The girl sprinted up the stairs, panting with each step she took. He was right behind her, and she could feel his fingers graze over her. She hastily ran into her room, slamming the door behind her, she pressed her body against the door. "Josh, leave me alone!" She screeched, feeling her brother pushing the door.
With all her might, she had tried to keep the door closed, her small body proved weak against his however. The door flung open, Alexa losing balance with the sudden force. She hissed as her knees hit the floor, "you just fell over, get a grip." Her brother told her, ridiculing the tears rolling down her face. "You pushed me." She accused, her sobs then filling the room, sounds of her sniffles and pained cries.
"Oh my god, you are so dramatic." Josh groaned, he picked his sister up, grabbing her from her underarms. He dropped his sister onto her bed, "better?" He chastised, she shook her head.
"You're s-so..mean to me..a-all the time!" She stuttered, shallow breathes interrupting her words. "You're such a crybaby." He complained, this only made his sister cry more. She didn't get it!
At recess, Lacy Jone's older brother would come and say hi to his sister.
Alexa didn't understand why Josh was so mean to her, he seemed to like teasing her. "I hate you." She told him, her sobs reducing to sniffles, "well I hate you too so we're even." He combated. Alexa's lip wobbled, another round of crying being threatened, "fine...I don't hate you Ally, I'd just like you a lot more if you weren't an annoying little brat."
The answer didn't offer her much consolation, but at least her brother didn't hate her. She looked down at her knees, she had expected to see dark bruises, but instead she just saw red patches on both of them. Alexa watched as her brother began to leave the room, "where are you going." She whimpered.
He rolled his eyes, "getting you an ice pack idiot."
The girl nodded, watching as her brother exited the room. Alexa slammed her head back onto the pillow, was this how brothers were supposed to act? She wasn't sure, she only had one brother and it was Josh.
On the tv shows she had watched, the sister would argue with the brother but then they'd make up, her and her brother only seemed to fight. The nine year old whined as she moved her legs down, her knees did really hurt! She wondered if she'd ever be able to walk again after.
"Owwww." She cried, an ice pack being tossed onto her stomach, it didn't hurt particularly, but it had shocked her. "You could at least say thanks." Her brother grumbled from the doorway, Alexa turned away from the door, angry at her brother for throwing the ice pack. "Be ungrateful then." Josh harshly spoke, "don't tell mom, she'll freak out." He then sighed.
"But what if she sees my knees." Alexa protested, "well I guess you'll just have to wear pants." Her brother chided. The girl stared at her wall, until Josh closed the door. She turned onto her back once more, she placed the ice pack on her knees, she didn't like the cold against her legs. She pouted, huffing.
She grabbed her stuffed animal, Sir Sparkles. "Why does Josh hate me so much sparkles?" She questioned the inimate object, "I try to be a good sister! I really do!"
There was no response from the tabby cat, "you're my only friend." She mumbled, hugging the stuffed animal.
~~
"How are you feeling about it all?" The man questioned, the notebook rested in his lap, a pen in his hand. "I don't know." Alexa shrugged, the thirteen year old crossing one leg over the over. "But I think you do know." He pressed, tapping his pen against the paper.
"It's just..weird I guess." She told him, "how so?" He asked. "Well Robert and Allison moved in, and I know that I've known them for a year but it's like living with strangers."
The man nodded in acknowledgement, "is it nice having another girl close in age living with you? I know you don't really like Josh, so that must be good hm?", she shrugged again. "I think my mom and Josh like her more than me." Alexa spoke truthfully, "what makes you say that?" He enquired, and she felt a little embarrassed for a moment. "My mom baked cookies with Allison, and she's never baked cookies with me before, even though I've asked her a million times, and Josh has stopped calling me Ally, he says it's 'too confusing' for him now."
"Did your mom baking cookies with her upset you?" The answer seemed obvious to the girl, who held back an eye roll. "I just wish she asked me if I wanted to join." Alexa looked down at her lap, feeling slightly embarrassed with her confession, "that's completely valid, seeing your mom do something with Allison, that you wanted to do."
"It's not even that, Allison has a mom, yet she's trying to steal mine." Alexa responded, "maybe not think about it as 'stealing', maybe she's just trying to become apart of the family, do you like Robert?" He reasoned, "he's okay." Alexa mused. The man raised an eyebrow at her, "he's nice and all, Josh says he's good for mom, and that I need to not mess it up for her." Alexa whispered the last part.
She didn't mind Robert, he was the first guy that her mom had ever brought home. "How would you mess it up for her?" He leaned forward slightly, the girl looked to the ceiling, "I don't know, with my issues and stuff.", "what issues?". Alexa pressed her lips together for a moment, "well that's the reason i'm here and stuff, because I must have issues."
