Peter was gathering a stack of books into a pile and shoving them into a bag. He bit down on a red pen and carried the bag out of the room; I heard the books inside it smack against his leg as he walked down the hallway. Eric had been gone when I had woken up and I was willing to bet that he had found something to occupy his time while I had been off playing hero again. I was sitting on my bed when Tris turned to Christina.
"I've been trying not to ask you, but I'm giving up," she said. "What's going on with you and Uriah?"
Christina, sprawled across her cot with one long leg dangling over the edge, gave her a look.
"What? You've been spending a lot of time together," Tris defended. "Like a lot."
It was sunny today, the light was glowing through the white curtains. The dormitory smelled like sleep—like laundry, shoes, night sweats, and morning coffee. Some of the beds were still made, and some had rumpled sheets bunched up at the bottom or the side. Most of us had come from Dauntless, but I was struck by how different we were anyway. Different habits, different temperaments, different ways of seeing the world.
"You may not believe me, but it's not like that." Christina propped herself up on her elbows. "He's grieving. We're both bored. Also, he's Uriah."
"So? He's good-looking."
"Good-looking, but he can't have a serious conversation to save his life." Christina shook her head. "Don't get me wrong, I like to laugh, but I also want a relationship to mean something, you know? Besides," she said, "not every friendship turns into a romance. I haven't tried to kiss you or Bri yet."
I laughed. "True."
"Where have you been lately?" Christina asked. She wiggled her eyebrows. "With Four? Doing a little addition? Multiplication?"
Tris covers her face with her hands. "That was the worst joke I've ever heard."
"Don't dodge the question."
"No 'addition' for us," she said. "Not yet, anyway. He's been a little preoccupied with the whole 'genetic damage' thing."
I pretended to gag.
"Ah. That thing." She sat up.
"What do you think about it?" I asked.
They hadn't excluded me from the conversation and it felt like we were back in the Dauntless dorms and I was being dragged into another gossip session.
"I don't know. I guess it makes me angry." She frowned. "No one likes to be told there's something wrong with them, especially something like their genes, which they can't change."
"You think there's really something wrong with you?" I asked.
"I guess so. It's like a disease, right? They can see it in our genes. That's not really up for debate, is it? "
"I'm not saying your genes aren't different," Tris tried to defend. "I'm just saying that doesn't mean one set is damaged and one set isn't. The genes for blue eyes and brown eyes are different too, but are blue eyes 'damaged'? It's like they just arbitrarily decided that one kind of DNA was bad and the other was good."
"Based on the evidence that GD behavior was worse," Christina pointed out.
"Which could be caused by a lot of things," Tris retorted.
"I don't know why I'm arguing with you when I'd really like for you to be right," Christina said with a laugh. "But don't you think a bunch of smart people like these Bureau scientists could figure out the cause of bad behavior?"
"Sure," Tris said. "But I think that no matter how smart, people usually see what they're already looking for, that's all."
"Maybe you're biased too," Christina retorted. "Because you have friends—and a boyfriend—with this genetic issue."
"Maybe. I guess I don't see a reason to believe in genetic damage. Will it make me treat other people better? No. The opposite, maybe." Tris said.
"You don't believe things because they make your life better, you believe them because they're true," she pointed out.
"But isn't looking at the result of a belief a good way of evaluating if it's true?" Tris asked.
"Sounds like a Stiff way of thinking." She paused. "I guess my way is very Candor, though. God, we really can't escape factions no matter where we go, can we?"
I shrugged. "Maybe it's not so important to escape them."
Four walked into the dormitory, looking pale and exhausted. His hair was pushed up on one side from lying on his pillow, and he was still wearing what he had worn last night. He'd been sleeping in his clothes since we got to the Bureau.
Christina got up.
"Okay, I'm going to go. And leave you two in all this space. Alone."
She gestured at all the empty beds, she grabbed my arm and tried to pull me towards the door with her and winked conspicuously at Tris as we walked out of the dormitory.
"Actually I need Bri here." Four said.
Tobias smiled a little, instead of sitting next to Tris, he lingered at the foot of her bed, his fingers fumbling over the hem of his shirt.
"There's something I want to talk to you about," he said once the door was closed.
I stayed by the door in case I needed to make a swift exit.
"Okay," Tris said
"I want to ask you to promise not to get mad," he said, "but . . ."
"But you know I don't make stupid promises," Tris said.
