Charlie Morningstar: Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for All of creation. However, they see him as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. So, he watched as the angels began expanding the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith, equals to the first of Mankind.
[The angels then created a planet called , where they produced the first , and .]
Charlie Morningstar: But, despite this, Adam demanded control, and Lilith refused to submit to his will. She fled the Garden. Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her, and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love.
[Lilith rejects Adam and flees, where she meets Lucifer and falls in love.]
Charlie Morningstar: Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the Fruit of Knowledge to Adam's new bride, Eve, who gladly accepted.
[They came to Adam's new bride, Eve, to offer her an apple from a tree to bring free will to humanity.]
[But the Earth was shattered by darkness unleashed by them. The angels banished Lucifer and Eve from Heaven and Earth and into the depths of the black and dark realm now called .]
Charlie Morningstar: But this gift came with a curse. And with this single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way to Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love into the dark pit he had created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucifer lost his will to dream.
[While Lucifer stagnated, Lilith thrived and brought Hell to new heights, leading the angels to start the yearly as population control for the overpopulated and .]
Charlie Morningstar: But Lilith thrived, empowering demonkind with her voice and songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. Every year, they would send down , an Extermination, to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. But Lilith's hope remained. And her dream passed down to their precious daughter, the Princess of Hell.
[As Charlie finishes narrating, she closes a book titled "The Story of Hell" and looks out to .]
Charlie: Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud.
[As Charlie soberly looks out the window to Pentagram City burning to the ground, Vaggie enters the room, followed by Azazel. They exchange a glance, silently agreeing to cheer up Charlie as she reminisces about her mother.]
Vaggie: Charlie?
[The key Charlie is holding transforms into KeeKee who scampers away, and Charlie turns to Vaggie in surprise.]
Charlie: Aah Shit did you guys hear all of that ?
[Vaggie points her thumb to the doorway.]
Azazel: Yep, and might I add, you sound adorable when you're monologuing. *wink*
Charlie: *chuckles softly* Thanks, Azazel. It's nice to have a bit of levity in all of this.
Charlie: Sorry. I get pre-tty worked up after an extermination happens. The story helps...
Vaggie: *chuckles* Don't worry. I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay? *sits down with Charlie*
Azazel walks over to them and lies On Charlie's lap.
Charlie: I'm fine Just.....thinking,ya know? famliy stuff
Azazel: You hear from Aunt Lilith (Azazel refers to her as Aunt they are not related in any form)
[Charlie shakes her head and looks down]
Vaggie: Oof... how long has it been now?
Charlie: Not that long, only...seven....years, off doing something important, I'm sure! But, this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.
Azazel: Well, at least you're not alone.
Charlie: I just hope that what I'm trying to do here will work.
Vaggie: It will. We have faith in you.
[KeeKee leaps into Charlie's arms as Vaggie stands up.]
Vaggie: Alright, come on. Alastor says he has something to show us. *walks out the room*
[As Vaggie and Azazel leave, a loud bell rings throughout the city, and Charlie turns to the Bell Tower at Heaven Embassy. She looks on with sadness, knowing that it's another year before the Extermination comes again.]
[The scene turns static before it fixes itself to reveal a sinner stabbing another demon to death with a knife before Alastor caught their attention. As the camera rolls, scenes switches from the front of the Hazbin Hotel, to Charlie on camera and she waves at it before Angel Dust comes into view, putting two-fingers over the head prank behind her, to Charlie's interview with Katie Killjoy, then a picture of her crying as she faces away from her father who was in the opposite direction under a spotlight, then her showing her plan via poster to a confused crowd, to the bartender, Husk, who was clearly drunk, passing out on the ground as Niffty, the hotel maid, tries to stab and chase after a bug, and then to Angel Dust, with a support beam falling close to KeeKee, scaring the demon cat before running off, and Angel Dust flipping Alastor off, and then the poor drawing of the hotel before the commercial ends.]
Alastor: (the camera turns on with static) Well, hello there, you wayward Sinner! Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do, that's why you're in Hell! But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucifer's delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar!
