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T W E N T Y
F I V E
High, you were so goddamn high.
Eren's apartment exuded an unexpected tidiness, a stark contrast to typical bachelor pads. Amongst the shelves lined with manga and comics, literary classics like 'The Great Gatsby' and 'Wuthering Heights' stood out, hinting at a depth beyond the surface. You didn't perceive Eren to be the reading type. Though instead he seemed to be an above average bookworm.
"I'm a bit of a dork, aren't I?" Eren's chuckle filled the room as he set his keys on the sleek black counter, the clinking of metal against metal echoing.
"My mum used to read to me all the time. The 'Very Hungry Caterpillar' was my favorite," he reminisced, a nostalgic smile gracing his lips.Your fingers danced over the book spines, tracing memories of your own. "I was more of an 'Alice in Wonderland' fan," you admitted, withdrawing slightly.
"The idea of escaping into a fantasy world always fascinated me."
"But Wonderland wasn't all whimsy," Eren countered, leaning in, his gaze fixed on the shelves. "It reflected Alice's struggles at home. She was never truly free."
"True," you conceded, a thoughtful expression crossing your face. "But sometimes any escape seems better than reality," you added, shifting to relieve the tension in your muscles.
Eren nodded, his brow furrowing in contemplation. "And what about the hungry caterpillar?" he mused, gesturing towards the book. "His overindulgence led to sorrow. Aren't we the same, consuming until it leaves us empty?"
You chuckled wryly, a hint of sarcasm lacing your words. "Isn't it just lovely getting older? Suddenly, all your beloved stories reveal their darker undertones. Makes you think, doesn't it? Growing up just makes you miserable"
Eren ran his fingers through his chestnut-brown locks, then kicked off his shoes, sinking into the navy embrace of his couch. Tapestries, band posters, and paintings adorned the walls, lending a cozy atmosphere to the space. "I haven't not been miserable in a long time, regardless of age.." he replied, face contouring into a pained image.
Swallowing hard you sat down next to him, instinctively placing a hand on his thigh, thumb dancing soothing circles across his black jeans. "We're alike in that department"
"Unfortunately" he mused, tilting his head in your direction, lips pink and inviting as usual. You blinked your gaze away, trying to find something to change the subject. Damn those viridian coloured eyes.
"Your place is quite cozy," you admitted, feeling a twinge of shyness as you shuffled your body on the soft cushions."It's nothing much. Just me here," he sighed wearily, absently twirling the bulky metal ring on his finger, the light catching it in glimmers. "And I owe you an apology for the other day."
Your eyebrow arched inquisitively, your head tilting slightly in a gesture of curiosity. "Let me guess, you're apologizing for being a total jerk after our trip?"
"Yeah, pretty much everything," he admitted, his fingers still fidgeting, his knuckles bearing faint bruises. You couldn't help but recall your own wounds. "What was that about? One moment we were fine, then suddenly we weren't."
He shifted uncomfortably, a nervous smile playing on his lips. "I have commitment issues," he confessed. "So I did what I always do—pushed you away before things got too complicated."
"So, you pushed me away," you reiterated, a furrow deepening between your brows. "Did I say something wrong? Or are you just afraid of... what could be between us?"
"It's when you mentioned an 'us' that it scared me," Eren confessed, cheeks hollowing as he sucked them in. "It's not that I don't like you, y/n, but everything is moving so fast, and I don't know how to handle that."
"I see," you replied, the words tasting bitter as they left your lips, as if coating your lungs in acid. "So, what is it you want from me, Eren?" You wanted him to say the words you longed to hear, but perhaps that was too much to ask.
"I don't know," Eren admitted, his own lip caught between his teeth, a gesture that sent your heart racing. You were both too similar for your own good, down to the comforting quirks.
"Then let's just stop," you declared, surprising even yourself with the icy edge in your voice. "I'm not some girl who can handle your ever-changing feelings for me. Either you want me or you don't. I won't be strung along.
Eren opened his mouth, resembling a startled goldfish, before clicking his teeth together. "If I mean so much to you, then what was that at the club? Jean— you were with Jean?"
"And if I was?" you snapped, eyes narrowing to slits. "What's it to you and Levi getting involved in my sex life, in my problems? Let me be free."
"Freedom is a luxury," Eren muttered, his voice low, fingers snapping lightly. "When you have people who care about you, your freedom comes last. We'll always be there; you'll never be completely free."
" I guess there's one way, though," your voice faltered as thoughts clouded your mind in their shadowy grip. "There's always a path to freedom," you added, a weak smile gracing your lips as you gazed at Eren like he was a renaissance painting.
