struggled to find the correct rhythm of her breathing.
Indiana squeezed her eyes shut and bit down on her inner cheek so hard she tasted blood.
But it stopped the tears from spilling down her face and distracted her lungs from trying to force out oxygen, so Indiana took the pain as it came.
Four...five...six...
With another shuddering breath, she slowly unclenched her hands from the counter.
Wiping her tears and running a hand through her messy curls, she took a look at the darkening roots.
The pink was fading and a rush of nostalgia swelled her suddenly. She remembered the first time; giggling with Lori as they dyed her hair.
Seven...eight...nine...
Indiana inhaled slowly and exhaled, rolling her shoulders back and pushing down the panic. She needed to be strong.
For Shane. For Rick. For Lori. For Sophia.
And most importantly, for Carl.
Ten.
Indiana opened the door and left the bathroom, spotting Rick and Shane talking quietly at the dining table.
"A little girl...goes missing...you look for her," Rick was saying, "it's plain and simple."
"I know," Shane nodded.
Before Indiana could interject, Maggie opened the door, asking for Rick, who rushed from his seat.
Indiana watched him go longingly, thoughts drifting to Carl, but she knew she'd only get in the way if she followed.
She settled in Rick's former seat next to Shane. He reached over and took her hand.
"You okay?" She asked quietly.
Shane shook his head, face tightening. "No," he answered honestly. "But this ain't about me. Rick..." he let out a breath. "I'm so fuckin' happy that ain't you in there, lev."
Indiana squeezed his hand, shifting closer and resting her head on his shoulder.
"It's okay, Dad," she comforted softly. "Carl'll be okay. And I'm okay. Sophia's okay. We're all okay."
He let go of her hand and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her curls.
Maggie looked out the door at the pair and gestured for them to come in, and they shot into action, rushing into Carl's room.
"You!" Hershel nodded to Shane. "Hold him down. Indie, help him out, if you can."
Indiana nodded, following Shane to Carl's left and holding his head and shoulders down, whispering soft comfort as Shane held his lower half.
Hershel dug into Carl's chest, pulling out a piece of bullet as Carl squirmed and cried.
Indiana bit her cheek again, cutting into the same wound she'd previously opened, but she wouldn't let herself cry.
Not now.
Carl let out a loud scream and Rick jolted from Patricia's hands.
"Stop!" He shouted. "You're killing him!"
"Rick!" Hershel raised his voice. "Do you want him to live."
"He needs blood!" Patricia cried out, grabbing Rick's arm again.
"Do it now!" Shane screamed, eyes glaring up at Rick and Patricia.
Indiana didn't speak to anyone but Carl, keeping her gaze on his blue eyes.
"It's okay, bubba," she comforted quietly, running her hand over his head softly. "You rest, they'll fix you up. It's okay. It's okay..."
Carl's eyes rolled back and he passed out, head sinking against her hand.
Panic surged across Shane's face and he shifted back, looking between the occupants of the room and then back to Carl.
"Wait, wait," he pleaded, "wait, wait, hey—"
"—He passed out," Indiana told him quietly. "It's too much blood loss. He'll be okay. It's okay."
Hershel nodded, glancing to Indiana and then pulled the bullet splinter out entirely. "One down," he held it up, examining it, before placing it into a metal tin. "Five to go."
—
"Lori needs to be here," Rick spoke up as Indiana brought in a glass of water for him. He hardly looked at her, eyes glazed over in shock as he sat in the chair next to Carl, an IV connecting him and Carl's blood.
Shane leaned against the dresser, exhaustion written across his face, and Indiana offered a sympathetic smile as she passed him. He nodded his thanks.
"I can go get her," Indiana offered.
"No," Hershel shut her down. "I need you here, in case he needs more blood. Rick can't give much more."
Indiana let out a strangled sigh, but nodded, pulling Rick's head to her chest and gently running her hands through his curls.
"No, I've — I've gotta go find her," Rick shook his head, pulling it from Indiana's grasp. "Bring her back."
"You can't do that," Hershel shook his head.
