Chester sat close to Mike, the two of them on the fluffy red couch in Dr. Dave Grohl's office. He had to admit that Dr. Grohl's set up looked nothing like his own therapist's office. Instead of minimalist artwork on the wall and a diploma from whatever college, Dr. Grohl had watercolor art and paintings that look like they should have died in the 1970s rather than be hanging on the walls of a professional's office. Although I kinda like that one of the long haired cow, Chester thought as he studied the odd painting for only a second, and then his attention was back on their new therapist - his and Mike's first shared therapist.
Dr. Grohl was sitting across from them in a comfortable looking chair, a stack of papers in his hands, which Chester assumed were the information forms he and Mike had just filled out in the waiting room. Dr. Grohl had hair down past his shoulders, and two beaded necklaces on - one red and one yellow. His white shirt looked fluffy and his brown slacks didn't quite match his Birkenstock sandals. Chester had only glanced at Dr. Grohl's bare feet, just long enough to notice he had no polish on his nails and hair on his big toes, and that was enough for him to never look at his therapist's feet again.
But his eyes are soft behind those gold rimmed glasses. And his voice is nice too. He shook our hands and let us sit on this weird-ass couch.Chester ran his hand over the red furry cushion they were sitting on and smiled a little. He knew coming in here for the first time would be nerve wracking, but he was actually feeling okay. He wasn't sure if that was because of the sound of the rainbow fountain running quietly in the corner or because of the lavender smell coming from the incense burner sitting on the windowsill. Or maybe it's just because I'm happy we're finally here. Things need to get better. I hope this is how we make that happen.
Mike wasn't five inches away, and Chester found his nearby hand, giving it a squeeze. It brought his husband's attention around to him, and Chester smiled softly. He could see the nervous shadow in his lover's eyes, and Chester pet his thumb lightly over the back of Mike's hand.
Dr. Grohl looked up from the papers he'd just skimmed. He watched the married couple in front of him. He didn't miss that they were holding hands and seemingly silently encouraging each other. "So," he said, as he sat the papers aside. "Why don't we start with talking about why you're both here." He saw the confused look on his patients' faces. "I know you wrote it all down," he acknowledged as he gestured to the stack of papers before he pulled a pencil out from behind his ear. He picked the stack of papers back up and turned them over. He jotted down the date and Mike Shinoda x Chester Bennington =
He looked up. "But I think it's important to voice your reasons." He held up the papers. "What people write and what comes out of their mouths isn't always the same." He flipped the stack back over, looking down at his clean space as he studied the couple in front of him. Their very different physical appearances hadn't escaped his notice. Chester was well put together, in fashion-friendly jeans and a gray and pink button up shirt. He was wearing black framed glasses and expensive looking boot shoes. Mike looked a little more comfortable in baggier jeans and an open blue and black flannel over a dark undershirt. It wasn't unusual to see opposites together, but years of experience told Dr. Grohl that sometimes those differences could lead to arguments and issues.
"Mike, why don't you go first," he suggested when neither one spoke up. "Tell me why you're here today."
Dr. Grohl's office wasn't the same sort of office as Dr. Digby's, and Mike was still trying to figure out his feelings about the space. Everything at the campus office was clean and utilitarian. This was warmer and far more relaxed, but it wasn't putting Mike at ease. His heart was pounding as he cleared his throat. "Well, Ches and I have been together for a long time, years. More than five," he said, lifting their linked hands. "And I want to get better at communicating what I'm thinking and feeling with him. I'm not good at it, and we have fights that probably wouldn't even be an issue if I knew how to talk in a way that didn't upset him. I always seem to say the wrong thing. So I thought maybe this would help."
He looked away from Dr. Grohl's quiet stare. "I just want to be a better husband. I have a therapist on my own, too. I'm really trying," Mike added, rubbing his free hand on the thigh of his jeans.
Dr. Grohl shuffled through his stack of papers before pulling one out, glancing at it quickly. "Aw yes. You've been in therapy for the last year or so?" He watched as Mike nodded. "Is that why you started with your other therapist?" He pointed between the two of them. "You feel like you're not being a good husband?"
Mike could feel his hands already getting clammy. "Well, that was part of it. And some other things, some personal issues I was having..." He wasn't sure he wanted to explain any further about the anxiety and the mildly disordered eating, and his almost-maybe-not-quite addiction to sex. "Anxiety," he finally decided, leaving out the other things he talked about and worked through with Dr. Digby. "I'm working on it."
Dr. Grohl wrote that down. "Anxiety can be crippling. I applaud you for reaching out for help. Are you on medication for it?" When Mike answered no, he turned his attention to Chester. "How about you? What brings you here today?"
It was Chester's turn to feel nervous and he shifted in his seat. "We have problems," he said simply as he nodded to Mike. "And communication is a big part of that. Mostly. I know I take things personally sometimes and my emotions," he tried to explain as he motioned over his front, "they get out of control sometimes. It's hard. Something small can escalate quickly and suddenly it feels like I'm falling off a cliff and I panic."
Dr. Grohl wrote that down before he shuffled through his papers again, pulling one out. "And you're also seeing a private therapist?" When Chester said yes, Dr. Grohl teased his pencil between his fingers. "You wrote down you've been in therapy for the last three years."
