A cold pain stated mind. Everyone owned one of those, something that you couldn't even dream of. Everyone had the potential to lose themselves. Locked away in a tower or castle of their own imagination or the terrors within them. A scared little girl cowering on her way home. A silent ride, and an even longer one.
The car felt like it had driven for hours before it stopped the big villa greeting us. The beach waves crashed, and the rain begun to pour. I wanted to be back home in New York. I was escorted into this smaller room, nothing too scary of the sort. An older bed, some dusty books and an old lamp. Marco throws me in there, he follows closing the door behind me. "Then let's really sit down and talk. What do you have to say now, hm?" He questions beginning to use a scare tactic using his body against mine.
"If you are asking me to lay my guard down I won't". I continue to up a facade that I don't know how much longer I could keep it up. "I couldn't care less on what you could or couldn't do." He grabs my hand flipping the palm and examining a scar I had lining it. "So, you are a traitor".
He claims flipping my hand back over. "An initiation made over ten years ago doesn't mean anything." I spoke his eyes trying to find something out to pick. "Who did you belong to?" He asks I look up confidently, "to every better man in this world. I worked with over hundreds of men, but I've only had twenty-six that have kept me. I can't remember who gave this to me or I'd say it". I knew exactly who it was, my father cutting my palm open as I screamed and cried, pouring my blood down on a piece of paper when I turned eight.
The haunting night flashed through my mind and some part of me wanted nothing more than to run back into my room and hide under my covers. Valentina my mother stares at her husband trying to make sense of why he would even do this. Over a fire my palm is slowly being roasted and burned just by staying there for too long.
A switch blade held in his hand ready to pierce skin. His lowered closer towards my palm, "Alonzo she's too young for this". Valentina speaks up staring at him. My father looks right back up at his wife almost glaring through her. She was his object, a giver to this world. With one purpose to serve him. He married her young and continued to make her into the mold she is today. Rarely did she ever talk back to my father.
Her long curly hair tied back her brown eyes trying to plead a case. Almost puppy dog like, "My Love, please she's only a baby". Her thick Cuban accent rolling off the tongue, his eyes never faltered to demean her being. "You don't get a say in what happens I run this fucking house". He grits his teeth she looks at him and sighs. "She's our daughter Turo please have some mercy on her". She talks back, my father lets the knife fall back into his pocket.
He takes strides towards his wife before backhanding her, she turns wincing, her entire cheek glowing a bright red. He hadn't held back when it even came to the one, he loved. "Now let me fucking continue" he walks back over to me assuming the position he had before. My father lowers the knife until it just barely touches my palm.
"I, Mariana Russo, swear to the oath of the Russo Familia, to promise and protect. The loyalty lying with the highest elders, a broken oath or a newfound one will result in death". Through choked sobs I managed to stutter out. His knife piercing the skin just as I finished, a blood curdling scream billows out. My brother shoving a cloth into my mouth to muffle myself. the blood begins pooling in my hand falling into the fire.
My father grabs a piece of paper, one with over a thousand words on it that I couldn't understand or comprehend. He forces my palm to close I start wincing and screaming into the cloth. Everyone watches me cry and shake, I was only a little girl swearing into something I hadn't asked to be brought into.
Marco snaps me back to reality his hand tracing over the scarred line. "Someone was dumb enough to leave a mark that they knew only they could trace". He explains his intense glare goes right through me. "Why would anyone want to trace it? I would've been claimed like baggage years ago if so." I explain his green eyes followed the line.
"Why do you think so many men have been calling me about you. I'm sure you belong to someone". He acted like I was a piece of property. "I belong to the Esposito's. I work for you, I obey you, sometimes I can't follow through with obeying because you are just as useless as some of the milkmaids." His hand goes to hit me, and I get ready to take it before it falls to his side.
"Let's just see how useful you'll become when you are crawling and begging me for mercy." An almost empty threat laced with whatever drug he'd find to use against me that day. "Do it, make me get on my knees and beg for your mercy". I daringly say he looks at me within seconds his leg whips behind mine. Marco knocking my knee out I looked up at him smiling.
I sat about at his waist on my knees. "Oh no, please spare me some mercy", I sarcastically mention my eyes boring into his soul. A sly smile still coating my lips, Marco's drunk endeavors cause my smile to fall, removing his coat. I could see all of the gadgets he had just stashed. Knifes, tucked in pockets some well hidden others for easy access. He wore a holster a black one that had blended well.
Two large pistols, one held in each side. "If you had all of this on you, why not just kill me for insulting you?" I question he shrugs staring at me. "Just as much as I'd prefer you dead. You bring yourself to work every day and don't ask for vacations willingly. An obedient doll easy to break but harder to kill". His hand reaching under my chin, pulling my head up slightly.
I don't know what kind of intentions Marco Esposito exactly had, some seemed so unclear others would've rather had me six feet under. "Well of course, I soothed you to sleep like a child listening to a sweet lullaby from their parents". I'd rubbed what I had done in his face just a smidge. His thumb brushes over my lip and I shuddered uncomfortably at his touch.
A vile human being like Marco deserved to rot at the first chance he'd gotten. "If you weren't obligated to be here, I'd treat you like the bitch you fucking are". I cocked a brow, "You act as if you already haven't". I continue being on my knees and freakishly close to his groin felt disgusting as is. I wanted out but had to hear his poor sob story before I could be let go.
"Such a fucking useless slut --" Marco's hand grabs my hair.
