ADDIE
DAY ONE
Massachusetts in December is cold.
The kind of cold that bites at your cheeks and makes your sinuses sting, much like it was doing now as I inhaled deeply through my nose. The air permeates right down to my bone, but it probably doesn't help that I'm only donning a puffer vest over my sweatshirt, a basic pair of black leggings, and my trusty winter boots. It isn't ideal road-tripping weather, but I don't have much of a choice.
Jared needs me.
I haven't seen my older brother in almost a year, but that's because he's a soldier in this world we live in. If you could even call it that. It resembles more of a barren wasteland these days, and after five years, the living population is scarce. The world belongs to the clickers, the bloaters, and the runners now. There's more than that, I know–but luckily, I haven't encountered any of them. Not long after everything fell apart, he was sent across the country to help protect what was left of us at the military camp in Montana. It was apparently in a much worse state than we were at the time.
Meanwhile, I stayed here because...I'm not soldier material.
I'm food rationing material. Nursing assistant material. Preschool teacher material. Not that I don't like my jobs or the part my role plays in this community, but it was hard being separated from the only family that I had left. But Jared was one of the best soldiers they had.
I just never expected something to actually happen to him.
It was my fault for keeping myself in my bubble of denial. Of hope. I still try to live a relatively normal life, even while the world is crumbling around me. My clothes, my makeup, my hygiene...it's all important to me because it makes me feel like me. Letting go of all that felt like giving up, and I wasn't ready to give up yet.
One day, we'd be normal again. I have to believe that.
At least, I had to try. It was significantly harder to hold out hope once Marlene broke the news about Jared. I didn't know all of the details, just that he had gotten hurt on a run. She'd always tried to protect me after he left, so I couldn't even be angry with her for not wanting to tell me the extent of what was going on. All I know is that it was bad.
So, I had to go.
The only way Marlene would let me leave was if I went with Joel Miller. He was well-known at our camp because he knew his way around outside of all the camps. Out there in the unknown with the clickers. I'd never met him before, but I'd heard the rumors, and those were enough to leave me feeling nervous about this whole thing. He transported groups on runs all the time, and he was the only person she trusted enough to take me to Jared.
"Are you sure about this?" Marlene asks for the hundredth time, breaking me from my train of thought. Frown lines etch into her forehead and around her eyes as she stares at me.
I smile softly. "Yes."
"It's dangerous, Addison," she warns. "I don't think you fully understand the risks here."
She means well, I know that. I've never had to see what most people have, instead, I was sheltered at this camp since the beginning. Just an inexperienced, silly girl stepping out into the territory that she had no business in, that's all I was seen as.
"I know, but I have to go." The wind whips my blonde hair around my face. "Nothing is going to stop me from going to him."
Being away from Jared was always hard. It felt like a part of me was missing when he wasn't there. I had to learn how to be independent quickly when he left.
Marlene sighs. "I just worry about you, is all."
Before I can reassure her, the sound of a vehicle pulling up tears my attention away from her. An old, beaten Ford parks in front of us, and I swallow thickly, fidgeting with my fingers as the anxious butterflies take over my stomach. The rumors I'd heard about Joel weren't pleasant ones, and here I was, about to embark on a road trip with him.
I squint, trying to get a good glimpse of him, but quickly look away as he climbs from the cab of the truck and slams the door shut. After a few beats, my blue eyes lift in a second attempt, and my face falters at the sight of him.
He's handsome. He towers over Marlene by a good foot, which means I have to crane my neck just to look up at him. Broad shoulders and chest hide beneath his thick winter coat. His dark hair connects with his full beard, accentuating his jaw and full lips, and his brown eyes sweep over me in disapproval, almost. It's only then that I look away because he's quite intimidating, and I feel considerably small under his glare.
Yeah, glare.
The realization that he's already disgusted by me floods me with disappointment.
"She's not serious."
His deep voice feels like it rumbles right through me as he speaks and gives Marlene a pointed look. It's rough, and he's got a hint of a Southern accent, but I can't quite tell for sure.
"What?" I say gently as I look down at my outfit. It may be unconventional for this weather, but I thought it was cute.
"What are you wearin'?"
I lick my lips. "Um. Clothes?"
"It's fuckin' freezin' out here."
Marlene pulls her lips between her teeth, hiding the smile that teeters at the corners of her mouth. She sends me an encouraging wink, so I stand up a little straighter and flash him a sweet smile. "Well, that's why I'm wearing a vest and some boots, silly."