"Right." He sat down and avoided her eyes. "Nita left a note under my pillow, telling me to meet her last night. And I did."
I stiffened, and I could feel the angry stare Tris was trying to burn into my skull.
"A pretty girl asks you to meet her late at night, and you go?" She demanded. "And then you want me not to get mad about it?"
"It's not about that with Nita and me. At all, besides Bri was with me." he said hastily, finally looking at her. "She just wanted to show me something. She doesn't believe in genetic damage, like she led me to believe. She has a plan to take away some of the Bureau's power, to make GDs more equal. We went to the fringe."
He told her about the underground tunnel that led outside, and the ramshackled town in the fringe, and the conversation with Rafi and Mary. He explained the war that the government kept hidden so that no one would know that "genetically pure" people were capable of incredible violence, and the way GDs lived in the metropolitan areas where the government still had real power.
When he finished, he looked at her expectantly, and she pursed her lips, trying to decide.
"How do you know she's telling you the truth?" she asked.
"I don't," he said. "She promised to show us evidence. Tonight." He took her hand. "I'd like you to come."
"And Nita will be okay with that?"
"I don't really care." His fingers slid between hers. "If she really needs my help, she'll have to figure out how to be okay with it."
"Okay," Tris said. "I'll go. But don't for a second think that I actually believe she's not interested in you for more than your genetic code."
"Well," he said. "Don't for a second think I'm interested in anyone but you."
I had to try my best not to scream at him for being a liar. He put his hand on the back of her neck and drew her mouth toward his.
I turned and left the room before they kissed. I hated the anger that was sitting in the pit of my stomach at his words. He loved her, Nita wasn't a threat to her that much was obvious, but the fact that he was using me as his comfort person instead of his girlfriend and had the audacity to act like he wasn't made me furious. I avoided everyone, hidden away in the garden I had found. I almost went to ask about some type of gym or work out room. I couldn't bring myself to risk unleashing my anger on anyone undeserving.
Tris and Four woke me to meet Nita in the hotel lobby after midnight, among the potted plants with their unfurling flowers, a tame wilderness. When Nita saw Tris at Four's side, her face tightened like she just tasted something bitter. She searched my face and found the same disgust at the situation she felt.
"You promised you wouldn't tell her," she said, pointing at Four. "What happened to protecting her?"
"I changed my mind," he said.
Tris laughed, harshly. "That's what you told him, that he would be protecting me? That's a pretty skillful manipulation. Well done."
Tris's mask had dropped. The green monster of jealousy was showing its face.
Four raised his eyebrows at her.
"It wasn't manipulation, it was the truth."
Nita didn't look angry anymore, just tired, her hand slid over her face and then smoothed back her hair. She wasn't defensive, which meant she might be telling the truth.
"You could be arrested just for knowing what you know and not reporting it. I thought it would be better to avoid that."
"Well, too late," Four said. "Tris is coming. Is that a problem?"
"I would rather have all of you than none of you, and I'm sure that's the implied ultimatum," Nita said, rolling her eyes. "Let's go."
Tris, Nita, Four, and I walked back through the silent, still compound to the laboratories where Nita worked. None of us spoke, and I was aware of every squeak of our shoes, every voice in the distance, every snap of every closing door. I felt like we were doing something forbidden, though technically we weren't. Not yet, anyway.
Nita stopped by the door to the laboratories and scanned her card. We followed her past the gene therapy room farther into the heart of the compound. It was dark and grim, with clumps of dust dancing over the floor when we walked past. Nita pushed another door open with her shoulder, and we walked into a storage room. Dull metal drawers covered the walls, labeled with paper numbers, the ink worn off with time. In the center of the room was a lab table with a computer and a microscope, and a young man with slicked-back blond hair.
"Tobias, Tris, Brina, this is my friend Reggie," Nita introduced. "He's also a GD."
"Nice to meet you," Reggie said with a smile. He shook Tris's hand, then Four's, and finally mine, his grip firm.
"Let's show them the slides first," Nita said.
Reggie tapped the computer screen and beckoned us closer. "Not gonna bite."
Tris and Four exchanged a glance, then stood behind Reggie at the table to see the screen. Pictures start flashing on it, one after another. They were in grayscale and looked grainy and distorted. It took me only a few seconds to realize that they were photographs of suffering: narrow, pinched children with huge eyes, ditches full of bodies, huge mounds of burning papers.
