Take a Look trough the stars

Burst

It still scares me when I realize my demeanor is just mirrored of my living lie.
As if for a second not paying attention and then turning into the monster I always hated, the monster that lured me in just to destroy me in the end and repeat it all over again.
Thinking I'm as far as possible over the edge but one more word and I burst, humiliation, anger,sadness, all at once rolling down my face yet I can not fight back.
Being held back and muted by my opponent, screams that bring me back to when I was younger, shaking in fear.
Not able to escape this cycle as I'm bound to the track, the words hitting me harder than a train ever could as we stand face to face.
Not releasing it infront, as If standing apposed to a mirror, not far different from each other and yet it will mirror back worse to me.
Bottling it up till an innocent soul pushes me over the edge again, letting it out on them with no way to keep it under control.
If only it was as funny to me as to them, seeing the monster I always feared in myself.
It tears me down mentally and my heart sinks to the bottom after I realize what happens.
All these years so quiet and reserved in fear I'd run my mouth and start rambling, screaming like there's no tomorrow just because of a small mistake someone made.
Just because I don't know it any differently, not realizing my wrong until it's too late and unleashed.
I feel like I might loose my damn mind, just ignore that.
I wish I could shut it off as I can't feel my face, driving too far and too fast.
My body reacting instantly, forming it into physical aggression.
How can I be aggressive and sad at the same time, sad about the way I turned out to be towards others and myself.
The influence that rotted my mind and soul just brings my tears to well down my face again.
And yet again it's my fault,apperently trying to make people feel bad even tho I started it.
I didn't mean to.