Alastor: Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands, as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you! Here we offer fun things, such as somewhat functional staff and 24-hour pest control. Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow! All this, and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!
[Alastor turns off the television.]
Alastor: So, what do you think?
[On the couch, Charlie and Vaggie were surprised of the commercial being poorly misleading and very offensive to their nature, that Vaggie throws a fit at Alastor.]
Vaggie: I'm sorry. What the fuck was that?
Azazel: *Sighs* Well at least it isn't.... I don't even know how to make this situation brighter
Charlie: Uh, Yeah. One note, Alastor, I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this seriously amazing, but um, maybe the tone is a bit off. We want people to want to come here. This makes it look, um...
Vaggie: Bad. The word you're looking for is bad.
Alastor: Funny. I was going for hilarious.
Vaggie: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.
Charlie: Vaggie is right Alastor, the commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.
Alastor: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in hell for some time and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself. But, you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement.
[He taps the television twice with his microphone staff.]
Alastor: So, I had a little fun with it.
Vaggie: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? (stands up) Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time.
Azazel: *to Alsastor* you know this is only going to make her despise you more right?
Alastor: I know and I'm counting on it
[Angel Dust raises his hand from the couch, catching everyone's attention.]
Vaggie: What?
Angel Dust: If'n you're filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?
[Angel Dust takes a bottle with one arm before pointing all three arms at himself., but Vaggie doesn't like it.]
Vaggie: Angel, you're a porn star.
Angel Dust: A famous porn star, I'll have the horniest sinners knocking these walls down to get in.
Vaggie: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.
Angel Dust: Why not? Sex sells don't it? I swear if you film me going at it with Mr. fancy talk creepy voice or Mr Architect here, you'd be rolling in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.
[As he was explaining, Alastor appears right beside the couch next to Angel Dust and laughs with amusement.]
Alastor: Ha ha. Never going to happen.
Azazel: How many times do I gotta say I don't swing that way?
Angel Dust: Ya never know till you try how bout I start you off with a blow sweet cheeks (does blow job motion)
(Vaggie looks at Angel almost like she is deciding between murder and torture)
Charlie: Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to exploit you in that way.
Angel Dust: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity. (laughs). Oh, I got the legs. The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits.
[Charlie chuckles nervously until Charlie's phone rings from Lucifer.]
Charlie: Hold that thought! I'll be right back.
Angel Dust: I could keep going all night, baby.
[While Angel drinks his beer, Charlie breathes nervously and answers the call.]
Charlie: Hello? Dad?
[As Charlie take the phone call, the scene switches to Vaggie, Angel, and Alastor.]
Angel Dust: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?
Alastor: Oh, trust me,
[Smiles in a mischievously creepy look with dark magic.]
Alastor: I Can-
Husk: Why do you think I'm here ?
[Camera pans over to Husk at the bar]
Husk: You actually think I'd be here cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me
[While Husker cleans a bottle Niffty up out of nowhere like a germlin]
Niffty: I like being forced
Husk: Keep that to your self Niff
Angel Dust: What? You don't love being here with me, Whiskers?
Husk: Call me Whiskers again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat.
Angel Dust: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.
Vaggie: *sighs* Angel. Let Husk do his job. And, no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.
Angel Dust: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Vaggie: Well, Maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible.
[Angel Dust places a hand on Vaggie's shoulder, giving her a deadpan expression while the latter makes the same one.]
Angel Dust: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free. Crack is expensive.
[The scene comes back to Charlie, and after the phone call, she seemed really happy with the news her father brought to her.]
Charlie: Yeah, I can totally, yeah. I'll head over there right away. Okay?
[Charlie hangs up the phone and gasp in excitement.]
Charlie: Yes...YES!
Charlie giggles in excitement when she hears about the news until she calls Vaggie in gibberish, waving very franticly that freaks Vaggie out.]
Charlie: Vaggie,Azazel! Holy, shit!
Azazel: Yo you good you look like an O'Dd kitten
Vaggie: Ah! what?
