I'm soooo excited!! Here it is lovelies, the first chapter!! ><
Don't forget to listen to the song when you get to the lyrics part, you'll be able to see the difference and how this stories version applies to it differently than the original.
Gangnam-gu, Seoul, South Korea
11:23pm
Chan was out on balcony smoking his intrusive thoughts away. He puffed out the smoke that would one day most definitely kill him as he looked towards the starry sky. Though the pollution of light's made it almost impossible to see any.
He felt his phone vibrate on his pocket, picking it up he looked at the screen.
Incoming Call: A. Innie
Chan was more than surprise and confused to see the younger calling him at such late hour.
Normally he and Changbin would almost forcefully make Chan turn off his phone so that the older could maybe, key word maybe, have a restful night of sleep.
"Sup."
"Hyung. What are you doing right this second?"
"Standing up. Why?"
"Shit. Ok first, sit down, and second, I gotta tell you something, also you can't look at X (formerly Twitter)!"
"Why? What's happening?"
"What do these idiots think I did now?" Chan asked with a tired sigh.
".....Hyung...I-......"
"Spit it out I.N!" He practically growled, he hated when people never got to the point and the younger knew that.
"Sorry, sorry Hyung, it's just-"
"I honestly don't know how to tell you this without sending you into a really, really bad headspace.....But you deserve to know....Someone hacked into your studio account server and stole one of your files."
"Which one?" Chan asked.
"......The Mockingbird one..."
Instantly Chan's heart dropped to his ass and his eyes started to see red. His alpha was angry and on alert. But he himself was just scared – petrified.
His pheromones went haywire, to the point where he was having trouble breathing. Or maybe that was just the incoming panic attack, he couldn't tell.
"I'm so sorry, Hyung...."
"How the fuck did this even happen Jeongin?! We paid billions of fucking dollars for it's security! Just to have some good for nothing piece of shit hack it?!"
"And steal the one file that should never see the light of day?!"
"Are you fucking kidding me?!"
He was livid, his alpha officially taking over.
"Hyung I'm sorry, we're trying to deal with it, we were able to lock them out. But Hyung...it's already done, they stole and published the file, it's all over the internet."
"....Just try to calm down and not go on X (formerly Twitter)!"
Chan instantly hung up the phone. He could feel his alpha's pain and anger boiling over, straining his self-control to the max.
The very same thoughts he was previously trying to smoke away came back with a punch.
He honestly was ready to end it all.
He was tired. Exhausted. Just drained really. Bang Chan lost himself long, long ago. Now, he's just a mask, trying to not break even more.
But the truth is, there was no reason to hold on, he was already shattered.
His daughters hated him and wouldn't even give him the time of day. He couldn't marry because of his career. Much less mate because he was still in love with his ex.
Chan walked into his living room and face planted onto the couch.
He sighed and ran his hands through his hairs. He didn't know what to do. He promised Jiji, he promised him. But above all, he promised Audrey. And now, whether it be his fault or not, that promise was broken. He ruined his families' lives...again.
("The Mockingbird's bleeding heart" is inspired by Eminem's Mockingbird. I'll be using the song but not all the lyrics. Below is an edited ver. That represents Chan's ver. )
Yeah
I know sometimes things may not
Always make sense to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
You got me
Audrey, I know you miss your mom
And I know you miss your dad when I'm gone
But I'm trying to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad
Even when you smile
Even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes
Deep inside, you wanna cry
'Cause you're scared
I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying
Wipe them tears
Daddy's here
No more nightmares
We gonna pull together through it
We gon' do it
Aurora, uncle's crazy ain't he?
Yeah, but he loves you girl and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins
When it swirls
When it whirls
When it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Looking puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move
Mommy's always on the news
We did not plan it to be this way
Your mother and me
But things have got so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when was teenagers
But then of course
Everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something
We have no control over
And that's what destiny is
But no more worries
Rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up
And this will all just be a dream
Now hush little baby don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady
I told ya, daddy's here to hold ya
Through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We fear how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But I promise, Momma's gon' be alright
It's funny
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree
And said some of them were from me
'Cause daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas
I sat up the whole night cryin'
'Cause daddy felt like a bum
See daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time, every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broken into and robbed
And your mom, was saving money
For you in a jar trying to start a piggy bank for you
So you can go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars
'Til someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad, it broke your mama's heart
And it seemed like everything was just starting to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguing a lot
So mama moved back in with with Uncle Lino in the flat one bedroom apartment
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD
And met PD Bin and flew you, Aurora and Mama out to see me
But daddy had to work
You and mama had to leave me
Then you started seeing daddy on the TV
And mama didn't like it
And you and Aurora were too young to understand it
Papa was a rolling stone
Mama developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
'Cause all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sittin' in this empty house, just reminiscin'
Looking at your baby pictures it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown
It's almost like your sisters now
Wow, I guess you pretty much are
And daddy's still here
Aurora I'm talking to you too
Daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it, don't it?
Shhh, mama's only gone for the moment
Now hush little baby don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady
I told ya daddy's here to hold ya
Through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We fear how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy pretty baby
But I promise
Mama's gonna be alright
And if you ask me to
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'ma give you the world
I'ma buy a diamond ring for you
I'ma sing for you, I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'ma break that birdy's neck
I'll go back to the jeweller who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat
Don't fuck with dad, hehehe
You could find Chan laying down on the couch for the rest of the night, rethinking all of his life's choices, as well as giving some real thoughts on whether he should actually go through with his plans of choking himself to death with his cushions.
This song was something that saved him, it's so important and so destructive. Everything he wanted to say and convey, express, explain but couldn't - no wouldn't, he finally said it. But it was never supposed to actually be heard by anyone, much less the entire world.
Chan would do anything for his family, kill whoever needed to be killed. But this was completely out of his control, and he hated himself even more for it. Chan just wanted them to be happy and if that meant being the bad guy, then he would be the bad guy.
He would do it all again.
He would kill for them.
He would die for them.
Again.
OMG!! This is it!! The first chapter yay! Please tell me what you all thought about it until now!