Jessica
My revelation with my mother had made for an odd evening as we were some of the lucky few to have survived the tsunami. The epicenter of the earthquake seemed to be in the Seattle area, though it had also triggered the Cascadia Faultline, rupturing it straight down to Northern California.
Much of the Emerald City was now in ruins. Everything from 1st avenue was now underwater. Entire sections of the earth had just fallen off into the Puget Sound! The wave that hit us was due to a second quake off of the Cascadia Faultline that sent the tsunami that wiped out civilization from Port Offord, Oregon, all the way up to Anchorage, Alaska. Even Hawaii and Japan were not spared from Cascadia's wrath.
~~~
The following day, mom began to settle with the news that I just told her yesterday. Though she was still in disbelief with the intelligence that I was turning into a mythological creature.
"I want to apologize to you for my actions yesterday. sweetie." Mom softly said "I was scared and confused. It just seemed that everything in my life had gone all wrong!"
"It's not your fault, mom!" I said as I decided to talk more about my decisions. "When I first met her, I was in a very dark place. She snapped me out of my depression, saw me for who I was and we became sisters." I touched the very first gift that I ever received from her, smiling.
"She sounds amazing." mom said.
"She is, mom! She taught me both self-confidence and resilience! She is also my teacher when it comes to swimming and learning to love nature. She is someone who I can trust with my life's secrets. I wanted so badly to be with her, mom! But we are two different species from worlds apart. So, I begged her to make me just like her mom! So that we will always be together, forever."
"What do you mean?" she asked, but already knowing the answer.
"What would you do for someone who not only loves you for who you are, but loved your soul and your life? What would you sacrifice for that person!?" I posed before her.
"I guess I too would make whatever sacrifices that were needed to be with my lover. But what if they do not accept you!?" she posed.
"The people have already accepted me, and the Queen is eager to meet me." as I touched the Atlantean bracelet "Can you truly say that I will be fully accepted here on the surface, by everyone?"
Mother shakes her head, already knowing that many people despise and frown upon transgender individuals -- only the government has fragile laws that protect people like me -- like some endangered species from a far remote place. She does not even fully accept what I have become as she barely talks about me to her closest friends or family.
I was like a ghost -- I lingered around -- but I was also invisible to those of my own flesh and blood.
"I just do not want to see you getting hurt!" she exclaims as I smile. With the display of power during that tsunami, God help anyone who dares try to assault me!
"I am so sorry that I did not tell you sooner...I did not even believe that I would one day transform into a mermaid. I thought it was a metaphor, or an impossibility! But just in the last few months, I am finding that I can do things that no human should ever be able to do!"
"And I'm grateful!" mom says with a smile. "If you had never decided to become a mermaid, we both would probably be dead right now." She did not want to admit it, but in her belief, nothing happens without a reason. "Maybe becoming a mermaid is the right thing for you. And I will support you all the way...I just want you to keep no secrets from me ever again! We are family! We only have one another now."
I walked over and hugged her as we both cried. What a physical relief, but also a mental terror. There was no doubting it...I am becoming a mermaid just as I had asked for, and now with this disaster, I cannot leave mom for the ocean right now.
The holidays were more profound than I have ever felt before. Thanksgiving and Christmas had a new meaning of family as we both knew that one day, we would never share this moment ever again...
~~~
Months after the destructive tsunami, the house was already being rebuilt on our block as it was nice to be back home in Copalis. Sadly, many of our elderly neighbors did not survive the disaster; their property had become consumed by weeds and decay. Only one other house rose from the ashes, like a watch tower over the wave battered Sitka spruces.
With the springtime ushering in summertime, I made my eventful return back to the Cove with mom this time as we now worked together as both daughter and mother. I did not know if Myra would come with mother standing by my side.
"So, this is the place?" mom asked.
"Yep...my mermaid Cove!" I said, though stunned at what had happened to my paradise!
The rocks where I had previously sat were all tossed further inland by the tsunami! And my little private Cove was now filled with sand and debris from the waves. And yet through all of this destruction, my shallow pool was now much deeper, all thanks to the earth subsiding.
I did not expect Myra to show as I walked over and tested the water...it was far warmer than usual...El Nino has awakened the Pacific with an early summer. However, Greys Harbor was polluted with debris and sand bars.
We sat on the beach as I looked at my device as I began to understand it. Something happened to my eyes as I now could read the symbols and lettering, but to mom's eyes, she sees nothing.
"Where is she?" mom asks as I saw Myra's signal still in the South Pacific.