He looked impeccable, with his tousled hair framing his face just right, turning messy into stylish. His eyes, as always, seemed to penetrate your very soul, his lips slightly parted and inviting.
"Yeah, but you're not going to do that, not while I'm around," Eren interjected, his hands clenching into fists. "No matter how broken any of us may feel, that's never going to happen. Understood?"
You shrugged, a hollow laugh escaping your lips. "Why not? Apparently, mental health issues run in the family," you remarked, poking your cheek playfully, though the darkness of your humor lingered. "They didn't seem to care when they left their only child behind, did they? I don't have that attachment... things would be so much—"
Eren surged forward, his hands cupping your cheeks with desperation, his eyes glassy and bloodshot, not just from the copious amounts of weed circulating his system, but from raw emotion. He hovered over you, his presence overwhelming, your heart pounding with no regard for subtlety.
From this close, you couldn't help but notice his perfectly sculpted hip bones, his grey t-shirt slightly raised, offering a tantalizing glimpse."Don't speak like that," Eren demanded venomously, his voice thick with emotion. "You won't do that. Ever. Your parents made the wrong choice—and damn it—I'm so sorry, y/n."
"Don't do that," you murmured, turning your head away, unable to meet his gaze. "Apologizing when it isn't your fault, when it has nothing to do with you. I hate it. It's like a constant reminder that I'm broken," you confessed, the words tasting bitter on your tongue.
"Then scream," Eren urged, gently pulling away from you but keeping his hands on your cheeks. "Let it all out. Release that hurt in a healthy way. Fuck it, release your hurt onto me."
Tears welled in your eyes, obscuring your vision like a veil of glass. "You want to see me lose it, huh?" you challenged, your voice thick with emotion, the burn of impending tears making your words feel raw and jagged."Then stand up," you instructed, gesturing towards him as he loomed over you like a guardian angel.
Eren complied, rising to his feet and watching you with cautious eyes. "Roll a joint afterwards. We'll need it," you declared, a smirk tugging at the corners of your lips despite the tears that stained your cheeks.
Eren wiped away a stray tear with his thumb, his touch gentle and reassuring. "What have I said about pretty girls crying?" he teased softly, a hint of warmth in his voice.
"You won't think I'm pretty after all of this," you admitted, pushing him away slightly as you made your way to the balcony. The view was breathtaking, the dawn painting the sky in shades of purple and gold.
Without hesitation, you gripped the cold metal bars, the chill seeping into your skin. Tears streamed down your face as you opened your mouth to scream, the sound echoing into the empty air. "FUCK THIS WORLD!" you cried, your body trembling with pent-up rage and sorrow. "FUCK LOVE!"
Eren's presence loomed behind you. "FUCK YOU, MUM! DAD! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?" you wailed, the pain in your chest threatening to consume you.
For a moment, you feared your legs would give out, sending you crashing onto the damp ground. Sensing your struggle, Eren wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close as if to anchor you to reality. "It's okay," he whispered, his touch a soothing balm against the pain flooding your chest that not even the Xanax could cure.
"Let it all out. Scream until the pain fades away."
And so you screamed, the sound tearing through the stillness of the rising morning."I HATE IT, I HATE IT ALL!" you cried, your voice raw with emotion, tears streaming down your face. Your eyes were swollen and red, your appearance far from composed. "Damn it, why was I even born if you were just going to abandon me? You selfish assholes!"
Eren's voice joined yours in the cacophony of anguish. "TRAITOR! DAD, YOU'RE A TRAITOR FOR LEAVING ME TO PICK UP THE PIECES!" he shouted, his own eyes meeting yours through the haze of tears.
In that moment, you both understood the true darkness of the world, a reality built for devils. It was a cathartic release, a purging of all the hurt and anger that had festered within you for so long.
As the first rays of sunlight bathed the world in a golden glow, you clung to Eren's presence like a lifeline. But your moment of vulnerability was interrupted by a disgruntled neighbor from an onlooking balcony. Dressed in checkered blue pajamas, with unkempt facial hair and a bald spot, he looked anything but pleased. "Can you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep, you know!" he grumbled.
In response, you and Eren dissolved into laughter, the tension of the moment evaporating like mist in the morning sun. "Get off my dick, Jasper!" Eren called back, his laughter contagious. "And maybe fix that bird's nest on your head while you're at it, a bird could make a home on it" he added, teasing the irritable neighbor before the two of you retreated back into the warmth of the apartment, the echoes of your laughter mingling with the dawn chorus outside.
