"Deanna, the next scene?" I looked at Romania who was looking at me while she's sitting on the monoblock chair. I walked towards her then handed her the pages with the next scene and script.
Everyone's doing their respective tasks. Lahat kami ay busy sa kani-kaniyang trabaho. Patapos na kami sa isang tao, we still have two people to interview pa pero sa mga ibang araw pa 'yon. This documentary is expected to be two hours long.
Hindi pa rin namin alam kung about saan o sino 'yung susunod na dalawa. I already asked Romania about it but she told me she'll look pa. When I asked her if I can look for someone, she said no. Sabi niya trabaho niya kaya hinayaan ko.
"You should take charge na. Romania doesn't even know what to fucking do," galit na bulong ni Lou. I shrugged her off.
As much as possible, ayoko ng gulo. Kaya bahala sila. As long as hindi naapektuhan ang grades ko, hindi ako makikialam. Nakakapagod mag lead lalo na kung tinatake nila in a bad way. Ayoko ng ganon. Pagod na ako sa ganon.
Romania proclaimed herself to be the leader and I let her be. Hanggat wala naman talaga akong nakikitang mali. Maybe she's just pressured or whatever.
"Hi," I heard a guy's voice from my side so I threw him a glance. He was smiling oddly. My forehead creased. I don't remember who this guy was.
Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-aayos ng gamit.
"I'm Dan, do you remember me?" Pagpapatuloy niya pa pero tinignan ko lang siya saglit at kinuha 'yung ilang gamit ko at mabilis na naglakad papunta sa sasakyan ni Lou.
Nilagay ko doon ang gamit ko dahil isasabay niya ako pauwi. Magkatabi lang kasi building namin.
"Psst," Lou.
"What?"
"He's been trying his best to get your attention, oh."
Nilingon ko kung saan nakatingin si Lou. Sinara ko ang pinto ng backseat niya at tumabi sa kaniya. Naka sandal siya sa may trunk ng sasakyan niya ngayon.
The guy was talking to his friends and he was barely laughing unlike his friends. He looked okay but I don't care.
"Nagpapareto siya pero sabi ko may boyfriend ka but some people told him that you're single so I guess he believes that I'm just gate keeping you." Humalakhak naman siya. Hindi ko na lang pinapansin at hinila na siya dahil gusto ko nang umuwi.
Lou's good. Among her friends, she's the one I can bare to stay long with. She's not that talkative but not so quiet and I appreciate her for that. Pero lahat naman silang magkakaibigan ay mababait.
Maraming nagkakagusto kay Lou mapa lalaki man o babae. She's both beautiful and handsome. She's pretty and masc. Bagay rin sa kaniya 'yung tomboy style niya. Her shades was resting on her head like a headband.
"Is Miguel your boyfriend?" She asked. I looked at her while she's busy looking at the road. She's driving to our place.
Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko. Hindi ko boyfriend si Migo. Hindi ko rin siya manliligaw. I don't know if we are in-a-no-label-relationship. Ang alam ko lang gusto niya ako at gusto ko siya.
Ang alam ko lang ay masaya kami.
At sapat na sa akin 'yon.
May part kasi sa akin na ayoko pa talagang mag commit but if it is with him? I'll think about it.
"No," I simply answered.
I thought Lou would gasp in disbelief and such but she just nodded her head habang nakatingin pa rin sa kalsada. Wala siyang sinabi at mukang hindi naman nakaka insulto 'yung reaksyon niya.
When one of my classmates asked me about my relationship and I said I'm not interested to be set into a date, they thought it was because I have a boyfriend but when they asked me if I'm taken and nalaman nilang hindi.. ayon ang dami nilang sinabi sa akin.
Kesyo pinapaalalahanan lang daw nila ako na baka pakwan 'yung kinikita ko. Green flag sa labas pero red flag sa loob. Na baka pinag titripan lang daw ako o kaya pampalipas oras. Na baka naman nag eenjoy lang sa presence ko si Migo but he will never like me enough to pursue me. Ang dami nilang sinabi palibhasa nangyari na raw sa kanila 'yon.
I hated that.
It's like they're making me overthink lots of things.. to confuse me or make my relationship with Migo complicated.
I mean, okay, I get it. It happened to them so it must hurt them a lot and they don't want that to happen to me. But I know myself more than anyone. If anything, I'll still choose this kind of set-up.
I'm sure Migo's taking things slowly because he doesn't want to ruin whatever we have. Hindi naman kasi dapat madaliin.
Hindi dapat ako na pepressure dito pero bakit ganito? Nakakairita na.
Migo's nice, he's kind, and he always care about me..
He won't hurt me.
