"Hi dad!" I say to him. "Where are we going?" "We are going to my doctor's appointment." He starts, "Parí?"he asks, "yes?" "Are you okay with going?" I nod, "okay."he says. "Let's get into the car."I got into the car with my dad. We start heading to his doctor visit. I start humming a toon. We are very close when suddenly, a car drifts in front of us. He can't turn fast enough and we crash.
I woke up in the hospital. I saw my friend, Mira. She's 16 while I'm 15. I was about to as f to k why I'm there but I couldn't. What? Why can't I talk? Mira looks at me smiling. "Hi Parí!" I try to speak but I can't. What's that rough feeling on my mouth? I touch my mouth only to feel a rough bandage instead. "Don't touch that." Mira said. "The nurse advised me to take care of you for a while. That bandage is easily broken until they can get better materials." I'm confused. What happened? "The nurse said that you probably lost half your memory." What?!?
Why is Mira here? Where is my dad? Is he dead? The nurse walks in. "Oh!" She says, "you're awake!" I'm just sitting there. "You should be able to leave! We will just give Mira some of the medication you need and some bandages if you need more." Mira nods. I nod too. I get up to leave as Mira grabs the medication, "thanks!" She says. We leave. "We are going to my house. Your house is wrecked from what I know of." Huh? This is getting weird.
We get to her house. "You will be taking the guest bedroom." I nod and start heading there. I get in the bed. It's comfy! I start to dose off, but I wake up before I do. Mira walks in. "Parí?" I tilt my head, "I'm going to give you medication. Do you think you can take off your bandages?" I nod. She hands me the medication and leaves. I go to the mirror and take off the bandages. There it is. My mouth, or what was. It is scratched up, bleeding. I check the bandage, it's covered in blood. I'm disgusted. I just take the medicine and put it back on.
Mira finds me, "did you take it?" She asks. I nod. She takes the pills. "Okay. The bandage is covered in blood, you might want to change it." I nod my head again as I go into the bathroom again. I'm still a little traumatized from the first time. I close my eyes as I take off the bandages. I put on the new one. I'm scarred for life. I walk out throwing out the old bandage shaking. I just fall asleep hoping this is all a dream.
I wake up. About to call for my dad, I realize I still can't talk. The bandage is still there. I start groaning in my head. I hate this. I want to cry. But every time I start to try, pain. Pain in my entire body. My arms, my legs, my chest, my face, everything. I start crying. I don't care how much pain I'm in. I don't care how much I will hate myself after this. Mira see me. At this point, I'm under the blankets crying to myself. "I'm leaving." Mira says, "I'm going to be gone for an hour. I'm going grocery shopping." She closes the front door.
I'm wanting to scream. I feel the pain again. I feel my mouth bleeding again. Why. WHY? If that guy didn't swerve in front of us, I would probably be home now. I realize I haven't eaten. I get up to check the fridge. It has cheese. Just cheese? Food is food. I eat it. I see the pills on the counter. I check the label: Tramadol. What is that? I put it back. I step in... something wet? I check the ground. It's red. Blood. I see there's a trail of it. I clean it up. Takes about 30 minutes, scrubbing. I go to the sink, there's no bandage. I see that the blood is just coming out of my mouth, not the cuts.
Mira knocks on the door. I don't answer, I'm trying to find the bandages. She knocks harder, I still don't answer. She opens the door with a thud. She sees me trying to find bandages. "I have them you know." She says. I turn frightened. She sees I don't have it on. "Where is it?" I shrug my shoulders. "Come on." She says in a harsh tone, "how?" I stare at her. I realize I can move my mouth but can't talk still because I was trying to tell her. "Oh yeah..." she says. "I'm going to put on the bandage this time." She starts tying it around my head. Ouch.
