6:00 am
" kim taehyung "
"hmm is it a cat? a dog? a mouse?" i shake my head at every single one of her guesses with a huge smile painted on my face. her struggle at each round of this game never fails to amaze me, and what makes it funnier is she's the one that suggested it.
"it's a bird, dumb dumb." at this she frowns and playfully slaps my shoulder. "a bird? that's so stupid taehyung. i don't want to play this stupid game anymore." i shrug and laugh silently. "i would be sick of losing if i were you too."
she glares up at me and kisses her teeth. i stare back down at her new haircut, which to nobody's surprise, she made look absolutely stunning. it was cut to the middle of her neck and she dyed it a darker shade of brown. she had it flipped over to one side and gave it a wavy pattern to add volume. she said the style was inspired by her eldest sister, eunjae. it was beyond perfect, just like her.
i loved it.
she pinches a strange in between her fingers and stares down at it. "i hate it." she says quietly before letting go of the strand and crossing her arms. "why? it looks great."
"i'm just not used to my hair being short. i feel like it makes me look younger, like twelve." i chuckle and wrap my arm around her shoulder before pulling her in close. "isn't looking youthful a good thing?" she shakes her head and smiles sheepishly, "no you idiot i'm 25. what 25 year old wants to look 12?"
i hiss and fold my lips, "hm i wouldn't say 12! more like..14." she scoffs and tosses my arm from around her shoulder before slightly pushing me away. i laugh and grab her face shaking it gently, "aw is the little baby angy? yes she is, yes she is!" i coo at her and this only causes her to grab my wrist and twist it.
my smile is immediately wiped away as the pain sweeps over. "how 'angy' do you think the baby is now?" i silently squeal and grab her hand with my free one. "very, very angy." i whimper as i plead for her to let go. she smirks evilly before finally releasing the grip she once obtained.
i rub my wrist which is pulsing and red. "you're mean." i mumble and attempt to soothe my pain. "flight to busan, south korea is boarding now." a women's voice comes announcing through the speaker and this causes y/n to jump up from her seat. "that's us," she squeals excitedly and pulls me up from my seat, dragging me towards the boarding terminal.
•••
i set the bags down in front of the door and fished the keys out of my pocket. "are your eyes still closed?" i lean around her fran and see that her eyelids are still scrunched closed tightly. she nods anxiously as i finally stuff the key inside and twist open the lock, i push the door open and grab our bags in one hand and her hand in the other.
i push the door shut with the back of my heel and drop our bags to the floor. finally i let go of her hand and step behind her resting my hands on her shoulders and leaning down so that my lips were only inches away from her ear. "open," i whisper and watch as her eyes fluttered open.
she softly gasps and walks towards the center of the room. the home itself was modern, but there was an expensive touch to its design. immediately when you walk in there's a kitchen to our left; it's big with an island spank in the middle and a reoccurring pattern of samsung attire such as the fridge, the microwave, and even the stove. the tile is sleek and a bright pattern of tan and white.
ahead of us is a living room which may have been the biggest room in the house. hanging from the ceiling in the center of it are multiple tiny and beautiful circular lights. the furniture has a consistent pattern of grey and the pillows are different shades of it. there's a glass coffee table sitting in the middle do the white carpet that is big enough to take up about a quarter of the floor.
there's a sliding door which leads directly to a pool, and as the sun begins to set the lights surrounding the pool and inside of it begin to illuminate it.
"this is so nice, babe," she spins around and grabs my hands before placing a soft kiss on my lips, "you really didn't have to." i give her another gentle peck and pull her towards the winding staircase. "but i wanted to."
i push the door open to our master bedroom, and just like the rest of the home it was modern beauty.
the bed is a king with a white comforter set that's fluffy and almost resembles a cloud. the floor is covered in soft carpet that makes you feel light on your feet. the shades are bold and hold a dark shade of grey; it's obvious that they are black out curtains, and i appreciated that for our privacy's sake.
next is the bathroom which she guides me to with one hand. it's big and spacious. there's a tub at the end sitting in the far right corner, there are little jets inside, and at that i can't help but smirk. to the left is a stand in shower that i feel much more comfortable with. the sink is long with two different bowls on each side, in front is a wide mirror so that we can brush our and teeth, wash our faces, and do whatever else we needed to together.
"this is all so perfect." she breathes out and turns to face the mirror. she lets go of my hand and rests hers against the countertop as her alluring eyes gaze back at mine through the glass. "thank you." she says softly and i walk up to her and place a soft kiss on her neck, wrapping my arms around her waist subsequently, "you're welcome."
she spins around clasps her hands together. "i want to swim."