"Thank you, Lou," I said as she pulled over in front of my building. I got my things and was about to get out of her car when she talked.
"Sure, babe," malanding sabi niya. Tinignan ko siya at inirapan dahil para matawa siya. "Just kidding. Ayon na baby mo, e," she said then motioned her head to the entrance of my condo building.
Migo was standing beside the guard, he was actually talking to the guard and he was smiling in between his words.
"Tsk tsk. Kahit sinong babae naman magkakagusto talaga dyan." Inirapan ko si Lou bago tuluyang lumabas ng sasakyan niya sinara ang pinto. I looked at her once again and she smiled at me.
Nang mapansin ako ni Migo ay agad siyang tumango sa guard at nagpaalam. Mabilis siyang lumakad palapit sa akin at kinuha 'yung shoulder bag ko at 'yung tripod, camera bag, and laptop bag ko sa akin.
He's wearing a denim pants and green t-shirt. Suot pa niya 'yung ID niya.
"I got you your favorite pastries," sabi niya at medyo pinakita sa akin 'yung back pack niya. Tumango lang ako dahil hindi na ata kaya ng katawan ko ang pagod.
Hindi ko alam bakit napagod ako sa lahat ng ginawa namin kanina. Siguro dahil ako 'yung videographer, nag direct ng ilang scenes dahil ako raw at si Lou ang nag research at gumawa ng script at ilang scenes na ilalagay sa mismong documentary.
Gosh! Ramdam ko na babagsak na katawan ko sa pagod.
I didn't utter a word to Migo. I think he understand that I am tired that's why he let me be quiet and enjoy his silence.
Nang makarating kami sa condo ko ay mabilis akong kumuha ng damit sa drawer at mabilis na pumunta sa banyo para mabilis na maligo. Makakatulog agad ako at ayokong matulog nang hindi naglilinis o nagpapalit. Nakakainis 'yung ganong feeling.
Ngayon lang ulit naka akyat si Migo sa unit ko. Sinama ko siya kasi siya may hawak ng mga gamit ko. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang tulungan ako.
When I finished taking a bath, sumalubong agad sa akin ang malaking bultong katawan ni Migo na nag aayos ng pagkain sa lamesa ko. Hindi ko alam na may pagkain din pala siyang dala.
He put two plates on the table and two pairs of spoon and fork. Nilagyan na rin niya ng tubig 'yung dalawang baso. It's not cold water. I secretly smiled. He knows that I hate cold water.
"Oh.. I'm sorry pinakelaman ko na mga gamit mo. Pinaghain na kita kasi mukang pagod na pagod ka. Baka makalimutan mo na namang kumain at matulog ka na lang deretso. Hindi ka pa naman kumain ng hapunan kagabi."
Sunod-sunod na paliwanag niya. I just nodded then sat on my study chair while he sat on the regular chair.
I saw Migo putting some rice on my plates. Napangiti ako nang kaunti nang makita kong adobong manok na may boiled egg 'yung ulam.
Hindi pa kami nagsisimulang kumain dahil nilalagyan niya pa lang ng ulam 'yung plato ko. I remember everything that was on my mind kanina.
Migo's been nothing but protective, helpful, caring, lovely, nice, and sunshine to me. He's acting like a boyfriend and I seriously believe that I don't need a label... for now.
"I'm so tired," I couldn't help myself but let out the words from my mouth. Migo stopped from what he's doing to turn his gazes on me.
He looked so concern and worried. Hindi niya agad naibaba 'yung serving spoon dahil nakatitig lang siya sa akin.
Kita niya tuloy kung gaano ako kaputla.
"You're not eating properly kasi, e. If you eat, then you'll have enough energy to seize the day. You're not sleeping good lately rin. Kulit mo kasi, e." Binaba niya 'yung serving spoon at hinawakan 'yung kamay ko.
He reached for my hand then gently caress it. He looked at me and there I see from his eyes that he's tired too. He's drained from studying and training.
If hugs me right now, I would hug him tighter.
And I think Migo heard my thoughts. He gently pulled me closer to him for a hug. I immediately hug him tight! Naramdaman kong natigilan siya and then he hug me a little tighter din. He let go of the hug to kiss my forehead then hug me once again.
I can seriously attest that hug is so powerful. I can feel his weariness and I am sure he could feel mine too. Migo's mind is tired and I am physically tired sa lahat ng ginagawa sa school and projects namin.
Matapos ang ilang minuto ay napagpasiyahan na naming kumain. I didn't notice that the only thing that was on Migo's bag was the food he cooked and the pastries he bought for me. I couldn't talk much because I still feel how physically tired I am.