Chester looked at Mike before looking back at Dr. Grohl. "Yeah. It didn't have anything to do with Mike. I was having nightmares and, um, I had just come out of a bad work situation and I wasn't handling life very well. I am on medication," he said with a swallow. "Antidepressants."
"Are they helping?"
Chester nodded. "Yes. It was rough going on them at first, but they help keep things evened out." He motioned over his front again with a sigh. "I'd be so much worse without them."
Dr. Grohl watched as Mike gave Chester's hand an extra squeeze. It was refreshing to see that medication was not only not an issue between them but it was supported. "I'm glad that part is working out for you. Medication can be a huge struggle for some people."
Chester nodded. "So we're both working on ourselves, but we don't always land on the same page with some things, and it causes fights and problems," he tried to explain.
Dr. Grohl sat back in his chair. "Tell me about not being on the same page." He gestured at them both with his pencil. "Give me an example."
Chester narrowed his eyes in thought. Even though he and Mike had agreed that these sessions were not about Ryan and Jason, the only thing that came to his mind were recent events. "Well, Mike being in love with someone else is the main thing, usually."
That wasn't what Dr. Grohl expected to hear and his attention shot right to Mike. His face was blood red and his mouth was hanging open. "I see," Dr. Grohl said as he made note of that. "Mike, do you agree with that?"
Mike couldn't feel his body as his brain scrambled for something to say to that. "I, I don't think it's the main thing," he stuttered, his fingers digging into his jeans. "It's sometimes the thing. Or it's a thing. But not the main thing. I don't think. I mean, it's a thing, yeah, but I love Ches, too." He closed his mouth. He could feel the sweat under his hair already and he was cursing at Chester in his head for bringing Jason into the conversation after only five minutes with their new therapist.
"Does it make you uncomfortable to talk about this other man?" Dr. Grohl asked. "Or woman," he amended, gesturing at Mike. "I see you have twin daughters. Is this the children's mother we're talking about?"
Chester laughed. A massive gut laugh that had him covering his mouth with both hands. "I'm sorry," he apologized around a smile. "I'm sorry. Sorry," he said again as he tried to pull himself together. "The mental image of Mike and T together is just...sorry."
Dr. Grohl couldn't remember the last time he'd seen someone laugh like that - a real laugh - in the middle of talking about having an unfaithful spouse. "T is?"
Chester sat up straighter, his hand going to Mike's knee without thought. "T is my friend. Talinda," he explained. "We work together and when she got pregnant - not by us," he emphasized, "we adopted the girls."
"You must be very close with her," Dr. Grohl guessed and when Chester confirmed that he said, "Not having conflicts with the mother of your twins is huge. Co-parents are often the source of conflict between couples."
"We have zero conflicts with T," Chester assured him. "She's been great and she comes over to see the girls. She's going to babysit them this Saturday, actually, so we can go on a date."
Dr. Grohl watched Chester smile wide at Mike and Mike offered it right back. It was a strange dynamic that an outside lover had been brought up, but there didn't seem to be any anger coming from Chester about it.
"Mike, let's go back to this other person Chester mentioned. Tell me a little about that."
"He's talking about Jason. He lives with us," Mike explained, quickly adding more when Dr. Grohl's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "Him and his husband. Ryan. And their son. We all live together." He looked at Chester, who didn't look the least bit concerned about what he was revealing. "Ches has known them both longer than I have," he defended lightly. "They're watching the twins now while we're here."
Dr. Grohl jotted that down. "So the two of you are living with another married couple." He watched Mike and Chester nod in agreement. "And Mike, you and Jason are having an affair?"
Mike let go of Chester's hands to throw both of his out in front of him immediately. "No, no," he protested, "that's not it at all. We're on a break right now, but we're all together. The four of us," he tried to explain hastily. "Ryan and Chester, and me and Jason. And sometimes all of us. But mostly it falls that way, Ry and Ches and me and Jay. We all decided to live together, nobody went into this whole arrangement blindly. We're not having an affair," Mike added, denying again what Dr. Grohl had blatantly asked.
Chester didn't miss the panic in Mike's voice or the confused look that swept across their therapist. "It's like this," he said, in an attempt to explain. "I worked with Ry and Jay and they were already together...kind of. But they loved each other. Always. Then I met Mike, and me and Mike fell in love. We all lived together before, at the loft. But that didn't work out at all and we all broke up because Mike and Jay did have an affair that time. But me and Ry forgave them," he added quickly when he saw Mike's face blanch. Chester grabbed his hand, giving it a good squeeze. "So fast forward a few years, and Ry and Jay got married and they have a son. Julien. He just started talking and he crawls around everywhere. We all love him to pieces. And we got married and we have the girls and we all decided to move in together, because Ry and Jay were in Seattle and it was hard."
Chester took a breath, his thoughts turning to the past. "It was hard for all of us, but me and Ry were the ones really struggling. Being apart. He's my friend," he emphasized, his hand over his heart like he was making an oath. "So we bought a house together and they have their side, and we have ours and we all share the kitchen and living room and pool and all those common spaces." He curled his lips together, sucking on his piercing before he said, "And Mike's right. Before we bought the house, we agreed that the four of us could do things together. It happened once before and we all enjoyed it, so we decided it would be okay to do it again. And that's where we are now."