"We are going to the hospital." She says. I don't want to go but I can't do anything. She takes me to the car and we start driving. I'm just in the back trying not to bleed all over. I'm covering my 'mouth'. "Hey, Parí," I look up, "I got you KitKats." She tosses back a bag. I start eating them. I crunch on something. What was that? I check my hand, it was a tooth. Not a baby tooth. Ew.
We get there. When we walk in, I see that the nurse signs for us to come in. We follow her. The nurse checks my mouth. "She probably won't be able to talk again." I'm wanting to scream but I just stare at Mari. I can't really do anything. I act like I don't hear anything. I zone out. What is wrong with me? It would be nice to talk to dad right now. Can't though. He's dead, and well... I can't talk. "Parí?" I dart my head toward her seeming startled. "You need an X-ray. We are checking if you have any internal injuries." I nod my head.
We are walking to the room. I want to scream. But my throat felt like it was scratched up. We finish the X-ray. "Oh." The nurse says, "you broke your arm." She said. "Wait, what?!?" Mira was upset. "How long ago does it look like it was made?" "It looks about today." Mira turns to me. I'm confused, the only time I hurt myself was when I was cleaning. But that was my leg. Or at least I think? Everything hurts though. "Can you write something down Parí?" I nod she hands me a piece of paper and a pencil. "Where is the pain?" I write down "everywhere." She's looking at me. "Does it hurt to write?" I nod. "I'm upping her dosage of Tramadol." I feel like they are just acting like I'm deaf too. Even though I'm probably going to be mute for the rest of my life.
We leave. Everyone is staring at me. Shivers up my spine. Maybe because I have a bandage on my mouth and a cast, or that I'm dripping blood from my mouth. I'm stressed. I feel like I'm weird walking with literal blood dripping out of my mouth and acting like it's nothing. I dart my eyes looking for something to focus on. Something to distract myself. Oh! My necklace. I got it from Mari when we first became friends. I start fiddling with it. Mari notices so I stop. We make it to the car.
I'm just sitting in the back again. Holding my arm. Not like it hurts. (Even though it does) everywhere hurts, but how do hold everything? You can't. I'm just in a car, injured, mute, and on the verge of tears. I just remembered, school is tomorrow. How will I go? Not like I would be able to. When I get to Mari's, I'm going to go straight to the guest room and start crying on the bed. Everyone could stare at me and think I'm weird for all I care. I've experienced over 3 deaths of loved ones. It's like the universe is out to get me. "We're here." Mari said in a stern tone. Ugh. I just got to the guest room and the blood stain is still on the bed. I don't care. I just sit on it. Crying myself to sleep.
I wake up. Life's a blur. I took the medication from the counter and ate it in the room. Changed the bandage, and just sat back on the bed clenching my face. "Parí!" Mira says, "I'm heading to school, don't hurt yourself." I wave at her to signal that I heard. She shuts the door. I collapse onto the bed. The medicine kicks in. Why... do I feel like I just let all my burdens lift off? It feels so good. I check the bottle. "Take only 2 pills." I took... 6. No biggie. Right?
This probably won't be a big deal. I feel like I can do anything? No anxiety huh. That's nice. My biggest burden, gone. The ceiling... it's spinning? Not just the ceiling, it's the room. Huh? Maybe some more pills will do the trick? I take 2 more. I start to get nauseous. I pass out with the bottle in my hand, pills across the bed.
I hear a fuzzy voice, "Parí!" It starts to clear up, "Parí wake up!" I sit up, dizzy. "What happened?" I shrug. I don't remember anything. "How many pills did you take?" I start counting, but I need two hands for the amount. That's... concerning. I hold up eight fingers. "What." She said. "You took EIGHT PILLS?!?" I nod with a frown. She takes a deep breath. "Just... rest. You passed out, not slept." I nod as she leaves my room. I go back to sleep.
I wake up. Head clearer than before. But not clear, if you catch my drift. My head running with stressful thoughts. I look at the pills hesitant. Mari is going to be mad. But I can't resist. Knowing what it feels without this stress is soothing. I wait for Mari to leave. I grab the pills. I yearn for the feeling again. I take less than before but still more than I should. I take 4 pills. I start to lift up again. This is nice. I don't know how to survive without this feeling.