Mira's birthday will be on Saturday but Romania said that we have to film that day and on Sunday, I need to be in Tagaytay because I am chosen to be part of the film our school will produce at the second quarter next year. Isa ako sa tatlong freshmen on film program na makakasama doon.
"Will you go home sa Laguna this weekend?" I asked Migo while we're still eating. He drink water before answering me.
He nodded. "Yup. Why? Uuwi ka rin ba?" He asked, looking at me intently.
I nodded slowly. "Mira's 19th birthday," I reminded at doon lang niya naalala. Nakwento ko kasi sa kaniya sina Mira at nabanggit ko ring mag b-birthday kaya uuwi ako saglit.
"I can drive you there," offer niya pa. Umiling lang ako agad.
"Dinner naman 'yung birthday niya. Besides, need kong pumunta sa documentary film namin.. hindi pa rin kasi tapos," I paused and drew a deep breath. 'Yung ibang grupo ay patapos na. "Hahabol na lang ako sa birthday niya."
"Okay. Just let me know if you need anything," ngumiti siya. 'Yung ngiting pagod ng mga college student ang atake.
After eating, nagtalo pa kami ni Migo kung sinong maghuhugas. Ayokong magpatalo dahil hindi naman talaga siya sa mga gawaing ganito pero napansin kong natututo na siya tuwing magka video call kami, napapanood ko siyang naglilinis ng unit niya.
"Please, Deen, ako na. Next time ikaw na lang pero ngayon ako na muna kasi pumipikit pikit ka na, oh," banggit niya sa akin at doon ko ulit naramdaman ang bigat ng pilik mata ko. I let him wash the dishes while I did my night care routine.
Mas nauna akong natapos kesa kay Migo. I was watching him clean the small dining table then he put the pastries on my ref. He washed his hands before he walked towards me. Naka upo ako sa dulo ng kama at siya naman ay umupo sa study chair ko na tinapat niya sa harapan ko.
"Can I get a hug muna before I leave?" Lambing niya. I smiled a little before I went near him for a hug. We were just standing there, hugging each other. Migo's chin was resting on my head while I buried my face on his chest.
Gosh! I didn't imagine myself in this kind of situation. I never thought that I will have a guy in my life who I will let in my condo unit, eat with him, and hug him for a couple of minutes.
I felt him chuckling kaya naman tiningala ko siya. He broke the hug but he was still holding both of my hands. I felt him kissing my forehead then the top of my head.
"I need to go na. I know you want too sleep na talaga. Alis na ako, i-double lock mo na 'tong unit mo," sabi niya at hinila ako nang marahan. Kinuha niya 'yung bag niya at nagpaalam sa akin. "I-double lock mo, ha," he said before kissing my forehead. Tumango ako sa kaniya at nagpaalam ulit.
I fell asleep the moment I lay down because I was really tired but at least my heart and feeling is not heavy unlike the other nights. I was physically tired dahil sa dami ng pinupuntahan, lectures, inaaral, kinakabisado, iniisip. Buti ngayon mas magaann pakiramdam ko. Thanks to Migo.
The next day, I attended my class and passed three quizzes. Chineck-an agad 'yon and thankfully I got the highest score sa lahat. I am active in class and orgs, too! I make sure to give my very best sa lahat.
"Before 4 am dapat nandon na tayo sa may Quiapo dahil ganong oras nagsisimula sa pagtinda 'yung next subject natin sa documentary. Please, wag kayong malalate," Romania reminded the group. We're currently having a short meeting.
I saw Romania looking at me with her brows creasing. My forehead creased a little.
"If you have other agenda, I don't care as long as it won't affect the group project, okay?" Romania added. I nodded and everyone of us agreed.
"Deanna, kailan start ng filming niyo?" Randy asked nang matapos na 'yung paalala and mga need gawin on Saturday. Today's Thursday and tomorrow ay wala akong klase dahil cancelled agad 'yung dalawa kong subject meeting. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit.
Nilingon ko lang saglit si Randy before I turned my attention on my iPad. I accidentally threw Romania and Joy a glance and they were looking at me intently na para bang hinihintay ang sagot ko sa tanong ni Randy.
Hindi maayos tingin nila sa akin kaya tinignan ko rin sila nang seryoso. I don't care if they think I'm being a bitch because of my resting bitch face looking at them.
Saglit kong nilingon si Randy na nakatingin pa rin pala sa akin. "Sunday," I said. Nagtanong pa siya ng kung ano-ano pero sympre ay subtle lang ang sagot ko dahil hindi ko naman pwedeng ilabas lahat ng information.