It was a lot of information, but Dr. Grohl felt like he had enough to go on for now. It was clear that things were out in the open, and Chester didn't have a problem with it. He and Mike were very much in agreement with the facts so far, and he made note of that as he watched Chester relax a little and lean back in his seat, Mike's hand still cradled in his own. The love and support between them was very obvious, despite the reality of these other men in their lives. It was interesting, and Dr. Grohl knew he needed to tread lightly, despite the very honest confessions that had come from both his patients. "I see. So there is no cheating involved between the four of you?"
Chester looked at Mike before saying, "No, I wouldn't say cheating. The rule is that we're all supposed to be together for anything to happen. And for the most part, we've kept to that. When we all decide it's going to be a together night, we end up in Ry and Jay's bed, since it's huge compared to ours." Chester smiled thinking about the California King and the many nights they'd all spent in it together. It wasn't always about sex. Sometimes it was just about the comfort of being together. "We've all gone outside of that a few times though for different reasons. But as far as I know, we've confessed it to the other person after the fact."
Mike nodded but added, "that's only been in the last few weeks though, and it's my fault. I panicked when my mom was staying with us and tried to end everything, and then Ryan and Jason went to Seattle, and when Ryan came back he and Ches got carried away at work and then I went to Seattle to apologize to Jason, and we made up... but yeah, everyone confessed and nobody freaked out. Not about the fact that anyone had sex, anyway." He felt his face flush again. "It's all really complicated. And that's not why we're here," he insisted. "I just want to be able to talk to Ches and understand what he needs from me better."
Dr. Grohl looked from one to the other. "Chester, do you agree with that statement?"
Chester nodded. "Communication is why we're here. We're hoping it will help us be a stronger couple."
"Mike said he wants to be able to understand what you need better. Do you have trouble telling Mike what you need?"
Chester looked down at his jeans, and his hand that was still linked with Mike's. "Sometimes," he admitted softly. "Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one that feels a certain way, and I hate that. I hate being the problem, or the one that stops what everyone else wants."
"It's not just tied to the four of us though," Mike quickly clarified. "We struggle with basic things sometimes. I used to not know how to help when you had nightmares, but I've learned, you know?" He looked at Chester for acknowledgement. "Watching Ryan really helped me understand. I think I've gotten better with that. But there's still other things, and yeah, sometimes it has to do with Ryan or Jason, but I think we've always had that problem, with or without them."
"What are some of the other things?" Dr. Grohl asked Mike. "Things that don't involve Ryan and Jason," he added when Mike cocked his head in thought.
"Well," Mike said slowly as he tried to think through the times that he and Chester argued. Somehow, everything could go back to Ryan or Jason. He struggled for a moment before he finally looked at Chester. "Maybe it does all involve them. In some way. Either how I feel about Jason, or how I feel about how Chester feels about Ryan. Maybe it's just... me."
"How do you feel about how Chester feels about Ryan?" Dr. Grohl asked carefully. "Chester described him as a friend. Do you think that's accurate?" He watched Mike fidget with his wedding band, and Chester was still looking down at his jeans. Right out of the gate, Chester had announced that Mike was in love with someone else - with Jason - but the same hadn't been said about Ryan and Chester. It seemed odd it wouldn't have been brought up earlier if the concern went both ways.
Mike didn't look at Chester. He knew if he answered honestly, there would be a conversation about it later, maybe even an argument. Chester was always adamant that Ryan was a friend and nothing more, but Mike had been next to them in the big bed more than once. He knew it was more than that.
"No, I don't feel like it's accurate," Mike said slowly. "I think calling what's between them friendship and nothing more is kinda being in denial about how things are."
Dr. Grohl watched Chester's head pop up, his mouth dropped open. "Okay, Chester, take a breath," he advised, and he saw Chester only glance his way before his stare was back on Mike. "It's good for Mike to say what he's thinking. How do you feel about that?"
For the first time since they'd sat down in the therapist's office on the big fluffy red couch, Chester felt his insides starting to run. He wasn't holding Mike's hand anymore as he wrapped his arms around himself instead. "He's my friend," he told Dr. Grohl, but also Mike. "I know you've never believed that, but it's true. I love Ry. I love him a lot. I always have, but he's my friend. Why don't you believe me?" He asked Mike as he leaned forward, trying to see through the hair that had fallen into his husband's face.
"The same reason you don't believe me when I tell you I love you more than I love Jason. I've both seen and heard you in bed. That's not friendship." Mike was sweaty. This was an old argument they'd had at least a hundred times by now, and it never ended well. "I'm just telling you how I feel. And I don't resent you for loving him, Ches. I think I was pretty understanding when you finally admitted you were in love with him when we met. But I do think you should be honest with yourself and stop calling it friendship. Maybe it would make what's between me and Jay less of a problem."
Chester felt his nostrils flair. "Do you know what the difference is, Mike? When I look at Ryan, I see my friend. I see someone I enjoy spending time with. Someone I goof off with and talk about life with. And yes, I love him. I have no problem saying that, but I never - ever - think about Ryan as someone I could spend my life with. Or raise my kids with. Not like that. I never think about him as a replacement for you." Chester stopped and shook his head. "But when it comes to you and Jason, it feels like you could do that. You could replace me with him and life would just go on." He swatted his hand through the air. "Which is exactly why we're sitting here. You love Jason to the point that it's causing trouble. You're in love with him and it shows, Mike. And it hurts."
