IT WAS RECESS ALREADY when you snapped out of your daze.
Watching everyone scurrying out the classroom is a familiar sight. It's just like yesterday, where you were all alone again.
"Ugh..." Your stomach grumbled in hunger, as you haven't eaten anything since last night.
But you couldn't be bothered to get up at all.
Your arms formed a makeshift pillow, you laid your head down, closing your eyes to sleep instead. It's not like you brought anything for lunch anyway.
Meanwhile in the hallway, Chifuyu walked by your classroom, seeing you alone laying your head on your arms.
His friends gathered around him, noticing him, "100 yen that he's got a crush!" Yoshida said.
"100 yen that he got rejected!" Sasaki joined in.
"Another 100 that he's actually looking at something else!" The last one, Takeuchi, chimed.
His friends joked around, while Chifuyu only stayed silent.
"Hey, dude, why do you look so dejected?" Sasaki nudged his arm, only causing him to sigh.
Chifuyu turned to them, "Hey, be serious with me." He said. "How do you talk someone out of committing suicide?"
His friends all went blank for a moment, surprised by the unexpected and serious question.
Just yesterday, Chifuyu and Takemichi were discussing about your future. Friday, which is today, is the day you would commit suicide.
After the incident with your dad, Chifuyu shared some details with him, but of course, still kept some information to himself due to privacy.
Takemichi wanted to talk to you, but at Chifuyu's insistence, they decided to let you be for now.
She's already suffered so much. What if us being there is making her feel worse? He thought. Sometimes, someone just wants to be alone when they're in a dark place, and he understood that.
Even if he wants to respect your request, just for today, he couldn't ignore you.
"Hah... Sorry, that was a weird question." Chifuyu laughed, brushing it off.
"This isn't some hint, right? You're not gonna do it... are you?" Sasaki asked, worried.
"No, it's not me..." Chifuyu replied.
His friends exchanged looks, before Takeuchi spoke up. "I guess... whenever I feel down, just knowing someone's there for me cheers me up, even if they aren't doing anything specifically."
"Yeah! I mean..." Yoshida rubbed the back of his neck. "I feel the same. Talking to someone usually makes me feel better."
The last guy agreed, nodding.
"...Right." Chifuyu acknowledged their effort, but he still wasn't sure if it was enough.
There was a time where he comforted you, saying that he's there, and you could talk to him. But what if it's not enough? What if you still couldn't rely on him?
What if, in your eyes... dying is the only solution?
The thought stewed in his head, and before he knew it, it was already after school when the bell rang.
"Yo, Chifuyu!" His friends barged into his classroom, beaming. "Let's go home!"
"You go home first, there's something I have to do." Chifuyu told them, not even glancing at their direction.
"Huh? Okay..." His friends could tell something was off, but they didn't question it. Instead, they said this, "If there's anything that's bothering you, talk to us, man! Anyway, see ya!"
Chifuyu finally looked up at them, only seeing their backs as they walked away, cracking a smile.
"Right then... She should be up there..." He stood up, swinging his bag over his shoulder as he made his way to the rooftop.
...
You sighed, drooping your eyes a little at the view in front.
Today was a little windy, which you didn't mind, coupled with the sight of students hurrying towards the front gate to go home was... something at least.
Your bag was placed right beside the wall, while you stood at the railings, resting your elbows on them and gazing at nothing in particular.
Stepping back, you raised your arms high to stretch, hearing your back and arms crack in satisfaction.
Then, you peeled off your shoes. You climbed on the railings, with one foot on the bottom rail before your knee was put on the top rail next.
The railings were fairly high, so you had a little trouble even as you held onto a pipe next to you.
Only wearing socks, you felt you were about to slip at any moment when one of your feet was set on the railings.
Holding onto the pipe wasn't the best solution, as you didn't want to break the pipe too if you accidentally fall, but it was sort of enough to make you balance when both of your feet were on top.
"A four-story building..." The words slipped out from you. If I land right... I should die.
A four-story building isn't enough for a person to jump off and die immediately. There's going to be a possibility that you land anywhere that's not your head, and if you do, you're in a world of hurt.
On the off chance that you do land on your head, then you'll die.
Maybe not instantly, but you were prepared for that.
Or perhaps you were underestimating how tall a four-story building actually is.
Then, you heard the door to the roof opened.
You flinched, thinking that no one was going to come here. You came to the rooftop a lot back then, and it was always empty when it was after school.
Because... why would anyone want to stay at a school any longer than to go home?
Though, for you, you didn't want to go home.
You didn't dare look back. You even felt afraid to.
You didn't care who it was. Your only goal is to jump, and hopefully nail the landing right.
Yes, just jump. Don't look back. Don't ever look back―
"[Last Name]-chan."
When you heard your name, you realized you had been gripping the pipe a little too hard.
You moved around, holding onto the pipe to ensure you don't fall as your body turned to face him.
"What are you doing here..." You spoke. "Chifuyu-san?"
Chifuyu looked... conflicted. His face was serious and he slowly placed his bag down on the floor.
"Hey..." He gently called, stepping forward. "Let's talk about it. You don't have to do this."
"'Talk?'" You quoted. "There's nothing to talk about. I'm already set on my decision."
"[Last Name]-chan, please. You're not alone. I'll listen to what you have to say."
You heaved a sigh, turning away for a moment. "...Did you know... that I'm not who you think I am?"
Chifuyu waited patiently for you to speak.
"Whenever I said something like... 'yep, my father hits me, alright...' I'm aware of the things I'm saying." You revealed. "I acted so innocent, and acted like the things I said were completely normal."
