𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧', 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞
𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭
𝐒𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭
Buck
"Dad, Dad, Daddy! Wake up." I hear a voice and recognize it as my daughter's sweet voice.
Sometimes she sounds like an angsty teenager and sometimes like a child who needs me by her side. These past few days since her hospital discharge, She's needed me more than ever since she's been in a school fire had a hospital medical emergency, and had an allergic reaction all in less than 3 months.
"Mils, what time is it?" I rub my eyes awake and see her standing at my bedroom doorframe holding the giraffe Chris gave her in the hospital, looking glum and scared.
"4:30 am. Sorry, I woke you. I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in here?" I watch her frown even more.
I don't like it when my baby girl is sad.
I've taken off so much work, that Bobby probably thinks that I quit.
Eddie has been checking on me every day since Amelia was discharged a week ago He either communicates through text or phone calls and I haven't responded since our kiss in the stairwell. Not because I don't love him but because I am putting my child's needs before my love life.
"What was your nightmare about? Was it about your mom?" I sit up in the king-size bed and make space for him to cuddle into my shoulder.
She used to do this all the time when she was a toddler but she grew out of cuddling at age 6.
Sometimes I miss having her clinging to me all the time.
I don't want her to grow up.
"It was about Eddie and Christopher." Amelia says quietly while tucking her head in my side, tiredly.
"Hmm?" I brush her hair with my hands and let her talk.
"In the nightmare, they left us and ignored us like mom did," Amelia says with tears in her eyes.
"You're not going let them happen, Dad right? Eddie saved me and Chris is my best friend." Amelia says wide awake now with fear in her eyes while rubbing her burn scars and leg where she got injured earlier in the year.
Ever since her mom passed she's been clingy around me and also struggling to make friends in school.
I feel so guilty about it. It's my fault for fighting with her mom.
"I won't let that happen," I mumble quietly while wrapping my arms around her waist to cuddle.
For a few seconds, Amelia is silent, and I can't tell if it's because she's falling asleep or thinking about what to say next.
"Dad, can I go to school with Chris? I think I might feel safer there and he said that the school nurse is very nice. The girls at public school are going to bully me for having an Epi-pen and an inhaler when I go back tomorrow. They are going to treat me like I'm contagious." Amelia looks up at me with tears in her eyes.
Who made my daughter cry in school?
I only let her go back for a half day after the hospital incident since she needed a lot of rest.
"Did someone bully you when you went for a half day, Mils?" My eyes grow wide with concern.
"No. I just want to be closer to Chris," I can tell that my daughter is lying to me.
Damn it, it's almost 5 am and I have a shift starting at 6:30 am.
I'm gonna have to call Bobby and tell him that I am missing yet another day of work because my kid comes first. I don't feel safe having her with a sitter since she's been in the hospital and Maddie is working too.
"I'm not going to push you to talk about it. Get some rest, you need it. I need it too. I'll talk to Eddie about Chris' school when we're both well rested." I press a kiss onto her forehead and stroke her hair.
I also need to make an appointment with a child psychologist to deal with her nightmares. Hopefully, Eddie or Hen has some advice on how to deal with that because I am struggling with this single-parenting job.
At 6:15 am, my alarm starts buzzing on my phone. I quickly shut it off and make sure that Amelia is still asleep while I roll out of bed to get changed.
I'm either going ot have to take Mils with me to work or call in and say I can't come to work.
Before I can even grab my phone to make a call in the kitchen, the doorbell rings and wakes me up from my daydream.
"Eds, what are you doing here at 6:25 am? Where's Christopher?" I open the door and see the man I kissed holding onto an IHOP take-out bag and a gift bag.
"He's getting ready for school with Carla. I brought you breakfast and your duffle bag that you left in the station locker room." Eddie looks up at me concerned and all sexy with his large muscles carrying everything.
"Um, thanks? I was going to make Amelia a quick breakfast before calling Bobby to call in sick again." I sigh knowing that I need the shifts and the money to support my daughter.
"Can I come in? It's kind of windy outside?" Eddie looks into my apartment for a sign of Amelia.
"Oh yeah, sure. You can set everything down in the living room. I'm going to go wake Amelia up since I have to get out the door too, maybe run some errands or take up a B shift later." I mumble not noticing Eddie holding onto a dozen sunflowers behind his back.
"Eddie! I missed you." I watch my daughter run into the living room holding the giraffe that Chris got her.
"Good morning mini Buckley, how are you doing?" I watch Eddie engulf Amelia in a giant hug while setting the flowers on the coffee table.
Wow. Those are gorgeous flowers.
"I'm tired. I had a nightmare about you and Chris." Amelia says while yawning.
"Oh, well I can assure you that Chris is safe and sound. He's on his way to school. Don't you have school today too?" Eddie looks down at her while I watch the two talk as if she is related to him.
They've gotten so close ever since that school fire occurred.
"I don't want to go." Amelia crosses her arms and sets the giraffe on the couch.
"Why not?" Eddie talks to her while I get paper plates and plastic utensils out for the food that he bought.
"She hasn't told me why yet." I frown at Eddie who is still staring at the flower bouquet.