"Okay, okay," Dr. Grohl called, both hands stretched toward his patients. "Let's take a time out, and breathe. Come on," he encouraged as he fluttered his fingers through the air. "Breathe...let's count...five...four...three..." He watched as Mike and Chester both seemed to come back down slightly from the heated place they'd both been. "Two...One." Dr. Grohl inhaled deeply - loudly - before he slowly let it out, motioning with his hands through the whole process.
"Now," he said, not missing the new space that was between Mike and Chester on the couch, "I think maybe we're getting mixed up in words here. Chester," he said, and he waited for Chester's dark eyes to flash his way. "Even though you feel like your relationship with Ryan is only friendship, it's clear that your husband feels like it's more. It's important to respect those feelings. Mike," he said softly, "is your only sticking point that Chester isn't willing to call his relationship with Ryan more than a friendship? If it's nothing more than a matter of a label, is that something worth getting upset about? Or is there more?"
Chester's reaction had been exactly what Mike expected. Even so, it frustrated him that Chester was so quick to defend himself and Ryan, and to try to make it lesser than him and Jason. "The word is a problem for me," Mike admitted, looking straight at their therapist. "I don't think it's honest. And since Ches brought it up, I could say the same for him. He and Ryan are very close. If I died tomorrow, you know who would be there? Ryan. And not in a gross way," Mike said quickly, defending Ryan's honor even though he wasn't there.
"It wouldn't be like he was moving in on a grieving widow or anything. But he'd be Chester's biggest source of comfort. And yeah, eventually, they would move on together." Mike was spinning his wedding ring on his finger, over and over, as he talked. "Ryan is part of Chester's support system, and I acknowledged that a long time ago. He understands things that I can't and never will. So, yeah, maybe it's just the word. Because who they are together doesn't bother me." He kept his eyes on Dr. Grohl, even though he could feel Chester looking at him.
Dr. Grohl looked from Mike to Chester with a nod. "Chester, I hear what you're saying about Ryan being a friend. But, Mike has a point. Friendships usually don't involve having a sexual relationship that also involves telling each other you love them."
Chester felt his heart grow tight in his chest. "I know," he admitted, looking back down at his jeans and the bit of red couch around him. "It's just...that's how I see it. Ryan and I have never dated. We've never been a couple. Mike and Jason can't say that. They've done both, and they broke up with me and Ry to do it."
"We were wrong for that, and we both admitted it. And things were crazy back then, Ches, you know?" Mike turned toward his husband, one knee inching into Chester's space. "That doesn't mean we'd do it now. That was exactly my point a month ago when I said we should stop. I was choosing you. I didn't do it right, and we all know that now, and have agreed that isn't the best course of action. A break until me and you get sorted, that's where we're at. Isn't that what you want?" Mike asked before he could stop himself, and suddenly he was very, very afraid of Chester's answer.
If he says no, if he wants to stop completely, what will I tell Jay? It will be exactly what he was worried about. Me going to counseling and ending everything. Mike couldn't stop himself from fidgeting uncomfortably with his hair while he waited for Chester to answer.
Chester took a moment to process everything. It was a lot all at once - a lot of words and a lot of emotions. He hadn't expected their first appointment to be so heated, but here they were. "I know things were messed up before," he said first, his fingers clinging to his shirt front. "I was messed up, and I know Jason was, too. But it scares me, Mike," Chester admitted with a shake in his voice. "When things like Sunday night happen, or like the argument the night the girls were born, stuff like that, it scares me. And I know it shouldn't. I know you love me, but there's a part of me that feels very less than when it comes to Jason, and that's what pops up when things like that happen."
Chester looked over at Mike's big brown eyes. Even with his hair in his face, his husband was handsome. "I want to make sure our balance with them is right," he said carefully. "I know we both enjoy our shared time with them, and I don't want to take that away. But it needs to stay where it belongs. When it gets out of place and feelings get hurt, then it's no good. And if we can't do that, then yes, I'd rather it all stop then for us to keep being like this." He motioned between the two of them. "Because our marriage staying together is more important to me than anything I could ever have with Ryan or with the four of us."
Mike felt like that was what he'd been trying to say, too. That his balance needed to be better, and that he needed to be able to recognize when it wasn't, or realize when Chester was feeling uncomfortable with things. Why was it so hard to get him to understand they were on the same page?
"I feel like we want the same things," Mike said, looking from Chester to Dr. Grohl. "But we use different words for things, and then it gets all mixed up and we don't understand each other. That's what I want help with. Because yes, Ches," he went on, looking back at his husband, "I want the balance to be right. And I want you and me and the girls to be strong. That's all I've wanted all along."
Chester nodded. "Then show it," he said, reaching for Mike's hand. "I need to see us getting stronger, not just words saying it. I need to see you putting me first, not just saying you do."
