The village square throned with people. Kurt could hardly hear himself amongst the noise and chaos of the young men departing for training. Women were crying, children were complaining that they were tired and wanted to go home, and the men who signed up were jostling with each other and trying to show off to the girls who had joined the crowd.
It would have been a celebration were it not for the war hanging in the air.
Kurt stood to the back of the group, his mother fussing over his uniform and pulling his cap so far down that he could hardly see. He tried not to look too embarrassed and pulled his cap back to its usual position once his mother had stopped adjusting it. The uniform was supposed to make people respect him and Kurt didn't think it had the desired effect with his mother fussing and fawning all over him. Still, he knew his mother cared about him and that mattered a little more than his friends might have thought.
Beside him, Wilhelm craned his neck and eyed the large crowd that somehow got bigger every time Kurt blinked. Almost everyone in the village had turned out to say goodbye to the young men who were going off to defend their homeland.
With no sign of Anna, Wilhelm too was subjected to the constant fussing by his mother who had handed him some sandwiches for the journey to the training ground. They exchanged glances, looking away before they burst into laughter. Neither of them looked much like shoulders.
"I'll be fine, Mother," Kurt said. He readjusted his cap yet again and brushed her hands off his shoulder where she was trying to pick off a loose piece of thread.
Mrs Schäfer offered him a small smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes the way it used to. "I know you will, but you'll always be my little boy."
"What about me?" Hans tugged on his mother's dress and pouted. "I'm still the littlest!"
"Yes, you are my sweet." Mrs Schäfer reached down and kissed Hands on the forehead. "You're both still my babies."
Hans quickly wiped the lipstick mark from his cheek, not too keen on looking like a baby in front of the soldiers. Kurt smiled a little, but a small knot tightened in his stomach at the sight of his brother trying to be older than he was. It had been hard not to miss the change in his attitude since Kurt had signed up; the dislike towards their mother's affection, his obsession with completing farm chores rather than his wooden blocks. He had stopped acting like the child he was and Kurt hated it.
He was going to war to give his brother the chance to have a childhood and to grow up, not for him to act older than his years.
"Can you see Anna?" Wilhelm asked, slapping Kurt in the arm and aching his neck to search the crowd.
"She slapped you the other day, are you sure you want to risk another meeting?" Kurt suppressed a smile. "I thought you were going to give up trying, anyway."
"I am. I just want the chance to say goodbye, that's all.
"If you say so."
A wide grin stretched across Wilhelm's face. "Anna might not be here yet, but a certain someone is."
"Almost the entire village is here. You might want to be a little more specific."
"Don't be a dummkopf." He nudged Kurt with his elbow and pointed to the very edge of the crowd. "Look."
Kurt glanced in the direction he had pointed, his eyes roaming the ground for a few seconds before he spotted Marie. Her hair had been pinned up in a knot on the back of her head and she wore a white hat adorned with a purple ribbon to keep the sun off her eyes. Gone was the baker's apron that Kurt had seen her wearing at the shop and instead she wore a pale purple dress and shoes with a small heel to keep the mud off the hem. He smiled a little.
"I'll be back in a minute."
Without waiting for a reply, he shouldered his way through the crowd of people and towards Marie. In the crowd, Kurt could just make out Johannes who stood around with his school friends, many of them having also lied about their ages to sign up. He looked around at the men, wondering just how many of them had lied on their enlistment form. The knot in his stomach tightened.
It may have been a chance of glory, but Kurt understood the risks that came with war. He wasn't sure the younger men knew the same.
Kurt continued to move through the crowd until he reached Marie. He tapped her lightly on her shoulder so as not to startle her by speaking; he had done that to her during their previous meeting the day before and did not think it wise to do it again. Marie turned to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed at first before she gave him a small smile after realising it had been Kurt who had tapped her. Despite the smile, she appeared distant, unfocused. Marie turned back to the group of young men that contained her brother
"He'll be fine," Kurt said. He tried to sound a little upbeat, but he couldn't hide the edge in his voice; the slight sliver of doubt. Even he couldn't deny the risks.
"How can you know that for certain?"
"No one expects this war to go on for very long. I doubt we will even make it to the front before it ends."
"Do you believe that?"
Kurt tugged on his bottom lip. "Yes,we have to. It is easier to believe it will end in a few months then last a lifetime."
"Perhaps." Marie turned to him, her eyes filling with tears. "You'll look after him, won't you?"
"Of course I will," he said, "I promise."
"That's a rather serious promise to make."
Kurt knew she was right. He knew that if they made it to the front, it would be near impossible to keep Johannes out of harm's way. There would be very little he or anyone could do to protect themselves from bullets once they started to fly. Keeping a promise like that would be impossible once they were in the throes of battle and survival came to chance and luck. He had to pray they never made it to the front.
The two of them stood together in silence. Kurt watched Johannes and his friends talking, laughing and acting as though they were about to go on holiday rather than an army training camp. He wondered how seriously they would take it if they ended up being sent to the front, forced to fire their weapon at a person rather than a target. They didn't seem like the serious soldiers they were supposed to be. They still looked like children and Kut wondered how they might fare in a real battle.
Kurt had held a gun before, used one to put down the animals on their farm. How different were humans and animals really?
