Inara
My shoes hit the pavement with a crunch of gravel and dirt. The night bathes the sky in a blackness so deep it could be nothing at all. Dots of stars colour the world in an array of bright fragments, leaving no corners untouched.
It was terrifying at first, but now, after being here for a couple of days, it looks almost magical.
"I see the pain meds have kicked in," Aziel says, chuckling lightly.
I like it. A lot. It's strange how someone's laugh can trigger feelings you didn't even know existed.
"I feel much better," I say, tensing as I wait for his reply.
I've gotten a lot less cautious and a lot more trusting. He says he's safe, and something inside of me begs me to believe him.
"I want you to tell me whenever you're in pain, ok? I can't stand the thought of you suffering."
My brows furrow. "Why?"
The word slips out, so unfiltered and completely unwanted that I almost gasp out loud.
Aziel stops walking, halting my steps as he kneels down in front of me, putting us at eye level. It's astonishing how tall he is. My height is only half of his.
"Is it so hard to believe that I care for you? You are my mate, and I don't want anything more than for you to rule by my side."
My eyes widen. "Do you really mean that?"
He laughs lightly, the sound barely a breeze, and my lips twitch, but I quickly mask it.
"Yes, I often mean what I say, love."
I look down, fidgeting. "I can't be your queen. I'm not anything special. I'm not even an anomaly."
He rests his hands on my cheeks, and I notice that I don't flinch. His touch feels safe, and my body knows it.
"I would put you over some orange haired firecracker any day." He shudders. "That lady was terrifying."
A smile slips out, shining in the darkness before I'm able to snuff it away.
The king's expression sobers, his features turning to one of amazement as he whispers, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever encountered. Your smile is amazing. Will you show it more often?"
I search his eyes, habit making me look for the trick, but as always with him, there isn't one.
"I think your laugh is the most wonderful sound in the world," I blurt, then immediately cover my mouth, eyes widening as my entire body flushes with embarrassment.
He laughs, and I have a suspicion that it's because of my words. "I'm glad you think so."
I smile again. Here, in this moment, I feel safe, alive, protected, and free. It's so easy to let pretences and precautions fall down around him, like my walls know they don't need to be up whenever he's near. It's exhilarating.
The king clears his throat, the silence apparently stretched too far. He stands, offering his hand as we once again start walking.
"Now that you've gotten some fresh air, I believe a book is waiting for us, no?"
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•
Consciousness slips, falling, falling, falling, fall-
I jerk myself awake, forcing myself to listen to the Aziel's words. They were so soft, so lulling and gentle. His voice was a sleepy drug, pulling me under its spell with every letter and syllable.
"Their brother, indeed, was the only one of the party whom she could regard with any complacency. His anxiety for Jane was evident, and his attentions to herself most pleasing....."
The words blurred yet again, my brain floating in a river of clouds, stuffed with warm marshmallows that just felt so, so comfortable and-
I jerked again, but this time the king noticed.
"You can sleep, love," he murmured. "I don't mind in the slightest. We can finish this chapter tomorrow."
I rubbed my eyes, desperately trying to keep them from dipping. "Are you sure?"
His hands were suddenly on the blankets, tucking them around me as he adjusted my pillow. "Quite sure."
Unconsciousness finally pulled me under, and I felt the press of lips on my forehead right before the world disappeared.
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•
The rough metal of the chains dug into my palms. Everything ached, and the world swayed for a moment before painfully refocusing.
The dirt crunched, gravel shifting as someone's boots disturbed it. I didn't even have the courage to look up, didn't want to find the courage either. I knew whose face I would see.
I barely kept back from letting out a whimper as the toes of her shoes touched my knees. Cold fingers grasped my chin, clutching it in a bruising grip.
Hatred burns in her eyes, anger swirling underneath. "You destructive little girl," Ms. Granelle spits. "Everything you touch shatters into pieces. I will not have such a clumsy child prance around in my presence. You will learn from your mistakes."
"I was only trying-"
She shoves my face away, effectively cutting off my words.
"I didn't ask for your excuses! Five lashes and seven hours out here shall serve you well."
I shudder, a rogue tear escaping my eye.
She fists the long leather belt that hangs from its hook, and I shrink into myself, trying to believe that eventually I will disappear into nothing.
It doesn't work, and I barely have time to prepare before the first lash rips across my back, tearing my dress and my skin.
A cry slips out, and I bite my lip to keep from sobbing. Searing, throbbing pain accompanies the moments after, but the second lash comes before I can dwell on it.
I scream as the torn flesh rips more, hitting on fresh wounds.
"Inara!"
My name usually sounds like a reprimand on her lips, but I think I detect concern this time.
I just cry harder, waiting for the third lash.
"My love, please wake up."
I don't feel pain anymore, I feel warm arms surrounding my body in a cocoon of safety.
"Come on, Inara. Come back to me."
My consciousness comes back in a sharp rush. I feel myself trembling, and I'm panting like I just ran a marathon, my breath coming in quick bursts of air.
I wrap my arms around Aziel's neck, pulling myself impossibly closer.
I don't know what compels me to do it. All I know is that I'm scared, and somehow he makes that all better. He banishes my fears with no effort at all. It's like magic, the way they simply disappear as soon as he's close.
"Hey," Aziel murmurs into my hair. "It's ok. I'm right here. You're safe."
He shifts, and panic rises inside me, but not because I'm scared he'll hurt me. I'm scared he'll leave, that I'll be left alone to think over the horrors I just relived.
I latch myself onto him, not even caring that I could be overstepping. I'm so terrified right now that punishment sounds better than him letting go.
He laughs softly, quietly. "I'm not going anywhere, just getting more comfortable is all. I won't leave you until you want me to."
My heart calms at his words, my breathing slowly returning to its normal rhythm as my shaking body settles. He knew exactly what to say, knew exactly what I needed to hear.
"You aren't as horrible as you let the world believe," I murmur, yawning.
He sighs quietly. "If only that were true. I'm afraid you haven't seen what I become when faced with enemies."
My brows furrow. "Yes, I did. When you and the Sun king were fighting, you made him stop. You didn't truly want to hurt him."
He's quiet for so long that I begin to think I overstepped, that I said too much, but then he rubs my back gently, easing the anxiety away.
"That was for your benefit, love," he murmurs. "My thoughts definitely were not of peace. I think.... I think I become quite the monster when It comes to protecting those I care about."
I almost gasp, surprised that he feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable like this. That he feels like he can confide in me without verbal backlash.
"Is that truly what you believe about yourself? That you're a monster?" I ask softly.
"It is not my own belief, but that of those around me."
I push up so I can look in his eyes when I ask, "And who ever said you had to conform with the voices around you?"
It's a bold question considering I've been doing the same thing almost my whole life. Adjusting and rearranging just so the people around don't react. Becoming the expectation so that nothing else is expected.
"I suppose it is easier to conform than it is to confront." Aziel mutters.
"I don't think you're a monster, Aziel," I whisper. "In fact, I think you're more of a hero."
He smiles. "Am I to be your knight in shining armour?"
"Who else will chase away my nightmares?"
His lips ghost across my forehead. "Always, Inara. I will always chase away your nightmares."
It feels right, here in his arms, like nothing can touch us as long as we're together. I don't feel scared around him, I feel safe. He makes me feel safe, and that is all I've ever dreamed of.
A memory flashes, one of two little girls, scared and alone, promising each other that one day we would both be safe, that one day nobody would be able to hurt or use us ever again.
I gather every ounce of courage I have to say, "I have a favour to ask."