Dr. Grohl watched, for a second before he called their attention back to him. "I think that's enough for today," he suggested, and he saw relief cross both their faces. "I think you both have things to think about this week. Chester, take some time over the next few days to reevaluate the way you label your relationship with Ryan. And Mike, make it a priority to prove your words with actions. And I'm not talking about a grand gesture, but consistent behavior and choices that help Chester feel secure."
Mike agreed, and he was the first to stand, offering Chester his hand. "Come on, babe. Maybe we'll get home in time to see the girls before they fall asleep," he decided. "We'll talk some more, too. This was good. Thank you," he said to Dr. Grohl, as he waited for Chester to take his hand.
Chester stood up. "Thank you, Dr. Grohl," he offered, and he and Mike both shook the therapist's hand before they stepped back out into the waiting room, and then the hallway of the foursquare building they were in. It was a short walk down some stairs before they were outside and underneath the evening sunshine that Chester sucked in immediately. He let Mike lead the way, and a few steps and seconds later, they were at Chester's little red sports car. He dug around in his pocket for his keys. He unlocked it, and opened Mike's door for him. He watched his husband sit down, and made sure he was all the way in before he closed the door and rounded the car to get into the driver's seat.
The car started right up, purring like a kitten - at least that's how Chester liked to think about it. "Well," he said as he backed the car up to get them headed home. "How do you think that went?"
"Not how I expected," Mike admitted. "I went into that thinking we'd get tools on how to talk to each other and communicate better. Not talk about Ryan and Jason." He looked out the side window and squinted. "I don't know. Maybe that's what we need to talk more openly about or something. They seemed to come up pretty fast."
"They did," Chester agreed easily. "That wasn't the plan, but it seemed pretty obvious really quickly that nothing would make sense if we didn't bring them up." They were out on the road now, heading for the house, and Chester glanced across the car to see Mike staring out the side window. The downturn of his husband's lips made his heart pinch. "I'm going to make sure I do my homework, like he suggested. Maybe me and Ry need to have a big boy talk about reality," he decided as Dr. Grohl's words played through his head.
"Maybe," Mike agreed. He didn't say anything else as he thought over the session, and what had been shared. How quickly Chester had gotten upset and defensive about Ryan. He sighed without even realizing it, before he said, "I do try to show you that I love you, and sometimes it's still all wrong. I want you to know, I am trying for us, Ches." He bit his lip, pulling at the skin with his teeth while he worried about how he could try harder and show more.
Chester nodded in response, but didn't say anything. He knew his husband loved him, but it was time for more than words. He was hoping that had gotten across to Mike during their session. "I know we're both trying," he offered, before he let out a heavy sigh. "I'm ready to be home. That was exhausting. I'm glad I don't have to cook dinner tonight."
"Yeah, me too. It was tiring. Hopefully everything is smooth with dinner and the girls and we can get in bed and watch a movie or something," Mike offered, thinking about the evening and how it might go. He was at a place with schoolwork that he didn't have anything pressing that needed to be done, so snuggling in bed and spending time together sounded like a good plan. "I'll let you pick," he teased, looking over at his husband.
Laying in bed and watching a movie together sounded wonderful. Chester couldn't remember the last time they'd taken the time to do that. "I like that idea. The movie and letting me pick," he teased back with a flirty smile. "Maybe we can add some ice cream to the mix if you're feeling it later. One bowl, two spoons."
"When have I ever said no to ice cream?" Mike asked, feeling his mood lift a little. "That's right. Never. Never have I ever said no to ice cream."
Mike's choice of words made Chester laugh. "I'd have to take a drink right now because I have," he said with a chuckle. "But tonight I'm all in."
Mike was already ready for ice cream, and it wasn't too long before they were home, walking into the smell of dinner already there and three happy babies - a far cry from a few nights ago when Mike had come home from Seattle with Jason. The moment they were inside he went straight for the bouncy seats, which were on the floor in front of Ryan and Jason as they sat on the couch. Julien was down on a playmat next to them, pushing buttons on a noisy toy that talked about the alphabet.
"Hiiii, baby girl," he cooed as he lifted Lila from her seat. "Were you good for Uncle Ryan and Uncle Jason?"
Ryan watched as Chester picked up Lily, the two of them looking over the twins like they were checking if they were okay. "They were good," Ryan offered. "They just got done eating and they're both changed."
"I'm glad they were good for you guys," Chester said as he sat down on the opposite couch, Lily on his lap. "And it smells good in here. Sexy Boy and I are worn out and starving."
Mike sat down right next to him, cradling Lila close. The top of her head smelled like baby shampoo still from her last bath. "Yeah, I'm definitely ready to eat. Nothing sounds better than teriyaki chicken and a couple of eggrolls right now," he declared as he cuddled his daughter. "I could eat ten eggrolls right now if you let me."
Jason rolled his eyes. No matter how mentally taxing the couples therapy had been, it hadn't affected Mike's appetite. He was strangely jealous of the fact that Mike could always eat. "Well, it's here," he said, looking at Ryan. "Not ten eggrolls, but the chicken for sure. And your beef and broccoli," he added, looking at Chester.
"Did you guys already eat?" Chester asked and when Jason said yes, Chester leaned back on the couch, and Lily went with him, laying against his flat stomach. He stroked her dark hair absently, like he was petting Cheese. "Okay. Thanks for getting dinner. We're going to eat and then we're stealing the ice cream and heading to bed to watch a movie. After these little munchkins go to sleep, of course."