The photographs moved so fast, like book pages fluttering in the breeze, that I got only impressions of horrors. Then I turned my face away, unable to look any longer. At first, when I looked at Tris, her expression was still. But then her mouth quivered, and she pressed her lips together to disguise it. Four had turned away when I had.
"Look at these weapons." Reggie brought up a photograph with a man in uniform holding a gun and pointed. "That kind of gun is incredibly old. The guns used in the Purity War were much more advanced. Even the Bureau would agree with that. It's gotta be from a really old conflict. Which must have been waged by genetically pure people, since genetic manipulation didn't exist back then."
"How do you hide a war?" I asked.
"People are isolated, starving," Nita said quietly. "They know only what they're taught, they see only the information that's made available to them. And who controls all that? The government."
"Okay." Tris's head bobbed, talking too fast, nervous. "So they're lying about your—our history. That doesn't mean they're the enemy, it just means they're a group of grossly misinformed people trying to better the world. In an ill-advised way."
Nita and Reggie glanced at each other.
"That's the thing," Nita said. "They're hurting people."
She put her hand on the counter and leaned into it, leaned toward us, and again I saw the revolutionary building strength inside her, taking over the parts of her that were young woman and GD and laboratory worker.
"When the Abnegation wanted to reveal the great truth of their world sooner than they were supposed to," she said slowly, "and Jeanine wanted to stifle them the Bureau was all too happy to provide her with an incredibly advanced simulation serum—the attack simulation that enslaved the minds of the Dauntless, that resulted in the destruction of Abnegation."
I took a moment to let that sink in.
"That can't be true," Four said "Jeanine told me that the highest proportion of Divergent, the genetically pure, in any faction was in Abnegation. You just said the Bureau values the genetically pure enough to send someone in to save them; why would they help Jeanine kill them?"
"Jeanine was wrong," Tris said distantly. "Evelyn said so. The highest proportion of Divergent was among the factionless, not Abnegation."
Nita had said a lot of Divergent went to Dauntless, which would make sense for the factionless to have the highest population when they failed or got too old for Dauntless. Four turned to Nita.
"I still don't see why they would risk that many Divergent," Four said. "I need evidence."
"Why do you think we came here?" Nita switched on another set of lights that illuminated the drawers, and paced along the left wall. "It took me a long time to get clearance to go in here," she said. "Even longer to acquire the knowledge to understand what I saw. I had help from one of the GPs, actually. A sympathizer."
Her hand hovered over one of the low drawers. From it she took a vial of orange liquid.
"Look familiar?" she asked us.
I knew it immediately, it was the same one that Eric had tried to avoid giving me. Max had done it, inserted the needle into the side of my neck. Right before he did the glass vial caught the light, and it was orange, just like whatever Nita was holding.
"The colors match," Four said. "So?"
Nita carried the vial to the microscope. Reggie took a slide from a tray near the computer and, using a dropper, put two drops of the orange liquid in its center, then sealed the liquid in place with a second slide. As he placed it on the microscope, his fingers were careful but certain; they were the movements of someone who has performed the same action hundreds of times.
Reggie tapped the computer screen a few times, opening a program called "MicroScan."
"This information is free and available to anyone who knows how to use this equipment and has the system password, which the GP sympathizer graciously gave me," Nita said. "So in other words, it's not all that hard to access, but no one would think to examine it very closely. And GDs don't have system passwords, so it's not like we would have known about it. This storage room is for obsolete experiments—failures, or outdated developments, or useless things."
She looked through the microscope, using a knob on the side to focus the lens.
"Go ahead," she instructed.
Reggie pressed a button on the computer, and paragraphs of text appeared under the "MicroScan" bar at the top of the screen. He pointed to a paragraph in the middle of the page, and we read it.
"'Simulation Serum v4.2. Coordinates a large number of targets. Transmits signals over long distances. Hallucinogen from original formula not included—simulated reality is predetermined by program master.'"
That was the attack simulation serum.
"Now why would the Bureau have this unless they had developed it?" Nita asked. "They were the ones who put the serums into the experiments, but they usually left the serums alone, letting the city residents develop them further. If Jeanine was the one who developed it, they wouldn't have stolen it from her. If it's here, it's because they made it."
