Juliet.
Walking out of the dimly lit funeral home,
my heart continued to beat faster, and my thoughts were filled with confusion, sadness and anger. The weight of grief hung heavy in the air. The sky above was a somber gray, matching the sorrowful of the occasion, and a cold breeze whispered through the trees, sending shivers down my spine.
I can't believe what I just experienced and who I just saw. Who he saw. What am I supposed to now? How am I supposed to live now? I can't run. But can I? I could feel the air in my lungs disappear with each step I took. "Wait. Wait." I tell Denver and swallow roughly. Tears welled in my eyes, blurring the world around me as I struggled to make sense of the emotions swirling within.
"I need to catch my breath, please." He immediately takes Sunlea from my hands, and I take a step back, each breath sending daggers to my heart, making it almost impossible to breathe. My heart thumped in my chest, and I closed my eyes, focusing on my breaths.
"What's wrong?" Denver asked, and I looked up into his brown eyes. "Are you okay?" Worriedness consumed him and he stared at me carefully, like he was scared himself he was about to trigger something in me. Denver looked at me so frágil, so sweet and caring—He was a good friend and I didn't deserve him.
" I'm fine." I swallowed looking away. "It was just a lot to take in—seeing him, being around him, him seeing Sunlea and I just couldn't stop overthinking about everything and it was getting hard to breathe and you know." I bit my lower lip and looked into his eyes.
I couldn't stop thinking about what Harry thought about me. I looked different. I am different. What he thought about Sunlea and Denver. It was a bunch of thoughts that made my head blurry and dizzy.
"Uhm, is that your ex-husband, right?" Denver whispered once I'd calmed down, walking down towards the car. I glanced over at him from my shoulder and nodded, furrowing my eyebrows.
" I mean Jesus—-now I know why you married him." I let go of a laugh. " But he seems like a fucking asshole. Full of shit just cause what? He's carrying a gun?"
"He's not that bad—he is very overprotective. He was my bodyguard." I swallowed. Talking about Harry hurt. More than I ever imagined. It was a love story that shouldn't be unraveled. You learn from it and love from it. I always thought I let it go, but deep down, I know he will always be that one special person who will always mean so much to me, no matter the years.
" That's how you guys met?" A scene of shock fills his voice and I could feel his stare burn into the side do my face. " He was your bodyguard even though he was—" Denver stops himself from continuing, like he himself was too shock to understand.
"Yeah," I admitted with a heavy sigh, memories flooding back like a relentless tide. "It's a long story." I purse my lips.
A long and tragic story
As we reached the car, I settled Sunlea into her car seat. Denver hovered nearby, his presence silent, like he was thinking about his own thoughts. I knew they weren't good—they always make me confused. But sometimes it was nice to talk to someone other than my therapist.
"Why do you defend him so much, Juliet?" The question froze me. "Yes, he is a bad guy. Maybe he treated you well sometimes—but was it always?"
Why did I defend Harry, a man whose flaws were as glaring as the sun on a cloudless day? The truth lay buried beneath layers of pain and love, a tangled web of emotions I couldn't unravel.
"Believe me, Harry and I have our history," I explained, my voice tinged with raw emotions. "But he's not all bad. He's just... complicated." I was lying to myself, right? "But aren't we all. And no, I am not defending him for his actions. His apologies meant nothing to me."
Denver shot me a glance, his eyes probing for answers to questions "Complicated how?" he pressed, his curiosity.
" I don't know how to explain Denver. Yeah, Harry treated me bad sometimes but we had our good, our happy moments. We were toxic for each other but I know I did love him. And maybe I still do but I'm not in love with him anymore." The words tasted bitter on my tongue, a bitter reminder of the tangled mess of emotions I couldn't escape.
" Do you think you'll ever find it in you to forgive him?" Good question. Will I? Can I?
"I don't know." I say honestly, "I've learned to live with what he does, and I don't want to hold a grudge. I think there is forgiveness, but on a certain limit." I shrug. "I've forgiven him enough to somewhat move on and not let what happened stop me from living my life, but what he did was...excruciatingly hard to comprehend, and for the sake of not letting something like that happen twice, I can't let go of that."
I know leaving was difficult—in certain ways. Especially when there were lingering questions hanging heavy in the air, unanswered and unaddressed. I do believe Harry told me that truth that night, but I also feel like there was a lot of words unsaid. I was too hurt to comprehend and so was Harry.
And when I left, I always had the same questions wrapped around my head—swirling my thoughts on the dark, lonely nights. Did Harry ever change? Did he better himself? or did he continue down the path of self-destruction? Every single question I had was left unanswered, haunting my thoughts like a ghost.