He doesn't say anything as he stares at me, and I almost shrink from the weight of his scowl, but much to my relief, he turns away to look at my luggage instead. His eyebrows furrow deeper at the sight, which I'll admit probably looks overwhelming, and he crosses his arms over his chest. "Is all of this necessary?"
I wasn't sure how long I was going to be gone, so I may have overpacked a little. But my wardrobe was important to me. It was just a tiny part of the bits and pieces I wasn't willing to give up about myself. It was my attempt at clinging onto humanity for as long as I could.
"Yes."
"You do know the world ended, right?"
"That doesn't mean my sense of style had to die along with it," I laugh nervously, and my heart thrashes against my chest as he sighs.
"Of course not."
He grumbles under his breath as he throws my suitcases in the bed of his truck, and with each thud, I feel myself flinch at the sound. Brushing my hair from my view, I watch as he sends Marlene a long, exasperated look before climbing back into the driver's seat. Getting into that truck was equivalent to entering the lion's den, but I had no other choice. If I have to endure grumpy across the entire country to get to my brother, then so be it.
Marlene approaches me with outstretched arms, and I forget all about Joel's grouchy demeanor as she envelopes me in a warm hug. Her hands rub my back comfortingly, and I relish in the feeling because I know it might be the last time I feel like this for a while.
"Bye, Marlene," I whisper into her braided hair.
"Be safe, Addie."
I turn toward the truck and open the passenger door reluctantly, swallowing as I climb into the worn leather seat. Marlene rounds the cab and waits for Joel to roll his window down as I settle into what is to be my spot for the next week or so, familiarizing myself with the musky scent and brown-colored upholstery. As haggard as it was, it was obvious that he took care of it—the floorboards were spotless, and not even a speck of dust in sight.
"Take care of her, Joel," I hear Marlene mutter to him.
As I peek over at him, I see him nod once before he rolls the window back up. There's hardly time for a wave goodbye before he pulls away, leaving her standing in the cloud of dust from the gravel beneath the tires. The farther away we get, the more uneasy I feel.
This is real. This is happening. No turning back.
"Joel, right?"
My voice trembles, but I'm so desperate to break the ice. I'm not sure I can sit here the entire way, feeling like he hates my guts.
He hums in response.
"I'm Addison," I continue.
His silence echoes in the tiny cab, and it's almost deafening. Pursing my lips, I turn my head to look out of the window instead, watching as we exit the main gate of the camp. I've never left this place before...once I arrived here, I stayed put for five whole years. Never allowed to leave the compound because I was too valuable inside the walls.
My hands fidget with the strap of my bag that sits in my lap, so I lean forward and pop open the glove compartment to occupy myself. I'm surprised to find it empty, aside from a handgun and a couple of knives.
"No music?"
"Close that," he grumbles.
"You have to have music for a road trip."
"I prefer it to be quiet."
Staring at the side of his face, I observe the large slope of his nose and the way I can see the veins in his neck peeking out from the collar of his jacket. My cheeks warm from my ogling, so I dig in my bag before he can look over at me and catch me drooling or something. "Good thing I brought my own."
He sighs heavily, but I still try to lighten the mood.
"Alright, grumpy," I chirp, holding up my assortment of CDs in my hands. "What'll it be?"
My skin pricks with goosebumps when he looks over, staring at the choices I'm holding up for him before he grabs them hastily—rolling the window down and chucking them out of the truck in one swift movement. My lips part in shock as I gape at him, but I recover with a clearing of my throat.
"That was probably the last Backstreet Boys album on the planet, you know."
And again...nothing.
"Why did you sign up for this?" I question softly.
"Because I get paid."
Slumping down in my seat, I huddle into my puffer vest and blink away the tears that prick my dry eyes. "Must not be much."
I don't know why it stings when he doesn't respond again. Maybe it's the natural-born people pleaser in me that's so fearful of anyone not liking me that it's causing me to spiral. I've always wanted acceptance, and it's been a hard thing to come by when I'm a lamb in a world full of wolves. Nevertheless, I push away the dread that fills my stomach and prop my feet up on the dash.
This earns me a look, but at least he acknowledged me.
Trees and dead grass whizz past my window at lightning speed as we drive down a road that I'm unfamiliar with. So many trees. They're all bare and dull, the leaves from autumn long gone and blown away by the chilling air outside. I don't know how long I stare aimlessly out of the window because the last thing I remember is my eyes closing as I doze off into slumber.