The door fly's open and through a fit of happiness Danielle screams, "Happy birthday Marco!" My eyes widening my heart dropping. "Oh..uh I'm sorry!" Danielle runs away sounding like she was crying.
Marco looks down at me "did she?" I nodded. Marco began laughing manically his hand releasing the intense grip he has on her. I finally stand-up dusting myself off, "I'll call that a night, happy birthday sir". I excuse myself leaving Marco to his lonesome. I could hear Danielle's ugly sobs from a mile away.
"What the fuck happened to you?" A voice calls out and I turn, my eyes meeting James'. "You should be asking that to wailing nelly over there". I point towards the hallway. "I'd rather not and who has Marco made cry again?" He asks his grey hair breaking at his old age. "Danielle", his mouth forms into a large O shape he nods before running a hand through his hair.
"That sounds like I'll be heading to bed, have a goodnight, James". I sigh heading towards my bedroom.
The night consuming me whole and the sleep not getting any better id have to try my best to steer clear of others.
My eyes flutter open hearing someone open the shutters, "good morning sunshine". I groan flipping my head back into the covers. "It's too early" I mumble into the covers. "Mariana it's past twelve" I froze at the name, my body gone cold and I could feel the goosebumps form on my arms. I lift my head up slightly to see who was in my room.
"What the fuck are you doing here", I question my brother stands in the corner of the room his arms crossed. "To warn you" he says I begun sitting up, my hair half a mess. I fixed my pajama shirt blinking idly at Angelo.
"Warn me?" I adjust to the light making out his figure. "I think you should find out where Mateo went, before it's too late". He spoke and I instinctively panicked.
My heart sunk at the thought of the small boy I lost. "Is he looking for Mateo?" I question Angelo seems lost his eyes jaded he had been crying for hours before coming to see me. "Worse, he's trying to find him to buy him back".
Bile built up in the back of my throat the nausea hitting me violently. "I'm gonna be sick", I got up running into the bathroom, I collapse by the toilet and began puking. Angelo rushed in behind me and pulling my hair back. Once I was finished I flushed and stood up, and begun rinsing my mouth out.
Mateo was everything to me, and everything to the Russo family. When I escaped I made sure that Mateo would find a normal home. Somewhere who'd love him as a human. Not as a weapon or object. My father wants to buy me and Mateo back.
A reunited family that he wants at his beck and call. "Where do you even begin to find a child that you've given away?" I ask he shrugs and looks at me. "I don't know and frankly I'm not even so sure you can find him". That worried me more than anything if I couldn't find out where Mateo could even be. I've snooped through the years with only false hope and dead leads.
His name changed, he moved to Switzerland but it's not the same child. The same loop I've been stuck through for years. You couldn't find someone that wanted to be found. Now that he was old enough I'm sure he didn't care much for me or to find his real family. For that I couldn't blame him, a life lived like this felt like a death sentence.
"And if I find him it's not like I can bring him here? Even to just explain who he is becomes a problem and I become a true point of interest." I explain trying to cover myself but also save Mateo. "No one knows he exists Mariana, if anything you hide him". He suggests I look at him like he was a lunatic.
"Yesterday you wanted just a few days ago you wanted nothing to do with me and then now this? What the fuck". I mention now shoving a toothbrush in my mouth.
"If he gets Mateo he'll kill him and make you fucking watch Mariana. That's why, men in this world can't have attachments you are my attachment I fucking kept you away from all of this now look at you!" He yells berating me before I could defend myself.
"You look like you've been on drugs Mariana, you look fucking horrible and every time I look at you I see what I ruined." My brother's voice breaks and I look up at him spitting the contents of the toothpaste in the sink. His eyes watered his disheveled brown curly hair fell.
I clear my throat and sigh, "I haven't been on drugs for a while and of course I look like shit. Do you see the man I'm serving? I've been whored out more times than I can truly count. Look at this shit". I push my arm out towards him one covered in various tattoos, "touch it", I say and he runs a finger over it feeling the branding and marks that people have tried to own me with.
"That's my fucking skin they've carved into. Even if I go find him Angelo I'm dead he's dead and what's left?" I question my eyes boring into his. "I don't know, I don't fucking know. I've exhausted every option and now he's starting to ask questions. I can't save you anymore". He spoke pulling me into an embrace his body crushing against mine almost as if he'd let go I'd disappear.
My heart sunk feeling my arms wrapped around him. For the first time in years I had known what a familiar loving hug felt like. A warm comforting embrace is what I needed. Almost like I collapsed into his touch, I missed my brother for who he was. The savior, the one who could save me from anything. I knew now that he couldn't and this could very well be the last time where I'll have to save myself.
"I'm getting married soon, and I want you to be there so bad". I could hear him break and begin crying as his head rests on my shoulder. "I wish I could be too, I'm so happy for you".
His phone rung, he lets go wiping his tears. "Fuck, hello?" He begins pacing, and throwing little comments out there. "I'm working right now, no sir". I could tell who he was talking to.
Our father and Angelo looked frightened. "I stopped at a friend's house for now, I'll be back within the hour, if you've found him that's good". My eyes widened and I looked at my brother.
Mouthing "found who", Angelo couldn't respond and I felt the air go tense. "I'll see you soon", he hangs up the phone, "he has a fucking lead one that leads to Missouri". I huffed a sigh, "I'll do research on it then".
Angelo comes by and gives me one last hug. "He will go down like the rest of us. You know how to play his game Mariana".
He pauses
"After all you are your fathers daughter"