"Deanna, bar?" I felt Lou's arm draping on mine. I looked at her with boredom. Tumawa naman agad siya. Naglalakad na kami palabas ng campus
"Oo nga, girl! Let's drink!" Jasmine said but I barely nodded my head. Hinarang pa ako ng dalawa nilang kaibigan pero umayaw ako dahil sabi ko ay may pupuntahan pa ako. Inasar pa nila akong bibisitahin ko lang daw bebe ko.
"Next time," sabi ko bago nagpaalam sa kanila. Instead of going back to my condo, my feet walked me to Migo's condo building. His last class will end at 7 pm pa. Dumaan muna ako sa isang restaurant so I can buy Migo dinner.
"Oh, you're here," the person standing beside me said. Kumunot naman ang noo ko sa kaniya. Sino na naman 'to? Kilala ko na ata 'to e.
"Dan remember?" Oh. Right. 'Yung makulit. He was smiling at me so I smiled a little. I nodded at him that made his smile grew wider.
"Thank God! You remember!" Masayang sabi niya. Ano naman kung naalala ko? Nanalo ba siya sa lotto just because naalala ko?
"Excuse me," I excused myself at umorder na ng pwedeng maging dinner ni Migo. I ordered chicken wings, bagnet, and a soup. I also ordered myself porksilog.
Nang maka-order ay umupo muna ako sa isang vacant table. I put my bag on the chair beside me pero mabilis ako napatingin sa lalaking umupo sa may harapan ko.
"Hi," he said. Agad kumunot noo nito. Gosh! Ano na namang kailangan nito?!
"What?" I asked in my serious tone. Agad naman siyang natigilan pero kinalaunan ay ngumiti.
"Nothing," sabi niya at tumigil. Nakatingin pa rin ako sa kaniya nang seryoso dahil gusto kong maging aware siyang hindi ako comfortable na nasa harapan ko siya.
"Film student ka, right?"
I tried my best not to roll my eyes. "Obviously."
Tumango siya. "I'm from Entrepreneurial Management."
"Nice," komento ko lang para di ako magmukang bastos. Binuksan ko ang cellphone ko para i-message si Migo kung na saan na siya. For sure ay nasa klase pa dahil malapit pa lang mag 7.
Dan started talking but I was merely listening to him. I nod from time to time to make it seem like I'm listening but the truth was, I was already thinking if I should just give this to Migo or invite him to my unit so we can eat together. O kahit saan kami kumain basta kasabay ko siya.
I thought of what if sa unit ni Migo pero ang kapal naman ng muka ko para ayain siya sa unit niya. Never pa akong nakapasok doon pero parang alam ko na ang pasikot sikot dahil palagi kaming magka video call.
"Do you want to come and join us?" Dan asked pero kumunot ang noo ko dahil hindi ko alam about saan 'yung tanong niya kasi hindi naman talaga ako nakikinig. Natulala tuloy ako ng ilang segundo sa kaniya. He smiled again.
"Huh?"
"Sa College of Business night, you might want to come..."
Hindi ako nakasagot agad kahit na no naman ang sagot ko dahil tinawag na ako para sa order ko. I immediately excused myself and got the other. Naglakad na rin ako paalis ng restaurant dahil ayoko na siyang makita. I heard him call my name pero hindi ko pinansin at naghintay sa main gate ng IU cammpus.
"Migo!" I almost shouted when I saw Migo with his best friends. Magka-akbay sina Tim and Mike while Migo was standing in front of them. Mabilis akong nilingon ni Migo. His smile grew a lot wider when he saw me, parang pati mata niya ay ngumit.
Hindi ko rin napansin na nakangiti na rin ako sa kaniya. He walked towards me and got my bag from me. Lumapit din 'yung dalawa niyang weird friends.
"Hi, Deanna!" The two said in chorus. I smiled at them.
"Dinner mo," sabi ko kay Migo at pinakita sa kaniya 'yung take-out order ko na dinner sana naming dalawa. Pero dahil nandito ang mga kaibigan niya, nahiya akong ayain siyang kumain together. Siguro ay ibibigay ko na lang sa kaniya 'tong buong paper bag at hindi ko na kukunin 'yung para sa akin. Nakakahiya e.
"Thanks.." Nakangiting banggit ni Migo.
"Kinikilig amputa. Talaga? In front of us pa talaga?" Maarteng sabi ni Timothy.
"Gago, dude, shut up ka na lang! Inggit ka lang kasi walang magdadala ng dinner mo," Mike said.
"Let's go?" Aya ni Migo sa akin pero tinignan ko muna dalawa niyang kaibigan. Ngumiti lang sa akin 'yon at pinaalis na rin kami. Nag wave pa nga.