Moving on without knowing anything about Harry is like trying to piece together a puzzle with missing pieces. I know I needed that closure but I was scared to approach and see what was held in the palm of his hands.
Denver nodded, sensing the unspoken emotion I held. "Fair enough," he conceded, his expression softening with understanding. "But just know, Juliet, if you ever need someone, I'm here. I know how it feels."
"You do?" I murmured, my voice thick with emotion. Denver chuckles and nod. " I won't say I know what you went through, because I don't. But I loved someone as much as you love or loved Harry, and it's hard being on a toxic love."
I hummed, guessing Denver was talking about his ex. Denver didn't share much about his personal life—I know about his family, a little about his childhood—but nothing about an ex-lover. "Your ex... was it recent?" I asked.
He shakes his head. "Two years ago," he swallowed, "nothing bad happened. She just didn't agree with my lifestyle and some of the things I used to do, and that caused lots of problems in our relationship, but we were both too stubborn and in love to leave, so we just kept hurting each other over and over till we couldn't take it any longer. And I fucked up—lost her forever."
I frowned slightly and looked over at him. He focused his attention on the busy road, his eyebrows furrowing deeply, unlocking a memory that seemed to hurt him. "Do you ever miss her?"
He murmurs. "Sometimes, but I know I am better off without her and she's better off without me."
The two of us were silent as we drove away. As we each considered our personal issues—our personal romantic lives. And all I wanted was for the day to end and night to arrive.
I was so confused about Harry, and what I was going to do with him. What I was going to do with the fact that he knew something I never wanted him to know.
Reaching our hotel, my phone dinged—capturing my attention and helping me escape from the never ending harmful thoughts.
Zayn received
at 2:05 p.m.
Hey, why'd you leave early? We didn't have a chance to talk. Can we meet up for lunch before you leave?
☆ ☆ ☆
Harry
"Where are we going, Daddy?" my daughter asked as she sat on top of the bathroom counter, waiting till I was finished doing her sister's hair. I just finished doing her hair—Marcleine. Two pigtails with a few strands of hair framing her delicate face. Now I was doing Azriela exactly the same because they are currently in that stage where they want everything to match—ever since they fully acknowledged their twins. "You guys are staying at Titi Abby for a little bit," I murmured, catching their stares of excitement.
It's crazy how fast time flies. It feels like just yesterday I was holding my little ones in my arms. Since the day they were born, I have promised myself one thing, and that is to love them endlessly. Watching my kids grow to the age they are right now has been nothing but amazing. They've bloomed into these smart, brave little girls who constantly surprise me with their insights, courage, and love.
It's incredible to witness their development firsthand. From learning their ABCs to counting to ten, they soak up information like sponges.
They were brave and outgoing; they knew how to speak their minds. They were both beautiful, from their smiles to their eyes and hair. They are the reason I push forward every single day. They are my biggest blessing.
But amidst all the growth and bravery, there's also a lot more love. Their hugs are tighter, their laughter is louder, and their smiles are brighter. They've taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, and every day I'm grateful for the privilege of being their dad.
Even through the moments of chaos and exhaustion, I wouldn't trade this journey for anything in the world. Watching my kids transform into these incredible little humans fills my heart with pride and joy. And as they continue to grow and discover, I'll be right there by their side, cheering them on every step of the way. "All done." I grinned and placed them on the floor. "Do you girls want to pick up some toys while Daddy changes?"
"Yes,." they cheered, already dashing out the door, but before I could let them get too far, I murmured, "No, running down the stairs." Hearing their giggles, I walked towards my closet, catching a glimpse of them as they walked.
"Okay, daddy!" I hear Azriela yell, along with giggles filling my home.
I chuckled softly as I reached into the closet, my fingers brushing against the soft fabric of a simple white t-shirt and putting it on. I pulled out a black suit jacket, a classic piece that always added a touch of elegance to any outfit. I slid my arms into the sleeves, feeling the smoothness of the fabric against my skin. Pairing it with dress pants completed the look, which was both sharp and relaxed.
I was nervous—there was no doubt—but I knew I needed to get this over with for the sake of my mental health. I needed answers. Ever since she left, I have done nothing more than try to work on myself. There's no denying it—I've been struggling. I struggled trying to pick myself up and learn how to be there, not just for myself but for my daughters.
I have changed. I know I have, but a year doesn't completely change and heal someone. I am a better version of myself, and I wish Juliet met this version of me. The version where I appreciate life a little more—and a version of me that will never hurt her in any shape or form.