[Charlie waves her to come to her for some exciting news.]
Charlie: *mumbling excitedly* get over here!
[Vaggie looks at Azazel and smiles before sighing happily as they make their way towards Charlie while she's jumping around in a very happy mode. As Angel Dust drinks in the background, Vaggie and Azazel meet Charlie behind.]
Azazel: What's going on?
[Charlie keeps hoping up and down while trying to breathe in and out vaggie grabs her gently calming Charlie down]
Charlie:*Breathes in and out* My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. He asked if I could go instead.
[Charlie hyperventilates and grabs Vaggie to get up close. Vaggie, however, was confused since the Angels were already done with their extermination and won't be back for another year.]
Azazel: Charlie Babe listen not to pour on your parade. But do you know who the leader of the Angel
army is and if things haven't changed since I was there and its still that Teletubby Shaped asshat then you really won't be getting through to him
Charlie:*Hyperventilating in excitement*come Az you never know if you don't try
Vaggie: *still stunned*But-but, the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-
[As Vaggie went on, Charlie was in the mood to get her hotel project to work, and remains hopeful that she starts singing]
Charlie: ♫ I can do this! Somehow, I know it! ♫
♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫
Vaggie: Charlie, hold on...
Charlie: ♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫
♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫
Vaggie: It's just a meeting.
Azazel: I'm starting to think your the voice of reason V
Vaggie looks at Azazel with a confused glare
Charlie: ♫To change their minds ♫
♫ And touch their hearts♫
♫ Or... whatever angels have! ♫
Vaggie: This could be bad...
Charlie: ♫Cheer up, Vaggie! ♫
♫ This could be swell! ♫
♫Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell! ♫
Vaggie: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.
[Just before Vaggie could warn her, Angel Dust, Alastor, Niffty, and Keekee were already at the window where they can see Charlie singing out in the destroyed Pentagram City, as Angel Dust turns back to Vaggie still drinking from a bottle.]
Angel Dust: That bitch is halfway down the street!
Vaggie: Is she-?
Angel Dust: Oh, she's dancin'!
Vaggie: Ugh, no...
Azazel: *Smiles* Don't worry about it I'll be with her hold down the Fort while we're gone* Kisses Vaggie on the mouth By suprise*
Vaggie: *fluttered* Uh y-eah see you in a bit Mi Corazón
Azazel Winks and runs after Charlie
While preparing to sing along
[The scene cuts to Charlie making her way down the street, oblivious to the destruction and bodies of dead demons everywhere as she continues to sing her song.]
Charlie: ♫ There's a warm, fuzzy feeling. ♫
♫ That wafts through the air. ♫
♫ Every street so revealing. It's hard not to stare! ♫
[Charlie comes to a a window of a sex dungeon where a Hellhound is humping against an imp wearing a sadomasochism mask. They notice her, and Charlie awkwardly flees before continuing to sing.]
♫ It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhеre. ♫
♫ If you don't mind the smell...♫
[Charlie accidentally steps on a dead shark demon that was releasing a very bad smelly fume into her nose. She cautiously avoids the corpse and presses on the street.]
♫ It's a happy day in Hell! ♫
[Charlie waves at a demon who was holding a newspaper before she catches his attention, revealing himself to be a meth addict with a spoon full of meth.]
Hi, mister!
(Demon: Go fuck yourself!)
(One demon opens his window, revealing his apartment on fire.)
Demon #1: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul ♫
(Charlie: Hello!)
Demon #2: ♫ And a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole! ♫
(Charlie: Ah, excuse me!)
Demon #3: ♫ Doing what is required, we all have our role. ♫
Sinner #1: ♫ I'm not doin' well! ♫
Demons: ♫ Another shitty day in Hell! ♫
(Charlie climbs on the trunk of the destroyed car and faces the other direction.)
Charlie: ♫ If I can show them the dream I've dreamed. ♫
♫ That any soul can change! ♫
(From the Hazbin Hotel, Vaggie comes into the watchtower, as if she's calling out to her girlfriend.)
