Leo
As I drive home, I think back to the bleachers. Void of my parents. I think back to the game. A struggle to stay ahead in points.
"Leo, I don't know what the hell is wrong, but you shake it off and get your ass back out there!"
Coaches words ring through my head. I turn the volume in my car up. Letting the singers words cleanse my mind. Failing, the anger continues to course through my veins. My car cruises up to my driveway, as I step out and slam the door behind me. Walking fast up to the front door. When I open it, dad is sitting at the dining room table. Typing away at his laptop. With rage in my steps, I throw the refrigerator door open, and let the cold settle against my skin, rising in temperature.
"So you can't even show up?" I say in a low voice. Dad stays silent for a second, before the click of the keys start slowing.
"Why the hell would I?" He continues to type away. I rip my head out from the open doors.
"I'm your son!" I yell. Letting my emotions flee from my throat.
"And she was my daughter!" He yells back. He turns, and the eyes staring back are not his. That's not my dad. I need to accept it. He left a long time ago. I swallow the pit in the back of my mouth.
"Yea, thanks for never letting me forget." I say quietly. I hurriedly grab an untouched case of bear, sitting in the back of the fridge. I make my movements swift. Letting my steps shake the ground beneath us. Every piece of emotion releasing in every pound my sneakers make against the hardwood.
"Leo!"
I slam the door behind me. A warm breeze hitting my now sweating face. I open the passenger side door, and sling the case into the seat. Turning up the radio to 95.
https://open.spotify.com/track/6dpLxbF7lfCAnC9QRTjNLK?si=6e1c940ba8204a30
I bite my fist. Letting tears stream out of my eyes for the first time in a year. I rip open the case. gripping the bottle caps with my fingers. Letting it cut me multiple times, before I fling it off. Blood slowly trickling from my fingers, as I let the contents of the bottle pour down my throat. Stinging on the way down. I wander the roads, till my vision becomes blurry. I rip open another beer, stopping at our local playground. I wobble out. My steps colliding. Everything around me spins as I collapse onto the park bench. Watching the swings rock back and forth, as my mind whispers hallucinations into the midnight air. She dances, running circles around till she rolls on the grass in a fit of giggles. My smile follows her in a game of tag. A final tear escapes my eye, as she disappears. I let my words occupy the wind in front of me. Whispering the words that I can't find the courage to stop saying.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."