"Hawaii...back home." I look out to sea, heartbroken. The quake did great damage to not only my world, but the world that Myra lives in. "I fear our careless days of sunning on the beach and talking till dusk are all coming to an end. You see, my friend Myra is the princess of her mermaid kingdom, and I have fallen in love with her, here on land."
Mom caresses my face. Gently saying.
"Sweetie...if you still love her...then you need to tell her that. If not, you still have Joshua. And me. There is still time to undo this metamorphosis and live your life as a human." she says as I cry and nod.
Life as a female was very confusing to a male-centric mind!
To make matters worse, it was my 18th birthday today and Myra always came to see me on my birthday. But this time, with the disaster and her prior obligation as the princess of Cascadia; she never came.
We waited until sundown and I made the decision that Myra belonged in the ocean with her people; and I belonged here on the land with my people...with mom.
I took off my necklace that Myra had given to me the first time that we had met as I held it in the palm of my hand. My salty tears dropped onto the shimmering crystal, sadness and grief plagued my heart as I came to realize that Myra not showing wasn't her fault, or Atlantis fault -- it was mine!
I broke my promise to her! I used my powers on land to save our lives, and told my mother all about Myra, Atlantis, and the mermaids -- a promise that I swore to uphold -- and I broke Atlantean law by revealing it to her.
'I've disgraced her!' I cried 'I broke Atlantean law and the trust that the Cascadia mermaids had placed in me.'
Mother was speechless as this was the first time in over four years that I had ever removed my necklace.
"Sweetheart!?" I heard mother call out to me as my tears fell into the harbor.
"She will not return!" I wailed "I broke my promise to keep this all a secret! She warned me never to tell anyone about Atlantis or about the mermaids, and I promised her and I lied! I am no better than any other Surface Dweller! She trusted me, and I broke that trust!"
"Sweetie!" mother was speechless for a moment as she wasn't aware 'that' was the cost of knowledge. "If she is your friend, she'll understand!"
"No, you do not understand!" I yelled at mother "It is strictly forbidden by Atlantean law to reveal anything to the Surface! They don't trust us, and I only proved how untrustworthy we humans are!"
I reeled my hand back as mother knew exactly what I was about to do, crying out!
"Jessica! No!" she watched as the precious Atlantean necklace was flung out into the harbor, disappearing beneath the purple waves reflecting the setting sun. "Your necklace!" she spat out, shocked.
"Let's just go home!"
The drive home was a long silence commute as I did not say a single word. I felt sick in the stomach, ashamed that of all people to betray Myra, it would be me. Mother did her best to cheer me up, even offering my favorite food and gifts -- but I just wanted to be left alone.
Locked in my room for almost three days, mother had to finally call EMS to hull me out as I was so deep in the bowels of karma hell that not even gifts, threats, promises, or even depression medicine could pull me out of the slump that had left me dehydrated and on the verge of starvation.
I spent much of the summer in the local hospital under close observation for suicide watch as I suffered internally. And though my body was here upon the land, my soul and mind were locked away deep under the black sea!
It wasn't until the heat of summer had given away to the cold chill of September that I had finally begun to respond to outside stimulus. And though I punished myself for my betrayal to my beloved, comparing myself to my father, my actions had only punished mother mentally.
She cursed herself for forcing me to break a promise to Myra. She cursed the knowledge that she gained about mermaids and Atlantis. Going every day and night down to the ocean as I was locked away in my hospital room, begging the sea to forgive me -- even offering her own constitution or life to the wave if it would only bring me back.
~~~
'Has the sand and wind always felt this cold!?' shivering as I stood on the highest dune, above my house.
The beautiful girl that I once was had faded away, leaving behind this soul-stricken skeleton behind! In my anguish, I had lost nearly half of my body weight and body mass. My malnutrition was so bad that it had turned my caramel blonde hair almost white! Even my once vibrant blue eyes that Myra had fallen deeply in love with were now dull with a silvery shimmer to them.
I was alive...but closer to being a ghost now than ever.
I looked upon the rolling foamy autumn waves, thinking about Myra, wondering what troubles she was dealing with, all because of me. A part of me wished that I could see her, and another part of me wished that she would refuse to ever see me again -- even send someone to punish me for breaking my promise.
Returning back to school, I slowly returned to the old life that I had once led. I would stare at my Atlantean bracelet, wondering if it still gifted me strange powers, yet too afraid to find out. Occasionally, I would feel for the missing gem, but only to remember that it rested somewhere at the bottom of Greys Harbor.
With the buzzing ringing of the dismissal bell, I exited the classroom with my peers and headed down to the cafeteria on the ground floor to purchase food.
I sat down at the table, looking at the only meal that I could stomach: razor clam chowder. Greedily, I slurped it down, savoring the creamy clam soup. Sometimes, they would serve my favorite: seafood chowder!
