She laughs when I tell her she's my antidote.
But I am not exaggerating one bit. There's no other way to explain what she does for me except that she made me better. I feel it in the very air I breathe.
Suddenly I long to stay alive.
To live and wake up every single day just so I can see her moonshine smile and night sky eyes. God, the things she makes me say. But my words are never enough, they would never do justice to her.
This is what I've become —a man controlled by his heart. I snort at the thought.
There was no use denying it. I am a man madly in love with a girl who I should never have been in love with. I couldn't explain it, but I didn't have to because the matter of the heart can never be understood except by the one who felt it.
It's been fifteen years since she became mine. Don't get me wrong, she's always been mine from the first time I laid eyes on her. But the day she accepted me and took my dark heart and intertwined it with her pure one. That was the day she truly became mine.
Oh to be loved by a girl with a soul and heart as hers. I was the luckiest man in the entire world. So fuck what society thinks about our love. Yes, she was once my student and yes I was much older. But none of that matters because we were like Eros and Psyche. Andromeda and Perseus. Our love will conquer all.
"Daddy!"
A little bundle of human sunshine with wild curls runs to me. She crashes into my legs, her tiny hands wrap around the back of my calves.
I bend and pick her up.
My heart swells in my chest. It also tightens to the point of pain. It might explode from all the love it's been giving and getting. But I don't mind. Let it explode, as long as it continues to feel this way.
"Daddy I was calling you! Didn't you hear me?"
I look at my daughter who was a spitting image of me, but also weirdly looks exactly like her mom. She was a product of our love so of course she has to look like both of us. She has her mom's cute button nose and afro curls. But the rest of her is a Williams. Gray eyes and slanted sharp cheekbones not quite obvious on her chubby face but still visible. She's so beautiful. I would do anything for her.
I smile and pinch her cheeks. She huffs and moves away from my grippy fingers.
"My love, what did I tell you about running on the tiles?"
Her cheeks redden before she looks away and mutters, "It's not safe. I could slip and break my bones."
My smile widens even more. Her grumpy tone always makes me laugh, her mother says she got that from me but I think she got that all by herself. "You wouldn't wanna break your bones would you?" I say sternly.
She trembles in my arms and fervently shakes her head. "No Daddy," she whispers.
"Good girl. My Alia is such a good girl. Aren't you?" I smooth my expression and speak in a playful tone.
Her fear quickly evaporates and she lets out an adorable giggle. My heart clenches like a fist at the sound.
"Yes! I am!"
"You are!" I tighten my arms around her small body and hug her close. "Sometimes, Daddy has to be strict so you don't hurt yourself. If you hurt yourself your mom and I would be very sad."
She nods, making her curls bounce with the motion. "I love you," she tells me in a quiet voice.
"I love you too."
"Now put me down! I have to go finish dressing up my dolls."
I let out a deep chuckle. "So demanding."
I put her down and within seconds she flashes away from me. I'm guessing she's playing with the dolls her Uncle Travis got her or better yet Aunt Lola because I know Travis knows nothing about Barbie dolls. His girl Lola must have got them for her.
He called me a simp when I fell in love with Lily and was crazy about her, but ever since he met Lola, he stopped teasing me. I believe he now understood what it means to have your heart captured by the extraordinary feeling called love. He and Lola's story would be for another day, for now, I need to find my wife.
I go to the one place I know I'd find her. And like I predicted I found her there, exactly in the spot I envisioned she'd be at, under the willow tree surrounded by flowers, with a pen and book in hand. My breath hitches in my throat at the sight of her.
I think about all the moments we spent together both the hard and easy ones. There were lots of easy times but there were hard times as well. We stuck together through it all and our love flourished with every moment.
After I quit my job, rumors spread as to why I did so, and they were able to connect it to her. They threatened to expel her from the school, but I used my connections and was able to make her stay to complete her degree. What was the point of having the oh-so-powerful Williams last name if I didn't use it to save my girl?
She didn't want to stay and wanted to transfer to another school, but I knew no other school in Boston rivaled ours. They had the best creative writing courses. She needed to get the best education to hone her already amazing skills. In the end, she accepted and stayed. She dropped out of her premed path and chose to do what she truly loves. Her parents weren't supportive of her decision, but I put their worries at ease and told them I'd provide for her no matter what she chose to do with her life. I had more money than I could spend in a lifetime, both from my inheritance and my bestselling books.
