Life became worth living for her now, knowing the support and admiration she had grown with those around her motivated her in every aspect of her life. The halls now filled with laughter, joyous praise, a lighthearted song throughout the whole place. Yet, even with the lighthearted song being sung, something itched at the girl, something she couldn't quite pin down. Something had changed suddenly, she couldn't tell if it was just the weather or that maybe someone switched the thermostat making her temperature rise. But, it wasn't all the time now, it was when a certain someone walked in the room. When they'd make eye contact and she'd quickly look at anything other than their gaze. When they'd speak and all she could look at was their lips, the constant back and forth of the gleam in their eyes to their lips, almost forgetting that she was supposed to be listening to the conversation. And yet, she'd never felt this way before, so how could she describe it?
"I'm ill!" She exclaimed, flailing on the top of her bed whilst praying to the ceiling for guidance. The sweet silence became her reply as she scoffed to the side, wondering what to do with her new, sudden illness.
She'd spent days scribbling in a journal, describing her symptoms; sweaty palms, a quickened heartbeat, a loss for words, avoidant eye contact. Yet, describing the symptoms made her question whether or not this was a real illness or something else.
~~~
"Whatcha doing?" A certain redhead called out, peering from behind me. His eyes scanned the pages with my chicken scratch handwriting, my inexplicable feelings being described on a page for him to see. I'd jolted in my seat at my desk, his appearance too sudden for me to react properly.
"HEY!" I quickly tried covering up, but I feared the damage was done as his interest had grown. Allen went into teasing mode, immediately snatching up the book and taunting it above my head.
"No, what is this," he chuckled, eyes gleaming at the mushy words. I grew into a panicked state, clawing at the words I had so meticulously thought of to describe what I was feeling. At first, Allen burst out laughing, spewing nonsense in between wheezing.
"What the hell is this shit (Name)?" he said, tears forming at the sides of his eyes.
"Please, Allen! Give it back!" my voice was strained, as I could feel a lump form in my throat.
"No way, this is too-" he stopped, reading over a sentence again, then again, then again.
He looked at me, his eyes displaying a different emotion rather than the condescending man I'd known before.
He turned the page in my direction, finger pointed at a line.
"This, this right here is my name." He said, a dead-set seriousness in his voice.
My eyes widened like saucers, my heart threatening to leap out of my chest if it wasn't trapped in my rib cage.
"Yeah," I mumbled, unsure of how to reply, unsure of what to think, unsure of what to do without crashing face-first into reality.
"You wrote my name," he underlines his name, "and love in the same line."
I honestly considered calling the paramedics at this point as my heart started to palpitate abnormally, I felt like every part of me was melting away yet at the same time paralyzed and forced to endure the torture of this moment.
"Yes, it seems so." This was my reply? THIS WAS MY REPLY?
It's in this moment everything seemed to change; his body language was no longer defensive as usual, his lips parted slightly as he took short, fast, breaths, but his eyes. Oh, his eyes, how they seemed to change in the light. Soft and gentle, almost pleading to know, to know if what I said was true. If anything I had written foolishly on lined paper had any drop of honesty to them.
My paralyzed state then shifted, an inescapable feeling of smothering butterflies fluttering against the pit of my stomach and escaping in the smallest whimper of my throat. A sweet searing emotion melted against my neck, the constant thump of my own heart beating against my veins. How was I supposed to react with words when he was looking at me like that?
"I love him, I love Allen" is what I had written. The only part of the sentences that didn't seem quick or sloppy, but definitive, sure. And that's because it was; definitive, sure.
"I do Allen, I think, I think I love you." I'd never had a sentence feel like it was strangling its way out of my mouth the way those words did. The feeling of never wanting to let them go yet peacefully setting them free, a sensation all in itself.
His "No, I know." painted a thousand pictures in my mind, both black and white and then full of color. Did he mean the same or was he just condescending? But he didn't need to say it with words, a crimson flush dusting his cheeks. His brows furrowed softly, the usual sneer or annoyance not present. Everything I needed to know he said in his face; the pursed lips, the quiet breaths, the sudden little shake in his hands, and the hopeless gleam in those ruby eyes of his. He dropped the book on my bed, turning his face away from me, eyes fixated on the poster on my wall whilst he ruffled a tan hand through his hair. He bit his lip, unsure of what to say next, and I can't stand the tension any longer.
"So?" It's barely a whisper, barely a word able to escape from my windpipe. I'm glued to him, watching every blink, every breath, every thought clearly passing in his brain. And then he says it, without saying a word. He turns his head back to me, the words so clearly in his eyes, "I can't."
