I'm tired of these lonely nights. Not having anyone by my side to complete the warmth that I so desperately needed. I use to have all that when I first started dating Niall. He was there whenever I needed him which was most of the time. He was my cuddle buddy, my warmth and my lover all at the same time.
Niall is really so sweet, the best any girl would want. He was the perfect dream guy even with his flaws. I loved him.
Lately Niall has changed though. I don't know why. His eyes are a little more dull than usual. He never bothers to try to hold a conversation anymore. It's like he's distant. He gets drunk more than he use to. Yeah I know he's Irish but that doesn't leave a valid reason for his sudden actions. I would try to ask how his day was when he got home from the studio but he would just reply with a languid answer and wondering off to the kitchen for a beer. I wouldn't try to pry i'm not like that but I was worried. He wasn't my Niall anymore.
Last week at 4:30am on Saturday he stumbles in drunk. I guess he was so drunk he couldn't even walk in a straight line and ran into the hallway table, breaking a vase. I peeled myself from the bed getting up to go help him. I find him in the kitchen reaching for another beer. Was he seriously trying to get drunk than he already was?
"Ni, come to bed will you?" I whisper hoping he would hear. He turned around his eyes brighter than usual from the alcohol. Once he finally processed what I said he scoffed.
"I'm not fuckin tired yet so leave me will ya" he slurred. Fuck, he couldn't even think straight. We both know he should go to bed but the beer was making him a whole lot more stubborn than he would normally be.
"Niall you need to sleep this alcohol off. Come on babe" I gently grab his arm to try to guide him from the fridge so he wouldn't get another beer.
"Get the fuck off of me," he pulled he arm away harshly,"you're not my fucking mother (Y/N)" he stumbles off into the living room with the beer in hand. I let him go not even, going to attempt for the third time to get him to bed. I was hurt that he would even shove me off like that. Not even letting me take care of him like I use to. I was sick of him pushing me away and destroying stuff all around the house in his drunken state.
The same routine continued for 2 weeks after that incident one night. Niall went out to work in the morning, go to the pub right after, gets completely wasted to the point where he can't even remember the previous night. Then it starts all over again. I tried to help him but all he would do was shove me off like I was nothing. We haven't had sex or kissed in months. He wouldn't even take a second look at me. I had lost my Niall, my everything.
Tonight I decided I would try to confront him. I was so tired. Tired of being neglected. Tired of not know what's going. I waited that night till I heard Niall trip on in. I grabbed a random shirt of his and went down stairs. He sat at the table staring at his hands. I was really worried about him.
"Ni..." I waited for a reply. Nothing.
"Niall" I tried a little bit louder. I knew he could hear me, the house was dead silent. The air filled with out sounds of our breathing and the tiny creaks of the house.
"Niall, I'm tired of you ignoring me, what is wrong?" I was getting in patient. Isn't the person you love is who you turn to help for. Did Niall even love me?
"What do you want me to say?" He voice came out gravely and thick. It almost scared me a little.
"I want you to tell me why you have been pushing me out, neglecting me. Acting as though I don't exist? I need an answer. Now Niall, i'm sick if it." He turned to look at me with those sad bright blue eyes. I just wanted to run over and tell him everything will be alright, even though I don't know the problem.
"Why are you making this about you, like it's such a big fuckin deal for YOU to know what's wrong." He spoke and his voice got louder "Why don't you ever care and ask for me and not just yourself. 'I feel neglected blah blah bullshit'" I couldn't believe what he was saying. All I ever did was care for this man even though he treated me like shit. I wasn't gonna stand around and let this happen.
"I DO fucking care about you! You are just so goddamn drunk all the time you're too blind to see." He got up out the chair to face me. I just had to let it all out. I started yelling, "Niall you need to your fucking like together and stop worrying about yourself. Maybe if you opened up and stop pushing people away, the people who love you, you would get help! Stop acting like a fucking prick all the time! Yes, I am gonna worry about myself because you are never fucking here!" My face was red and hot. I was fuming. I wanted to cry as well. I looked at Niall and his face was becoming agitated with anger. He closed his eyes and clenched his fist. I knew I should have stopped but I needed to let it out.