Even with Myra's and my own separation, I could barely tolerate the land-based meat, only able to stomach seafood products without having to run immediately to the toilet. The doctors say that it was due to an omega 3 oil deficiency, but I knew better.
Even without the spell, I was still slowly turning into something like a mermaid! I wondered just how long it would be before I grow gills and sprout scales all over my legs? But since I left the Cove and have not touched the salty ocean water, I doubt I will have to worry about that now.
I found that my beauty had caused me much trouble in my 12th grade. Boys who once mocked me, now constantly try to take me to second base. Many of those boys were handsome; and some were heartthrobs drop dead gorgeous!
With my body 'almost' presenting as female, I allowed them to flirt with me, but that was as far as I would ever allow it to go.
...until the day my eyes had caught the attention of another set of eyes across the cafeteria.
He was always clean cut with a well-maintained haircut. I did my best not to stare at him, but my eyes always wandered right back to him. I could not believe I would ever be into him once again! But at the same time, there was something different about him...his glances thawed my frozen deep-ocean heart.
I instantly would picture his solid arms wrapping around me, his rough bristly cheeks scrapping along my soft facial skin. Comforting me from the internal torment of the mermaid that had stolen my heart.
I then automatically imagined him with a long and sleek mermaid's tail, coiling around my own beautiful tail, embracing me with his cold webbed hands as we kissed under the thrashing waves. I closed my eyes, trying to banish that last thought.
'Why does everything have to revolve around the ocean!?'
I thought it was a wild fantasy until he rose from his seat and walked over to my table as he took a seat on the other side. I glance at the hormonal girls at the other table swooning the guys as I muttered, embarrassed.
"Uhm...the popular table is over there...I think you got the wrong one."
"I would like to ask you out for the evening, if that is alright." Joshua said.
I could not believe he was even talking to me! It was like a fever dream! Ever since he was banished from the football team, his popularity star had fallen from the cosmos back to earth.
"I know you've been checking me out!" he smirked. How brash of him to assume that!
"Have not!" I tried to play it cool, but the butterflies in my stomach said otherwise.
On an impulse of emotion, I gave him my cellphone number and the next day we decided to meet up after school at Alec's for a private place to talk. I couldn't call it love at first sight, but he did leave a good impression on my mother who attended us on our 'date'.
She knew the pain that Joshua had inadvertently caused me. His good looks certainly helped his case...his face was no longer snubbed with his football days. He was quite charming and even made me laugh a couple of times. I felt a little inadequate by comparison, and yet, I wasn't bored of him.
Soon, we returned to Alec's for lunch...this time, unchaperoned as he looked at the menu, it was mainly all fish served here.
"I am buying." I say as Joshua smiles. "I hope you like cod sandwiches...they are a favorite of mine!"
"No!" Joshua said "I think fish is disgusting!" he plainly said, which stung my heart as I feared I was fated to become a fish, myself. "The scales and tail and living underwater...it is so unclean! Filthy creatures, they are!" he smirks as he points at the menu "Now that jalapeño bacon burger...now that is a good sandwich!"
I frowned as I shook my head in disagreement.
"Well, order whatever you want." I sighed as he ordered the gross cow patty and then he had the audacity to even order one for me!
"But I do not eat land meat, Joshua!" I whined.
"Hey, no girl of mine is going to kiss me while stinking of fish!" he snapped at me, glancing back at the waiter, saying "She'll have the same!"
The waiter glances over at me as I have ordered seafood for four years. I looked desperate for his intervention, yet, he was intimidated by Joshua bullish nature.
"Minus the cow...the regular please." I say as he smiles and takes our orders to the kitchen. Probably for the sake of the restaurant as I would vomit all over the place if I ate beef. It would certainly put an end to this already terrible date.
"I hope it is not fish!" Joshua says as I frown. "Well, we are not kissing until you use a tic-tac and some Listerine!" I breathed deep as I calmed my rattled emotions before I said something stupid.
"I guess no kissing then!" I spoke.
I do not want to just say that I cannot eat surface meat anymore because of my past love affair with a mermaid. It would present far too many questions about Myra.
After dinner, and thousands of Mr. Yuck faces from Joshua regarding my 'fishy' meal; I decided that it might be romantic to take a slow moonlit stroll upon the sandy beach. However, my attempt to marry him to my unrequited love for the ocean was like feeding him fish -- he hated it!
He wasn't the romantic type! He was so rough and coarse, just like the winter wind! Even his muscular hugs were suffocating, like being choked by an octopus! It was the exact opposite to the caring, gentle intimacy that Myra had always shown me.