I understood they wanted their daughter to study something that would ultimately help her make money. But she didn't need to worry about that with me. If writing makes her happy then I would do everything in my power to make sure she fulfills her dream. So far she's written and published three books. All of them bestsellers of course. She has a way with words. She writes with her heart and soul, her stories always leave you feeling bereft and also fulfilled at the same time. My girl was so brilliant.
I take slow quiet steps towards her. Her head was bent and her knees drawn up. She had a notebook on her lap and was furiously scribbling on it. Her brows furrowed in concentration, and her plump lips stretched in a small frown. Whatever she was writing about was making her feel frustrated. I wonder which one of her characters was giving her a hard time
I pluck a blooming Lily flower and sneak it behind her ear. I place a soft kiss on the spot. "Hey, baby," I whisper in her ear. She shivers and replies, "Hey." But she doesn't stop writing so I place both hands on hers and pause their movement.
"Let's take a breath," I say.
She lets out a tired exhale. "A break, y-yes." Her voice cracks with the last word.
Immediately I turn her around to face me and take the book away from her. I notice that she's wearing one of her sun dresses. It was early spring, the weather wasn't warm enough for dresses. I know she loves wearing them especially when she's in the garden, she said it made her feel like a princess in a fairyland.
"Oh baby, you must be so cold." I rub my warm palms all over her arms. She shivers even more and moves closer to me. "How long have you been out here?" I ask.
She looked so much like Alia as she looked away from me and said sheepishly, "I believe 3 hours."
I start to reprimand her for staying out in the cold for so long but she covers my mouth with her hand before I even let out a word. "Shh— don't start. You know I hate it when you get in your professor mode."
I smirk, "You love it when I get in my professor mode."
She bites her bottom lip. "Yes but only when you know..."
"When I what?"
She shakes her head and stands up. "You know what I'm talking about"
I laugh and stand up with her. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Caspar please." She tucks a stray curl behind her ear and looks at her feet. I know I make her nervous. Fifteen years later she still trembles for me. My former poisoned heart loved that. Yes, we wanted her to tremble for us, and only us.
Her shyness was adorable.
"Come here," I place my arm around her waist and pull her until she's flush against me. She lays her head on my chest right where my heart is, it was her property anyway so she can listen to it beat all she wants.
"What's bothering you? Huh? Tell me so I can fix it," I command.
She giggles. "You can't fix everything, Caspar."
"Yes, I can. I can make all your troubles go away. I'm your king, aren't I? And what does a king do for his queen? He kills all the monsters who dare to gaze at her and gives her a crown. So you know I can. Let me fix it, let me give you a crown."
"Oh I love you so much my king," she says in an exaggerated feminine voice. Then her tone gets serious, "It's my story. I don't know where the plot is going, it keeps on changing with every chapter. I don't know how the story would end up and that worries me. What if it ends up being boring or I don't know confusing?"
I listen to her tell me all her worries about the story. When she finishes, I move her head back and gaze into her captivating dark eyes, they pull me into their vortex and I get lost in them just like I did the first time I saw them.
"First of all, nothing you write would ever be boring. Secondly, you are not in control over your characters. They have a voice of their own, they chose you to tell their stories. You with the power to wield words into magic. They want you to use your words and make them come alive. So you don't plan the plot of their lives and you don't worry about how it'll end up. You simply write. Yes, sometimes it gets confusing and extremely frustrating not to have things end up the way you envisioned but remember the beauty in it all is that you aren't in control. So listen to them and write. However, the plot ends up being is exactly how it's supposed to be. It might confuse you but know that is it right."
Her eyes soften and with it I see all her worries fade away. I am glad I could give her relief. I would fix all her troubles forever.
"Sometimes I forget that you're a genius. I hope our daughter ends up being like you," she says in awe.
I scoff, "I am not a genius. You are the smart one and yes I hope our daughter ends up like us. I hope she loves stories as much as we do, but if she doesn't that's perfectly okay too as long as she has your brilliance and passion."
"I love you, Caspar," she says and kisses me.
I kiss her back and show her just how much I love her more.
We had my brother who is now permanently locked away in a psychiatric ward try to destroy us. We had our parents try to separate us. Nosy judgemental people bother us with questions and snares. Yet despite all of these our love for each other never wavered. We are in control of our story and we've decided that our love will conquer all.