Mari is back home early? Shoot. She had a half day. Or did she? She walks in the house but heads straight to her room? She's crying? I'm confused. I try to shake it off. I need to get rid of the evidence. And fast. But, how? It's not like I can do anything. I can check if I look weird. I look in the mirror. I don't have the bandage on. I took it off to take the pills. Never put it back on. I grab one, but how do I make it bleed? My mouth starts bleeding again. Perfect. I put it on. The bandage will get covered in no time. Now what to do with the walking? I know, just blame it on the pain. I'm ready to go to Mari's room. I knock. "Just leave me alone!" I back up. She throws something at the door. A knife?!? Is this girl crazy? I run back to the guest room. I hide. Mari is acting weird.
I hear her open my door. I just stand there. "Why did you run back here?" I'm just staring. Frozen from fear. "I said to come in." I'm sitting there confused. No she didn't. She looks at me. "Did you do it again?" I'm weirded out. What does she mean? I want to protect myself. I never know if she's lying or not. I grab the knife. "Put-put that down." Mira says. She has a worried look on her face. She runs and shuts the door. What? I just grabbed it? Why is she scared of something that I can't use? I grabbed it with my non dominant hand because my right is broken.I try to open the door, it's locked. Huh. Im locked in here. I put the knife on the counter. I realize that there's a small kitchen in here? Wow. I decide to make food. Glad I kept the knife. It's delicious. I decide to fall asleep because there is nothing else to do.
I wake up. Fuzzy again. Ugh. I slept terrible. Oh right the door. I check it. Still locked. How did I scare her this bad? I feel like I'm about to go insane. I grab the knife and for some reason, cut my mouth more. Why did I do that? I grab the pills. They're the only things left in here for me. I take 4 just to be safe. I can't describe how much I love the feeling. I take 2 more. I just lay on the bed, the adrenaline is exhilarating. I don't want to get up. I take 2 more pills. Everything is spinning again. This is beautiful. I pass out.
I jolt up. I decide to check the door again. I'm not able to walk straight. Still locked? Huh. I decide to grab some pills. I check for them. Wait... where are they? They are not anywhere. Did... Mari. Mari took them. I at least have the knife to cook, right? I check. No knife, no food? I see a plate of something on the shelf. There's a note. I'll read it later, I can't see completely yet. It was eh. I don't know what happened but I think the pills loosened my taste. The food was just white rice with soy sauce. The texture was weird. I lay in the bed helpless. All I have is the bed now. No pills, no food, nothing.
My vision finally clears up. I decide to read the note. It read:
Hi Parí. I don't know what you are doing so I took all the stuff that will get you hurt. I left you some food, don't eat it unless you can't fall asleep. I put "stuff" in it so you can fall asleep. I think you've just been using the pills, so I took them too. I'm going to be at school then I will be home at around 6:00 pm because I'm picking up more medication and bandages. I also left a diary for you under this note.
From: Mari <3
Okay. It's 1:00 pm. I decide to write in the diary. I shouldn't have eaten the food. I want to sleep but still can't. I am just sitting here hopelessly. That's irritating. I want to get out now. I decide to try and break down the door. I run at it and I black out.
I wake up swatting at any movement. I feel someone push my arms down. Ouch. I can't see? I try to fight back or at least get my arms out but still can't. I check if there's anything on my eyes with blinking. Nothing. Huh? Maybe the food. I finally open my eyes and see Mari holding down my arms pinning me against the bed. My bandage on my mouth starts undoing. No. Please no. The cut I still fresh. She's going to see it. She silent when it falls off. She unpins me. "What." I'm scared. "Why is there a fresh cut on your mouth?" I don't want her to find out so I shrug. My mouth starts bleeding again making the cut sting. I try to hold my mouth but Mari holds down my arm again. "Tell me." I'm just staring at her. What does she expect me to do? "Ugh." She lets go. I hold my mouth near the cut. It is about as long as from my chin to my nose.
