A Cheery Covid Rap
- By Sabrina Collins
Two be performed by two 15/16-year-old in an Australian school yard. Britney approaches Chardonnay who is solemnly looking down at the ground.
Britney: Hey, Chardonnay, what's wrong with you?
Chardonnay: It's just the British people, you know?
Britney: The Brits? What have they done?
Chardonnay: Well... It's just they looked so depressed with that virus thing and lockdown, so that I thought I could write and perform a Rap for them, you know to kind of cheer them up.
Britney: Well, that's so nice of you.
Chardonnay: Yeah, I know, right? So, would you like to hear my rap?
Britney: Sure!
Chardonnay: Well, it goes a bit like this... (Chardonnay positions herself ready to perform her rap and uses her hands to gesture like a rapper)
Covid! Covid? What Covid?
Lockdown! Lockdown? What Lockdown?
There's no virus here.
No Lockdown in Queensland.
No Lockdown in Australia.
Masks! Masks? Why wear a mask?
Swim in the sea with a mask?
Don't be S-I-L-L-Y.
5G. 5G. 5G? Spells:
C-O-N-S-P-I-R-A-C-Y.
Britney: Wow, Chard, that could be No. 1. Why wouldn't they like it over there in the UK?
Chardonnay: I know, Brit. It's a great Rap song and just something that popped into my head, I thought it would be good to cheer them up. But, they are so selfish. All they do is worry about themselves. Why can't they be happy for me? They should get over it and be happy for us here in Queensland?
Britney: I have no idea.
Chardonnay: Do you think it's good?
Britney: Totally amazing. You are just like Nicki Minaj.
Chardonnay: Thanks Brit. (Uses arm to push the imaginary Nicki Minaj out of the way) Look out Nicki Minaj, make space for me.
Britney: Yeah, totally... So selfish. They should be happy for you. Come on Chardonnay, let's sunbake on the beach.