He wrote something down in his notebook, "I don't think you have issues." He told her, "so the freakishness is just all me?" She joked, "don't call yourself a freak." He scolded gently. "The girls at school call me loser Lexie." She mused, "middle schoolers are mean, I don't find you to be a quote on quote 'Loser'," He assured.
The words brought a giggle to the girls lips, hearing a man so 'old' saying the word 'loser'. "Thanks doc." She smiled, messing with the ends of her hair.
"I think you should talk to your mom about doing something together, i'm sure she would be more than happy to do something with you, even if it's just watching television." He advised, Alexa nodded, "I will." She said after a moment. "And you should try spending some time with Allison, i'm sure having a sister could be fun if you gave it a chance." He continued.
This piece of advice didn't have her convinced, "she's not my sister, she's gonna be my step-sister." Alexa corrected, "well maybe having a step-sister could be fun, my daughter used to beg and beg for a sister." He informed her.
"Only brothers?" Alexa questioned, "only child." He replied. "Well maybe we could do family swap, I go live with you, and she gets to have a step-sister." The girl humoured. "I think she's a little old for that now." The man said, "how old are you?" Alexa asked.
"I've heard that you should never ask anyone for their age." He laughed, "I think that rule only applies to girls." She pointed out, "well I won't tell you my age, but she's twenty seven."
Alexa faked a gasp, "she's like old enough to be my mom, so you must be as old as like my great great grandpa." She teased, "I'd hope she doesn't have a secret 13 year old child." He laughed. The pair chuckled with eachother.
Looking at the clock, Alexa grabbed her backpack, "it's been a pleasure doc but unfortunately I gotta go, my mom will not be happy if I make her wait in the car again." Alexa said. "Bye Alexa, I'll see you in two weeks." He said.
"Bye Doc, don't miss me too much."
~~
Alexa was pushed against the wall, "get off me now!" She yelled, fighting against her brothers grip. "Where did you put my phone!" He shouted back, "I didn't touch your phone." Alexa defended. This only seemed to anger him more, he tightened his grip on her wrist. "You're hurting me Josh!"
Except his grip didn't loosen at this, "what? you think just because Robert and Allison are here that you get to be a lying bitch." He spat at her, "I haven't even seen your phone today!"
She cried out as she felt a slap against her cheek, she closed her eyes. Then suddenly the weight was off her wrist, she opened her eyes to see her brother now pinned against the wall. Robert had her brothers neck in his hands, "you think it's okay to beat up on a little girl?" He shouted.
Alexa watched in alarm, Robert let go of Josh's neck, Josh stayed frozen in place. "So you don't hesitate when you're screaming at your younger sister, but you can't speak to someone your own size?", Robert glared at the teenager in front of him. "You touch her even one more time, and i'll make sure you're never allowed to step foot in this house again!".
"If you touch her or if you touch Allison for that matter! you wanna hit someone? you hit me because you seem to think you're all big and strong." With that, he pushed the boy away, "now get out of my sight before I kick you out right now!"
Josh scrambled out of the way, stumbling to his room. Robert turned to Alexa, "come on kid, we're going out for milkshakes." He told her, she swallowed before nodding. She practically ran down the stairs, wanting to get away from Josh, he tossed her the car keys. "Go get in the car, I need to grab something before we leave." He smiled at her.
As she sat in the passenger seat of his car, her heart raced. Nobody had ever stood up for her like that before, not even her own mom.
She recalled the time clearly, when she had yelled a little too loud and her mom burst into the room. She saw her daughter holding her cheek in shock, both her children staring at her wide eyed. Her mother had promptly walked out, booking her daughter in with a therapist, and they never spoke of it ever.
Alexa jumped slightly as the car door opened, "are you okay?" Robert questioned, sliding into the drivers seat. "He doesn't usually get that violent." Alexa told him, "that's not what I asked, are you okay?" He repeated.
"I'm okay." She agreed, Alexa rubbed the top of her pants with her hands, "he wouldn't touch Allison by the way." She breathed out, "he's my brother, so it's okay for him to hit me." Alexa shrugged. "He shouldn't be touching you at all Alexa, who said that was okay?" Robert seemed frustrated, and the girl thought he was annoyed at her.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she shrugged, "nobody." She whispered. "Can I hug you?" He suddenly questioned, Alexa thought for a moment before nodding. Leaning over in the car, he gave her a half hug, "nobody is allowed to hit you Alexa, family or not."
