A/N: Rosie and slight gore warning :3 (you can probably tell where they're going.)
"Why the fuck are we going to cannibal town?" *Lucifer complains.*
"Well since his majesty couldn't choose, I thought we'd visit an old friend of mine, So I can deal with someone I can tolerate." *Alastor says in a snarky tone.*
*him and Lucifer were walking to cannibal town to meet a friend of Alastor's. Lucifer was not fond of this idea, not because he was scared, he could end any demon possible just by lifting a finger. He was more disturbed at the fact that these were literal cannibals, what if he gets hungry or something? What if he sees someone's guts just casually on the ground? The thought made him want to throw up.
*why was Alastor bringing him here anyway? Did he think he was that weak to get eaten by a cannibal, he thought.*
"Well I just don't see how this will help with trust exactly."
"Oh I really don't care" *Alastor says bluntly.*
"Wha- then why? What's the point of this then?" *Lucifer stammers.*
"Look, you and me will never get along so we might as well pretend for Charlie's sake." *Alastor says with an annoyed expression.*
"That's about the smartest thing I've ever heard you say." *Lucifer snaps back at him.*
"Ah yes, as if you'd say anything smart in your life ever." *Alastor glances at Lucifer while saying this.*
"I fucking hate you."
"Thank you!" *Alastor says with a shit eating grin.*
*the rest of the way they're either walking in silence while glaring at each other or constantly bantering.*
**insert argument 1**
"Why do you walk so fucking loud"-Lucifer
"Why are you so short."- Alastor
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY-"
**insert argument 2**
"Stop staring at me it's impolite" -Alastor
"Everything you've said to me is considered impolite and disrespectful."-Lucifer
"Well I'm sorry I don't respect all my elders."-Alastor
"IM NOT THAT OLD"-Lucifer
"YOU'RE LITERALLY EONS OLD YOU GRANDPA?!"-Alastor
"You don't have to remind me.." *sniff*-Lucifer
"Aww im sorry.."
"WOMP WOM-" -Alastor
*Lucifer slaps Alastor.*
**insert argument 3*
"Radios or Tv?" -Alastor
"Radio, Tv rots the brain" -Lucifer
"Hm, interesting.."-Alastor
"How is that interesting-?" -Lucifer
"Your brain seems pretty rotten so I thought you'd choose tv." -Alastor
"I CHOSE YOUR SIDE WHAT THE HE-" -Lucifer
((I love autocorrect sometimes))
They finally make it to cannibal town after all there bantering and awkward silences.*
"Finally! I was getting tired of having to lean down to hear you."Alastor leans down to add to the teasing.
"Are you gonna stop with the height insults? They're getting pretty ol-" "Like you?" He gets cut off.
Silence goes between the two as Lucifer glares at him and Alastor just smirks smugly.
"Let's just..go."
Lucifer says in a passive aggressive tone.
"Good idea your highness!"
They enter Rosie's Emporium
"And that young lady Charlie is sure to fit as the next ruler just fine!- oh my is that another visitor? Hold that thought dear!"
Rosie turns over to Alastor and looks absolutely delighted.
"Alastor! Seeing me so soon again?"
Rosie smiles and clasps her hands together.
"Did you bring any com- OH MY STARS LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR? I didn't get my special dress- or prepare my makeup- why didn't you tell me alastor?" She puts her hands on her hips.
"There's no need-" Lucifer says reassuringly
"My Alastor how'd you manage to become friends with the king himself! You deserve better your majesty.." she says the last part jokingly.
"Oh I'm just kidding! Alastor here is an absolute sweetheart" she puts a shoulder on Alastors shoulder as Alastor smiles fondly
"Yea a sweetheart.." Lucifer coughs out.
"I do say, this place seems very well taken care of!" Lucifer compliments.
"Awh! You're such a charmer your majesty, Alastor can learn a thing or to!" Rosie chuckles as Alastor chuckles a bit to.
"Oh dear Rosie, me and Lucifer are only acquaintances!" Alastor reassures.
"Yea, I wouldn't want to be friends with him anyway" Lucifer rolls his eyes.
Alastor's ears perk up, he didn't want Rosie to watch their bantering.
"Lucifer, could you not be a little prick around Rosie?" Alastor says sternly.
"Stop calling me little for goodness sake!" Lucifer says defensively and angrily, causing others attention on them.
"I-wha-? I didn't even mean it that way?? But sure whatever.." The taller one says.
