Edward sat down in his mansion. Mary was out at a meeting in Hollywood, leaving him home alone. Bored out of his mind with nobody left to bother, he pulled out a Twi-Phone and began to scroll through tiktok. One video lingered in the back of his mind.
'Rizz.' 'Rizz.' 'What's it like to hold the gyatt of someone you love?' 'Rizz.' 'Rizz.'
Edward had never heard of any of these words before, but the more he watched, the more eager he was to know. He spent the next three hours looking up what a 'skibidi toilet' was and was excited to show his new discovery to Mary when she came home.
When Mary did arrive home, she seemed exhausted. The primogen saw this as the perfect time to mither her about this pressing topic.
"Hey..babe?" He pulled his famous Edward Smolder™️ and looked at her expectantly. Mary put her hand on her forehead and sighed.
"What, Edward?" She groaned, collapsing on the bed after kicking her heels off.
"..Are you a rizzler from ohio?"
"What the fuck?"
"Well, I'm personally an alpha- wait, can I fanum tax some of your blood?"
"Edward.. I can't do this anymore."
"What? What do you mean, baby?"
"I can't-"
"YOU JUST DON'T HAVE SKIBIDI RIZZ!" Edward screamed, pointing a finger at Mary accusingly. She deadpanned at him.
"YOU'RE MAD BECAUSE YOU'RE A BETA, BRAH. YOU'RE A BETA! YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THE SAME LEVEL OF RIZZ I DO! IF YOU WERE BABY GRONK, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE ABLE TO RIZZ LIVVY DUNN!"
"..what the fuck does any of that mean?"
Mary regretted leaving Arthur for this. Heavily.
"I'll be better off Jelqing without you." Edward spoke coldly. "Get out of my mansion..broski."
"GLADLY." She ran out without a second thought.
Thus, Edward was left to his own devices with a newfound hatred for women. He put on an Andrew Tate video and began to take notes on how to be an omega, just like the human on screen.