I've spent far too long wallowing in self-pity, drowning in the echoes of what could have been. But that's not who I want to be. That's not the father I want to be for my children. They deserve better. They deserve a dad who's present, who's engaged, and who's capable of loving not just them but himself too. They needed me just as much as I needed them. I had help along the way, from my therapist and my friends—especially on the harder days. They would come and pick up my daughters, letting me try and deal with the sorrow and heartbreak I caused.
So I made a promise to myself to get better for my kids—learn to love myself again, flaws and all. And it's not easy. There are days when the doubts creep in, when the weight of it all feels like too much to bear. But then I look into their eyes—those innocent, hopeful eyes—and I'm reminded of why I'm doing this.
I'm doing it for them. For the chance to give them the childhood they deserve. With a mother or without, I will always be there for them and love them. I will be what they need through all the stages of life.
As I dressed, a constant presence reminded me of reality—what I was going to face. This could either end horribly or in a good way; there is only one way to find out. Grabbing my gun from the safe, I tucked it into my pants. The weight of my gun pressed against my lower back, a silent reminder of the dangers that lurked in the shadows.
With one last adjustment, I took a deep breath and walked downstairs and towards the playroom. "I said a few toys, not the whole playroom." I grimace. Their eyes snapped towards me, and Marcline sent me a sharp smile. "But daddy, we need toys! What if Titi Abby wants to play?" she murmured. "And we need lots and lots," she says, extending her words, trying to convince me.
"How about we take a few?" I suggested grabbing their bookbag. "You'll only be at Titi for a while. I am picking you up before bedtime. The girls nodded, and I bent down to help them select and stuff their Barbie dolls and accessories. Once we finished, Azriela turned towards me, tugging on my suit. "Daddy, can we buy ice cream?"
Looking down at their doe eyes and the way they smiled at me, I found it impossible to not give in. Marsey gasped, rushing towards me and tugging on my jacket as well. "Please, daddy! I want chocolate with sprinkles!" Of course, she always wants chocolates with sprinkles.
As I fastened their seatbelts, their excitement bubbled over, eager for our usual car ride ritual. With a chuckle, I nodded, knowing full well that our journey wouldn't be complete without their favorite tunes. "Absolutely, let's find some good music," I replied, closing the car door with a gentle click. With the radio humming to life, their laughter filled the air while they sang.
Arriving at the ice cream place, I held them in my arms, knowing it wouldn't be too long until my girls were too old to be carried like this. Azriela played with my necklace—a habit she never let go of—holding the tip of the cross between her fingers. "What are you thinking about getting, honey, baby?" I asked.
"Strawberry?" she questioned. "Uhm, and chocolate?" I smiled "That sounds very yummy," I said with a wide smile while I entered the shop. Placing them down on the floor, we walked towards the counter, looking down at our options. It made me happy to see the excitement in them—how happy they were. They calmed the anger I held in my body.
Once I dropped them off at Abby, I went to the flower shop, and then finally I parked my car across the street. I found myself nervous—running my hands up and down the steering wheel, taking sharp breaths, and trying to control the way my heart beats a thousand miles per hour. It was now or never, and I knew I needed to do this—deep down, I knew it would help me in so many ways. I ran my hands through my hair and fixed my rings, my collar, and my hair again, and finally my eyes landed on the white and pink tulips.
Her Favorite
When picking them out today, I could only remember the light in her eyes every time I gave her a bouquet, and every time I did, I just wished I could give her a thousand more. I wish I could shower her in a field. She deserved every tulip that was ever created.
As I stepped out of my car and entered the restaurant, my gaze swept over the bustling crowd, the bright light illuminating the space and helping my eyes to try to find her. And there she was, standing up near a table, adjusting the baby in the stroller. I was mesmerized by her. I was stuck on what to do, but my feet carried me towards her, and my eyes never once left her figure.
From where I was, I could see her adorned in a pair of what looked like dress pants that accentuated her curves and a blouse, with only one button fastened and one side tucked into her pants, revealing her soft, pretty skin underneath. Her figure was unmistakably alluring, her hair cascading down in sleek, straight strands framing her face. The blouse revealed a tantalizing glimpse of her beauty. Suddenly, she sits, fixing her hair. And finally, her eyes glance up, lips parted when they land on me—eyes wide and full of shock.
The closer I got, the faster my heart started beating, and then I heard her say, "You have to be fucking kidding me." Her face flashes with anger, and she stands up angrily. I swallowed, roughly stuck on what to say and what to do—my eyes watching her get ready to leave. I can't let her escape again.
"What are you doing here?" The worst left her lips harshly, and I started smiling slightly. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and I ran my tongue over my lips. Why the hell was I smiling? She looked at me like she was ready to kill me, and I was just happy to finally be in the same room as her.