Rosie laughs loudly, amused by there arguing.
"Oh you two are a mess!" She muses with a smile.
"Alastor be careful now, he may be short and absolutely a doll, but he's the king after all, he will and can kill you." She wags her pointing finger around. "I wouldn't want my DEERest friend to go missing!" She nudges Alastor playfully.
"Oh I'm well aware, his majesty is just so fun to mess with." Alastor says with a smug smile.
"Of course it is you sadistic shit.." Lucifer mutters.
Rosie laughs, amused by the two.
"Well, I believe it's time for a song! Someone turn on the radio!"
Alastor goes over to the radio on the far left and it starts playing a song.
A/N: hey remember how I said I was gonna keep this as canon as possible? Take this as one of the moments where they're gonna sing out of nowhere or something.
Song: TANGLED UP!-Lokee remix
After the song
Alastor wipes off Lucifer's "hand germs" with his coat.
"The tango dancing was..unnecessary" Lucifer says, also brushing his hands off.
"I really only did it to make you mad"Alastor shrugs.
"Yea no shit you already said that.." he rolls his eyes
"Oh that was an absolute delight!" Rosie says as she walks over to Alastor and Lucifer.
"Would you guys care for some food? Maybe a pinkie finger or two? Perhaps a glass of blood?" She says as she brings out a glass filled with blood.
"I'd be delighted!"
"No thank you.."
Alastor and Lucifer say at the same time.
"More for me I guess!" Alastor takes the glass of blood and drinks it. The blood slowly drips down his mouth, Alastor catches it with his finger and licks it off. "Delightful!"
Lucifer stares at Alastor awkwardly.
"Do you have uhm.. anything besides like..blood and body parts?" Lucifer asks awkwardly.
Rosie thinks for a moment "I'm afraid not your majesty! We are in cannibal town I'm afraid."
Lucifer looks to the side and finds someone casually eating someone else. "Right I forgot.." he tried not to grimace just to be polite to Rosie.
Alastor smiles smugly again, he was amused that the 'strong and mighty' king himself couldn't handle cannibalism.
"Come guys, come take a seat here!" She motions to the seats in front of them. They sit down as Rosie begins talking.
"So, why exactly are you in my place today, Alastor?" She asks with her hands clasped together.
"Well, I thought you'd like to meet his majesty himself, also because he was getting on my nerves." The last comment causes Lucifer to glare at Alastor.
"Now now Alastor, be respecting to his majesty!" She wags her pointer finger again.
Lucifer smiles. "I like this woman!"
"Of course you do..." Alastor mutters, he smiles with a bit of fondness, glad that someone could like Rosie so easily.
"You know she's really polite, unlike you Alastor." Lucifer says with a smug smile.
"I haven't even done anything yet?"
"YOU CALLED ME OLD"
"IT'S TRUE?!"
Rosie watches the two awkwardly and sips her glass of blood.
The three of them talk together for a while, Alastor and Lucifer occasionally banter, being well..Alastor and Lucifer.
Conversation 1 ✧
" So Alastor , what's your favorite part of the demon body to eat?" -Rosie
"Hm, I believe the last time you asked me this I said the heart! You see I look for more of the bloody type of meal." -Alastor
"Oh that's a good choice! You see I really like to eat fingers, I don't really like the bones though."-Rosie
"I do say, the crunchy texture of the fingers do taste good!" -Alastor
Lucifer watches awkwardly with an awkward smile, not knowing how to contribute in this conversation.
Conversation 2✩
"So, why do you two hate each other so much?"-Rosie
"I was not very fond of the movie snow white and the seven dwarfs." -Alastor
"I'm literally 5'6!"-Lucifer
"Well I find his majesty's height to be adorable!" She pats Lucifer's head. -Rosie
Lucifer smiles bashfully. "Thank you Rosie, SOMEONE needs to learn that." He glares at Alastor.
ミ★☆✰✯✩✫𖤐✧✥✬✪𓇽⁂꥟✵𖤐✧🜸✧✬★彡
Rosie waves goodbye to Alastor and Lucifer.
"Goodbye you two! Say hi to Charlie for me!" She smiles.
"We will!" Alastor waves back, so does Lucifer.
"She gives off such auntie vibes- is that how you say it?- is that how people say it nowadays?" Lucifer says trying to get reassurance.
"Lucifer, I still use a radio. I don't think you should be asking me that."
"Fair enough.." Lucifer shrugs.
A/N: 1,506 words? You guys BETTER read this.