Ryan smiled. "One session of couples counseling and you two are running off to snuggle with ice cream afterwards. Sounds about right."
"Let's take their chairs to the table," Mike suggested, looking at Chester. "So we can talk to them while we eat. I'm all for the snuggles, but I'm starving," he decided.
"Here, let me have her," Jason said, standing up and holding out his arms. "You can go get the food ready and Chaz and I will get them settled." He had Lila in no time, tucked into the crook of his arm as he reached down to snag the bouncy chair from the floor. Mike was already in the kitchen, rustling the bags that held his and Chester's meals. "Better hurry, Chaz, or there won't be any eggrolls for you," he teased, glancing at the other man as he stood up from the couch he'd just barely had time to get comfortable on before moving again.
"Don't I know it. It's like constantly living in The Hunger Games being married to Mike." He tossed Jason a smile as he grabbed Lily's bouncy seat and headed for the table.
They got them comfortable by the table, and Chester sat down before he realized he should get up to help with the food.
But Ryan was faster. He hadn't missed the fatigue in Chester's posture, and he was quick to ease Chester back down in his seat, his hand on Chester's shoulder. "Sit, Chazzy. Mike's got the food. What do you want to drink?"
"Just water is fine," he said and he stayed where he was as Ryan headed into the kitchen. Jason sat down at the table too, and Chester took a moment to acknowledge how unusual it was for them to be alone at the table together, even if it was just for a minute or two.
Jason looked between Mike and Chester. Neither of them looked particularly upset, but they also didn't look happy. He sat back in his chair and decided not to ask questions. It was more likely one or the other of them would start talking as soon as the food was on the table. Mike will ramble out everything in two minutes, he decided, and he could feel the small smile on his lips as the thought crossed his mind.
Mike carried the plates to the table, both at the same time, and plopped Chester's in front of him. Beef and broccoli, along with two eggrolls. His teriyaki smelled extra appealing tonight, with fried rice instead of white this time, and he'd carefully placed the last two eggrolls on his plate as well. "I'll get the sauce," he added as he sat both plates down, and turned back to the kitchen. "You want chopsticks, or a fork tonight?" he asked Chester over his shoulder.
"A fork, please," Chester called just as Ryan sat two large glasses of iced water on the table. "Thanks, Ry." Chester looked down at his plate and his stomach rumbled. The moment he had sweet and sour sauce in front of him, he was dipping his first egg roll in it.
Ryan brought a glass of water for Jason, too, even though his husband hadn't asked for it, before he sat down. "I've got the veggie puffs at the ready if Julien decides it's time to e-a-t again because we're all at the table."
Chester snorted around his food. "Are we spelling things now?" He asked as he leaned back in his chair to look into the living room. So far Julien was more involved with his talking toy that lit up than the four of them.
"He's smart," Ryan offered proudly. "And he's taken after his Uncle Mike's appetite." He flashed Mike a teasing smile.
"I don't blame him. Now that he's eating real food and not that baby pureed stuff, he knows how good it is. And how lucky he is to get Chester's cooking." Mike scooped up a big bite of his chicken and rice. "Mmmm," he mumbled around the bite, chewing it slowly and savoring the sweet, sticky sauce. "Just wait until he tries Chinese food," he said after he swallowed. "He's going to be a foodie."
Chester looked over at his husband. It was nice to hear Mike compliment his cooking, especially while they were eating something he hadn't even made. "He's still easy to please. Hopefully he won't get picky as he gets older." Chester picked up his fork to try his beef and broccoli and he looked over at Mike's plate. He realized instantly that Mike had split the egg rolls evenly between them. He nudged his foot against Mike's leg and when he looked up, Chester smiled at him. "Thanks for the egg rolls," he said, his voice low. "They're good. I'll eat them both."
Mike smiled back, happy the small gesture hadn't gone unnoticed. "They are really good," he confirmed, reaching to dip his in the shared sauce. "We're going to have to start getting more than one order of eggrolls," he announced to the table. "They're just too good. I know I don't need them, but I love them."
Jason leaned forward, resting his forearm on the table but not his elbow, and reached for his water. "They are good. I'm sure Ry wouldn't be opposed to having an extra. I wouldn't either."
"I'll make the mental note to order extra next time," Ryan offered the table. He was happy to hear Jason even say he could eat extra, and Ryan wouldn't forget next time they decided on Chinese for dinner.
He watched Mike and Chester eat, mostly in silence. He thought at least one of them would offer to share about how their session had gone, but he wasn't so sure and the egg rolls were already gone. "So how was the session? Was the therapist nice?" He decided to ask.
Chester looked up, and locked eyes with Ryan for a second. "He was nice but kinda weird. He had us sitting on a furry red couch and he was wearing hippy sandals."
Ryan laughed, a smile filling his face. "Really?"
Chester nodded. "Yup. His naked toes were out in the wild for everyone to see."
Mike paused, his fork on the way to his mouth. "You were looking at his toes? I didn't even notice." He shook his head, trying to make the mental image of Dr. Grohl's unknown toes leave his mind. "He had incense burning. It kind of reminded me of something Brad would have around, actually." He looked over at Jason. "That new-agey, spiritual kind of stuff."