"Please don't go; I think we should talk, Juliet—for a very obvious reason. We're both grown adults; please don't run away again." I sucked in a breath—her pretty brown eyes staring at me like she was thinking of a million thoughts—all at once a frown formed on her perfect plump full lips. My eyes glanced at her hair again. No curls. Her straight hair looked beautiful, but I wanted to see the real her—the big, fluffy, bouncy curls that made her glow. "I have these for you." I take a step forward and hand her the flowers, scratching the back of my head with nerves flowing through my body. To this day, she has made me nervous. Her eyes are glancing down for the first time ever, and a soft smile creeps on her. Finally, she sits, and I follow right behind.
We just stare at each other, letting our thoughts consume our silence. I took this as an opportunity to look at her—she looked so healthy and so different, but yet, behind those brown eyes, I knew the Juliet I once loved was there. I don't know what she was thinking of me or how she was staring at me, but I was consuming everything about her. I know I was—I was taking in her beauty. Her eyes no longer sparkled like before, but the beauty in them never faded. She still had those eyes of determination and love.
And then my eyes fall on him—the same guy from the funeral. He was sitting two tables away with a menu in his hands. And then his eyes spot mine; he just grins, and I so badly wanted to pull out my gun and shoot him. It's like he knew he triggered a part of me, and he loved that.
"Hi Harry," The sound of my name captured my attention, and she fluttered her long eyelashes at me and smiled softly again.
"Hi, Juliet." I smile back—her eyes leaving mine and falling on my lips. She tries to smile again, but it fades before she looks away. "You look beautiful," I murmured, and with those words, I was able to crack that smile, but it wasn't the same as before. It lacked what I most desired. Real happiness.
"Thank you." Silence filled the air again.
"Does he seriously have to be here?" I scoff, looking over at him again. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.
" What?" Juliet turns around, and I hear her laugh turning back to me. "Oh, you mean Denver?" Denver, what kind of ass fuck name is that? "Yes, he has to be here." Juliet nods and looks down at the stroller. "He won't bother us, though. He is just a normal guy eating at a restaurant."
"Why is he here?" I asked and watched her run her tongue over her lips. "Denver is my bodyguard." She tells me:.
Bodyguard. I was her bodyguard once, and it made my heart ache to think that their story could be our history, but in a better version.
I try not to let it show, trying to ask questions to distract my mind.
"Do you not trust Zayn that you have him here?" She blows out a breath, pulling her hair back, but before she can continue, she is interrupted by the voice of a woman.
"Hi, my name is Elaine. I'll be your server, and I'm here for anything you need." My eyes shift to the woman, then back at Juliet. Juliet turns her head and smiles—but it wasn't a real smile. Her face didn't glow like I knew it.
"Hi, could I get a Coca Cola and an, um, all-American burger?" The woman nods, looking down at her pad and writing down everything. "With fries!" Juliet ads, and then the woman—whose name I have forgotten—asks me the same question.
"I'll get the same as her." I felt too anxious to care about what I was eating. I just wanted the woman to leave so I can talk to Juliet alone. When the woman finally leaves she continues.
"I trust Zayn but it's also not safe to be here." She was right. " I'm sure Gwen still haven't been found. And I know she's after me." Juliet swallows and everything she was saying was right. Especially right after her father was murdered. She shouldn't even be here—she should be somewhere safe away from this fucked-up world I created.
That's why a part of me was happy she left.
because I knew she was running away from danger. Another part of me hated it because I never knew if the danger followed her.
The day she left It was difficult for me to forgive myself. I blamed myself for every little thing she went through. If I had stayed away, told her the truth, or never fallen in love, she would not have been as hurt as she was. She was hurt physically, mentally, and in every single way, and it was all because of my impulsive, stupid decisions.
I wanted power, I wanted fame, I wanted respect, and it all happened, but at what cost?
If I knew I was going to lose the love of my life, I wouldn't have even stepped foot in her house. Juliet was—still is my everything, and I don't know how I'll ever live with the fact I could never have her again.
Juliet deserved so much more than what I gave her. She deserved to be loved eternally; she deserved happiness from a person who had never hurt her before in her life like I did. I failed to recognize the depth of her worth. Her laughter, her kindness, her unwavering presence beside me—all of it was taken for granted because I was selfish. I was scared I was going to lose her, and in the very end I did.
She was the moon in human form.
I know deep down that I may never be worthy of her forgiveness or of the chance to make amends for the wounds I inflicted upon her tender heart. I was willing to try—to try and win her trust and love back.
I'll never stop trying.