She leaves. My bandage gone no other bandages. My mouth is bleeding all over the bed. Why? Why is this happening? I cover up my mouth. My hand covers in blood almost immediately. She left the pills. Why? I reach for them, when I see a camera in the corner. I break the camera. Yes, with my bare fists. They are cut from the glass. I could be covered in glass for all I care. I grab the pills and take 6. I feel like I'm insane at this point. Mari walks in. Shoot. She looks at my hands then me. "Come." She says. She drags me out. Ow! She grabbed my arm.
Everything is fuzzy but I see I'm in the car, again. I check my hands. Bloody bandages cover up the glass cut skin. I mouth has a new bandage. "We are heading home. You were unconscious the entire time we had the appointment." She says. "You really cut deep with that glass. Your arm is healed also." Huh. My hands start to shake. That was not a good idea. I think that my hands are going to bleed like my mouth. Randomly.
We get home. My hands hurting. Probably won't be able to move them for a while. Great. Being mute and UNABLE TO MOVE MY HANDS. What a bundle. I walk into the guest room and find a way to shut the door. I can move my hands? Weird. I unwrap one of them. I see that they didn't bother to pull out all the glass. I re wrap it so I don't have to look at it. I check my mouth, no bandage? I check the mirror, no bandage. The cuts and the giant scar are still there. The knife is still here. I look at, hesitant. No, no, no. I did it once, not doing it again.
My mouth started bleeding again. And just has I thought it would, my hands start too. But then my nose stared to bleed. That's concerning. I run out of the room in a panic. How did this happen? I look for something, anything to clog my nose up. It's bleeding more than it should. It's not like an average one. I find a tissue but it doesn't work. I find the bandages on the counter. Don't know how to do this but I try to wrap it around my nose. It worked. I decide to grab one for my mouth too. I feel like I'm about to pass out.
I check the mirror. The bandage isn't holding up. Ugh, what do I do now? It's too heavy. I don't want to ask Mari. And just as I thought that, she came home. "Parí I'm home!" I start to panic again. What if she sees? My hands start hurting too. All I can do is sit there in pain. I can't get the medication because Mira hid it. I finally see that my hands are bleeding through the bandages too. My mouth looks fine but I can taste the blood. I wrap them with more bandages to cover it up for now.
"Parí?" I hear her shout. "I'm coming in." I hear her open the door. "Okay." She says, "point to what caused this." She points to the giant blood stain on the floor. I shrug. It could have been my mouth, nose, or hands. Probably my nose or mouth. "You never know do you?" I act surprised. "I can get you medicine if you want any." I nod my head. "I'm going to give you only two. Don't want you to eat them all" I hear her follow up with a whispered "again." She hands me the pills and I take them almost immediately.
"Why are there bandages on your nose?" I can't shrug because I do know. She giggles happily. "Take it off." I do just that. It looks fine. "Did you just have it on to look silly?" Suddenly it starts bleeding again. "What." She stopped laughing. "Put-put it back on." I put back on the bandages. "Why?" She asks with a worried look. I shrug it off. I learned to deal with it. All the bleeding, I mean. Not the pain. "Just sleep." I nod but I don't sleep. I write in my diary for an hour. Finally I do.
Life became a blur at this point. It's been 2 years since the accident. I'm finally 17 and Mira's 18. When one day, "Parí!" Mira said ecstatically. "I was notified by your doctor that you can stop the bandages." I take it off. "You will still occasionally bleed, but it will be like you just but your mouth." I'm ecstatic. I finally get a job. A home staying job. A writer! I finally get to tell my story with everyone. And guess what. You are reading right now! Thanks for listening to my story. I'm proud from where I came. Thanks again. That's all for now!