Stars have never looked so bright to me before. There's a lack of fossil fuels here that makes the air crisp and the sky clear. Now that I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I've decided to begin fully living this life.
Everything is currently on the backburner. God's warning is still in the back of my mind after I was dreadfully reminded of the giant fissure I almost plummeted into nearly two months ago. Since then, each interaction we've had is rolling through my brain. Certain words and phrases have started coming to the forefront of my frontal lobe. It doesn't seem like I was reincarnated just because God is a huge fan of my work.
A gust of icy wind raises goosebumps on my arms. The breeze brings with it the salty yet fresh smell of the vast ocean around us. I still can't get used to how dark everything is, and the fact that a misstep could very well cost me my life.
We've been on this ship for two weeks now and with much longer to go. Having been on cruises in my past life, I'm happy to know what to expect, even as we cross through violent waves. It's been interesting to see how the weather changes each day and how the ocean current follows that direction. Though my fear still runs deep.
Lights work by magic on deck, allowing for passengers to see their steps. I still can't fathom how things in this world work. While Torbum doesn't make use of mystical things, it seems other distant lands do. If a grown man flying wasn't proof enough then I don't know what is.
In a matter of minutes, it becomes freezing outside. Hugging my body tight, I back towards the cabins and away from the chill of the night air. I'll have to save getting some fresh air for the morning.
Despite this ship not being like modern ones I'm used to, it has its appeal in its own ways. The structure is behind on many technological advances, though the comfortability isn't bad. The beds may be firm and the water may not heat well, but overall, it hasn't been bad. I'd imagine that this ship is similar to ones from the early 1900s.
As I reach my room, the boat sways hard to the left. A yelp leaves my mouth as I reach for the doorknob and use it to brace myself. It seems the night will be rocky. At least I know that the child will have a restful sleep.
Pushing into the room, the wholesome sight of a father and his child greets my eyes.
Only it's a delusion that I have.
Lussios lays on the bed, mimicking the child's sleeping position; on his back, arms parallel to his head. This has been the routine for the two weeks we have been on this ship. Upon his insistence, I've been taking nightly walks while Lussios keeps an eye on the child who has yet to be named.
Clearing my throat, I shut the door behind me and raise an eyebrow. "You don't have to watch him if you're fatigued, Lussios. I appreciate the thought, but I would prefer you take care of yourself before worrying about me."
The man in questions opens his eyes and the golden lenses shift to me. He shakes his head before lifting up and shrugging one shoulder. "I think children are beautiful creations. I don't mind lending a hand to you."
"Is there a method to how you're so good with him?"
I walk over and climb onto the bed. The child makes a whining noise before continuing his suckles on the pacifier - which I was pleasantly surprised had already been invented here. Despite how small the bed is, the three of us seem to fit comfortably on it.
"He's still small," Lussios says. His eyes move down to the sleeping infant. "I also come from a large family. Where I was born, familial love is a big part of the culture. Sometimes, your siblings are like your second parents. And since I'm the eldest in my family, I've always had a hand in my younger siblings' growth."
My mouth drops for a second, not expecting this revelation. I haven't learned much about Lussios and it's not because I haven't been trying to pry. Instead, he's been very hush hush about himself, his past, his life, everything. At one point, I tried to grow suspicious of him.
Had I jumped the gun following this man?
What if he plans to dispose of me and the child when we reach the next destination?
Why did I trust him so easily?
My suspicions fell away quickly as I realized the look on his face each time I asked a question. His eyes would grow dark and sad, as if he's recalling a bad memory. It brought about an awareness that I needed to quickly instill. It was very rude of me to try to continuously pry into his life when he wasn't ready to share.
"I had no idea." It's true I had no idea, but I'm saying this phrase more because I have no idea what else to say. "But every time I come back to a calm baby, I know that you were probably an amazing older brother. Where are they now?"
The look returns to his eyes and I curse myself for asking that. When he finally opened up about himself, I just had to ask a land mine question. I open my mouth to take back my words, but Lussios shakes his head.
"Unfortunately most of my siblings have perished. It's still a hard topic for me, despite their deaths being a decade ago."
Nodding, I reach over the sleeping baby to grab his hand. "Of course," I mumble. "I don't think anyone would expect you to recover from that so easily."
The mood is ruined, but at least he squeezes my hand back.
"My husband is a cheater who doesn't even care for his child," I spew, the words falling out unceremoniously. "Ah, when you rescued me... that was because he was sending me away at the request of his mistress."
This is not me trying to take away from Lussios' pain, but I know the topic about his family has closed once a long silence passed over us. Now, the look on his face makes me want to laugh, though half of his gaze gleams with something as if he knows everything already. And if he does, I'll just proceed to jump to my death from the deck of this boat.
"It's to a point where I don't know why he even hangs onto me. Maybe because of the child?"
Then I proceed to tell him everything this body has experienced, even from adolescence. It feels like an hour passes as I shed so many years and layers of hurt from Chrysanthy's heart. I have to pause in the middle once to feed the child and burp him before lulling him back to sleep after a nappy change. All the while, Lussios is patient.