"If you really loved me, you would show it! Maybe all the stuff you did before was all a bunch of bullshit!" I went too far. I knew it. But what happened next was something I wasn't prepared for or even expected.
He hit me.
Niall Horan hit me. On my right cheek. The hit so hard I flung into the counter. I gasped out in pain. That son of bitch hurt. I would expect the last person on earth to hurt me would be Niall. Even in his drunken state I wouldn't expect it. Holding my face while I looked up at Niall I saw his face red. Nostrils flared eyes so dark they could be black. I've never seen him like this, he looked like a monster. I ran up stairs to our room and locked the door. Finally the tears that I knew would come, flooded out onto my cheeks. Niall came to the door 5 minutes later pounding on it and shouting my name. For 20 minutes all I could focus on was the loud bangs and yells from Niall in a desperate plea to open the door, and the sound of my sobs. I was so heart broken. Where do we go from here? Do I end it? I've had enough but I loved him to much to leave. I just wanted to sleep and wake up in hope it would be a bad dream but the constant stinging in my cheek kept reminding me of the nightmare.
Niall had eventually given up. Probably passed out on the couch sleeping off the alcohol. I finally had enough strength to get up off the bed. I was so hungry and my throat dry from sobbing I needed to go to the kitchen. I knew Niall wouldn't be up, so the thought of running into him awake was out of the question.
I went to the kitchen and got some Gatorade. For someone reason no matter how much I wanted to eat I don't think I could. I felt sick. Sitting at the table and staring at the counter, replaying the events that had happened hours ago, over and over in my head. I didn't know how I was gonna look at Niall the same way after this or even let him near me.
I went to up and the chair screeched across the tile floor and little louder then I intended it too. I stopped to see if that had woken Niall up then brushed off the thought once again. So drunk not even a jack hammer could wake him up.
I get up to throw the bottle away and when I turn around I see him slumped against the door frame. His head bowed down, back hunched. He looked a mess. It was quiet, the silence almost suffocating. Until he finally broke it.
"Didn't hear ya come down" his voice low and raspy, nothing louder than a whisper. If I wasn't listening I was sure I would have missed it.
"Um yeah...I was trying not to bother you" my gaze fell to the floor, I just couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore. I knew if I looked into those blue eyes of his I would crumble underneath his glare. I wanted to show a strong front that I knew I didn't have.
"No I was waiting for you since you wouldn't open the door" his voice a little louder now. I could feel his eyes looking at me without even seeing him.
"Do you blame me?" I mumbled
"I wish ya would have opened up the door so I could speak to ya."
"I was scared okay" no need to beat around the bush anymore I couldn't keep up the boldness anymore. I knew I needed to build up some courage to face him whether I liked it or not.
I finally looked up to see he was watching me intently.
"You're scared?" his voice sounded so little compared to what it normally does. "You're scared of me..." he says more so to himself. Almost shocked that the idea of me being frightened of him would even come into play. His eyes fell to the floor and he just kept shaking his head. I didn't want to say anything partially because I didn't know what to say.
After what seemed like hours I finally got enough energy to move from the spot that I felt cemented to.
"I'm gonna go" The words left my mouth before I even realized it. Niall's head snapped up quick.
"Wait, you're leaving me? I know I fucked up big time" His words coming out fast like he was out of breath. "I know you're scared but we can fix this. I promise we can try to get back to where we were. I know I don't say it enough but I-"
"I can't do this. What if things don't get back to where they were? What then?" I really wanted to make things work because Niall was the first boy I loved but the outcomes of this relationship getting back to where it was, was low. I don't know if it will ever be the same.
"Please...Can we try?" he pleaded. Moving from the spot at the door frame he walks closer to me by the counter. I start backing up questioning if I should really be that close to him. He notices my hesitation and stops moving. Where he is standing I get a good enough look at his eyes to see the hurt, regret, and sorrow that show through his bright blue eyes.
"Please don't be afraid." He takes a step closer. Now only 6 feet away.
"I love you. I will never hurt you again." His voice becoming shaky. Then one thing I hated to see why Niall cry. It literally breaks my heart in two when I see him cry. But I was still unsure of what to say or do. As much as I hate to see him cry I couldn't let off with me being the only one hurt here. I was so confused I just wanted to sleep. I was so tired and confused.