Even through the circumstances I couldn't help but be grateful that she's back. Sitting across from me looking as beautiful as ever. I knew deep down I was grateful that Denver was her bodyguard even if I would never admit it. Even if he pissed me off for some odd reason. But the day I catch Gwen I will fight till my last breath.
"How are you?" I asked. my eyes too scared to leave her. Like she was going to disappear into thin air. And though I may not deserve her back, I cannot deny the overwhelming desire to fight for her, to beg for another chance to prove that I am capable of being the partner she deserves.
"I've been happy," she tells me honestly. "I have learned to love myself and how to accept my past," she swallows. "It's not easy, and some days are very hard, but I am taking it one step at a time." She sounded so genuine. Like she meant every single word— " I started taking care of myself more too. I eat healthy," she giggles " Bet you're proud of that. I go to runs, daily walks—I try to go the gym but it's hard."
"Are you healing?" I asked and cursed myself under my breath. Seriously? That question. "I am trying," her voice sent chills all over my body. "I won't sit here and tell you I am healed because I am not. A year doesn't heal someone, but I am doing better than before. What you did hurt me in unexplainable ways, but—the past is in the past, and every day I try my best to work around that grief and pain. In healthy ways, of course." Juliet looks away and blows out a breath.
" I don't hold grudges. I hope you know that's not what I'm doing. I also don't think I could ever truly forgive you." Her words send daggers straight to my heart and squeeze it tightly till nothing makes sense. " I don't hate you." She murmurs " it's confusing okay?"
I nod. " How are you healing?" I whispered, I wanted to ask a million question but I didn't want to overwhelm her. My eyes shifting towards the stroller again. I wanted to ask—I wanted to know—but we had to take everything one step at a time. I couldn't risk anything.
"Well, for starters, I have been going to therapy; every week actually, it's really nice. She's taught me how to deal with grief properly, I can now sleep in the dark without being frightened—some nights are harder than others though, but I get through it. I am confident on most days—- it's not all easy, but I can do it. My daughter is actually one of my biggest blessings and healers." Juliet says. My daughter. But is she my daughter? Is she Denver's daughter? Who is she?
" I am happy," I say honestly. " You deserve to heal and a lot more." Juliet nods. "Do you think what I did will stop us from ever connecting again?" She pursed her lips and looked down at the stroller again.
" I do want to to be friends." Friends. I suck on a breath.. I want to be more than a friends. I want to have her and treat her amazing this time. " But I also want to know if you truly changed."
" I have been trying." I say honestly, "Have you... healed?" Juliet asked delicately, like she was scared to trigger an emotion in me. Have I healed? Her asking me that question left me speechless—I hurt her, and she worried about if I healed? She had such a kind soul. A would nobody deserved. She was too pure. Too good for this evil world
"I've been trying to heal as well." Suddenly she seems invested in the conversation—paying attention to my words carefully. " I also been going to therapy." Juliet gave me a frágil smile and asked, "And how is it going?"
"Hard," I admit. "I couldn't open up the first time. I sought out a bunch of therapists and changed mine every session because I felt like nobody was understanding my pain and nobody was telling me what was wrong with me. until my current therapist told me that nobody would ever understand my pain. No therapist can automatically fix me, but their mission was to try and help us understand our own feelings, understand why we are the way we are, and what we can do to make ourselves feel better about our past. I also found a therapist who knew the world I do—and it was hard at first explaining from the beginning and what I've done—what has happened to me—but I did it. Opening up hurt me, but I've hurt others more. They've helped me learn from my mistakes, learn how to kind of forgive myself, and—I know I will never be able to change the past, and I know my apologies will never fully heal the wound I caused, but I do mean it."
The food was placed in front of us, and she remained silent while I continued. "I have been trying to control my anger." I chuckle at my own words. "I'm doing a good job." I nod. "Some days, I just release my anger, but I try not to. I try to do it in a healthy manner."
"I am happy for you, Harry; everyone deserves to heal." She blinks away at me. " And I really do hope you're changing, for yourself.. for your daughters—- for whoever is lucky enough to have you in the future." Juliet frowns and looks away, salience consuming us. " How do you control your anger ?@
" Walks..." I shrug. " Sometimes I go to the boxing ring and let it out, or I read— I step outside." She blinks away at me. " I've been baking a lot more too—kinda feels like a stress reliever."
"What about the girls?how are they?" Juliet suddenly asked her face glowing.
" They're big." I blew out a breath. " They started kindergarten this September, and they have learned so much– Azriela loves to read, she reminds me a bit of you," I laughed and Juliet's eyes grow a smile appearing on her lip."Anything about stars, planets—she absolutely loves. And Marceline loves to paint. Another thing that reminds me of you." I murmured.
