I've always been a pessimist. Always expected the worst out of life because it makes being easier for me. Expecting the worst helps to lessen the pain of not getting what I want. And while it does make it easier, it's also an exhausting state to be in.
There's this dread that comes with being pessimistic. I feel a myriad of negative emotions that make it harder to be ecstatic about several opportunities.
I envy people who live and breathe optimism. It always confuses me how someone could expect so much good from such a harsh world.
There's not a moment in my life where I've ever been excited about something without expecting the worst. For as long as I can remember, it's always been that way for me.
But the thing about living that life is that it makes it harder to enjoy yourself. It makes it harder to stay present in your own life.
Because the fear of losing it is greater than any other feeling.
But lately I'm learning that pessimism doesn't go well with healing.
Sure, there are days where I feel so hollow just at the thought of losing everything. Days where I'm crippled by the thought of my life being nothing but a dream.
But then there are also days where I look at the bright side of things. So maybe life won't always be all roses and fireworks but I'm learning to embrace it all.