Jason nodded. "Brad does like his sage and scents." He tried to picture his cousin as a therapist, and it was surprisingly easy. Brad was easy to talk to, and an excellent listener. It was a bonus he could see the future, and gave advice accordingly. "Did it feel kind of homey? If Brad was a therapist, I could picture his office being comfortable and homey."
"I thought so," Chester offered between bites. "He wrote all his notes on the back of the forms we filled out."
Ryan smiled. "I think I like this guy. How awesome you picked out a Brad-like therapist. I'm sure that probably made it easier to open up."
"I think so." Chester glanced at Mike before he said, "Things got deep pretty quickly, so I think that means we were both comfortable enough to say some of what we did."
"It was definitely different than my first session with Dr. Digby," Mike admitted. "I think I'd been seeing him for months before he knew about you two and YRS and all of that."
Jason looked at Ryan quickly, and then back at Mike. "Us? And YRS?" He sat back and crossed his arms. "I mean, I knew when you said you weren't going to talk about us that it wouldn't last, but in the first session?"
Mike looked at Chester. "Not YRS, not by name anyway. But yeah, you two came up. Pretty fast."
Ryan looked at Jason, their eyes locking for a second. He knew his husband had reservations when it came to Mike and Chester going to counseling. He clearly remembered Jason's warning that the outcome might mean the end of their foursome.
He took a drink of water before he asked, "I hope it was all good talk. Not bashing your handsome roommates or anything."
Chester laughed around his bite of food before he left his fork on his plate. "Dammit. I did forget to mention how handsome you are." He tossed Ryan a cheeky smile before his face went serious. "We were just filling Dr. Grohl in on our household and our different relationships," he explained as he pointed around the table.
"Mostly because he thought I was having an affair with Talinda," Mike said, his face twisted like he was sucking on a lemon. "We had to tell him pretty fast how the girls got to be in the picture." He looked up to see Ryan and Jason looking confused, and he realized what he'd said didn't make sense. "Because we were talking about communication, and Chester said something about me being in love with someone else, and Dr. Grohl thought that meant Talinda." Mike saw Chester stop chewing, and the look of concern on everyone's face. "It sounds worse than it was," he hurried to say to Jason. "About you."
"I'm lost," Jason admitted, looking between Mike and Chester. "How did Talinda come up in the first place?" He saw Mike look helplessly at Chester, and decided he'd get a clearer answer from him than from Mike. "Chaz?"
Chester swallowed his bite and took a drink of water before sitting back in his seat. "We put on our info forms that we had twin daughters. When I blurted out that Mike was in love with someone else, Dr. Grohl asked if it was the twins' mom."
"Oh," Ryan said with a nod. "That makes sense. I could see how someone might think that."
"Yeah. But we shut that down right away," Chester said with a shrug. "Obviously. I told him all about T and how we have a really good relationship with her and how she comes over and sees the girls."
Jason was still at a loss for words. Hearing that Chester so casually and immediately declared Mike to be in love with someone else made him wonder how else his name had been dragged into the conversation. It was apparent from the look on Mike's face that he wished it hadn't gone that way. "Well I'm sure trying to explain all of that took a lot of time," he said, keeping his voice light and his eyes away from Mike.
"It's complicated for sure," Mike agreed as he concentrated on his food. He really didn't want to talk about how he'd called Chester out for the way he adamantly referred to Ryan as a friend, but that had been a good chunk of the conversation. He tried to think of something else to say. "Dr. Grohl asked a lot of good questions and gave us some things to think about for homework," he decided to say, hoping it was neutral enough.
Chester nodded in agreement as he went back to eating. "Yeah. We both got assignments." He avoided looking Ryan's way, even though he knew his friend was watching and waiting to be filled in what this homework was. But that would have to wait for another time. "All in all, I think it was good and I'm glad we went."
Jason looked at Ryan. "Well, that's good to hear. Sounds like we're on twin duty again next Tuesday," he said to his husband with a warm smile. "I think Ry gets a kick out of trying to make little pigtails with their hair."
"Guilty," Ryan said with a bashful smile to the table. "And we'll watch them for as many Tuesday nights as you guys need."
"Thanks, Ry. And you too, Jay," Chester said as he finished off his last piece of broccoli. "We appreciate it. After today, I'm pretty sure our therapy sessions would be no place for little Princesses," he teased as he looked down at their daughters, who were both sleeping. "Aw look," he whispered as he nudged Mike. "They're out. It's time for ice cream in bed."
Mike looked down, smiling at the girls. They were so small and adorable, passed out in their chairs. "Yeah, let's get them in the cribs and I can throw all of this out while you shower," he offered before Chester could beat him to it.
That sounded like a plan, and Chester didn't argue as he stood up. He carefully picked Lily up, bouncy seat and all and headed down the hallway and into the nursery. "You're so cute," he whispered as he gently scooped her out with her blanket and pacifier and laid her down in her crib.
He watched her for a few seconds as she tossed her head and kicked her feet, but didn't wake up. The moment she sighed in her sleep, Chester knew she would sleep for the next few hours. He turned around just in time to see Mike doing the same with Lila.