"Why?" Tris asked sounding breathless
"Abnegation was about to reveal the truth to everyone inside the city. And you've seen what's happened now that the city knows the truth: Evelyn is effectively a dictator, the factionless are squashing the faction members, and I'm sure the factions will rise up against them sooner or later. Many people will die. Telling the truth risks the safety of the experiment, no question," Nita said. "So a few months ago, when the Abnegation were on the verge of causing that destruction and instability by revealing Edith Prior's video to your city, the Bureau probably thought, better that the Abnegation should suffer a great loss—even at the expense of several Divergent—than the whole city suffer a great loss. Better to end the lives of the Abnegation than to risk the experiment. So they reached out to someone who they knew would agree with them. Jeanine Matthews."
Jeanine had been killing people to keep the Bureau secret for years, almost my entire family, my friends. Innocent children. We had been losing people because of them and they had done nothing. I felt my fists curl and the bite of my nails in my palms. I had to find a place to let out my anger before it overtook me. Abnegation's quiet, their community, their routine, always seemed good to me. And now most of those kind, giving people, were dead. Murdered, at the hands of the Dauntless, at the urging of Jeanine, with the power of the Bureau to back her.
"This is the problem with their blind commitment to these experiments," Nita said next to us "The Bureau values the experiments above GD lives. It's obvious. And now, things could get even worse."
"Worse?" I asked. "Worse than killing most of the Abnegation? How?"
"The government has been threatening to shut down the experiments for almost a year now," Nita said. "The experiments keep falling apart because the communities can't live in peace, and David keeps finding ways to restore peace just in the nick of time. And if anything else goes wrong in Chicago, he can do it again. He can reset all the experiments at any time."
"Reset them," I asked.
"With the Abnegation memory serum," Reggie said. "Well, really, it's the Bureau's memory serum. Every man, woman, and child will have to begin again."
"Their entire lives erased, against their will, for the sake of solving a genetic damage 'problem' that doesn't actually exist. These people have the power to do that. And no one should have that power." Nita said tersely.
I didn't care what Nita's plan was, what I had learned in the past few days had made me feel like there was nothing about this place worth salvaging. They had to be stopped and it had to be done before I lost anyone else.
"What's the plan?" Tris asked, her voice flat, almost mechanical.
"I'll let my friends from the fringe in through the underground tunnel," Nita said. "Tobias, you will shut off the security system as I do, so that we aren't caught—it's nearly the same technology you worked with in the Dauntless control room; it should be easy for you. Then Rafi, Mary, and I will break into the Weapons Lab and steal the memory serum so the Bureau can't use it. Reggie's been helping behind the scenes, but he'll be opening the tunnel for us on the day of the attack."
"What will you do with a bunch of memory serum?" I asked.
"Destroy it," Nita said, even-keeled.
"That's all you intend to do," Tris said, finally looking away from the microscope. She narrowed her eyes at Nita. "You know that the Bureau is responsible for the murders of hundreds of people, and your plan is to take away their memory serum?"
"I don't remember inviting your critique of my plan."
"I'm not critiquing your plan," Tris said. "I'm telling you I don't believe you. You hate these people. I can tell by the way you talk about them. Whatever you intend to do, I think it's far worse than stealing some serum."
"The memory serum is what they use to keep the experiments running. It's their greatest source of power over your city, and I want to take it away. I'd say that's a hard enough blow for now." Nita sounded gentle, like she was explaining something to a child. "I never said this was all I was ever going to do. It's not always wise to strike as hard as you can at the first opportunity. This is a long race, not a sprint."
Tris just shook her head.
"Tobias, are you in?" Nita asked.
"Yes," Four replied.
Tris turned to him, her eyes wide, incredulous. He ignored her.
"I can disable the security system. I'll need some Amity peace serum, do you have access to that?"
"I do." Nita smiled a little. "I'll send you a message with the timing. Come on, Reggie. Let's leave these three to talk."
Reggie nodded to me, and then to Tris and Four, then he and Nita both left the room, easing the door closed behind them so it didn't make a sound.
Tris turned to Four, her arms folded.
"I can't believe you," she said. "She's lying. Why can't you see that?"
"Because it's not there," Four defended. "I can tell when someone's lying just as well as you can. And in this situation, I think your judgment might be clouded by something else. Something like jealousy."
"I am not jealous!" she shouted, scowling at Four. "I am being smart. She has something bigger planned, and if I were you, I would run far away from anyone who lies to me about what they want me to participate in."
"Well, you're not me." Four shook his head. "God, Tris. These people murdered your parents, and you're not going to do something about it?"