And suddenly the room is black and white, devoid of any color. Ruby turns dark, tan becomes greyscale, and any sort of fluttering that existed in my stomach has become a weight that's settled in my chest.
And all I can think is that my feet can't stay here, my body is restless, and if I stay any longer surely tears will begin to pool in my eyes.
"Of course," I say quickly, pushing past him and practically dashing to my bedroom door.
I can't hear him after that, the sound of my own heartbeat drowning any and absolutely every noise I've come to know.
Sprinting, all I know is I can't be "here" right now, I need to get away, go away anywhere, everywhere but here. So I rush down the hallways, ignoring the strange stares and the reach of some of my friends. I burst through the front doors, unaware of the rain that was pouring from the sky. It was as if the weather knew I'd needed this, harsh and warm and wet droplets covered my skin as I walked out. That weight that settled in my chest began to spread, my whole body feeling its weight now. I faced up, a cloudy sky covering me and my salty tears. Why did it hurt so much? I walked out a little more, maintaining a distance between me and the building I'd now called "home."
Tell me, if it's so great, why does it hurt so damn much?
I pleaded with the skies above, wondering why something so praised and adored can destroy you in a matter of seconds.
"HEY!" I should've ignored it, I shouldn't even have been able to hear it. Yet there it was, Allen's coarse voice shouting at me from the building's entrance.
I didn't turn, I couldn't, not when the rain's weight was keeping me planted. But then the splashing steps came, and now I couldn't ignore the voice getting closer and closer.
"YOU IDIOT, IT'S POURING OUT HERE!" He yelled. So I turned, watching as he stomped in the mud closer and closer to me. His white t-shirt stuck to his body, the pouring rain making every muscle underneath as clear as day. The constant rattle of his dog tags with every angry step. If I wasn't so sad, I would've blushed at the sight.
I should've ran, should've at least walked away, but I couldn't and honestly I didn't want to. Not when he was looking at me pissed and ready to talk my ear off.
"What!?" I shouted back, a question more than a statement.
He stood in front of me now, warm droplets escaping from his locks as he looked down to me.
My chest rose and fell, "What could you possibly want Allen?"
Allen rolled his eyes and did the most Allen thing he could do. An arm snaked around my waist, his strong palm resting against my lower back and pulling me into him, his other hand raising to grasp my face, a gentle thumb on my cheek whilst his fingers tugged at the back of my neck. Everything he did screamed "closer," and I could've sworn that I could drown in the way his gaze consumed me.
It was as if color didn't exist until he kissed me. Even with my eyes closed I knew the world around me could never be as bright as this moment. Nothing would ever be sweeter than his lips on mine, no one would ever touch me as gently as he was.
The rain. His lips. His hands. The smell of that silly cologne I'd make fun of him for, mixed with the musk of the pine trees around us, and the constant pitter-patter on my skin from this lovely, lovely warm rain.
My arms naturally reached up to his neck, deepening the kiss as he continued to pull me closer and closer until I felt like I could superglue his skin onto mine.
The moment was breathless, that is, until I actually became breathless and pulled away. The clouds didn't part and the sun didn't shine, but I didn't care, they didn't need to for this moment to be perfect.
"Is that clear enough for you?" He said, that undeniable smirk ever so present on his face.
I glared up at him, tugging a strand of his hair at the back of his neck.
"I actually hate you," I said jokingly, tilting my head playfully. He mimicked the motion and bit his lip, "Sure."
Damn, guess I'm in love.
~~~
A/N
hello my minions. I have returned from my slumber to give you this little treat. Don't know what took over me to write this but I hope you all enjoy. I'm always a sucker for my boy Allen and I love writing a cheesy little romcom scene. Sort of inspired by a couple of songs; That's the Way I Loved You and Gorgeous by Taylor Swift and love is so embarrassing by Olivia Rodrigo. Please don't expect this to be a normal occurrence haha, I know I'm sort of popping up out of the blue after 3 years to publish this but I did say I'd do it haha! Y'all know these idiots live in my brain rent free so I'm actually always thinking about re-doing New Units or making a new story, maybe something deeper and more mature then the story I wrote when I was 16. In fact, I'm actually seriously working on a book, that I hope to seriously publish one day. For now, it's always fun to just write a little something and fan fiction comes so naturally to me. I hope you all have been doing well and I look forward to your comments! <3 Rose