So many events from the past come to mind now that I've opened this wound. Even as tears roll down my cheeks, I don't stop. New memories come forward, bringing with it unresolved pain and trauma.
There's the time Chrysanthy was playing with her siblings when they somehow manipulated her to climb a tree. When she was ready to come down, they had disappeared and she was all alone and afraid to climb back down. It wasn't until a large bird swooped into the tree and caused her to lose her balance, that she finally left. Her falling also resulted in a broken leg. She was also scolded profusely without her parents or siblings once asking if she was okay. It was a lonely recovery.
And even though she was still given the best things to uphold the family's reputable image, it never came without some type of microaggression against her. Maybe her mother would ask if she's gained weight, or comment about how pale her hair was. Perhaps her sister would compare their figures, burrowing a deep inferiority complex within Chrysanthy.
There weren't many issues with the men in her family since they mainly just ignored her. She's a woman after all, there was no point in them engaging in conversation with her.
There were so many other things Chrysanthy went through, and now Lussios was being smothered by every single circumstance. But despite my blubbering and rambling, this man has kept an eye on me the whole time. Gone is his carefree smile, and in place is a serious face as he listens deeply to my grievances.
And once my story is complete, the man before me climbs from the bed. I can see his muscles tense under his loose tunic. He walks around the frame until he's directly beside me. Before I can comprehend what he's doing, he takes my hand and pulls me up as if I'm nothing but a feather. Then my face is shoved into his hard chest. Warmth spreads through my body as his strong arms encircle me. With his warmth also comes a safety net where I feel I can hide away from these impossible feelings I want to get rid of.
Why did I even spill my guts like that? I've always been good at controlling my emotions, especially because I'm an actress. But why is it so damn hard now and why can this man's gaze make me feel like I can share my entire soul with him?
"Thank you for finding comfort in me." Lussios's words are like a confirmation that it was right to trust this man. The seven worded sentence is my cue to stop worrying and properly embrace who this person is.
"Thank you for saving me."
***
Once another two months pass, we finally arrive at our destination. Lussios and I had settled into a comfortable routine after my mental breakdown. We've also felt much closer since then and it almost feels as if my feelings have graduated from gratefulness to something much deeper. I still won't say I've fallen for him at first sight. That would just be idiotic.
Exiting the ship is a breeze since there were very few passengers aboard. Sweat beads on my forehead as I block my eyes from the blazing sun that tries its best to blind me. If Torbum is like a neutral world full of greenery, Rekha is like being in the desert. That's not to say that this place isn't beautiful, but I'm sweating like a pig currently.
The baby swaddled against my bosom giggles. He's recently started to make little laughs, a sense of humor and personality budding beautifully. His growth has been phenomenal, even while stuck on a wooden boat with nowhere to go. I'm just glad that most days on the ocean were well so I was able to bring him how and show him just how big the world is.
"What's making you laugh?" I whisper to the child, patting his back. "You're excited to experience all of the beautiful things about Rekha Lussios has told you?"
"Of course he is." Lussios comes up from behind me, pressing a hand to the small of my back. "Rekha is a prosperous land and anything he does here will become successful."
Giving Lussios a look, I push him away playfully. He's been saying things like this more and more. I've been ignoring the fluttering I've been getting in my stomach each time he does.
We take our final steps away from the ship, landing us right in the middle of this bustling pier. Merchants stand at their stalls, calling for passersby to check out what they're selling; meat, fruit, jewelry. Men and women make their hustle flow as they charm people to their sides to explain what they're selling and why it should be bought. Each interaction is pleasant, reminding me of an outdoor market.
The difference in culture here is crystal clear. The clothing is nothing like that of Torbum where women are still in regency style gowns and men wear their three-piece suits. Here, women dress more freely, showing a little more skin as their shoulders and arms are exposed. Even some dresses have deep cuts down the chest, though the women here appear comfortable in the loose dresses that reach the floors. The men who appear to be nobles wear tunics and loose pants much like the commoners in torbum.
Most people I see are tanned or have brown skin like Lussios, ranging on many spectrums. Not many patrons around have pale skin like I do, though when I do see another fair-skinned person, they still blend in well as they dress just how everyone else does.
What's the most surprising is the car I see driving up to us. I hadn't thought this world had cars, though that speculation I had was just because my knowledge stops at Torbum. COmpared to here, Torbum is like a country just being born, though I know that's not true. They're just very stubborn in how things are conducted.
The driver gets out of the vehicle and runs over to open the door for us. Bowing before us, the man waits for us to enter before closing the door and taking his place inside once again. I had guessed that Lussios was someone important, and it seems that my suspicions were correct. But this time, I'll wait until he's comfortable enough to tell me on his own.
As if hearing my thoughts, Lussios grabs my head. When I tun my attention to him, he smiles at me.
"We have a while to go... Allow me to give you more insight about Rekha."
"Sure." I squeeze his hand and nod my head. "I think I'd like that."