" Do they still do ballet?" I hummed. " Want to see a picture?" I asked and Juliet immeditacly nods, and I pulled out my phone swiping through my pictures that was full of my daughters, and I knew if i scrolled far enough I could find pictures of her. I was never able to delete them–wantig to keep her memory forever.
" This was them at their last dance." I tilt my phone showing her a picture of the twin standing next to each other holding tulips and smiling wide with medals hanging from their neck. I looking up at Juliet as she leaned closer. Her smile widened, appearing genuine and beautiful, and in that moment, I felt compelled to capture it.
I swiped again " This was them on their hawaii trip this summer." I swallowed. I took my daughters on vacation the summer that passed, they were always still so sad about Juliet—constantly asking "When mommy is coming back" and I wanted to distract them for awhile and it worked.
" They are so beautiful and big," Juliet whispered. " Azriela has your smile." I laughed. " You think so?" I asked and Juliet hummed.
" I know so." I showed her a few more pictures finally I pulled away shutting off my phone and feeling like a proud dad. " Marceline is your twin." she finished off and I take a deep breath looking over at the stroller my heart beating quicker.
"Is she my daughter?" I suddenly ask, not being able to withhold myself—my heart beating quickly, the feeling making me nauseous. Silence consumed us for what felt like eternity. I could see the shock in Juliet's brown eyes, but it was like she saw it coming. She takes a deep, sharp breath and looks away.
"She is." Juliet nodded, going straight to the pointand my eyes drifted close. "I can explain, okay? Please, Harry, don't be mad—don't yell at me, okay?." Her voice fills with panic, and my heart aches. She still thinks I am the same person I was. The same angry man who hurt her.
"I am not going to yell at you, Juliet. I just want answers—why would you keep that from me?" Her lips parted, and they closed again. "Why Juliet?"
She knew how much I wanted to start a family with her. She knew how much I wanted that. Even if we were no longer together it would've been way better to know that I have another daughter. Someone else I could love endlessly, but would it be easy now?
"I never had the abortion that day at the hospital. I couldn't. I also couldn't tell you I kept the baby." She nervously runs a hand through her hair.
"Why not?" My voice was laced with hurt—my heart was shattering thinking about what I had missed already. Juliet's pregnancy, her birth, seeing my daughter... my heart beat faster, what's her name? Did she take Juliet's maiden name... or my last name? At the funeral I tried to take in her features but everything felt so different, and went by so fast that I couldn't.
"I don't know—I wanted to leave, and I knew this baby was going to hold me back. I was selfish, Harry, and I know this hurts you. but the pain I was carrying was indescribable. I know that isn't an excuse to keep you from seeing your daughter, but I couldn't stay—I was killing my mind." Her eyes glisten with a thin layer of tears—to which she tried to quickly swallow back.
"Was I going to go my whole life without knowing about her?" Juliet lips parted again, and she closed her eyes. My heart hurt inside my chest as soon as I realized the answer. Juliet was going to keep my daughter a secret. I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't—I was just hurt. "I know what I did was wrong, but I do think I deserve to know I have a daughter."
She nods—a single tear flllowing down her pink cheeks—and I wish I could wipe it away from her face. It broke me to see her sad, and I detest it. "I know I fucked up as well; what I did was wrong; you missed out on your daughter, but I wasn't in the right mindset Harry, I lied to you as well. I was being selfish but you have to remember so were you at one point."
" So this was your payback? To keep me away?"
" No," she immediately shakes her head. " this was me thinking about my mental health. If I stayed Harry, I would've been horrible for me in so many ways, not only me but our daughter. I couldn't let her see that version of me and I understand that you deserved to know and I am sorry for that."
A few moments of silences passed and she asked. "Do you hate me?", her voice full of uncertainty. Her eyes spoke a thousand words, but her lips only let out a few. A part of me wanted to be angry, wanted to hurt her—but I couldn't. It felt almost impossible to hate her. My heart just felt so broken and hurt, a feeling that I didn't understand.
"I don't hate you, Juli—I'm just upset." I looked down at the table, then back into her eyes. "I'm hurt. I understand your reasons. I hurt you; I know I did—and I know you couldn't stay. This place is horrible for you. I wish I was your reason to stay, but I didn't give you a good enough excuse to"
"That's completely understandable. I would have been too if I were you. I wanted to call you, but I needed to heal. I wanted you to heal." She bites her lower lips. " we needed time away from each other, to understand and to love ourselves"
Suddenly a cry captures our attention, and immediately Juliet wipes her mouth, turning towards the stroller and pulling her out. My heart thumped with happiness watching Juliet be a mother. I always remembered how scared she was, how afraid she was of being a "bad mother," but I always knew it was impossible. Juliet was too good at everything.