"If he ever even dares to look harshly in your way again, I want you to immediately tell me, text me if i'm at work, but you tell me okay?"
She nodded once more, all words seemed to die down in her lips. "You're my daughter now, and I will protect you."
~~
Alexa smiled, "you know if you told me like three months ago, how different my life would be, I would've called you a liar." She leaned back in the chair. "You've made a lot of progress, you should be proud of yourself." The therapist agreed, "last week I asked Robert if I could call him dad." She told him.
"How did that go?" He queried, "he told me I can call him whatever I feel comfortable with, and I feel comfortable calling him dad so.", the memory made her smile even wider. "i'm glad you've become comfortable with him enough to do that." The man told her.
"I know it sounds crazy, but it feels like he's my actual dad." She mused, "it doesn't sound crazy, biology doesn't make family, family is who you choose it to be" He quipped, Alexa nodded.
The man gripped his notebook in his hand, like usual, but Alexa noted how he barely wrote anything down anymore. "Josh is still being nicer to you?" He asked, "yeah and he's off to college in the fall so.", after Robert had threatened him, he was truly too scared to do anything to Alexa.
"You'll also be starting high school." He pointed out, "the same one Allison goes to, she said that if I don't make friends, then I can sit with her group at lunch." She spoke excitedly, "i'm sure you won't have issues finding friends." He reassured. "I hope so doc, but as a wise man once said 'middle schoolers are mean' so i'm guessing it's the same for high school."
He playfully shook his head at the girl, "a wise wise man i'm guessing.", "well I wouldn't go that far, but he does say a few smart things every once and a while."
"Alexa, I think you know what i'm going to say now." He said, and she nodded, "I think that if you agree and your mother agrees, that you're no longer in need of my sessions." The therapist began. "I've seen a huge improvement in the past few months, and I think you've grown into a much happier person."
The words made the girl a little sad, but it was soon overshadowed by the happiness she felt. "I'm finally normal?" She found herself asking, "there is no definition of normal, Alexa."
"I know you have to be all professional and everything, but can't you just say i'm normal?" Alexa questioned, "unfortunately I won't." He smiled. "You need to loosen up every once and a while, find yourself a nice woman to settle down with, give your daughter a step-sister." She giggled, "may I remind you that you're still my patient for the next ten minutes?"
"Also, i'm already married, almost thirty two years." He added, "you've never told me about your personal life, besides the fact that you have a daughter." She pointed out. "You're my patient, it would be unprofessional." The man outlined, "you really are no fun."
The last of their session was filled with Alexa telling him about her life, "so my dad promised we can go camping next week." She finished her story, "I hope you have fun with the outdoors." He said. Alexa nodded, watching the clock as she did every fortnight. "I'm gonna miss you Doctor Lermont." She admitted, "yes but won't it feel good to be quote on quote 'normal'?"
"It'll feel very good."
~~
The girl threw a piece of kindle into the fire, watching as the flames ate the stick, the fire roaring. She went back to her one seated couch, falling down onto it. "Fuck." Her mom mumbled, accidentally pouring too much wine into the glass, she wiped the spilled wine with her sleeve. She watched as her mom leaned over, sipping from the glass before she grabbed it.
"Do you know if Allison's coming back anytime soon?" Alexa questioned, staring down at her lap, "I think she's staying with her mom for a while." The woman informed her. Her mom took a sip of wine, "God always takes the good ones." her mom mused after a few minutes of silence, "he does." Alexa wryly said.
He'd been sick for a while really, it hadn't been a surprise to any of them, but it still ached so badly. "Robert made this family a family and now he's just gone." Her mom spoke without thought, "we were still a family before." The girl pointed out.
"Not really, until Robert moved in, I thought you had something wrong with you." The words were said so nonchalantly, Alexa furrowed her brows "what?". "Well you were a difficult child, you used to scream everytime your brother even touched you, I remember when you scratched him so hard that it left a mark."
"I used to cry on the phone to your grandma every night, I was really worried you had gotten a defective gene." The words wounded Alexa, "but as soon as Robert moved in, you became normal and I realised that maybe you just needed a father figure." Her mom took a sip of wine, sloshing the crimson red liquid around in the glass.
Alexa dug her index finger into the pad of her thumb, digging the nail into it, 'maybe I just needed a parent at all'. "I didn't really like you all that much until you were fourteen, but look at us now, we're as close as ever." Her mom smiled, as if it was a compliment, clearly drunk from the alcohol.
"Can I have a glass of wine, mom?" Alexa eyed the bottle, her mom thought for a moment, "just one glass." She agreed. The girl went and got a glass, carefully pouring the wine into it. She went back to her designated chair, taking a sip.