"San tayo kakain?"
"Where do you want ba? Gusto mo sa unit mo ulit?" Tanong niya sa akin. Tinignan ko nang bahagya 'yung condo building niya. "We can eat in my unit," he added.
"Okay," sagot ko at sabay kaming pumasok sa building niya. Mas malaki and high-end looking 'tong building kumpara doon sa akin.
Sabay kaming pumasok sa elevator and Migo pressed the 28th floor. Tahimik lang kaming dalawa sa elevator hanggang sa makalakad kami sa harapan ng unit niya. May pass code 'yung sa kaniya and pwede ring mabuksan gamit ang susi. 'Yung sa akin ay gamit lang ang susi dahil wala nung ganito.
"Come in," sabi niya na hawak pa rin ang door knob. Nang makapasok ako ay agad kong pinagmasdam ang condo niya. It's way bigger than mine. Ang ganda and linis din. Halatang lalaki ang may ari.
It was a two bed room condo kasi sabi niya ay binili talaga 'to ng mommy niya for him para dito na siya mag sstay until Law School.
"Deanna," he called kaya naman mabilis ko siyang nilingon. Nagulat na lang ako na pagtalikod ko ay nakatayo siya na muntikan ko pang mabangga. He kissed my forehead in a snap then walked towards the kitchen.
I could feel my heart racing! Para naman kasing tanga 'to si Migo.
Mabilis ko siyang sinundan don. Naghahain na siya kaya umupo na lang ako. Mas malaki talaga 'tong unit niya dahil four seater 'tong dinning table. May mga minimalist art na nakasabit at ilang lego na naka display. May picture rin ng family niya na naka display.
Mas malaki 'to kesa sa nakita ko tuwing naka video call kami.
Migo knew that the porksilog is mine at 'yung bagnet ay kaniya. Marami 'yung chicken wings pero hindi ko naman hilig 'yon. Nalipat na rin niya 'yung soup sa bowl.
"Let's eat," sabi niya habang nilalagyan ng tubig 'yung baso ko. Hindi ko siya katabi ngayon dahil naka upo siya sa tapat ko.
"Anong oras ka uuwi sa Laguna?" Tanong ko.
"Maybe 5 or earlier dahil ayoko sa traffic." Tumango ako sa sagot niya. "What about you?"
"Malapit lang naman Sta. Rosa dito," komento ko pa at natawa lang siya. "I don't know anong oras kami matatapos, e. Basta after non ay babyahe na ako pauwing Laguna."
"Anong oras ka uuwi?" Tanong niya kasi nga kailangan nasa Tagaytay ako sa Sunday.
"Baka madaling araw rin? Punta pa ako Tagaytay diba?" Paalala ko. Tumango tango siya habang ngumunguya.
"May kasabay ka papunta sa Tagaytay?"
"'Yung service."
"Pwede bang dumeretso ka na pa Tagaytay?"
"Oo pero mahirap mag commute mula sa bayan namin papuntang Tagaytay. Sa inyo kasi ang lapit na agad ng Tagaytay, e." Parang sinisisi ko pa siyang mas malapit ang bayan nila kesa sa bayan namin.
Totoo naman, walang ka hassle hassle pag-uuwi siya unlike sa akin na sobrang layo pa ng bayan ko. Malapit lang ang Sta. Rosa sa Manila. Isang oras lang 'yon kapag walang traffic. Paano naman akong nasa dulo ng kabihasnan?!
I heard Migo chuckled. Inirapan ko lang siya dahilan para mas matawa siya. Na-open ko na kasi sa kaniya 'to na nakakainggit dahil di siya masyado nata-traffic pero at the same time wala rin akong pake dahil ayoko rin naman umuwi lagi sa Laguna.
It's a good thing na malapit lang Sta. Rosa dito sa Manila para mabilis siyang makakauwi tuwing miss niya fam niya.
"I can drive you there."
"Huwag na. Matulog ka na lang," sabi ko.
"No. Sunduin kita kila Mira kaya bigay mo na lang address niya then ihahatid kita sa Tagaytay so that you can rest kahit papaano."
"Huwag na nga—"
"May strike daw, walang mga bus, jeep, tricycle, pati MRT at LRT wala," mabilis na sabi niya. I put down my spoon and fork at tinignan siya. Pataasan kami ng pride nito sa ganitong pagkakataon.
"Bahala ka. Ikaw naman mahihirapan."
"At least kasama kita."
"Eh talaga? Life changing." Tumawa naman siya sa pagsusungit ko. Muka lang akong nagsusungit talaga pero I am happy to know that Migo's looking after me. Though ayoko talagang naabala siya. Minsan kasi matigas talaga ulo niya. Kapag gusto niya, gusto niya.