"She's his mother," Rick ground his teeth together. "She needs to know what's happened. Her son's lying here shot."
"And he's going to need more blood," Hershel pointed out calmly. "You and Indiana aren't going anywhere." He looked to Shane. "Neither of them can go more than 50 feet from this bed."
Patricia unhooked Rick from Carl, and he stood shakily, Indiana steadying him as Shane approached the pair.
"Hey, hey," he spoke quietly. "Come on."
"I'm all right," Rick protested, patting Shane's chest and ruffling Indiana's hair before walking off.
Indiana and Shane exchanged a look, glancing back to Carl, before following after Rick. Shane closed the door behind Indiana and she leaned against it.
Rick took the chair nearest the door, Shane leaning against the wall next to Indiana.
Maggie caught Indiana's eye, worry written over her face. Indiana smiled tiredly.
"He's stable for now," Shane addressed her and Otis. Relief flooded their faces and Maggie and Indiana exchanged a wordless look. Indiana shrugged dejectedly and Maggie sank back against the chair.
"Lori has to be here, Shane," Rick addressed his partner. "She has to know."
"Okay, I get that," Shane nodded. "I'm gonna handle it." He gave Rick a pointed look. "But you've got to handle your end."
"My end?" Rick questioned numbly.
"Your end is being here for your son," Shane sank down to a crouched position, looking up at Rick. "Even if he didn't need your blood to survive, there is no way I'd ever let you walk out that door. Man, I'd break your legs if you tried. Same as if it were me and Indie was in that bed."
Rick's eyes flickered to Indiana and a ghost of a smile haunted his lips.
"I'm glad you're alright, cricket," he said quietly. "You and Sophia. You—you did good, you did good."
Indiana smiled gently, both at the nickname and his words. "I'm just happy we're all okay. And Carl will be too. He's got the Grimes strength."
Rick nodded, swallowing thickly. He closed his eyes and inhaled shakily, looking back to Shane.
As they continued speaking, Indiana recalled the first time Rick had called her cricket. She used to make mud pies as a little girl, before Carl, two curly braids tying her hair back, mud on her cheeks and forehead. She liked to collect bugs and talk to them.
She used to say even the smallest creatures deserved kindness. Rick would always take pictures of her, he and Shane joking about her being a tomboy, but Lori would clean her up and put her in a frilly dress.
It wasn't until one night, she fell asleep against Rick's chest in between he and Shane on the Grimes' sofa. Her eyes drifting shut and his hand grazing her hair, a football game filling the silence, a cricket chirped from the corner of the room.
The men exchanged a look and Lori jumped from her spot in the kitchen cleaning, but Rick just smiled and said it was Indie's friend.
Little bugs stick together, he said quietly. Indiana had nodded sleepily and said crickets were the best friends because they sang songs.
The grown-ups laughed and from then on, the nickname stuck. Chirping and excited and always wanting to join the fun described little Indiana.
Cricket.
"Is Carl gonna be okay?" A soft voice asked from the entrance to the kitchen.
Indiana moved quickly from her place against the door, walking to Sophia without a second thought.
"He'll be okay," Indiana smiled kindly, gesturing for the younger girl to follow her. "Come on, let's go feed the horses. Okay?"
Sophia's face brightened a fraction and then she shyly looked to Rick.
"Are you okay, Rick?" She asked shyly.
Rick's jaw clenched but his eyes were soft as he looked to the younger girl. "Yeah," he promised. "I'm just happy you're okay, you had us all worried."
"I'm sorry about that," Sophia shuffled on her feet, hand finding Indiana's.
"'S'alright," Shane spoke up. "You're safe now, sweetheart, all we could ask for. You and Indie, we're glad you're safe."
"Carl'll be fine," Rick added hoarsely, though he looked disbelieving. "Go play with Indie, we'll keep you updated."
Indiana exchanged a brief look with the two men before taking Sophia outside, distracting her from the terrors that threatened to hurt her inside.
—
short and sweet also i will cry when Shane dies in this story so be prepared for that it will be awful I'm trying to push it as long as possible hahahaha