(Azazel: ♫ Those angels' minds are hard to change. ♫)
♫ Then they will know everyone can be redeemed. ♫
♫ From the evil to the strange! ♫
(Vaggie: ♫ They're bloodthirsty and deranged! ♫)
♫ I can hear all their stories. ♫
♫ The lost and displaced. ♫
♫ And I know that they're more of an acquired taste. ♫
♫ But! if I open the door and I give them a place. ♫
♫ At my Hazbin Hotel. It'll be a happy day in Hell! ♫
[A truck comes by, and Charlie hitches a ride from behind so she can get around the city such as the porn studios, and the Cannibal Town .]
Charlie: ♫ From the porn studio. ♫
♫ Where the cinephiles go. ♫
♫ To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows! ♫
♫ To the Cannibal Town. Where they don't wear a frown 'cause. ♫
[Charlie was shot in the eye with blood from one of the corpses that the cannibals were eating on.]
Charlie: ♫ Holy shit! Ew, my gosh! WHY?! ♫
♫ And I don't give a crow that. His brain's got in my eye! ♫
♫ Cause I know I can spare them. From Heaven's genocide! ♫
♫ I can do this, I just know it! ♫
(Sinner #1: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul. ♫)
♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫
♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫
(Sinner #2: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole.)
♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫
♫ To change their minds. ♫
[Right in the moment, a slug with a trenchcoat comes into picture, exhibiting his nudist body in front of Charlie, which creeps her out.]
(Trenchcoat Demon: ♫ And touch my parts! ♫)
Charlie: Uh... No thank you. I'm just gonna...
♫ Fulfill my destiny!♫
(Trenchcoat Demon: Your loss, bitch!)
Azazel shortly teleports behind the demon taps him on the shoulder gently before shaping his neck
♫ I can already tell! ♫
♫ Today is gonna bе a fuckin' happy day in Hell!♫
Charlie stands infront of the heavan Embassy
Azazel: you know not easy chasing after you through a crowd of weirdos right?
Charlie: Sorry [awkwardly scratches behind her head]
Azazel: *smiles* Nope never change I love you just the way you are *He pulls her into a deep kiss*
They pull away and touch each other's foreheads while smiling
They pull away
Charlie: let's he'd inside
Azazel: After you princess
Charlie and Azazel enter through the door and find the whole embassy deserted. They then walk to the front desk to check in.]
Charlie: Hello? *echo* Creepy...
[Charlie comes to the front desk with no one but a single bell. She taps the bell to ring it, and at the instant, a golden scroll and feather ink pen floats from above over to her.]
Charlie: Oh, okay... *signs it* Also creepy.
[The scroll and feather flies up before disappearing. Right then, the twin doors slide open to show Charlie the meeting room, and they enter inside the dark room with no one around.]
Charlie: Uh...hello?
Azazel: Anyone there *looks at Charlie*you thin-
Adam: 'Sup!
Azazel:*Takes a deep breath and mutters*
Charlie: Holy, Shit!
[Charlie immediately almost falls down Azazel catches her quickly she sends him a thankful glance which he responds with a wink of his own after getting surprised by the sudden appearance of two angels in the room. She gets back up and readjusts herself to introduce herself properly.]
Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie and this os my Boyfriend Azazel. My dad asked me if I could meet you.
Adam: Yeah, I know. *smirks arrogantly* Yo sup Azzy how is it down here in this well hole
Azazel: I'd insult you round about now but your to dumb to understand
Lute: you will show the general respect traitor
Azazel: and here comes the mother of all dick riding how is all that meat riding working out for ya?
Charlie: *awkwardly*, Okay well.
Adam readjusts himself then focuses on Charlie
[Adam eats his rib like a buzzsaw]
Charlie: It's nice to meet you.
Adam: Totally. It's nice to meet you, too.
[Adam reaches over to give Charlie a handshake, and as she was about to shake his hand, her hand slips right through, revealing him to be a hologram, fizzing on and off after being touched, which freaks Charlie out.]