" Hi, my sunny girl." She whispered kissing her cheeks—even through the cries Juliet stayed calm. She had a touch for babies, a magic touch that made me fall in love with her. The way she is with our daughter, was exactly the way she was with our other kids—well my kids but to me she would always be the mother they deserved.
Till this day till still look at the stars and moon and ask Juliet question, wear the necklace she once gave to them and ask to see pictures of her or talk to her. Every time I told them they couldn't talk to her they would get sad and it would break my heart.
I watched as Juliet tries to give her milk but she refused and cried louder, her face redened suddenly standing up and gently rocking her. "sorry," she apologized to me and I simple shook my head. I know how it feels—-there's no need to apologize, or feel embarrassed which I know she was feeling my the way her shoulders tense and she looked around.
Standing up, I inquired, "Can I try?" Juliet tilted her head, meeting my gaze with a nod. Stepping closer, I savored her sweet scent enveloping me, a familiar fragrance of flowers with a hint of allure. Grabbing the baby from Juliet's hands, I gently cradled her, drawing her close to my chest as Juliet observed the exchange from a mere few inches away.
In a few minutes, her cries turn into hiccups, and I softly rub her back. Juliet smiles and sits again, and I sit. "Sorry," she apologized again. "I think she's coming up with something. I think she's teething, but I see nothing."
"Maybe." I murmured, "The twins cried a lot when they were around six or seven months; they were both teething."
Juliet sucks in a breath and looks down. "What's her name? When was she born?" I had a thousand questions in my head, and I didn't know if she would answer all of them.
"Her name is Sunlea; she was born on August 5th." Means she's five months. I smiled. Sunlea. It was different. "What does her name mean?" I asked.
"Well, I don't think it has an actual meaning—but for me, it means sunshine. She's my sunshine—my sunny girl—and she reminded me of her father. Someone who was once my whole sunshine."
Me. Her daughter—our daughter—reminds her of me. I was once her sunshine. She named her daughter after a memory of me. My emotions swelled up, and my heart beat in my chest. I bite down on my lips, trying to hold the same thing that dared to break out. A smile but happy smile.
My eyes sparkled with warmth as I beheld her. "That's a beautiful name," I murmured softly. Glancing down at my daughter, I was struck by her delicate features—she was a vision of lightness and innocence, her scent reminiscent of both baby powder and a hint of Juliet's fragrance. Oh, how I missed that familiar scent.
Gently cradling her in my arms, I felt a rush of emotion overwhelm me. "Hi, pretty girl," she cooed, her resemblance to her mother strikingly evident. Every feature mirrored Juliet's—the doe-like brown eyes, the golden hue of her skin, and the curly locks. Even her tiny nose and round lips were reminiscent of her mother's. A smile tugged at my lips as she kicked her feet and babbled incoherently.
"I know, I know. It's rude of me not to introduce myself," Juliet chuckled, her laughter a melody that filled the room. My gaze met hers, and for a moment, time stood still. "I'm your daddy." I whispered, my eyes looking back down at Sunlea.
The words felt foreign to say, but it was a bittersweet feeling. I finally have another daughter. Something I have always wanted and always wished for, and now here she is in my arms, like the biggest sunshine ever. But it felt all fake. Like it wasn't real and something I wasn't ready for.
"How was your pregnancy with her?" I asked, grabbing the milk from the table and trying to feed her.
"It was incredibly Hard—I was placed on bed rest very early in the pregnancy due to stress, and because my body experienced so many traumatic events." She paused, her gaze drifting away from mine. "I had to make adjustments, including changing my diet to ensure she received the necessary proteins, yet she still arrived prematurely. I spent a two weeks in the NICU after giving birth to her naturally."
"Were you okay?" I asked. Birth is such a hard thing, no matter how—having a baby in the NICU is scary; it's hard. Something just never wants to experience again, and I don't know how she did it alone. Juliet nods. "I wasn't okay at the time. I gave birth to her all alone, and I felt so scared. I wanted someone to be there but I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. When I gave birth I couldn't hear her cry, and I—" she stopped herself from continuing. "I'm just happy she's okay, healthy, and growing every day a little more." Her eyes moved down to Sunlea, tears glistening her perfect eyes. I looked down at Sunlea watching the way she kicked her feet as she drank her bottle.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that alone," I murmured, feeling a pang of empathy for Juliet. "It must have been incredibly tough. Birth is already a hard, scary experience, let alone having a baby in the NICU. It's something no one should have to face alone. I know you wouldn't have wanted me there but I wish I knew." My gaze shifted to Sunlea, admiring her. Azriela and Marceline would love knowing they have a baby sister. It then it hit me. They're big sisters, no longer my only baby. "But I'm glad to see both of you doing well now. She's a fighter, just like her mom." I smiled softly, tilting my head to meet her eyes.