They stepped out of the nursery together and Chester wrapped his arms around Mike's neck quickly, leaving a single chaste kiss to his lips. "I'll meet you in bed," he said. "Bring the ice cream."
"See you there," Mike said with a smile before they parted ways. When he made it back to the kitchen, Ryan and Jason had already thrown away the containers and cleaned off the table. All that was left for him to do was rinse the plates and put them in the dishwasher. "Thanks, you guys didn't have to do that," Mike said as he opened the dishwasher and turned on the water.
"It's no problem," Ryan offered as he watched Mike from the table, where he and Jason had sat back down with their water. "We're always happy to help when we can." He glanced at Jason, who nodded his agreement.
Jason watched Mike's rush to finish the dishes and grab the ice cream carton from the freezer. "Enjoy your dessert," he called as Mike practically ran from the room, ice cream in one hand and two spoons in the other. It was almost comical, knowing that Chester was probably still in the shower, and Jason looked at Ryan. "He's always in such a rush when it comes to eating in bed. Like they never do that or something."
Ryan shrugged. "Whatever makes him happy. I'm just glad they came back from that appointment in good spirits and not arguing or being sour at each other."
"Yeah." Jason glanced toward the hallway that led to the Bennington side of the house. He was dying to know what had been said in relation to him and Ryan, but Mike had clammed up and Chester hadn't been forthcoming. "I wish they'd said a little more about what was said about me and you," Jason said in a low voice. "See, I knew when they were both saying this wasn't involving us, that they weren't even going to talk about us, that wouldn't happen. How did you go to marriage counseling when you're in a foursome and not talk about your other partners?"
Ryan smiled, holding back a laugh. "Yeah, I kinda figured we'd eventually come up. We're all a big part of each other's lives. It would be hard to keep it all separate. Same with me and you," he said, motioning between them. "If we went to marriage counseling, I'm sure we'd talk about the two of them, too. At least to some extent." Ryan looked toward the other side of the house as he thought. "I'm guessing all of this coming on the back of what happened, probably has something to do with us being brought into it so quickly. I don't know. They might share more later on. Everything just happened. They're probably both still processing whatever was said."
Jason reached out to lace his fingers through Ryan's on top of the table. "I'm sure. Let's make a pact," he decided, his eyes sparkling as he looked at his husband. "Whatever one of them tells us about it, we'll tell each other. Like a nightly recap," he said with a laugh. "It only seems fair. We're all invested in this counseling, right?"
Ryan's first instinct was to say no. He knew without a doubt that he would hear more about the counseling session from Chester later. He knew there would be things - personal things - that Chester would assume Ryan would keep just between them. It's how their friendship had always worked. But Jason was asking to be let into that world, into the private world of his and Chester's conversations when it came to this particular subject. He could only hope he was making the right choice as he said, "Okay. We know how they work. Chaz will come to me, and Mike will go to you. It's a pact."
Ryan was a little surprised when Jason turned their hand holding into an actual handshake, like their pact was official. It will be okay. We're all supposed to be open and honest with each other. Not being open and honest is what leads to problems, so it's okay. Besides, it was one session. Surely Chazzy isn't going to confess something earth shattering to me.
Jason was pleased. He'd expected a little bit of push back from his husband, knowing that there were things that Ryan kept from him that Chester confessed. Jason wasn't going to be the last to know anything in the current state of things. The nagging fear that Mike and Chester could come in from their appointment at any time having decided their foursome needed to end was real. He could be on board with a break, but forever... forever was too much to consider, and Jason desperately needed to be in loop, and to hear both sides. "It will be a good thing," he reassured his husband. "You know how they hear the same thing differently. We'll be able to see the big picture together."
That was true, and Ryan agreed to that easily. "They do. Maybe we can even be helpful, if things really get sticky between them on a certain subject. Outside perspectives and whatnots," he said, even though the idea of stepping into any of that made him nervous. "Maybe," he heard himself amend as he looked up to meet Jason's beautifully dark eyes. "That first year they were together, I heard all the woes from Chester's side. It wasn't pretty, and every time I tried to help, Mike wasn't having it. I know things are different now, but I'm just saying we gotta be careful not to get too involved. Like we were talking about before. We can be supportive from a distance so they can work things out in their own time and terms."
"We'll be very good. Extra supportive," Jason said seriously, right as he felt a tiny hand grab at his thigh. He looked down to see Julien grinning ear to ear, pulling himself up using Jason's pants. "Wow, you got all the way over here by yourself!" he congratulated before he reached down to scoop Julien up to sit on his lap. "I guess it's cartoon time for you, isn't it?" Jason said, before he looked at Ryan. "This little man is on a schedule and we're messing it up."
Ryan smiled as he watched Jason and Julien - his family. He loved to see them together. "He is. He's become a creature of habit for sure." He reached across the table, slapping it, and he laughed when Julien reached back, slapping the top of his hand. "You're so funny. Are you ready for some cartoons? How about we take Daddy Jay to bed with us, and we'll all snuggle up together and watch something?" The moment Julien babbled back at him, Ryan was up. "Come on, you two. Let's go get comfortable." He only glanced toward the other side of the house, but it was quiet, and that was okay. They could all use a peaceful night, snuggling with their husbands and kids.
****
TBC