Adam: Ha! I fucking got you. *turns to Lute* Did you see that?
[Lute nods once.]
Azazel:*Rolls his eyes*Still an asshole I see
Adam:*ignores Azazel* Ha. Good shit.
[Charlie was trying to get something straight with Adam being a hologram.]
Charlie: Uh...so, wait. You aren't here?
Adam: No, you think I'd come down there? *laughs* No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But! it's such a bummer! man. Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? *chuckles* Ew.
Charlie: Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet. There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about-
[Adam puts his finger on Charlie's lips to quiet her down for a moment.]
Adam: Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We've got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry? I got you.
[Adam takes a plate of ribs he's been eating toward Charlie.]
Adam: Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it.
Charlie: Uh...thanks.
[Charlie went to take a piece of a rib, but Azazel stops her she looks at him curiously]
Azazel: Hologram remember *looks at Charlie*
Charlie: *Mouths oh and makes an unamused chuckle
Adam: *Annoyed* what you do that for I almost had her
Azazel: Listen were not here for your to play games with a manchild
[Charlie makes a small unamused chuckle.]
(The scene cuts back to the Hazbin Hotel, where the workers and residents are summoned by Vaggie to discuss their poorly misleading commercial. Angel Dust is constantly looking at Husk with seductive gaze while Husk is glaring daggers at him. Vaggie's legs come into the camera before switching back to in person.)
Vaggie: Okay, so, Charlie is dealing with something very important, so while she's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents her vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera. (Turning to Alastor) Alastor?
(Alastor snaps a finger to conjure up a camera for Vaggie; however, the camera is a folding-type old camera from the 1930s with no recording films at that time. Vaggie is unamused.)
Vaggie: A video camera?
Alastor: Hmmm.
(Despite his extreme distaste for modern technology, Alastor adheres to Vaggie's request and snaps his finger again, conjuring up a video camera that's poorly used with pieces of tape stuck together.)
Vaggie: Alright! Let's do this!
(The camera switched into the camera point of view recording the bar scene with Husk behind the counter reading a script in his claws with Angel Dust at the opposite counter. The camera whirrs back to get a better focus of the two.)
Vaggie: And…Action!
(Husk carefully reads the lines on his script, bringing the script closer to read.)
Husk: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help with anything?"
Angel Dust: "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big, strong daddy to put me in my place…on the path to redemption!"
(Husk groans with displeasure and read the script again.)
Husk: "Well, you come—"
Angel Dust: (moaning) "Oh, yes!"
Husk: (bored) "to the right place."
(Vaggie has had it, and stops recording.)
Vaggie: Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face.
Husk: (Angrily) I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!
Angel Dust: Well, we could improv this shit, baby cakes. (gets closer to Husk's face) Rrawwr. (purrs seductively)
(Husk gets irritated by Angel Dust and shoves him out of the counter painfully hard.)
Husk: Whoops.
(Husk grabs a bottle and drinks it.)
Vaggie: (Offscreen) Husk, come on.
(Cutting back to Adam,Charlie and Azazel's meeting)
Adam: So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it's like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick!" (pointing to his penis down the table) All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? (Lute shaking her head) No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master! (eats a mouthful of ribs sloppily) So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?
Charlie: Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you…Oh….
(Charlie puts the pieces together, realizing this is the reason why her mother left him, making her wince.)
Charlie: (low voice) That explains so much.
Azazel(Telepathically) hate to tell you I told you so but I told you the leader was a douche and worst part is I'm related to the dickwad
Adam: I know. I fucking rock. (Held a rock pose)
(Charlie brushes off the awkwardness from Adam and gets to her subject of matter in hand.)
Charlie: Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.
Adam: Call me, Dickmaster.
Azazel: She is definitely not calling you that after all you've got a one inch tiny tim everybody knows that
Adam:*Angered* I DO NOT HAVE A SMALL DICK ITS HUGE
Azazel:*Smirks* really not exactly what Lilith said
Adam:*fuming* I'm gonna erase your ass
Charlie looks at Azazel with her brows frowed
Charlie: Please stop winding him up Azazel
Azazel: OK ok I've had my fun
Charlie: Adam. You seem like a smart (paused) well, stand up guy.