"Saan kayo Saturday?" Pag-iiba niya ng usapan.
"Quiapo," maikling sagot ko.
"Okay. May ice cream pala ako dito. Anong gusto mo?" Tanong niya.
"Ano bang meron dyan?"
"Ito. Halika para makapili ka," sabi niya bago tumayo kaya tumayo na rin ako. Pagbukas niya ng freezer ay napaka raming pagkain doon. Mga frozen goods, may mga chicken, meat, at kung ano ano pa. Ang dami niya ring ice cream!
"Pili ka," sabi niya lang at kumuha ng Magnum almond at strawberry melona para alukin sa akin. Pinili ko 'yon parehas kaya naman natuwa siya. He got himself a magnum.
"Tara dito," aya niya sa akin doon sa may couch kaya naman sumunod ako. I sat beside him.. sobrang lapit sa kaniya kahit na malaki pa naman ang space. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder pero nahihiya ako until naramdaman ko na lang na nakasandal na siya sa akin.
"15/125 lang ako kanina sa obligation."
Gusto ko siyang tignan pero at the same time ay ayokong gumalaw dahil naka sandal siya sa akin.
"Hmm.."
"Overnight na akong nag-aral pero ang baba pa rin. Pero hindi ko inexpect na ganon 'yung lalabas sa quiz. Nakaka walang pag-asa pero sana mabawi ko pa 'yon.."
Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa kaniya dahil wala naman akong maisip na magandang sabihin. Baka mamaya ay hindi maganda masabi ko, ayoko non. Saka baka di niya rin pala gusto na mag advice ako kaya hinayaan ko na lang siya magsalita.
I waited for him to say something again but silence enveloped the two of us. I could feel how drained he was from studying. Patuloy lang kaming kumakain ng ice cream.
Binitawan ko muna 'yung melona ice cream at pinatong 'yon sa lap ko. I reached for Migo's hand while my other hand is holding the ice cream that I'm eating. I played with hand using my fingers by tracing random shapes.
Natapos ko nang kainin 'yung ice cream na hawak ko pero hindi pa rin siya nag rarant ulit.
"Mababawi mo 'yon.." Pag basag ko sa katahimikan.
"Paano kung bumagsak ulit ako? My grades will surely flunk. I started strong, I need to maintain it."
"Paano kung bumagsak ka ulit? We will never know until it happens so don't worry about the things that hasn't happen yet. Just continue what you always do... study then try better? Hindi ka makaka survive kung mag susulk ka sa pag bagsak mo sa isang quiz. Mababawi mo 'yon. Sure ako. Ikaw pa," I told him with pure sincerity in my heart and I hope he listen.
Migo's real smart. He was known for being the smart and talented kid, simula bata siya hanggang ngayon ang tingin sa kaniya ng mga tao ay matalino. And people expect that when you're smart, you cannot and should not fail. But that's impossible.
People will surely fail in their lives, parte 'yon ng buhay. I know and understand that he's pressured even though he's got supportive parents. Hindi nga siya pinepressure ng magulang niya pero grabe 'yung pressure na nakukuha niya sa mga kaklase, profs, at mga tao sa paligid niya.
That it lead to him pressuring himself.
Na kapag sobrang successful mo, mahirap mag fail kasi marami kang maririnig na hindi maganda.
I understand Migo... I was once like that too. Now? I don't care as long as I'm being passionate with my work. I flunked in senior high because of what happened with everything. I'm just a burn out golden child who pursued film instead nursing in a known university in Canada.
"I know that failing is part of the journey but sometimes it's very hard for me to handle it.."
"Because they pressure you? Or because you pressure yourself?"
"I don't know... maybe both? Pero mababawi ko 'yon. Tama ka, may susunod pa kaya aayusin ko na lang don."
"Lagi mo akong pinapaalalahanan na matulog tapos ikaw hindi natutulog? You should get good sleep. Review then sleep and eat properly... you should take care of yourself."
Umalis sa pagkakasanda si Migo sa akin para tignan ako. I looked at him the same way he's looking at me.
"If I don't take care of myself, will you take care of me?" I thought he was asking me para asarin ako but I saw that he was serious with his question. It took me a minute before I smiled at him.
"Of course, you clown," ani ko at kinurot ang pisngi niya. He smiled bago bumalik sa pagkakasandal sa akin.
Binuksan ko 'yung melona ice cream at nagsimula ulit kumain.
"Alam mo ba 4/125 si Tim then si Mikes ay 3/125," imporma pa niya. Agad naman akong natawa sa kawalan.