You collapsed onto the couch, the exhaustion of emotional release washing over you like a tidal wave. Eren sank down beside you, his presence a comforting anchor. "Well, that was... intense," he remarked, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.
You chuckled weakly, wiping away the last traces of tears from your cheeks. "Yeah, you could say that," you replied, your voice still hoarse from screaming.
Silence settled between you, a fragile peace in the aftermath of the storm. The early morning light filtered through the windows, casting a warm glow over the room.
"I'm sorry," Eren spoke softly, his gaze fixed on his hands folded in his lap. "I never meant to bring up all that pain."
You shook your head, reaching out to grasp his hand in yours. "No, it's okay," you reassured him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "Sometimes, we need to confront our demons head-on."Eren's lips quirked up in a half-smile, his eyes meeting yours with a depth of understanding that sent a shiver down your spine.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," he murmured.As the tension of the moment began to ease, you found yourself drawn to Eren's warmth, the steady rhythm of his breathing a soothing melody in the stillness of the room."I'm glad you were here," you admitted quietly, a flush of vulnerability coloring your cheeks.
Eren's smile faltered, concern flickering in his eyes as he gently traced the bruises and cuts on your knuckle. "How did I not notice this..." he breathed, his voice laced with worry.
"It's nothing," you brushed off, attempting to downplay the injuries as insignificant. "Just a little mishap with Levi. I hit a wall out of frustration, that's all"
His frown deepened. "Here, let me take care of it," he insisted, his tone firm as he guided you to the bathroom. The navy and electric blue color scheme enveloped the small space, a subtle reflection of Eren's penchant for the color blue.
Seating you on the toilet lid, Eren ran warm water over a flannel, his movements gentle yet purposeful. "This might sting a bit, but I need to clean it," he warned, his concern evident in every gesture.You couldn't help but snort at his seriousness. "Eren, I'm not a delicate flower, do you forget I cut myself?," you joked, attempting to lighten the mood with your trademark dark humor.
However, the smile faded from your lips as you noticed Eren's pale complexion, his reaction unexpected."Sorry, I—"Before you could finish, Eren pressed the warm cloth to your knuckle, eliciting a sharp hiss of pain from you. "Shit!" you cursed, instinctively pulling away, but Eren held you firmly in place. "Come on, you said you'd be fine," he reminded you, his voice gentle yet firm.
As the stinging sensation subsided, Eren reached for a plastic tub filled with an array of colored plasters. You couldn't help but smile at the sight, finding his meticulous organization endearing. "Seriously, you color-coded your plasters?" you teased, amused by his attention to detail.
Eren chuckled, a hint of sheepishness coloring his expression. "Why not? I have to wear them more often than I'd like, might as well look good whilst I wear them," he quipped, peeling open a plaster and carefully applying it to your skin, his touch gentle yet reassuring.
As Eren finished applying the plaster to your bruised knuckle, a warmth spread through you, both from the touch and the realization of his care. Despite the simplicity of the gesture, it spoke volumes about his character—attentive, compassionate, and unexpectedly gentle.
"Thanks," you murmured, meeting his gaze with a soft smile, your heart swelling with gratitude for his kindness. Eren returned your smile, his eyes softening with warmth. "No problem," he replied. "I'm just glad I could help."
Eren leaned back, studying his handiwork with a satisfied nod. "There, good as new," he declared, a sense of pride evident in his tone.You couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm, feeling a weight lift from your shoulders in the presence of his unwavering support.
"Thanks, Eren," you said again, this time with more conviction, your gratitude bubbling over.
Eren's smile widened, his gaze lingering on you with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. "Anytime," he replied, his voice soft but filled with meaning.
"Can we talk about Floch?" Eren's sudden question sent a shiver down your spine, the hairs on your arms standing on end. "You don't have to, but I want to know—"
"No, it's okay," you reassured him, your head resting on your hand as your elbow perched on your bare knee. "We've known each other since high school. He was like a toxic, captivating best friend," you confessed, your voice tinged with bitterness. "We drifted apart when he got involved with the wrong crowd, but not before he toyed with my feelings."
"Levi mentioned you met him after your parents died," Eren noted, his interest piqued. "So, did you not tell him about your history with Floch?"
You shook your head. "No, I didn't want Levi to think..." Your voice trailed off, tears threatening to spill once more. "I didn't want him to know that I chose that path for myself. If I made it seem like Floch was just a stranger who confronted me randomly, it would be easier to bear. But deep down, I always knew I could turn to Floch for drugs. He wasn't just some random guy—I had strong feelings for him, feelings he manipulated to his advantage."