Adam: (picking his teeth) Uh-huh.
Charlie: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A— A genius!
Adam: I mean, your words, babe.
Charlie: Who would really love to put his name on something.
Adam: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!
Charlie: It's a solution to our biggest problem!
Adam: Oh, Herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.
Charlie: No! Our... other biggest problem.
Adam: Oh…uh..ugly people? Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem.
(Charlie stares at Adam with deadpan annoyance at how ignorant he is.)
Adam: Ummm...
Azazel:*Shakes his head* Fuckin idiot
[Cuts back to the hotel. Niffty tries to stab a bug. She tries to stab the bug, but misses, and starts stabbing the bug multiple times before Vaggie stops her]
Niffty: Stab! Stab! Stab!
Vaggie: Alright Niffty, Niffty. Niffty! Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?
Niffty: Got it. I'm ready.
[Vaggie turns the camera to Niffty.
Vaggie: Action!
[Upon saying action, instead of saying the line, Niffty freezes and stares blankly at the camera without a breath or blinking from the scene. Vaggie panels away, looking puzzled. Angel also peers in. Close up on Niffty making a blank stare with a ominous shrinking pupil. Angel slowly backs away, already creeped out.]
Vaggie: Uhh, cut.
Niffty: *snaps out of it and back to her cheerful self* (giggles) How was that?
Vaggie: Well, Niffty you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.
Niffty: Ok!
Vaggie: Action!
[Niffty freezes again, leaving Vaggie irritated, as Angel comes close to her face.]
Angel Dust: *smug* (whisper) You're doing great, Vagina.
Vaggie: (irritated) Cut! Alright, uhh maybe we can try to fix it in post.
Angel Dust: Do you even know what that means?
Vaggie: *angrily* I'll figure it out!
[The next scene cuts to a dark room with Vaggie sitting in front of a broken TV, watching the poorly edited shots of the commercial. She groans with frustration before Alastor enters the room.]
Alastor: Seems like you're having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?
Vaggie: Ugh, este pendejo (this asshole)... Why are you even here?
[Alastor takes a seat on a couch next to her.]
Alastor: For the entertainment.
[Alastor's shadow slips out of his form before reappearing behind the couch, making laughing gestures.]
Alastor: I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and (shadow disappears) fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!
[Vaggie was getting ticked off by Alastor and his carefree insults, stands up and turns the camera toward him.]
Vaggie: (points the camera to Alastor) And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that—
[As Vaggie was viewing the camera scene up to Alastor's face, the video camera glitches violently from green to red and Vaggie freaks out, dropping the static camera on the floor.]
Vaggie: UGH!
Alastor: I wouldn't try that, my dear. (pointing his face) This face was made for radio.
[As Alastor explains, his pupils turn into the shape of radio dials, and the scene goes nearly static before fixing itself back to normal on Vaggie. She has had it with Alastor's insults and walks up to him.]
Vaggie: That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so (imitating Alastor's voice) "entertaining" (back to normal voice) to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?
[As Vaggie returns to her chair, Alastor approaches her.]
Alastor: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Vaggie: Pfft, you think I'm that stupid making a deal with a demon like you?
Alastor: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.
[Vaggie had second thoughts of letting Alastor do the work for her.]
Alastor: Or…Charlie and Azazel can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.
[Vaggie glances away for a brief moment before making her decision.]
Vaggie: *sighs* Fine.
[Vaggie picks up the camera and gives it to Alastor, which he evaporates it with a clap of his hand.]
Alastor: Now then!
[Alastor snaps his finger and transforms the hotel into a film set with the hotel staff into a 50s style film crew. Ink demons conjure up as additional background characters.]
Vaggie: Alright everyone, let's make a fucking commercial.
[Cuts to Charlie looking exasperated with another of Adam's sexist rants of women and his masculinity. Azazel leans againstthe wall while bouncinga ball against the opposite wall]
Adam: When you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like, (high pitched-voice) "Hey, I thought you wanted equality."