"She is, isn't she?" Juliet whispered. "She started to roll around now." Juliet tells me. "She can't sleep without her blanket; But she also loves walks but falls asleep on them. She's a happy baby, and I couldn't be more grateful." My heart swelled with all these information.
"I also read to her every single night. We take monthly photos because I feel like she's growing up so fast, and it scares me." Juliet runs her tongue over her lips. "I teach her words even though I know she won't repeat them, but I know one day she'll learn."
My smile widens, and I look down at Sunlea. "I also sing to her when she's having trouble sleeping. Preferably,'you a are my sunshine,' I think she likes it."
"She sounds like the perfect little baby ever." I whispered. "Just like her momma, she is beautiful and smart."
Juliet hums and says, "I think she has your curls."
"You think so?" I tutted. "I see more of your curls—I feel like she's a splitting image of you. Same eyes, lips, and nose." I smile, my voice dropping to a baby tone. "You're just like your momma, right? Absolutely beautiful."
I could feel Juliet's eyes burning into me and I looked right back at her. "Does she drink formula?" I asked, and again she shook her head. "No, breast milk, and I switch between breastfeeding and bottles, so she's used to both. Breast milk is really good for the baby, so I'm trying to give her as much as possible, plus she's still so young."
I nodded. "That's perfect." A few minutes of silence passed between us. I looked up at Juliet—her eyes were trained on me. They looked so soft and full of emotions. Her eyes caught mine, and she smiled. "Where were you this whole time, Juliet?"
When she left, I didn't try to find her. I knew I could've, but I wanted to respect her wishes for leaving.
Juliet laughs. "You seriously don't know?" I shook my head, and she stared at me like she didn't believe the words that left my lips.
" Italy."
" Italy?" I was stunned. Never have I imagined that she left the country. Especially Italy—a twinkle in my eyes matching hers—"Why Italy?"
She shrugged. "Why not?" Her eyes held a tint of mischievousness, and I smiled, my tongue rubbing over my lips. Italy was the first country I ever took her to.
"Not going to tell me?" I raised an eyebrow, and she giggled—loving every second of this. " Nope. You don't get it that easy, sir."
My lips part—sir. she knew what those words did to me, and she giggled again. Her laughs warming my heart like a hot fire. I matched her smile, loving every second of this. "Are you seeing anyone?" I finally asked.
"I haven't." Juliet swallowed "not relationship-wise." I nodded, which means she's probably hooked up with someone before. Suddenly, my eyes shifted to Denver and then back to to Juliet, and my heart pounded.
"Are you?" She asked and captured my attention. "No, I can't. I'm still not over you," I say pathetically, "I will wait till years if I have to, but this time I'll make things right with you and give you everything you deserve."
As the tension between us threatened to suffocate the air, "Juliet," I began, my words tentative yet tinged with longing. "Do you remember the days we spent together—the laughter, the joy? It feels like a lifetime ago, but those memories still hold a special place in my heart."
Her gaze softened ever so slightly, a flicker of recognition dancing in her eyes. "Of course I remember, Harry," she replied softly, her voice carrying the weight of our shared history. "Those moments were some of the happiest of my life, despite everything that came after."
I nodded, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of my lips. "I miss those days, Juliet. I miss the simplicity of just being with you."before she could speak I continued. " I know what I did. I will always regret my actions but I also know what I'm capable of achieving. I could do better—-I am better and I want you to see this version of me.
For a moment, the air between us softened, the walls we had built crumbling. "We're not good for each other, Harry," Juliet murmured, her voice tinged with regret. "I would love to know this version of you, Harry but I don't think us being in a relationship again will be good" Her words hung in the air, a fragile thread of hope weaving its way through the darkness that threatened to consume us.
"Perhaps you're right, Juliet," I whispered, my voice laced with uncertainty "Maybe a relationship isn't good for us but can we do this one step at a time?." I suggest swallowing roughly; Juliet's soft eyes look confused. " As friends—and whatever happens just happens."
"I just came back Harry, this is too soon. Too confusing. I don't even know if I'm staying okay? I need time. You can't put this pressure on me please."
I let go of a sigh and nodded. " I'll wait for you Juliet. No matter the months or years." We stared at each other for a few minutes until she finally asked. " Why are you waiting for me when you could find so many other better woman out there?"
" No woman would ever be as good as you. You're everything I ever had and much more."