"I want you to write to me, tell me everything Johannes won't," Marie said. "I also want you to have this. Mother thinks I'm mad, but I want a part of me to be out there with you; to give you a reason to come home."
"I'll be coming home. You can count on that."
"Take it. For me."
Marie handed him a small envelope, the back unsealed. Kurt lifted the flap on the back and pulled out a small slip of paper and what appeared to be a photograph. The small slip of paper contained Marie's address, but it was the photograph that intrigued him the most. He turned the photograph over and ran his finger along the edge of it, holding back the slight smile that threatened to make an appearance.
The photograph had been taken a year prior. Her long hair had been left loose, spilling over her shoulder like flowing water. Even in black and white, Kurt could see the shine of her eyes, their piercing blue colour that made it look like she was staring right at him. Despite how long she would have had to sit there for the photograph, he could still make out a slight smile on her lips. He would cherish the photograph as though it were of his own family.
They had known each other since they were children, although by face rather than name, but they had grown to care for each other the past few days. Kurt liked the idea of having someone other than his parents waiting for him upon his return. Having Marie made the whole thing all the more worthwhile.
"What is Wilhelm doing?" Marie asked, turning around.
Kurt followed her line of vision and spotted Wilhelm standing in the crowd of people, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I think he's looking for Anna. He said he wanted to say goodbye to her."
"She said she was coming. She felt bad for slapping him."
"He deserved it, I did try to warn him."
Marie smiled. "If she isn't here in time, she'll most likely write."
"Wilhelm will love that. He won't stop writing back to her."
"Maybe it'll do them some good. He is a little full-on in person, perhaps letter writing is the solution they need."
"Well, they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Marie laughed. Kurt turned from her and looked back towards Wilhelm who continued to make his way through the crowd of people. He continued to look for Anna, but he welcomed the other girls as they spoke to him and occasionally offered him a kiss on the cheek. Perhaps Marie was right that the two of them writing might work better than speaking. Wilhelm had always been a little too unbearable.
As he watched Wilhelm, Kurt noticed several families saying their goodbyes. Tears were shed, final hugs were being handed out, and the whole situation felt far more real than it had several days before. With his time running short, Kurt knew he had to join those saying their final goodbye.
"I should go and say goodbye to my family," Kurt said, scratching his arm awkwardly. He didn't want to leave Marie and didn't know the best way to do it.
"I should find Johannes and do the same before he gets swept up in the excitement." She glanced behind her. "You'll be safe, won't you?"
"Of course I will, and I shall remember to write."
"Me too." Marie looked at him, words seemingly dancing on her lips, but whatever she wanted to stay, she kept hidden.
"Until we meet again, Marie."
"Goodbye."
The two of them stood there, staring at each other for a few seconds more before Johannes pulled Marie away so he could offer his own goodbye to his sister. Kurt sighed and nudged his way back through the crowd to join his family who hadn't moved since he had left them. Almost immediately, his mother pulled his hat over his eyes. He quickly put it right and took just a few moments to look at his family, to remember them as they were in that moment.
Hans stood beside Mr Schäfer, his back straight and his hair neatly combed to the side which, to Kurt, made him seem older than he really was. He still had his chest puffed out and appeared to be soaking in the glory that came with Kurt going off to war. His mother continued to fuss over Kurt's uniform; she straightened his shirt, made sure all his buttons were done up correctly, and wiped a smudge of dirt from his cheek. Kurt knew she was just trying to distract herself from saying goodbye and Kurt could hardly blame her. It was not an easy task to undertake.
His father could not have masked the pride in his face if he wanted to. There was no other emotion other than pride etched into his face and Kurt knew that his decision to join would have a ripple effect on the whole family and not just him. Being a war hero would make their name matter, it could make them important and Kurt could hardly blame his father for being proud of that. It was, perhaps, the only time he had ever seen his father proud.
"Kurt!" Wilhelm called, having given up his search for Anna and started to climb onto one of the waggons. "Hurry up!"
"Stay safe, my body," Mr Schäfer said. He placed his hands on Kurt's shoulders. "Home by Christmas."
"I will." Kurt turned to Hans, crouching down. "You've got to step up on the farm now, can you do that?"
Hans wiped his face, his bottom lip trembling. "Of course! I'm just as strong as you!"
"I know you are." Kurt pulled him into a hug and Hans didn't pull back, squeezing him twice as hard.
Kurt stood up and turned to his mother, her face damp from tears. "I'll be fine, Mother."
"Come home, Kurt. Write as often as you can."
"You know I will." He paused. "I should go."
"I love you so much, Kurt. You'll always be my baby." Mrs Schäfer sniffed. "We'll see you soon."
Kurt nodded a little and pulled his mother into a hug, any and all embarrassment melting away as she squeezed him. He hugged Hans one more time and exchanged a slightly stiff handshake with his father before leaving them with Wilhelm's parents and heading over to the wooden waggons that would be taking them to training camp. Wilhelm offered him a hand and Kurt scrambled into the waggon.
With his pack resting on the floor, Kurt turned to take one last look at his family before the waggon started to move through the village. After a few seconds, it peeled around a corner and his family disappeared from view.
He hoped he would get the chance to see them again.
~~~
First Published - April 2nd, 2024