"Akala ko ikaw 'yung lowest!" Base sa pagkukwento niya, akala ko kaya para siyang pinagbagsakan ng langit at lupa ay dahil siya 'yung lowest.
"Wow?! Grabe ka naman! Highest kaya ako." Mas lalo akong natawa. Alam kong mahirap accountancy pero hindi ko inexpect na ganito siya kahirap. Pare-parehas silang matatalino pero lahat sila ay bumabagsak? I mean ganon din naman sa ibang program.
Kaya di ko man lang naisip sa buhay ko na mag aaccountancy ako, e. Baka unang araw pa lang umiiyak na ako at kung hindi ako mag d-drop, baka na kick out naman ako. Hindi para sa accountancy talino ko.
I was laughing so much that Migo started laughing with me too. He looked at me then started to tickle me. Agad naman akong dumepensa sa kaniya pero di hamak na mas malaki siya sa akin.
"Migo, 'yung ice cream! Isa kapag nadumihan couch mo, sinasabi ko sa 'yo." Halos hindi ko na natapos sinasabi ko dahil ang kulit niya talaga. Grabe, nakakainis!
"Ang kulit mo! Kainis!" Sabi ko sa kaniya at tumayo para itapon sa basurahan 'yung kalat namin dalawa. Sumunod naman siya ka-agad sa akin.
Akala ko ay kukuha siya ng tubig but I felt him hugging me from behind. He rested his chin on my shoulder then we stayed in that position for as long as I remember.
Hinatid ako ni Migo pauwi dahil gabi na rin kahit na sinabihan ko siyang kaya ko naman dahil malapit din naman 'tong condo niya sa condo ko.
Friday came and I tried my best to be creative on my script. This was my task for the movie our school will produce. May katulong ako from 2nd, 3rd, and 4th year. Lahat naman kami ay may trabaho doon. Mas kaunti lang ang sa akin.
"I'm sorry I'm late," Romania said as she walk towards us, her group mates. She was with Joy. Kakadating lang nila. We're currently at KFC dahil na sayang 'yung araw namin. Some of our group mates were already eating breakfast.
She said na agahan namin na before 4 am ay nandito na kami but it's already 7 am. She was three hours late. Nag sorry siya sa mga ka grupo namin pero nang makatinginan niya ako ay agad siyang lumapit kay Randy.
I was the first one to arrive but she didn't even try to apologize to me? Sa lahat oo? Saglit kong tinignan si Joy na nakatingin pa rin sa akin. I really hate it when people makes me wait and does not respect my time! I looked at her with frown and more annoyance written all over my face.
"What should we do na? Let's start? Na saan na si manong?" Tanong ni Romania.
"Umalis na. May trabaho pa kasi 'yung tao. Naghahanap buhay kaya hindi basta basta sinasayang 'yung oras," Randy replied. Mukang bad trip din.
"What? Babayaran naman natin siya, ah?"
"Yes but may ititinda pa rin siya. Sayang 'yon kaya hinayaan na namin."
"Pero 'yung morning routine niya? 'Yung unang part? 'Yung mga scenes na itatake natin na di siya kasama." She was pertaining to the scenes na isasama sa documentary like 'yung lugar kung saan nagsisimula mag trabaho si Manong, 'yung dilim, 'yung paligid.
"Deanna got it. She got it all," Lou said. Halos lahat sila ay late. Ako 'yung kumausap kay manong. May gamit ako for filming kaya di ako nahirapan.
I filmed the scenes, interviewed Manong about his morning routine, shoot how he prepare each day, the sorrounding.
I was just grateful that Migo woke up early to drive me all the way here, helped me with my camera set-up until Lou and some of our group mates came. Maaga dapat ang alis ni Migo pauwi pero hanggang ngayon ay nandito pa rin siya.
Romania looked at me. Mas lalo akong nainis sa muka niya dahil it looks like she's not thankful at all, mukang naiinis pa siya sa akin. Naiinis siya because of what? Dahil nag simula ako ng walang go signal niya?
What the fuck bakit kahit saan ako mapunta ay may mga ganitong tao sa paligid ko.
"Let's just resched it tomorrow," she added at mas lalo akong napikon.
"Deanna's in Tagaytay," Lou said.
"So? Let's just do it since siya naman ang nag film ng unang part. Tayo na bahala bukas," sabi ni Romania at halos nang aasar pa sa tono ng pananalita niya. I saw how Lou rolled her eyes.
"We talked to manong, it's rescheduled on Tuesday," I said. She frowned at me and her brows furrowed.
