Am I the Problem?: How to Take Criticism
No one likes being told they're wrong. That's just a fact. As children, we are naturally egocentric and believe our way is the only way. Of course, we or most of us, I should sayâ€"eventually grow out of it.
Most of us, I shall repeat.
So, how do we know when we're the problem when it comes to criticism?
The answer isn't so cut and dry most things aren't but I hope to clarify things.
Some people approach this topic by identifying the differences between a genuine critique and hate. However, this article will focus on you thinking criticism is hate. Whether you're making sure you aren't one of these people or you're now actively seeking to better yourself, I applaud you for reading through this. It's hard hearing criticism on something you've worked hours upon hours on, maybe even years. And that's why I'm here, to help you grow into a better person.
(And to toughen you up for what you will face in the real world.)
So, are you the problem?
It's uncomfortable, but self-reflection is the best way to know if you're overreacting. Do you feel angry or bitter and lash out at the person who wrote the critique? Do you read their work just to point out their flaws? Do you immediately think they're no longer credible and decide you'll never listen to them again? Everyone starts out a little belligerent when they start receiving critiques. I know I did. It hurts to see someone dislike something you worked so hard on! This is a completely normal thing to experience. It only becomes toxic when you act upon that anger or if it plagues your mind.
Here are some coping methods I found helpful and ones that helped others:
1. Walk away for a second
No one thinks clearly when they're angry. While experiencing strong, negative emotions, a person may be more likely to say something hurtful or untrue, leading to feelings of regret. To prevent this, there's no harm in walking away and doing something else for a bit. It'll still be there when you come back. Once you've calmed down and are ready to look at it with an open mind, you'll be more able to see what the critiquer was going for (or you may realize you still like your way better).
Maybe you're having a tough time at the moment, and you're in an unhealthy mental state. It's perfectly fine to say, "I'm in a bad headspace right now. I'll get back to this when I feel more centered."
2. Compare and contrast
If you're really not sure if you want to listen to the critique, try isolating what was critiqued, and underneath it, write in the way they recommended. For example:
He opened the door. No one was there.
Critiquer: You should add more descriptions.
You may think, "But it's just opening a door. Why would I add anything to that?" So, that's when you compare and contrast.
Your version:
He opened the door, but no one was there.
After critique:
He opened the door, and the humid summer air hit his face. There wasn't a cloud in the night sky, and the moon was bright.
No one was there.
A crude example, but the point is, this gives you a visual of what the other wanted to see. Whether or not this fits your vision is up to you, but hey, at least you tried seeing it from their perspective.
3. Talk to someone
More than likely, this critique came from someone you don't know (especially on Wattpad). You don't know their credentials, and you don't know where they're coming from. So, you can always talk to someone whose opinion you trust (preferably someone more level-headed). They may help you understand what the critiquer was going for, or they may affirm that your way is better. Who knows, but at least you can walk away and tell them graciously that you appreciate their suggestion.
Here's a couple ways you can start this conversation:
1 Can you look over this with me? Maybe you can see what the critiquer was going for.
2 This comment made me upset, and I don't understand why they said it. Am I overreacting, or is this justified?
3 Do you agree with this suggestion? I'm not sure I do, but I wanted to get a second opinion.
4. Remember that you don't have to listen
While it's always good to consider critiquesâ€"you may learn something and incorporate it into your writingâ€"in the end, you know your story best. If there's more context that the critiquer may not have noticed/didn't know, you can always move on. If you like your phrasing better, you don't have to touch it. Critiques are suggestions and opinions, and they can stay that way.
(However, if you keep getting the same critique over and over again, perhaps it is something that needs to change, but that's a separate topic.)