"How do I know it won't happen again? How can I earn your trust back? We are back at square 1, everything has gone down the drain."
"I promise you," He takes two more steps closer to me. He is getting so close I can smell his musk mixed with beer. His smell intoxicating me, making me more confused and dizzy than I already am. "I will do everything I can to gain your trust back. To get our relationship back. And to get me back...I just...don't know what I would do-" He stops and closes his eyes. Shit he's crying. His chin quake as he tries to hold back the sobs that are threatening to come out. One by tears are flowing down his cheeks falling onto his shirt. His body starts to shake. I disregard everything in my head telling me to keep my distance and step forward to take him in my arms. I wrap me arms around his neck while pulls me close to him body. He nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck and just sobs. I couldn't hold back my tears either. It came to the point of two broken people crying in the kitchen, holding each other so close in hope of becoming one again. Holding each other so close because they need someone to help them get through all the pain they endured. I run my hands through the back of Niall's hair in effort to sooth him.
"I don't wanna lose you. I can't lose you. I need you" He finally speaks after pulling himself together. Still holding me he pulls his head back and places his forehead on mine. Staring deep into my eyes he says "We are gonna make it work. I know it. Just please give me another chance."
"Okay." I honestly hoped me and Niall could work on whatever needed to be fixed. He cracks a smile, something that I hadn't seen in ages. I give him a faint smile back. His eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips, almost debating if he should kiss me or not. I decided to make the first move and lean in to meet his plump lips. It was a light peck. I pulled in for more giving him short kisses. He tasted sweet. His lips fit perfect with mine. I made the kiss deeper, Niall skimming his tongue lightly across my bottom lip to ask for entrance. I granted him entrance and he explored my mouth with his tongue. We didn't fight for dominance, we just let are mouths work together.
His hands moved from my back, down around my butt and under my thighs. He lifted me and started carrying me back to the bedroom, all the while never breaking the heated kiss.
He lays me on the bed softly up on the pillows, and finally breaks the kiss. His lips travel down my face then to my neck. He alternates between lightly sucking on my neck and then peppering it with kisses. His hair tickling me and warm breath on my neck add to the pleasure.
"I'm gonna show you how much I love you" He looks up at me. Eyes that were once filled with sorrow and regret are now replaced with lust and love. Maybe there was hope for us.
He kisses me once more before slowly removing his old shirt, leaving me in just me panties. He kisses down the valley of my breast and back up to quickly capture my nipple between his soft lips. He gently sucks on it, swirling his tongue around making it go erect. He soon switches to my other boob and does the same thing. I was never the one to be sensitive when it came to breast fondling but the way Niall was doing it could have sent me over the edge.
Little moans escaped from my mouth. This seems to give Niall even more encouragement to continue. He moves from my breasts and leaves a trail of kisses down my stomach till he reached the hem of my underwear. He hooked a finger around the thin garment protecting my most sensitive area. I was ready for him.
He quickly pulls my underwear off and spreads my legs. The sudden gust of cold air on my clit sent shivers through my body causing me to moan. I was beginning to get a little restless and Niall could sense that.
"I'm taking it slow tonight, Love" He whispers, head poked out right between my legs. I do my best to restrain myself from bucking my hips into his face.
Niall blows softly on my clit making me moan even more. He finally took one long lick up my slit and locked his lips around my clit, sucking gently. It felt like a warm ball dropped into the bottom of my stomach and the feeling on euphoria was stronger than ever. He switched up between sucking and lick. This was the best feeling ever. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better Niall pushed a finger in nice and slow, in and out. After a few pumps he added a second finger. I was a little tight considering we haven't had sex in weeks.
"Oh my god" I moan out as he adds a third finger and picks up the pace. I grip onto his hair as he fingers me. My back was arched pushing his face in closer. My breath started to quicken and my moans started to crescendo, I knew I was close.
"Right there, right fucking there," I breathed out. "So fucking close."