"What? Why did you do that? Nag decide ka without informing me?!" She was not raising her voice but I could feel the tension. I remained poker. She should enjoy my resting bitch face. I am wide aware that people hates my poker face, I know she'd hate me look at her like this.
Mahiya siya.
"We decided," sagot ko dahil napag desisyunan namin lahat 'yon. Sila lang ni Joy ang wala.
She gasped in disbelief at agad tinignan isa isa ang ka grupo namin. She looked at me again at halatang nagpipigil siya ng galit.
"I can't on Tuesday, I have one class."
"Then, we'll shoot without you," mabilis na sagot ko. Lou held my back.
"Anong sabi mo?! Ang yabang mo, alam mo ba 'yon? You just want the bigger credits that why you're being like this."
Ako pa talaga? Ang kapal ng muka nito. Ang tagal kong nag timpi sa kaniya.
"This wouldn't happen if you were not three hours late... or four? I don't know, do the math. And I don't want the bigger credits. I want our group work done but we're getting left behind. Tapos na 'yung iba, ang laki na ng progress nila pero tayo hindi pa?"
She walked towards me kaya mabilis siya pinigilan nina Brandy.
Mabilis napansin ng mata ko ang papalapit na katawan ni Migo. Kita ko 'yung gulat sa muka niya nang makita niya ang ganap dito.
Gosh! I was trying my best to calm down but this bitch just wouldn't let me calm down. Mag sosorry na nga lang siya, hindi pa niya magawa!
"Why are you comparing our work to other groups? Oh, yeah. That's because you're competitive as fuck!"
"And you're unreasonably petty," I fired back. I saw how her eyes burned in anger. Mas mabilis pa siyang lumapit sa akin kaya naman pumagitna na si Randy. Lou pulled me back and Migo walked towards me.
I saw how Romania and Joy looked at Migo. Mas lalo pa silang nagalit. I saw tears forming in Romania's eyes and how her face is turning red.
"You're unreasonable!"
"You're petty," I said. Hinatak na ni Joy paalis 'yung kaibigan niya. I felt Migo's hand on my elbow.
"We'll stick to the plan that we talked and agreed upon earlier. Nakausap naman na natin si Manong. I don't like wasting each other's time so I am so sorry for this incident but you should know that this was not my fault. I am not the acting leader but I'm not telling to be mad on anyone. It's a wrap for now," I declared then bade my good bye. I walked away but I could feel Migo walking behind me.
He was holding the take out food from KFC. When I looked on my other side, there was Lou. She looks so proud.
"Thank you for voicing out our thoughts," aniya. Kumunot naman noo ko. "Hindi lang ikaw naiinis don. But, hayaan na. Good luck for tomorrow and I'm sorry na medyo late ako kanina," pagpapaalam niya.
I am wide aware that I'm still frowning right now. I took a deep breath in and out dahil sinira agad nung babae na 'yon araw ko. Kanina pang madaling araw mainit ulo ko, pero mas lalong uminit noong dumating siya.
We stopped walking in front of Migo's car. I really hate getting mad! I am trying so hard na kumalma paulit ulit but some people are just so annoying!
"Ice tea," Migo offered. I shook my head. He opened the car door for me before he get inside his car.
"Plan?"
"Just drop me off sa terminal," I said. Maaga na lang akong pupunta kina Mira para ibigay ang gift ko sa kaniya at para makauwi rin ako ng hindi masyadong gabi. Okay naman na 'yon kay Mira. Basta makasama niya ako, okay na siya doon.
"No," sabi ni Migo kaya mabilis ko siyang tinignan. I saw how he froze for a second, mukang natakot ko ata. "I don't want any argument but I can drive you there..." Mahinang sabi niya.
I hate getting mad! It feels like I am ready to ruin a lot of things again and I hate it! I tried my best to do my breathing exercise. I saw Migo handing me the Ice tea so I grab it and drank it. I took a deep breath and I wanted to look at him so bad but I was scared.
I am scared that I wouldn't like how his expression.
I am scared that I'd get disappointed... because he's disappointed on me.
I'm scared.
"Deen.." I heard him call me but I didn't look at him. I felt his hand on mine. "Eat breakfast muna, oh."
My hands were almost shaking and it was cold.
What if Migo's disappointed on how I acted? What if he realize that he doesn't like me anymore? What if...
Damn all these what ifs!
"Deanna," malambing na tawag niya pero hindi ko pa rin pinansin. "Deanna, kain muna tayo?" Malambing na tawag niya... and there... I had the courage to look at him.
He was smiling a little... he was smiling at me. It was the small smile that's trying its best to calm me.
And it did work out.
I nodded and we proceeded to eat our first meal inside his car.