"It's almost like I'm using humour to help with anything traumatic that happened in my life, which is... a little true." You shut your eyes, your hand gripping on the pipe. "But... it was also a call for help."
"At least... it started out that way." You said. Then, you made eye contact with him. "I started this... maybe a year ago. People usually dismiss me, or acted like what I said didn't happened. They never believed me."
"I guess you believed me..." You whispered, and Chifuyu looked a little surprised, but still stayed silent. "But... you were only a bystander. You heard my pleas, but you didn't do anything about it."
The male realized it and looked hurt. "I'm― sorry. I didn't..."
"Aren't you just as bad as the rest of them? Who only pitied me, yet didn't do anything!?" Your voice raised, surprising even yourself.
"You knew about the bullying I went through ― is going through." The memories flooded in your head. "But all you did was comfort me! All you people can do is pity, pity, pity!! Why even pity me when you won't even lift a finger to help!?"
Chifuyu looked guilty, and rightly so. He knew about it, and even as he went to school with you, he didn't do anything.
The excuse that he was busy with Toman affairs wasn't excusable.
He blamed himself, but what use is that when it was already too late?
Your chest heaved up and down, and you felt calmer now that you let it out. You breathed out through your nostrils, feeling the cool air escaping.
"All I wanted... was for somebody to reach out to me." Your voice was soft, carried by the breeze. "Somebody to actually help with my problems... and support me..."
"I'm a hypocrite." You suddenly claimed.
"Huh?" Chifuyu raised a brow.
"I said all that, but I did the same thing too." You felt your shoulders relaxed, and you could see his face becoming confused and surprised. "I saw someone getting bullied, but all I did was covered my face and hoped I didn't get found."
"I understood why in that moment. People were just afraid of getting the same treatment." You steeled yourself, staring straight into his eyes. "That's why I'm just a selfish, hypocritical coward."
He noticed one of your feet was moving, as if you were about to jump.
"Hey, [Last Name]-chan, listen! I-I know! You have every right to be angry! But please, calm down!" He pleaded.
He was prepared for this moment. For barely a week, he knew you were going to do this.
He didn't have any chance to bring it up to you these past few days and now, this was the moment he was going to convince you and he already screwed up.
"I'm calm. If anything, you're the one who's not calm." You blankly said, before you felt anger bubbling in you again. "I'm done feeling like everything's against me. My father, my bullies, this world, the entire universe...!!"
You dug into your pocket, taking out your box cutter. Raising your hand, you screamed, "You hear me!? I'm―" You threw the box cutter right beside him. "done―!!!"
You turned back around, and your foot stepped off the railings, letting gravity do its job.
"[Last Name]-chan!!!" Chifuyu shouted, quickly bolting to you and trying to grab you.
You were prepared to die, and you shut your eyes to fully immerse yourself in the process. However, that was all gone when you felt your wrist getting caught.
"What!?" Even you exclaimed in shock.
Chifuyu, through the space in the railings, somehow managed to grab your wrist.
"[Last Name]-chan, please don't do this! You're not alone! Your friends ― Takemitchy, Mikey-kun, Toman ― they're here for you!!" Then he paused. "I'm here for you...!"
"Let go of me!" Your other hand tried to scratch his hand that held your wrist, and even though your nails were fairly sharp and it actually scratched him, his grip on you didn't budge.
"Let's work this out together! You don't have to feel like you're alone!!" He begged. "You were right ― I'm sorry you had to deal with everyone's crap but... let me help you properly this time!!" He started to feel sweaty in his hand.
"Please rely on us, [Last Name]-chan! Rely on me!"
"Sh-Shut up!" You tried to tear his hand away. "Even if you lure me in with your sweet-sounding words, I won't be swayed!"
"Listen, I-I...!" Chifuyu stopped, the features on his face relaxing as his eyes shut. "I... love you, [Name]."
"You―... What...!?" You couldn't help but feel embarrassed at the sudden proclamation.
"I loved that even though you were so stoic at first, when you got excited, your eyes would light up like a kid." He confessed. "I loved how badass you looked every time you fought. I loved how you're so fond of Mr. Froppé. I loved your smile whenever our eyes meet..."
Then he opened his eyes, looking at you earnestly. "There's so many great things about you. You've been such an important presence in my life ― in our lives. We love you, [Last Name] [Name]."
"So..." He struggled as he held your wrist. His body weight was starting to push against the railings. Even he began to feel his shoulders hurting. "Please, hold on for a little longer! We'll help you get through this...!"
He heard you sighed, before he felt you becoming easier to hold.
Your foot found the top of a window, and you used that to help prop yourself up. Using your other hand, you grabbed the railings, pulling yourself up.
Seeing this, Chifuyu quickly clasped your arms, pulling you up until your feet were settled on the edge of the roof.
He promptly pulled out from between the railings, before he helped you go over them, hopping down safely onto the floor.
When he was done, he was out of breath. The adrenaline he felt was more than he ever experienced.
He smiled happily, "[Last Name]-chan, you―..."
You got down, sitting against the railings and breathed a sigh as you let your eyes close. "...I'm tired."
Chifuyu grinned even harder, crouching down to your level. "Tell me if you don't like it."
And before you knew it, he had embraced you into a hug.
"I'm glad, [Last Name]-chan... I'm so, so glad..."
You couldn't see his face, but you were sure that he was crying by the tone of his voice and his trembling body.
His arms that wrapped around you was tight, but had some space as if you were something precious.
But then, you felt something wet on your face. You were... crying. The tears kept pouring out nonstop by the time you realized.
Was it relief that you didn't die, or joy that someone reached out to you?
Both, probably.
Either way, you closed your eyes, preparing yourself for what will happen next.