Charlie: NO! our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!
Adam: Ohh, well that's not a problem! We got that covered! (turning to Lute) Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?
Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.
Adam: 275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.
[Adam raises a fist for Lute to make a fist-bump, which she did.]
Charlie: Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that right?
Adam: Oh yeah. That must suck for you! *bursts into laughter*
Charlie: But these are souls...Humans souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.
Lute: (coldly) They're not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Azazel: Jesus what the hell did they do to you Lute you used to be so kind and compassionate
Lute:.....Shut up traitor
Charlie: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Lute: Angels don't make mistakes.
Azazel:*Scoffs* We all know that's bullshit. So why don't we cut the crap
Lute Glares at Azazel
Charlie: You really think that.
Lute: I know that.
Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life.
Azazel:*looks at Adam* your existence is proof that angels make mistakes
[As Lute comes around the table, the scene turns slightly darker with ominous red.]
Lute: The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you, your boyfriend and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?
Azazel:*glares at lute* Watch. Your. Mouth. I won't say it a second time
Lute: Or What Azreal Spawn what are you goin-
Adam: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.
Charlie: Oh fuck!
[Charlie rushes to present her plan as fast as she could.]
Charlie: Okay I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren't hearing me before so here it goes.
[Charlie coughs as she starts making a fast-talk, which is close to singing as she gets all ofer stuff out in the table to show them what she means.]
Charlie: ♫ I know Hell's population is out of control. ♫
♫ It's a bad situation. ♫
♫ It's taking a toll. ♫
♫ If we rehab these Sinners. ♫
♫ And cleanse all their souls. ♫
♫ At my Hazbin Hotel—♫
[Charlie rambles through the stacks of paper to get something.]
Charlie: Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!
♫ Right! Extermination! ♫
♫ I know you guys fly down. ♫
♫ Just to kill once a year. ♫
♫ And it must be annoying. ♫
♫ To schlep all the way here. ♫
♫ If they join you in Heaven. ♫
♫ That trip disappears! ♫
♫ You can wave that chore farewell. ♫
♫ (deep breath) It'll be a happy day in— ♫
Adam: ♫ Let me stop you right there. ♫
Charlie: Oh—
Adam: ♫ Save us all precious time. ♫
Charlie: Okay...
Adam: ♫ If what you're suggesting. ♫
♫ Is letting them climb. ♫
♫ Up the ladder. ♫
♫ Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates? ♫
Charlie: Well, uh—
Adam: ♫ Sorry, sweetie. But there's no defyin' their fates! ♫
♫ 'Cause Hell is forever. ♫
♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫
♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫
♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫
♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫
♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫
♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫
♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫
Charlie: Okay, but—
Adam: ♫ Just try to chillax, babe. ♫
♫ You're wasting your breath. ♫
Charlie: Hehe...
Adam: ♫ Did I hear you imply. ♫
♫ That they don't deserve death?
♫ Are they Winners? ♫
♫ Are they Sinners? ♫
♫ 'Cause it's cut and dry. ♫
Azazel: Well, actually, if you take a look—
Adam: ♫ Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! ♫
♫ And when all's said and done (Said and done) ♫
♫ There's the question of fun (Fun) ♫
♫ And for those of us with Divine Ordainment. ♫
♫ Extermination is entertainment! ♫
♫ Bow-now-now-nownow ♫
♫ Guitar solo, fuck yeah! ♫
♫ [Adam sings guitar solo] ♫
[Charlie gets up after being knocked down by Adam]
Charlie: Ugh...
Adam: ♫ Hell is forever. ♫
♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫
♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫
[Four golden mirages of Exorcists appears, surrounding Charlie from all sides.]
(Charlie: Where the hell did you people come from?!)