The wine was bitter on her tongue, and she cringed before swallowing, yet she went for another sip. "Why didn't Josh come home for the funeral mom?" Alexa pried, still wearing her black dress, "he said he was busy with studying." Her mom explained, "so he missed dads funeral over studying?"
"Well he's not technically your father." Her mom pointed out, "well he's more of a father than the man who made us." Alexa chided. Her mom drunk the last of the wine, she placed the glass onto the table, "I must be getting to bed now, goodnight dear." Her mom said, "goodnight mom." Alexa looked to the ground, her mom merely left the room after that.
So there she sat, alone with a glass of wine in her hand. Her entire world having fallen apart in the past month, she turned on her phone.
00:02
"Happy eighteenth." She whispered to herself, downing the rest of the wine, she gagged as she placed the glass down.
"Happy freakin birthday to me."
~~
The two girls hugged tightly, "I've missed you so much Ally." Alexa murmured, feeling at home in her sisters arms. "I'm sorry I left after the funeral, I couldn't be at the service afterwards." Allison apologised, Alexa nodded in understanding. The two tore apart, sitting on their respective side of the table.
Allison had already ordered a coffee, one she had yet to touch. "Do you know when you're coming home?" Alexa questioned, hopeful eyes. "Lex, we need to talk." Allison told her, "okay but you're coming home right?"
"I don't think I can be there again..at least not for now! maybe in the future but..it just reminds me too much of my dad." Allison explained, Alexa always winced at the sentences end, 'my dad' the words circulated in her head. "I need you Allison." The girl spoke in disbelief, "and I'm here for you, but I can't go back there right now."
Swallowing thickly, Alexa nodded, "we're still sisters right?" She felt humiliated having to ask. "Of course we're still sisters, what would give you any other idea?", Alexa felt guilty for implying anything differently.
She messed with the sleeve of her sweater, "I don't know..your dad was my dad, but my mom isn't your mom, so do we just become two people who happened to grow up together now that he's gone?"
Allison extended her arm across the table, taking Alexa's hand into her own, "we're sisters and nothing will change that." She affirmed. The two grieving girls enjoyed eachothers touch, "but we have to talk about college in the fall." Allison said, and now it was her turn to be the traitor. "We're still renting an apartment together right?" Alexa already knew the answer.
"I got accepted into a year abroad..and I wasn't gonna take it, I really wasn't, but I think some time away will be what's best for me right now."
Allison and Alexa had a plan, they had both applied to the college nearby, and they were going to rent an apartment together. Allison had already spend a year at the college, given she was a year older, and she had gushed to Alexa about how mud fun they were going to have. At one point she had said it would be like a sister sleepover every night.
"I'm happy for you." Alexa didn't know what else to say, "I'm sorry." Allison muttered, "don't apologise, I can't expect you to hold yourself back for me." Her voice was becoming choked up. "We can room together next year, I promise Lexie." Her sister told her, Alexa rolled her lips inwards, "of course we can, of course."
"You can text or call me anytime y'know?" Allison said, Alexa nodded, "likewise."
She tried her best to keep a brave face on, to try keep her crumbling castle upright. "I've not cried over his death." Allison confessed, "what?" The girl questioned. "Like I cried when he just died and at his funeral obviously, but everyday I just look at the ceiling and it's like I can hear his voice, because this is the type of thing that only happens to people on tv shows, who loses their dad at nineteen?" Her sister laughed, but there was no humour in her voice.
"Every time I wake up in the morning, I expect him to be there, with a fresh pot of coffee." Alexa replied, staring at Allison's cup of coffee- which had since gone cold.
"He was the first person to hold me when I was born, the first person to hear me speak, and now all of those memories are just gone with him." Allison spoke, and the words almost felt like a punch to Alexa's stomach. She noticed the pained look on her sister's face, "I didn't mean it like that." She attempted, Alexa shook her head. "No, no it's fine, he was your dad for nineteen years, he was only mine for five."
Her sister remained silent, unsure of how to respond to that. "Happy late birthday." She eventually said, "thanks."
"I uhm have to get going now, I'm meeting with one of my uncles, but we'll talk soon, okay?"
Alexa nodded, "of course." She agreed, she watched as her sister left the cafe. Leaving the cold coffee behind, sitting abandoned on the table. Alexa noted how she said she was meeting with an uncle, none of Robert's family had spoken to her that much really. They were never unpleasant to the girl, but they had offered nothing more than tight lipped smiles and hand shakes.
Allison though, Allison was the golden cow of their family. The first granddaughter, and the only biological granddaughter.
Alexa could never match up.