"I never said I wasn't going to do anything," she said tersely. "But I don't have to buy into the first plan I hear, either."
"You know, I brought you here because I wanted to be honest with you, not so that you could make snap judgments about people and tell me what to do!"
"I'm out." I said as I moved towards the door.
"Oh no you don't" Tris snapped at me. "Where do you get off lying to me? Sneaking around with my boyfriend at night? He chose me!"
"He chose you? Is that what you think? You're delusional Tris, you have been pushing him away since your parents died. You've pushed us all away. We walk on eggshells with you. You're not the only one who lost someone! You clearly don't know that he comes to me for comfort. Fuck you Tris. You're a fucking child. Letting your jealousy and insecurity put everyone we love in danger. What about your friends' families? Zeke, Shauna, Hector, Christina's sister and mom? We have to protect them, or did you forget that's why we came here in the first palace? You're so wrapped up in your own bullshit that you forgot about the rest of us?"
Tris stared at me with her mouth gaping, trying to find words to say.
"And shame on you Four for lying to her this entire time. Nita might not have any effect on you but I definitely do. Fuck both of you. You deserve each other. I'm so sick of being caught in the middle of your love-hate relationship. She clearly isn't mature enough to have a relationship. You knew that though Four that's why you chased me first."
I paused for a moment waiting for either of them to say something.
"Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to find Eric, find me again when you decide how you want to save the world." I said as I pushed the door open and all but stormed down the hallway.
I made my way to the hotel and shook Eric awake.
"Come shower with me?" I asked him quietly.
His eyes snapped open in a moment.
"Is this a comfort shower or are you looking for privacy to fool around without your uncle finding out?"
"Both." I smiled lightly.
I had almost forgotten how well Eric knew me. I knew that the bathrooms would be empty now, only Four and Tris were awake and I didn't care if they found out. Eric threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the bathroom. He had gathered a large towel and a change of clothes for us. He turned on the shower while I stripped down and undid my hair. When I stepped into the shower I took the time to appreciate how incredibly attractive Eric was. I ran my fingers along his tattoos as he pulled me closer to him. He covered my neck in hot open mouthed kisses. I tipped my head back and he turned us swiftly so that my face was covered in the stream of water. I let out a surprised gasp and I could feel his body shake with silent laughter.
"You're a jerk." I smiled at him trying to remain serious.
"And you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He whispered before he kissed me.
His kiss was hot and heavy, days of only sleeping next to each other finally coming to a head now that we could touch each other more freely. His hands were light, gentle as he explored my body. His fingertips grazed the apex of my thighs and I let out a breathy moan in encouragement. I could feel the smirk on his face as he kissed down my neck and chest again. He wasted no time lifting me up and pressing me against the wall. We both knew whatever we did would have to be quicker than we would like. He pressed against me and there was a slight burn before he bottomed out. I gasped at his size, while he moaned into my shoulder. His thrusts were light and slow as we adjusted to each other after so long. Light moans filled the shower stall and Eric couldn't take his lips off of my skin. He kissed everywhere he could reach while he kept me trapped tightly between his body and the wall. His thrusts got deeper as he shifted our bodies so he could touch me just right. He chased both our highs as I clung to him and moaned wantonly. The feeling of his hips hitting mine shattered any thoughts that had been hiding in my mind and I lost myself to the pleasure of his body on mine. He felt me break apart as I saw white, any concept of time long gone. He pulled me impossibly close as I felt him fill me up, I had to admit that I missed that feeling. Eric held me tightly as we both came down from our highs. He never stopped kissing me and mumbling about how beautiful I was. He finally put me back on the ground and kept me upright with a stabilizing arm around my waist. He held me as I washed my hair, he took over when it came to washing my body, lightly teasing me as he did. I took my time washing his body, touching every part of him that I couldn't before and giving just as much teasing as I had gotten. Finally we stepped out of the shower and Eric took the time to dry me off. He helped me dry my hair as best as we could manage before he helped me step into my sleep clothes. I picked up all our dirty clothes while he carried the wet towels.
When we got back to the hotel, Four was still missing but Tris was curled up in her cot. Eric tucked me in before I quietly insisted that he curl up with me. We shuffled around a bit before we got comfortable with me halfway on his chest, he basically filled the cot and I made myself comfortable around him. I missed the big bed we had shared in Dauntless.