Niall curved his fingers in a come hither sort of motion and hit me g-spot. I screamed out and came all over Niall's face and fingers. Best orgasm ever. Niall licked my clean. My legs shaking from the hardest orgasm I ever had in my entire life. As I tried to catch my breath, Niall started to kiss back up my body whispering "I love you" between every peck. Once he finally got to my face he looked me in the eyes. Those bright eyes that showed so much emotion, love, hurt, regret, and lust.
"I'm so sorry." Before I had a chance to respond with anything he kisses me. It feels as though everything he's feeling was being poured into the kiss. This kiss held so much passion. It was deep. His tongue felt so good against mine, hints of my juices salting up his tongue almost balancing out the usual sweetness of his kisses. It was minutes but felt like hours that we kissed. His hands roamed my body as I brushed my fingers through his hair over and over again. Having to stop for air, we both pull back. Chests heaving against one another, eyes locking together again.
"Are you ready?" He asked cocking an eyebrow up.
"Yeah." I huffed out. I found it sincere that he asked if I was ready. He probably is still hesitant on touching me. It was a step back, but we were still moving forward to what we use to be.
Niall discarded his clothes and looked down to position himself at my entrance. He teasingly rubs the tip up and down my folds before pushing in. It was a stretch for me so I closed my eyes waiting for the awkward feeling to pass. Once he saw I was ready he started to pump in and out. He pushed into me completely, filling me up like no one could ever do. We were like a puzzle when it came to sex. Two different pieces fitting together perfectly to become complete.
Niall spread my legs apart a little wider, and then rested his elbows on each side of my head. He thrust becoming deeper. I keep bucking my hips to meet his. Niall and I never took it this slow, maybe once, but that was awhile ago. It felt good because I could actually feel him and be more intimate.
He rested his forehead on mine giving me small little pecks every now and then. Moans were coming from both of our mouths.
I started clenching around his cock, making even more moans fall from his mouth.
"I know you want to take it slow babe," I huffed out in-between breaths, "but I need you to go faster."
One quick nod of the head and Niall picked up his pace. He sat up, while staying inside me, and hooked his arms under my knees to help him go faster. Soon enough Niall was rocking into me so hard I had to grip the sheets.
"Fuck." He cried out bending his head backwards and shutting his eyes.
"I'm close Niall." I whimper.
"I'll get you there, babe."
He bent back down going even faster than before hitting my g-spot with every thrust. Niall takes his thumb and pointer finger and rolls my clit between the two fingers adding even more to the pleasure. That warm fuzzy feeling was building up in my stomach and spreading all over my body. He bent down to kiss me then mumbled on my lips "Come for me"
I came on him and I came hard. Second powerful orgasm of the night. The feeling so strong I couldn't see straight for a couple seconds. I guess my orgasm was enough to set Niall off and he released too. Groans coming from deep inside his throat. His eyes were shut once again and his head dropped into the crook of my neck.
He collapsed on top of me, all his body weight shifted on me keeping me warm. I didn't care that he was somewhat squishing me, I just wanted to stay close to him. His leaves multiple sloppy kisses on my neck as we both try to regulate our breathing. After about 10 minutes or so he looks up once again staring at me with those blue eyes that hold so many emotions.
"I love you so fucking much. You are my world and I am willing to give up everything I have just to keep you." He pushed back the strands of hair that had fallen onto my face. "I love you just please never doubt that. I am so sorry" His voice started to crack once again and before he could start crying I take his face in my hands to bring him in for a kiss. I give him one of those kisses that take your breath away.
"We are gonna get through this, I just know." And I felt like I did know. The determination of Niall wanting to put this relationship back together and all the love he just gave to me I had a feeling there was some hope for us.
Niall grabbed my hips and rolled off of me while pulling me into him. He wrapped his arms around my back and I cuddled into his chest.
I looked up to get one last look of his face before I went to sleep. When I look up he was already staring back at me.
"I love you." I say up to him.
"I love you too, more than you can imagine." He said while giving my lips one last peck. I nuzzle my body closer to his as his grip tightens. I think to myself that I finally got my Niall back. There was hope for us getting back to where we were and I was glad about that. I start thinking about all the things me and Niall can do to get back to those days where we first sparked and slowly drift off to sleep.
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~Sarah
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