~
i laugh wildly as her balled up figure collides with the water and sends a wave of it onto my body. i sweep my soaked hair back and watch as she emerges from below only seconds after. "i haven't went swimming in ages! this is so fun!" she squeals and bounces over towards the stairs once again.
her wet feet patter to the edge as she tucks her wet strands behind her ears. "catch me this time okay?" she yells and i smile while giving her a thumbs up. she takes a few steps back before rushing towards me and leaping into the air. i hold my arms out and catch her in my grasp, but this only sends us both under.
i rise back above the surface with her body still in my hold and chuckle happily. she uses her hand to push my hair back and places both of her hands on my cheeks. she rests her warm lips on mine and giggles against them.
the night sky has turned black and the lights inside and around the pool have become our only source of light. as she pulls away i take this opportunity to reel in the time i get to enjoy with her.
i try to remember her beautiful, round eyes.
her cute, soft face,
her plump, pink lips,
her long eyelashes,
her cute, round nose,
the multiple tiny freckles that are barely visible, but are one of my favorite features.
i don't realize the tear sliding down my cheek until her smile slowly fades and her eyebrows lower. "taehyung are you...crying?" i shake my head and wipe away at my cheek. "it's the chlorine." i lie and continue to slowly bounce in the water with her still in my grasp.
"what's wrong?" her voice is gentle, and her question only makes me begin to realize how much i'm going to miss her. i don't want to have to miss her. she is my everything. she's what holds me together.
panacea - a remedy for all things
i bite the corner of my lip and fight the urge to truthfully answer her question. "can you promise to never leave me again?" there's a silence that is so deafening that i feel like exploding. it's taking her a while to even speak and i know exactly why; she doesn't even know if she can make that promise to herself.
the only sound is the water that sloshes around our bodies and the crickets that chirp in the distance. "i promise i'll never leave you." she finally utters, but it's shaky and unsure. i don't focus too much on the promise, but the severity of it.
why would she promise?
i squeeze my arms around her tightly and bury my face into the crook of her neck, to which she responds by tangling her fingers into my hair and resting her chin on top of my head.
•••
8:00 pm
" han y/n "
i waltz into the bedroom and dry my hair with a towel as i happily hum to myself. i sit at the end of the bed and throw the towel into the small mesh basket in the corner of the room. i hear taehyung's footsteps patter into the room and i look up towards his face. he breaths out heavily and shuts the door behind him, "we need to talk."
he takes a seat next to me and grabs my hands, he rests them on his lap and stares me in my eyes for a minute too long. "taehyung what's the matter?" i urge him to speak and tell me what was on his mind. "when i had started crying in the pool i.." he trails off and glances down at the floor before locking eyes with me once again.
"i know." is all he says, and rightfully so i'm very lost and confused. "you know...what?"
"i know about your cancer." when he says this i feel my heart drop and immediately my throat and mouth are dry. i can hear my heartbeat in my ears and once again i begin to feel light headed. "when you were talking to your uncle about it i overheard you tell him. i just want to be here throughout this y/n." i feel my lip quiver as i scoff at him.
"and you're just now saying something?" i snatch my hands away and stand to my feet. the tears start to pour, and everytime i swallow it feels as if i'm forcing a bowling ball down my throat. "because i didn't know how to tell you that i was eaves dropping. i didn't mean to but i found out, and clearly that was fate-"
"it was fate for you to find out im dying?" he stands to his feet and rests his hands on my shoulders, "baby, i'm sorry. i don't know what i did wrong but i just wanted to be there for you."
i push his hands off of my shoulders, "is that why you're doing all of this? are you still with me out of pity?" his eyebrows furrow and an expression of pure offense is displayed across his face. "what? no, no i came back for you! i waited for you, before i even knew of your sickness. i'm sorry, what more do you want me to say?"
"you violated my privacy. i didn't want you to know because now everyday you're with me will be filled with constant worrying. you'll never just enjoy the moment with me, you'll just be scared constantly about what life will be like when i'm dead." he tilts his head, "and that's a bad thing? i love you, am i supposed to just not care? am i supposed to just not constantly carry the fear of losing you on myself?"
i glare at him and shake my head before striding over and and grabbing my eye mask from off of the dresser. before i can reach the door he grabs my wrist. "i'm sorry. please just talk to me." i snatch my arm away and yank open the door, slamming it behind me.
i push open the door to the spare bedroom that was at the end of the hallway and quickly shut it behind me, making sure to twist the lock. once its closed i bury my face in my palms and begin to sob. i couldn't tell you why i was upset with taehyung, or why i felt embarrassed; i know he had zero ill intentions and that he just wants to be there for me. but with him knowing that i have this life-threatening virus constantly attached to my body it feels as though he's living everyday as my personal caretaker.
i felt so vulnerable, so weak, so selfish. why was i mad at a person trying to be there for me? i drag my feet towards the queen sized bed and dig myself deep beneath the covers.
end.