Nevertheless, Joshua was the only fish out there in this vast ocean. I feared that if I could not make him fall in love with me, I would be doomed to be lonely forever!
I wish that I could express my unconditional love for my little mermaid! I wish that she would jump out of those waves and wrap her icy cold arms around me. But the truth was that I cannot share a life with her under the waves -- I broke Atlantean law!
I knew that I needed to eventually talk with her, but I honestly feared making her mad or disappointed in me. She has magic and powers...Lord knows what should could do to me if she knew I had broken my promise! It was by her hands alone that I have the skills and powers that I have today!
'What would Myra think?' as I felt a pang in my stomach as I looked at the bastard of a man I was walking with as he was on his cellphone and shunning me because I would not submit to his dominance.
I then felt a strange vibration upon my right wrist, looking down at the Atlantean device. It alerted me that Myra was just off the Washington coastline! She had actually returned right back to me, calling out to me from the harbor!
It wasn't hard to ditch Joshua as I quickly walked back to the Cove. I dread this encounter! For it would go either two ways: She'll forgive me, or she'll hate me.
I dip my toes into the chilly cold water, feeling the energy of the ocean absorb back into my body. My toes danced in the murky unknown, the magic of the ocean flooding my senses!
I then felt a burning sensation as I swiftly pulled my foot out of the harbor as I watched the webbing appearing longer between each toe, but once I lifted my foot out of the ocean, it was just an optical illusion caused by the algae.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I was certain that I was transforming into a mermaid! But at the same time, I was sad that I was still this pathetic human!
Seeing the water ripple, a massive fish was swimming directly towards me, weaving between the sandy bars. Hulling herself upon the strand, I looked down at Myra as she looked up at me 'smiling'!
"Hiya, Jess!" she exclaimed.
'Why is she smiling at me!?' as I wanted her to hate me. She then held out her dainty hand, dropping something into the palm of my own hand as I looked down at the necklace that I had thrown out into the harbor!
"You must have lost this!" she softly said, breaking my heart!
"Myra." I cried! I had to push back the tears as I did not know what to say to her at first "You...you returned back to me! I thought you were never going to ever come back! I thought you had obligations back home, being a princess! And forgotten me! Or, did not ever want to see me, ever again!"
I watched as Myra investigated inside my purse, finding the one cod sandwich that I had purchased back at Alec to take home for a depression-induced midnight snack. She was starving for a bite of surface food as she began devouring it.
"It has been crazy, darling!" Myra told me, in-between bites "I wish you were there...you would have made it so much easier to deal with!" She pauses as she feels that something was terribly amiss with my soul -- it felt broken and in pain. "Why are you hiding something from me? Are you okay!?"
I knew that the telepathic link between us connected us on an emotional level. There was nothing in my heart that I could hide forever from Myra, as the same was with her. Being a mermaid was being a member of the sisterhood.
"Jess! Tell me!" she begged me.
"I broke my promise, Myra!" I cried, speaking the truth "When that tsunami came ashore, I used my powers in front of my mother to save our lives...she got me to talk about us. She knows about you and the other mermaids. I promised that I would never tell any Surface Dweller about your world, and I broke that promise Myra! I was so depressed that I threw this back into the harbor to protect your world! I am no trusted friend if I cannot keep my own promises. Now...I've retreated to the very guy who had hurt me, four years ago..."
Myra looked off to the misty harbor, thinking.
That explained the mystery as to why I had not been back in the ocean, and that she had found my necklace discarded in the sand. She glances back at me; there was no harm done right at the moment...she was more forgiving than the average Atlantean.
"Do you like him?" as the sensation of concern was still in her voice.
"Well...yeah I guess." as I messed with my blonde-white hair. There was that uneasy silence between the two of us once more. "I know I promised that I would join you as a mermaid, but I have to refuse now. Mom needs me and I am committed..." I lied.
Mom was doing much better with the new place, and Joshua was an asshole! I was a prisoner of obligations and expectations! I do not belong here! But I am too prideful to say that.
"I see..." I heard her sigh, disappointed. She places a webbed hand on my shoulder, looking up at me as she tries to smile, but her eyes swelled with absent tears as she plunged back into the sea, hurt.
I hung my head in shame as I looked down at the necklace in the palm of my hand. I do not have the heart to toss it back into the harbor as I looped it around my neck. I could feel the pulse of the gem against the skin as the Atlantean device told me that Myra was swimming fast, back out to sea...leaving as there was nothing holding her here anymore.
'I am sorry, Myra.' I wept 'I 'do' love you with my whole soul, and I always will! I am just too much of a coward to admit it! You deserve far better than me!'