As Eren placed a comforting hand on your thigh, you flinched at the sudden contact. "But you feel safe telling me this?" he asked, his concern palpable."Yes, I feel safe," you affirmed, mustering a small smile despite the heartache.
"Anyway, when my parents passed away, I ran to Floch. I ran back to his gang. It felt like old times, having my best friend back, but with the added bonus of drugs."
"The drugs didn't heal my wounds, but they numbed the pain," you continued, your hands finding solace in your hair, fingers threading through the strands. "I was self-harming every day, crying every day. I just wanted it all to end. The drugs may not have been a solution, but they provided temporary relief."
"Fast forward, Levi found out," you added, your voice growing stiff with tension. "He beat Floch to a pulp and locked me in a room to detox." The memories left you feeling vulnerable and disappointed in yourself, but sharing them with Eren felt like a step towards healing.
As you recounted your painful history with Floch to Eren, the weight of your past seemed to grow heavier with each word. Yet, in the safety of Eren's presence, you felt a sense of liberation, as if unburdening yourself of these secrets was the first step toward reclaiming your own narrative.
Eren listened intently, his gaze never wavering as you laid bare the darkest corners of your past. His hand remained a comforting presence on your thigh, offering silent support and understanding.When you finished speaking, there was a moment of silence between you, the weight of your shared history hanging in the air like a heavy fog.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that," Eren finally spoke, his voice filled with empathy. "No one should ever have to endure what you did."
You offered him a small, grateful smile, touched by his genuine concern. "Thank you, Eren," you replied softly. "It means a lot to me that you're here, listening."Eren's expression softened, his eyes reflecting a mixture of compassion and determination. "I'll always be here for you," he vowed, his words carrying the weight of a solemn promise.
"How do you know him?" you questioned, your tone laced with curiosity as you recalled your earlier conversation. "Don't tell me he used you too?"
Eren scratched the back of his neck, leaning against the wall with a hint of weariness in his posture. "I was part of his gang for a while," he admitted, his voice tinged with regret.
"It wasn't my proudest moment, but I needed the money. Zeke threatened to cut off my supply if I didn't comply, he's uh, apart of the gang".
Then it clicked. Zeke Jaeger. Of course, how couldn't you have known? His older brother got him into a gang, anger boiled through your veins like acid melting away at your skin. The same sleazy guy who tried it once or twice to get into your pants. Sickness turned inside your stomach, making you cringe.
"I know him..." you admitted just above a whisper. "I'm so sorry your own brother forced you into that"
Eren shook his head, picking away at the skin around his nails. "No need to apologise. But just a few more years and I'll get my inheritance, cut ties"
"Then, if you don't mind me asking, how did you leave? Once you're in that gang, it's impossible to leave—"
Eren snorted, a bitter edge to his laughter. "I have my ways, even if I had to get my hands dirty," he confessed, his admission tinged with a hint of darkness as he bit down on his bottom lip until it bled.Deciding not to delve deeper into what he meant by "getting his hands dirty," you changed the subject. "I might have met you before, right?"
The surreal nature of the situation struck you, the tangled web of connections revealing just how small the world truly was. Was it fate that brought you to Eren Jaeger?
"I doubt it," Eren replied, his gaze distant as he recalled his past. "I kept to the shadows most of the time, dealing with the locals while Floch sat on his throne. The last straw for me was when Floch tried to persuade me to take meth."
"What the hell!?" you exclaimed, jumping up from your seated position. "I'm going to kill him—"Eren shook his head, quickly grasping your wrist to stop you. "It's fine, I didn't give in. Everything's okay now," he assured you, pulling you down to his level until your bodies were close, your body straddling his waist.
Pressing his forehead against yours, he whispered urgently, "Please, just don't go back to him, okay?""I-I..." you began to stutter, but before you could finish, Eren silenced you with a kiss, his lips meeting yours with a fervent passion and desperation that left you breathless. You couldn't help but reciprocate, losing yourself in the moment as you kissed him back, the sensation of his lips against yours igniting a fire within you.
As you both pulled away, breathless and flushed, a string of saliva connecting your lips before breaking, the silence was heavy with unspoken promises."Promise me, no more Floch Forster," Eren pleaded, his tone more commanding this time.
Tracing his cheek with your thumb, you nodded, your heart heavy with the weight of your promise. "Okay, I won't go back," you vowed, though deep down, you knew it would be a futile promise. You knew that if things went south again, you'd find yourself drawn back to that red-haired devil with the lure of drugs. But for now, in this moment with Eren, you were determined to keep your word.
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