"I want to go to school with Chris." Amelia says again and I can't believe that she has this much energy at 6:30 am.
She got less sleep than I did.
Eddie looks over at me setting the table as if he requires my input.
"Mils, can you please go get dressed in your room before breakfast? I can do your hair if you need help." I sigh watching Eddie stand there watching me.
"Do I have to go to school today, dad?" I watch her frown.
"Not today, love." I let her run off to her bedroom to get changed while I talk to Eddie.
Once she is out of sight, I turn to face Eddie who is busy putting the flowers into a vase that I had laying around in the kitchen storage.
"She's being bullied because of her health diagnosis. Eds, what do I do? Shit. I have to call Bobby. Can you make sure she eats breakfast while I call the station and Maddie?" I sigh and lean close enough to his shoulder that it looks like we're hugging.
We still haven't talked about the stairwell kiss yet.
Amelia comes first.
"Don't worry about it. I already told Hen that you'd be off a few days so she has to put up with Chim's one liners herself. Buck, when was the last time that you took care of your body and mental health? As a army vet I know a lot about stress and feeling like your failing your kid." Eddie says while walking me over to the kitchen table where the food is probably getting cold.
"You got me flowers?" I ignore his response about stress and sit at my seat.
"Chris insisted on getting them to brighten Amelia's day. Not in a romantic way, but as a good friend supportive way. He talks about Amelia all the time." Eddie says even though I am pretty sure that he is lying.
I can't stop thinking about our stairwell kiss.
What does this mean for us as co-workers? As friends? And as parents?
"Hmmm. So Amelia's been asking me about switching schools so that she can be closer to Chris. I don't know Eds, I never envisioned myself putting my kids in a private school. Doesn't Chris go to school with other kids like him?" I bite my lip since my words are probably all messed up this early in the morning.
Eddie reaches out and puts his hand over mine under the kitchen table. I can't help but feel a bit nervous and shaky about it because at work we never hold hands.
"Your shaking Buck, you sure your okay? I can take Amelia grocery shopping while you rest?" Eddie changes the subject again while I try to avoid kissing him since Amelia is in the room over.
He's only holding my hand in a best friend way, I tell myself.
"I'm fine. So what kind of school does Chris go to?" I let go of his hand abruptly in case Amelia comes back.
"He's in a program for students with learning differences at St. Mary's. It was quite a fight to get in since Shannon needed to sign some paperwork and sit in an interview." Eddie sighs quietly while looking sad.
Oh right, his ex wife who passed.
"I want what's best for Mils and what will make her happy. If I have to fight and sit in interviews to get her closer to Chris than I will. She doesn't seem to be happy in school. I never hear her talk about friends or sleepovers." I say quietly since Amelia is still around.
I wonder if she's having trouble picking out an outfit for the day.
Her food is getting cold and she doesn't usually need help getting dressed now that she's a tween.
"It'll get better, Buck. Sometimes change is good for kids. Sometimes it's not the best choice for the parent or the kid." Eddie gets up from the table and picks up one of the take out dishes to microwave.
Oh yeah, breakfast.
I wonder if he's talking about our relationship getting better or Amelia's life?
We are still in the best friends that kissed each other zone and it sounds teenager like and immature.
I don't want to ruin Amelia's relationship with Eddie if I ask him out.
I'm about to go help him microwave the food when I see Amelia peeking out from the corner wall.
"Dad, can you braid my hair into a fishtail braid and ponytail?" I watch her hand the brush and hair ties.
"Yes, of course. Go sit at the dining room table. I'll bring breakfast." I look over at Edie is admiring my parenting skills in awe.
Sometimes I don't know how he does it with Chris who has CP. I don't know how I do the parenting stuff alone. Maybe i am just used to it by now.
"Don't you have a shift to get to?" I look over at Eddie who has brought me a plate of microwaved IHOP food after I brought Amelia's plate over to the table.
"It's my off-day. I am planning on running to the supermarket and heading to the local children's hospital to donate some things Chris outgrew." Eddie watches me braid my daughter's hair while she eats.
Maddie taught me everything that I need to know about beauty, hairstyling, and girls' interests.
"Eddie, can I ask you a question?" Amelia says after taking a sip of her orange juice while I am trying to get her to sit still for the braid.
"Yeah, what do you need, little Buckley?" Eddie says while I attempt to block out his sexy voice to concentrate on her hair.
"Why did you bring flowers for my Dad?" Amelia says and I almost lose the braid that I just completed.
"Chris wanted you to have them to brighten your day. He says that you owe him a Nintendo Switch battle soon too." Eddie says while I try to focus back on her hair without thinking that the flowers were for me.
"Oh, that's nice of him. I will thank him when I see him next." Amelia says while hesitating as if she has more to say.
What is on this child's mind?
Why won't she open up to me about the school bullying?
And why is it that Eddie is making me feel so nervous when he only came over for breakfast?
I can't fall in love with him, Amelia has a mother.
What happened in the stairwell doesn't need to be discussed again.
I may be bisexual but I am not a heartbreaker. I don't want to ruin Eddie and Amelia's relationship.
I have a fear of abandonment and people leaving me after rejection just like my daughter, she gets it from me.
I have to protect him from that.