Azazel: Angel summoning magic or Asm for short
♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫
♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫
♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫
♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫
♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫
♫ Fuckin' Hell's forever. ♫
♫ And it's meant to suck a lot. ♫
♫ So give up your dumb endeavor. ♫
♫ 'Cause you don't have a shot! ♫
[Charlie gets so angry that she turns into her demon form, making growling noise as she burns her papers Azazel's looks at her scaroused ]
Azazel:*Thoughts* Good lord I forgot how hot she is when she's mad
♫ Long as I've got your attention. ♫
♫ I guess I should probably mention. ♫
♫ That we made the determination. ♫
♫ To move up the next Extermination! ♫
Charlie: What?!
Adam: ♫ Can't wait a whole year. ♫
♫ To slaughter those little cunts. ♫
♫ I know it's just been a week. ♫
♫ But we'll be back in six months! ♫
[Despite being a hologram, Adam grabs Charlie and throws her right out of the door.]
Charlie: Um, wait, you-you— Ugh, SHIT!
[Before Charlie tries to get to Adam, she is thrown out of the embassy as the doors begin to shut she can still hear Adam's singing the doors finally shut as she runs to them she the punches the door while yelling Azazel's name]
[With Azazel Adam and lute]
Azazel *Demonic Voice* your going to regret that you touched what's mine and unfortunately for you I'm not much of a sharer
Adam: How the fuck are you still here *Azazel speed blitzed Adam*
Lute rushes towards them with her sword and tries to cut down Azazel
Azazel predicts this so he turns around quickly and grabs lute by her throat and pins her against a wall and looks her straight in her eye before branding her with a mark
He then turns to Adam
Azazel: *In a demonic, cryptic rhyme* Your deeds will seal your fate, Adam, in death's cruel, relentless gate.
Azazel continues on with his curse
Azazel: *With a sinister grin* The price you'll pay, no coin can buy, in shadows deep, your soul will lie.
*His voice echoing with dark intent* From realms unseen, a curse unfurls, your end draws near, as darkness swirls.
*With a chilling whisper* So heed my words, and fear my breath, for in the night, awaits your death.
Azazel teleports out of the room
He finds Charlie sitting on the stairs of the heavan Embassy she turns to see Azazel exiting the church she walks to him angerly. She slaps him,Azazel was shocked he touched the check that was struck
Charlie: That's for worrying me * she then grabs Azazel's coller and pulls him into a deep kiss*
Azazel was surprised but then goes with the flow he grabs her hips and pulls her closer Charlie grabs his midnight black hair
They pull a part and just hug for a bit
They then begin their walk to the hotel with Charlie on Azazel's back
Vaggie: Charlie, Azazel! How did it go, did they listen?
Azazel: No Comment
Charlie: Oh, they sure did hear it But-
Vaggie: Oh come here, we have something exciting to show you.
[Vaggie leads Charlie and Azazel to the group]
Vaggie: Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air.
Alastor: I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha!
Azazel: *Looks suprised at Alastor* Would you look at that the great Alastor Altruist has a heart huh guess I owe you one Radio Demon
Alastor: Oh I have heart alright but it's stone cold and I'll take that offer for a favour
Charlie: *Suprised*Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?
Angel Dust: Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.
Charlie: *beams brightly* That's... that's amazing.
Angel Dust: Sshh, it's starting.
Vaggie (On TV): Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel -
[TV cuts to the News report]
[The group except Alastor and Niffty get annoyed and angrily complain.]
Katie Killjoy: Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?
Tom Trench: No, what does that mean, Katie?
Katie Killjoy: It means we're all royally fucked! *Eye twitches*
[Screaming can be heard from Sinners as the time on the Clock Tower reduces to 176 days till the next Extermination.]
Angel: Wait, what? Why?!
Azazel: OK that might be my fault
[A drone scours an area until it finds a dead Exorcist corpse with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse.]
Lute: We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Adam: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But, don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again! Especially that Azazel dick his gonna pay for what ge did
Lute touches her neck where the brand was and her pupils turn heart shaped.
Lute: Will be together again my love*She pulls out a locket with a picture of her and Azazel*
[Adam destroys the projector, causing its light to disappear only showing Adam's glowing evil smile.]